Looking back at 2025

For a few years now I've been using this last week of the year to write a blog post that reflects on the year past. In particular, I've been using questions to help me focus my thoughts and keep me honest. I've done the same today.

You can vaguely see Mt Fuji in the
centre of this photo. I took this photo
today near our house.
The last sunset of 2025!

1. What makes this year unforgettable?

In January our eldest son got married to a very special lady in a God-honouring and beautiful celebration. In December they had their first child, our first grandchild, and my parents' first great-grandchild. And we got to meet our granddaughter too! It's pretty hard to go past these things for making 2025 an unforgettable year.

2. What did I enjoy doing this year?

Same answer as 1? 

I also enjoyed continuing to settle into our life-as-two again. It's different to do this as older adults. After so many years of cooking for teenage boys, I've been exploring different menu items that are better for our health, rather than affordable ways to fill up hungry boys in Japan.

Continuing to settle into our new church has also been good. This year for the first time, we have been a team leading worship: David behind the mike and me at the piano. That's been very satisfying.

I also ran a five-day writing retreat in May. That was very enjoyable, but also challenging.

I enjoyed baking for church events and hosting friends at our place. These two things that I hadn't been able to do for many of the last few years and it was good to pick them up again.

We enjoyed a couple of camping trips: one on our own (for the first time ever) and the other with our camping friends.

Mid-year we spent several a month or so in Ipswich touching base with our kids, as well as friends and other family. It was new visiting our kids when they were settled in their own lives there, but we found plenty of ways to spend time with them.

3. What/who is one thing/person I'm grateful for?

Of course it's David. He's solid and reliable, loving and kind, flexible and considerate. We've been married 28 years now and I'm so grateful for the man God lead me to all those years ago. We continue to share an enjoyment of following cricket and supporting wrestling at CAJ, this year we also went to another live sporting event in Tokyo: World Athletics Championships. Playing Scrabble remains an ongoing pleasurable challenge between us (we played 2 ½ games yesterday!).

4. What did I read/watch/listen to that made the most impact this year?

Looking back at what I've read and written about this year, I don't think there was one thing that especially impacted me. It was a year of (continuing to) discover who I was apart from being a mum with kids under my roof. That journey happened via various books, songs, articles, podcasts, conversations, writing, and even reading things I've written in the past.

5. What did I worry about most and how did it turn out?

Hmmm. I felt like I worried less this year, but that's probably due to circumstance rather than me being better at handing my anxieties over to God! 

6. What is my biggest regret?

One big thing I tried was the networking trip I did to Singapore in June. In retrospect I wasn't terribly satisfied with how that went vs the amount of effort and expense that went into it, and I won't be repeating it (at least not in the form I did this year), but I'm glad I had the opportunity to try it out.

7. What's something that has changed about me?

I'm definitely more looking towards the end of my career than I have in the past. My focus has shifted a bit and retirement is much closer than it seemed in the past. Moving forward into 2026 is the topic of my New Year blog post, so I won't go there now. 

I also find myself "one of the more experienced" people in the room far more than I used, I think that has meant a change to how I view myself.

8. What surprised me most this year?

Becoming grandparents. This wasn't something I expected in 2025, but it's been a joy!

9. What Bible truths impacted me this year?

Hmmm, a hard question. This is the first year that I've actually read through the whole Bible in a single calendar year. I used an audio version and probably didn't listen as carefully as I could have at times, but I made it through and it was a good way to spend my energy! 

One theme has been allowing myself to relax into a quiet stage of life. At the women's retreat I went to in March the speaker talked about how life often resembles a white-water rafting trip. That there are times in life that you are holding on for "dear life" and other times when the water is quiet and you're moving along peacefully. She reminded us that it's okay to be in the quiet period and to be trusting God through that as much as through the rough times. I've thought about this often through the year. Rather than wondering when/what the next rough time will be, I've been trying to relax and trust God, but also to be thankful for the peacefulness we're currently experiencing in our lives.

Also, been recalling again that my value as a human is fixed. It isn't flexible according to how much I do or accomplish, how talented or successful I am. My value is fixed by God: he created me and that gives me worth.

In October I had the opportunity to give my testimony at church. I spoke on the theme of a lifetime of learning to trust God. It was much harder to do than I'd anticipated, but also a joy to have the opportunity to share a bit of my story.

10. What meta-themes have I thought about this year? (in no particular order)

This question overlaps with so much of what I've written already...

• grandparenthood
• being a parent to adult kids
• what is God calling me to do for the remainder of my time in Japan
• investing in writers
• writing a book
• looking back at 25 years in Japan
• networking
• telling God's stories
• the ongoing challenge of farewells as well as investing in new relationships
• the joy of being involved more deeply in a church again

Highlights

• meeting our granddaughter
• travel to see our kids (three times in the year, a record for us for travel to Australia)
• not moving house
• retreats: women's in March, writers in May, social media team in October, and an OMF conference in June
• helping the CAJ wrestling team
• World Athletics Championships
• seeing our closest friends in Australia

Lowlights

It's been a pretty good year really, I can't actually remember much in the way of lowlights.

Concluding thoughts

I'm going to end this year with the words I spoke in my testimony in October:

I would like to be able to say that I have learned the lesson of trusting God. He has held me and walked with me my whole life and yet still I struggle to trust him completely. What I know in my head, I am still learning to lean on in my heart. But regardless of my failure to not worry about my life, Jesus still loves me and I am so grateful for his persistence and daily grace. By God's grace I continue to "say of my Lord, 'He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust'" (Ps. 91:2).

End of the teenage era!

This week marks the end of an era. Nearly 13 years ago our eldest son became a teenager and this week his youngest brother turned 20, though it's been more than a year since he moved out, it's still worth acknowledging that our family has reached a new stage with no teenagers in our midst anymore. One of the fun things about a long-distance blog like mine is looking back at the past (I guess the same would be true if you were a consistent journaller).

One of the nearly 20 birthday
cakes I made for our
teenagers over the years.

Below is a short collection of some of the better things I've shared about parenting teenagers in the last 13 years.

I started blogging before I hit the teen years as a parent, so I recorded the start (in 2012!) here: https://mmuser.blogspot.com/2012/05/mother-of-teenager-not-i-not-yet.html

At that time I wrote:

I don't know what is ahead, but the last 13 years of parenting haven't been a breeze. I doubt that the next seven are going to be either. I guess the only way forward is how I've made it through the last 13 years — by God's grace and with lots of prayer.

I clearly wasn't thinking that it would be 13 more years until this phase of parenting would be put to bed, however my proposed way forward was solid.

By the time my first son hit teenage years, I'd given up on parenting books. However, in 2015, I did find one that was helpful. It majored on "grace" rather than "this is how you must do it or else": https://mmuser.blogspot.com/2015/10/broken-parents.html 

Here's one quote:

Parenting, like all tasks under the sun, is intended as an endeavor of love, risk, perseverance, and above all, faith. It is faith rather than formula, grace rather than guarantees, steadfastness rather than success that bridges the gap between our own parenting efforts, and what, by God's grace, our children grow up to become. 

(This actually comes from Leslie Leyland Fields, , "The Myth of the Perfect Parent," Christianity Today, January 2010, 27.)

February 2016 was a very difficult month (my father-in-law was dying in hospital). During that time I came across a very encouraging post: The value of a mother: https://mmuser.blogspot.com/2016/02/the-value-of-mother.html 

As I’ve said before and will repeat until I die, no matter your role or stage of life, when you wonder about your value you need to look to only one place: the cross. At the cross the creator of this universe sacrificed His only Son because He values you. Your value comes not from what you do, but who you ARE in Him because of what He already did. He also highly values your role as a mother.

In 2018 we had three teenagers, though one had left home earlier that year. I wrote a short blog post with some crumbs of advice:  https://mmuser.blogspot.com/2018/11/teenage-parenting-crumbs.html

1. Pick your battles very carefully (not meaning that you don't set expectations).

2. Find what they're interested in, and invest in that to build a bridge.

In May 2019 I wrote about negotiating new family household jobs: https://mmuser.blogspot.com/2019/05/negotiating-with-my-teen.html

And here are two final pieces of advice (from here) Ups and downs of parenting teens:

3. Teenagers grow up, this is just a stage. It's a long stage, but seeing them come out at the other end with all sorts of amazing skills is even more gratifying than watching your kids learn to walk!

4. Find someone safe who you can talk to about your parenting struggles. It is a hard, long slog. A very long marathon, if you like, not a sprint. And it's not a good idea to slog it out on your own without support.

I have long said I will never write a book about parenting, however I have written about my own journey quite a bit on this blog. Every family is different, has different challenges and different strengths. Every child and every parent is unique. I don't write here about my experiences to make you envious or to feel guilty. My intention is to walk alongside you in the trenches by showing you a little of my "on the edge of ordinary" life.

Looking back at 2024

For a few years now I've been using this last week of the year to write a blog post that reflects on the year past. In particular, I've been using questions to help me focus my thoughts and keep me honest. I've done the same today.

One of the many beautiful things we saw on our long
road trip in 2024.

The questions and categories I've used are these (in case you'd like to copy and use them yourself):

1. What makes this year unforgettable?

2. What did I enjoy doing this year?

3. What/who is one thing/person I'm grateful for?

4. What did I read/watch/listen to that made the most impact this year?

5. What did I worry about most and how did it turn out?

6. What is my biggest regret?

7. What's something that has changed about me?

8. What surprised me most this year?

9. What Bible truths impacted me this year?

10. What meta-themes have I thought about this year? (in no particular order)

Highlights

Lowlights

Concluding thoughts.

1. What makes this year unforgettable?

Ah, so many things. I've just written our monthly prayer/newsletter and spent some space looking back at the many amazing things that happened in 2024. Here's a short list:

• Our youngest two sons moved out, leaving us without any children under our roof for the first time in almost 25 years.
• We took two months long service leave (an Australia institution that rewards long service with extended paid leave).
• We spent two months driving around south-east Australia in a motorhome, including a month in Tasmania
• Major changes for all our kids. Our youngest son started university. After a lengthy period of unemployment our middle son got his first job, a licence, and a car. Our eldest son (within a single month) moved 1,400 km north, took up a carpentry apprenticeship, and got engaged. Now we're contemplating a new daughter-in-law joining the family in the next fortnight.
• After 12 months away we moved back to Japan and into a new apartment, completing a downsize that's been ongoing for a few years. 
• Living for the first time in Japan with no children.
• I had a bad run with a tooth abscess that was misdiagnosed during our sojourn south (and repeatedly in the following months) which ended with dental surgery, and now have one less tooth than I started the year with, as well as my first fake body part in the form of a one-tooth denture. 

2. What did I enjoy doing this year?

• Our motorhome trip was definitely the biggest joy. We've never done such a massive journey (time-wise, this was only 500km shorter than our 16-day trip to Uluru in 2012, but obviously much longer at 58 days).
• There were many things tucked into that motorhome journey that were wonderful, like visiting the MCG for a day (large sports stadium in Melbourne where we did a tour, then enjoyed two museums) and the Bradman museum. Going to "end of the road" type places in Tasmania: e.g. most southerly point and to the north-eastern tip.
• I've enjoyed being just a couple again, setting up our new apartment together in July and August was satisfying.
• I did a one-night two-day retreat with close friends in February.
• Going on an unusual date to watch wheelchair rugby between our two countries.
• Helping run a wrestling tournament at CAJ also fits on this list!

...and yes, there's lots of sport there!

3. What/who is one thing/person I'm grateful for?

• As usual: my husband, but also that God allowed us to come back to Japan rather than a much more dramatic change of direction. 
• And my closest friends: how would I do life without them?

4. What did I read/watch/listen to that made the most impact this year?

• A Call to Spiritual Reformation: Priorities from Paul and His Prayers, D.A. Carson
• Awe: Why it Matters for Everything We Think, Say, and Do by David Paul Tripp
• Bullies and Saints, John Dickson
• The Meaning of Marriage, Timothy Keller with Kathy Keller
• Continued to enjoy Undeceptions podcast.
• I also enjoyed Storytellers: Questions, Answers and the Craft of Journalism by Leigh Sales.

5. What did I worry about most and how did it turn out?

• Despite writing this (in my first blog post this year): "I think that giving up worrying is a worthy goal, not just for 2024, but for the rest of my life. I'm certain that I will fail again and again, but with God's help I surely can improve on what I've done up till now!" I worried about whether 2024 would be a major turn in the road for us. That is, whether we'd return to Japan and how our kids would cope without us nearby. Well it's turned out much better than I expected.

6. What is my biggest regret?

• I can't think of one, except for the first lowlight below: that our long trip was marred by my illness, which of course wasn't my fault, but I wish it hadn't happened.

7. What's something that has changed about me?

• I think I'm trusting God more. It's been a long, hard road of learning that is by no means over, but I think I've made progress.

8. What surprised me most this year?

• A new (almost) daughter-in-law. I've had a quarter of a century of being a mum to boys, adding a girl to the family has been a pleasant surprise. And though we are far apart and have only met three times, I have been excited to get to know her a bit and start to forge a relationship with her that is unlike anything I've experienced before.

9. What Bible truths impacted me this year?

• It's hard to remember anything especially. But here are some Bible verses that I included on my blog through the year:
• Luke 12:23–26 (the folly of worry)
• Numbers 13 & 14 (story of 12 Israelite spies)
• Isaiah 55:8–9 (my thoughts are not yours declares the Lord)
• Psalm 91:2 (the Lord is my refuge and my fortress)
• Deuteronomy 31:8 (the Lord goes before you, he will not leave or forsake you)
• 2 Corinthians 4:18 (fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen–that is eternal)
• Psalm 145:4 (you are called to make the invisible glory of God visible)
• Various prayers of Paul (for example, see Ephesians 3, Colossians 1)

10. What meta-themes have I thought about this year? (in no particular order)

• Trusting God
• Letting go makes room for growth and new opportunities
• Downsizing
• Is "feeling useful" a good thing?
• What kind of mother-in-law do I want to be?
• Stepping back from my adult kids means I enable them to grow.
• Retirement planning!
• Belonging
• Who am I apart from my children?
• Aging
• Accepting again that I am who God made me to be: weaknesses included

Highlights

• Obviously our long service leave trip in a motorhome.
• Seeing our sons grow in character and skill, living independently, and making adult-level decisions.
• Retreat with close friends.
• Moving into our new apartment in Tokyo.
• Attending live sporting events: cricket, wheelchair rugby, wrestling.
• Many times with friends on both sides of the ocean.
• Finishing a long-term cross-stitch project.
• Successfully blogging my way through our two-month road trip.

Lowlights

• Our motorhome journey was marred by my battle with a misdiagnosed tooth abscess. Easter weekend was particularly low in that regard.
• As usual, goodbyes and an international move were hard, and saying goodbye to all our kids this time was extra difficult, but the flipside of that is (the second) highlight I've already mentioned.

Concluding thoughts

I'm really glad that 2024 is over. The past two years have been a lot of hard work and exhausting. I still feel the shadow of the exhaustion from it all. But I'm also glad for all the things we were able to achieve during the last two years, by God's grace! My next blog post is about looking forward to 2025...so I won't go there now.

I'm going to finish this year of blogging with a favourite Bible passage of mine, one I like to pray when I don't know what else to pray for someone. For sure God has done more than we could imagine in 2024!

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge – that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. (Ephesians 3:16–21 NIV)

Looking back at 2023

Ever since I stared writing here in 2009, I’ve been using this blog to reflect on the year just lived. For the last five years I’ve been using the same set of questions. These questions push me past the surface reflections, so they aren’t easy, but it’s a good exercise that I enjoy. They aren’t about what I’ve achieved in the year. I hope they might be a springboard for you to think about your own year too.

Christmas Day on the beach 2023

1. What makes this year unforgettable?

Some big changes this year for us mean this year will be a noteworthy year for the rest of our lives: 

• Our youngest son finished high school, that’s a huge milestone for our family after 20 years of children at school.
• We moved out of the house we’ve spent the most time in for our whole marriage, the house that our youngest son started kindergarten from.
• It wasn’t just a simple move, this move included downsizing and storing stuff for our year away from Japan.
• The move also marked the end of our younger two sons’ time in Japan. In July they moved to Australia with the intent of staying here, at least in the medium term, which is a huge change, considering one of them was born in Japan and the other moved there when he was less than three months old.

2. What did I enjoy doing this year?

We have just celebrated Christmas with both our birth families. It’s really different doing this with older kids, it was much calmer and more enjoyable than in times past.

It’s been enjoyable seeing our three sons, who are now all 18 and over, getting to know one another as adults. Being together in the same region for several months has been wonderful. Parenting is hard work and long work—it’s very satisfying seeing some reward for all the years of effort you’ve put into them as you watch them gain confidence and skills as they grow much more independent.

It’s been enjoyable spending more time with David these last few months. We’ve enjoyed lunches and occasionally other meals on our front deck in Ipswich (a beautiful view). Three weeks Perth without children was an interesting adventure that involved both work and play. It was fun to see glimpses of what’s not very far in our future, but that is really next week’s blog post.

I enjoyed watching my youngest son as he powered his way through the school’s wrestling season undefeated. After many years of injury interrupting his participation in this sport, I really didn’t expect him to do it at all, and then to achieve as well as he did was very satisfying. He went on from there to do really well in shot put and discus in the track and field season too. 

Going to two women’s retreats—one in March in Japan and one in October in Australia—with close friends was definitely enjoyable.

3. What/who is one thing/person I'm grateful for?

Of course I can’t limit it to just one person or thing. I’m grateful to a handful of precious friends who’ve walked alongside me this year. It’s not been an easy year and I’ve leaned on friends, not to mentioned David, heavily to stay afloat.

4. What did I read/watch/listen to that made the most impact this year?

I’ve read more than 100 books again this year, more in the second half of the year than the first. Undeceptions podcast continues to be a thought-provoking listen, though I haven’t listened to as much of that in the second half of the year with less alone time than I usually get in Japan.

Here are some of the books that made an impact

Trusting God by Jerry Bridges

Being Mortal by Atul Gawande

Sacred Siblings by Sue Eenigenberg and Suzy Grumelot

When God Doesn’t Answer Your Prayer by Jerry Sittser

5. What did I worry about most and how did it turn out?

There were many things that I worried about this year, including who to hand my work over to so we could leave Japan for a year and how we would find somewhere to live in Australia (the latter being a big concern because everywhere we turned people were telling us of horror stories about the rental crisis in Australia).

I split my jobs into multiple parts and handed them over in late May and early June. That part worked so well that I ended up with extra time to do preparation for work in Australia that I hadn’t planned for. Both of the publishing projects I managed (Japan Harvest magazine and OMF Japan’s social media) have continued onwards, so I guess I did okay in handing them over. But I know it wasn’t easy for those who have taken extra things on in my absence. It helped to remember that we had important work to do in Australia, even if I didn’t really want to make the effort to get there.

Our accommodation story is a lot easier to tell. We got a house really quickly, with the on-the-ground assistance of a lady from our home church who we’d never met in person. It’s been a really good find, with very little we can fault. Great landlords; beautiful, convenient location; and functionally just right. We also have all the furniture we need, including a large TV and fabulous fridge.

6. What is my biggest regret?

This is always a hard question. I think I regret all the time I spent worrying about the future. It’s a bad habit that is hard to break, and even now I’m struggling not to worry about the first half of 2024.

7. What's something that has changed about me?

I’m no longer the parent of a school-aged kid. I’m also no longer in my 40s. I’m also on the verge of having all my kids move out of home.

I feel more and more that I am a writer and editor and more often when pressed will describe myself as such these days.

8. What surprised me most this year?

Probably my answer to #5 covers a good portion of this. 

But in addition, I’ve been surprised this last week. I’ve been surprised by how “adult” all my boys have been. In the middle of last year we did a similar “tour” without the Christmas celebrations and extra family time thrown in, and it was much harder. They’ve all grown in maturity, which is a great joy to see in what amounts to a stressful situation (travel, sharing rooms, lots of people, many unspoken expectations, lack of routine etc.). Over the years of raising our kids, visiting family in Australia has always been stressful for a few reasons: they’ve rarely seen their Australian relatives, it always involves significant travel, they aren’t in their own environment and Australia was never really “home”, and they were energetic boys (the first grandsons on both sides). Maturity has helped a lot and that meant that this time around I didn’t have to spend much time at all being their advocates or working to keep the peace.

The other big surprise was quickly finding a government-funded program that accepted our neurodiverse son which has helped him do employment readiness and help him find a job (the end of that story is yet to be written, but we’re hopeful).

9. What Bible truths impacted me this year?

In the latter half of the year, reading Trusting God has been significant. I dipped my toe in with some ladies from church in a Bible study (when I could get there), then read it from front to back on my own. The book takes you back to basics about God’s sovereignty and love, and confronts you about how you live in light of these truths.

10. What meta-themes have I thought about this year? (in no particular order)

• Transition
• Aging
• Women and their roles (especially within Christian circles) and non-romantic relationships between Christians (see Sacred Siblings book).
• Whether God’s leading us to stay in Japan after 2023 (we think he is).
• Life with grown kids who don’t live at home anymore.
• Disability support in Australia.
• Downsizing.
• How Japan Harvest is produced and how that can be done with me less involved.

Highlights

• Our youngest finishing high school, especially his athletic achievements, but also seeing his persistence in working hard academically and the great friendships he had the privilege to be part of.
• All-Japan OMF conference in June was both exhausting and wonderful.
• Writing a series of six articles about the process of preparing for and going on home assignment for the US branch of our organisation, and also recording a discussion with a colleague about the same topic. All of this was published mid-year online.
• Being able to watch a lot of cricket, especially watching Australia unexpectedly win the semi-final and final of the one day international cricket World Cup (which involved staying up way past my usual bedtime twice in one week). Making it to two cricket matches in-person.
• Going to a symphony orchestra performance in person for my birthday.
• Visiting Rottnest Island in WA.
• Speaking at a women’s conference and “losing it” onstage as I tried to speak briefly about the long-term griefs that cross-cultural workers encounter. I put this as a highlight because, while it was very hard to do, it was true to myself and my desire to show others how ordinary missionaries are. But the other reason it’s a highlight is that the response was overwhelming, in a positive way. I had many conversations afterwards with women who understood (and were glad to hear someone tell this unspoken story), had their eyes opened, or who wanted to learn more.
• I think my blog post that got the most attention this year was “Neurodivergence and missionary families”. Maybe this doesn’t belong as a “highlight”?
• Camping in late March was lovely, unfortunately we’ve not be able to manage any other camping trips in 2023.

Lowlights

• Moving—I really don’t like moving, never have. And the anticipation of moving is almost as bad as the move itself.
• Watching our sons pack up their lives in the place they’ve grown up and say goodbye to friends and Japan.
• Walking alongside our son as he negotiated medical and other difficulties, and then trying to figure out how to help him start to forge a life in Australia.
• Exhaustion. We’ve been able to really slow down in the last couple of months of the year and have realised how much toll the past few years have taken on us (obviously culminating in a huge, stressful transition). It’s been hard to have less structure and purpose in our days, but also to realise that our energy levels weren’t what we were used to either.

Other thoughts

This category is for other things that don’t really fit anywhere else…

This year I was invited to join a couple of groups of women who are all mums of kids with various types of disability. Most of them live in Japan (or have spent significant time there) and many of them are expats. One group is mostly Christians and the other is not. I’ve only met them a handful of times, but the depth of connection is quite remarkable. I wrote a bit about this under the subheading “Being heard” in this blog post in February.

Ultimately, I’m glad 2023 is over. It contained big highlights, but also big milestones and a lot of hard work and exhaustion. It’s encouraging to look back and see how God has sustained us and provided for us through it all.

In the second blog post I wrote this year I quoted Psalm 103, and I think it’s a good place to finish. Here is some of what I wrote in January:

“There are lots of nuggets in [Psalm 103] to ponder. Just now I'm leaning into these phrases: "Your youth is renewed like the eagle’s" (v. 5 NIV) and "As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust. The life of mortals is like grass, they flourish like a flower of the field; the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more" (vv. 13–16).

Looking back at 2022

The last three years I've used some interesting and challenging questions to write this last post of the year, so I'm going to do it again.

1. What makes this year unforgettable?

The context of the year (coming after nearly two years of a global pandemic) makes it both forgettable and unforgettable. Looking back even at this short distance at the pandemic and it's hard to remember what happened when, because we don't have big hooks to hang them on. There was a lot of "not doing" during 2020, 2021, and early 2022. However this year life began to change, moving closer to "normal", though masks are still a real part of our daily lives in Japan. We started the year not knowing when the borders would open again to tourists in Japan and end the year with our eldest son in our house (without a visa).

We will remember this year as the year we went to Australia in the middle of the year and did lots of fun stuff, as well as some hard stuff. August was a difficult month for me: I farewelled David and our youngest son at the start of the month, contracted COVID within a couple of days, and had some challenging times on my own with our middle son while living in someone else's house.

It was the year that our last son started his last year of high school. And we entered our last year of living in this house we've raised our family in since 2010.

2. What did I enjoy doing this year?

A sunset on a Queensland beach midyear.

A definite highlight was a week's holiday in June/July with two of my best friends and their families at a beach in Australia. Hours and hours to just talk and be together was like being in paradise. I also got to stay with one of them for ten days at the end of August, which was also precious. Plus I got one-on-one time with two other close friends, which I treasured.

Walking after dinner with David is occasionally a chore, but more often than not it's a joy, even when the temperatures aren't really hospitable. I really missed the regular catchup with him when we were in Australia.

We've enjoyed watching cricket again on TV, finally they've begun to provide ways for fans in Japan to subscribe.

3. What/who is one thing/person I'm grateful for?

David. I rely on him a lot, but he also leans on me. We make a good team and don't function as well when we're apart. This year marked our 25th wedding anniversary. I'm so thankful.

4. What did I read/watch/listen to that made the most impact this year?

Again, I've really enjoyed listening to various episodes of the Undeceptions podcast.

I hit my target of 100 books read in 2022. But also discarded more than 20 books as "didn't finish", these were books that I'd invested time in (not just read a couple of pages). I'm getting more fussy about what I read, partly due to getting older, but also because I've got easy access to a whole library of ebooks. One of my loves is browsing in the library from the comfort of my own home (or, to be honest, bed...the place I do much of my reading).

Gentle and Lowly by Dane C. Orlund was a standout non-fiction book this year. I read it slowly over eight months (I usually read a couple of fiction books a week). I think I need to read it again. It's a balm to a weary soul. For example this sentence from Ch 4: "If you are in Christ, you have a Friend who, in your sorrow, will never lob down a pep talk from heaven. He cannot bear to hold himself at a distance."

Sacred Pathways by Gary L. Thomas was another really valuable book to read. I came across it through working on a magazine issue themed "Arts and Ministry". It showed me a few things about myself and my life experiences that I hadn't realised.

5. What did I worry about most and how did it turn out?

We had a prolonged passport/visa renewal situation that strung out over several months earlier in the year. In April we very nearly had an illegal immigrant in our household, but managed to dodge that by pleading with the embassy for an appointment. Flying to and from Australia is never fun, but it was pretty miserable this year. We had all our original flights to and from Australia cancelled by airlines. Our journey to Australia took 35 hours, which is more than three times the usual length. We also ended up paying more for peace of mind as we changed our return flights to ensure that we go there before our visas expired. Japan still required negative PCR tests and cancelled flights made that complicated. I worried a lot through all of this. I lost sleep, had headaches, reflux, and various bacterial, viral, and fungal infections, as well as asthma-complicated COVID.

I also worried about our eldest son's lack of employment. His savings ran very low this year before he finally found consistent work. This was very hard to watch. 

6. What is my biggest regret?

Hard question! The Merriam Webster dictionary gives two disparate definitions of regret. One is a verb: to be very sorry for (a mistake) and the other is a noun: sorrow aroused by circumstances beyond one's control or power to repair. 

There are things that happened that I regret, but I didn't have the power to change them. I regret that my family has sometimes caused pain for others, but much of that hasn't been within my power to change. I regret that others haven't understood us (sometimes because they don't have the life experience to help, or they have biases that mean they can't see the full picture), but again, while I may have tried to help others understand, their understanding is beyond my ability to change.

I regret some of the things I've said yes to and later ended up with too much on my plate, often because of things outside of my control or beyond my ability to anticipate what was coming in the future.

7. What's something that has changed about me?

I've begun to more strongly identify as a writer this year. When someone asks me what I do, I say "I'm a writer and an editor". That's an easy summary that doesn't overwhelm people. I haven't written a book, and don't (yet) have an ambition to, but that doesn't mean that I'm not a writer. Writing this post about life with mental illness was a bit of a turning point: https://mmuser.blogspot.com/2022/10/the-truth-about-journeying-with-illness.html

A close friend wrote this to me in early November: "Have been observing a really positive shift in you Wendy, from anxiety and feeling isolated to coming to peace with what is and inviting others into a space of being honest and vulnerable...which alleviates isolation for yourself and them also. Just thought you might like to hear from the outsider's perspective. God is good!! He's been at work and continues to be so." She connected a few dots I was too close to see, God has been good to me in giving me friends who will do that!

8. What surprised me most this year?

Some of the change we longed for during the depth of the pandemic was actually harder to adjust to than we would have imagined. I struggled to interact socially in a group at times this year, even in groups that I previously was fine with.

I was also pleasantly surprised by an opportunity to do an interview (for an article) with four Japanese people in the one afternoon, some of that was in English and some in Japanese.

9. What Bible truths impacted me this year?

A verse that has stuck with me arrived in my mail box in January last year (see here). It's Deuteronomy 31:8 "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." This was a great comfort, though I admit that in the midst of my worrying, I should have clung to it more tightly at times!

10. What meta-themes have I thought about this year? (in no particular order)

Life with non-physical illnesses and neurodiversity

Being a parent to adult children when they're struggling

Families as a microcosm of culture

Maintaining margin

My work always provides me with lots to ponder. I've thought about (and worked with) themes like honour–shame culture, rest, arts and ministry, mobilisation, prayer, women, fear of failure, missionary partnership development, nature, aging society, and Japanese festivals and traditions.

Highlights

• As I've already stated above: the week's holiday with friends.
• Being able to see our eldest son again and spend significant time with him. 
• We only got one camping trip in this year, and it was a cold one marred by debilitating pain for one of our friends. But still it was a highlight.
• Seeing gradual improvement and growth in our boys. But it's been slow, small steps.

Lowlights

• This year I've only written 39 blog posts, the fewest in it's 13 ½ year existence. So it's ironic that I'm thinking of myself more as a writer than ever before!
• Watching my kids struggle in various realms and wondering about their futures.
• Feeling tired as a parent.
• The start of the year I was stretched way beyond what was healthy, partly by work, partly by responsibilities to my family, and partly with what had happened in 2020 and 2021.

Other thoughts

For much of this year "it's complicated" would probably have been a good response to people's questions to how I was at the time. I've lived more than half my life doing things in ways that most people don't understand. A call to overseas missions leads to a loss of friends and a loss of potential friends, I learned this early on. It turns out that walking with mental illness and neurodiversity is similar and leads to much misunderstanding, even amongst those you thought would "get it". You'd think I was used to this already, but it turns out I wasn't, and probably never will be. I'm ever so thankful to those who do "get me" and have stuck by through all the challenges this year, even when they didn't understand us or our decisions.

My first post of this year was remarkable in the lack of concrete thoughts I could muster for the coming year (or at least that I was willing to commit to a blog post). I think my first post in 2023 will be quite different to that. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Looking back at 2021

 The last two years I've used some interesting and challenging questions to write this last post of the year, so I'm going to do it again.

David and me enjoying a pre-Christmas
date.

1. What makes this year unforgettable?

• Second year of the pandemic, what can I say...
• Personally we've had tragedy, ill-health, injury, despair, close encounters with suicide, exhaustion, a creative ending to a high school career, lack of clarity about the future, etc. Some, but not much of that was related to the pandemic. Altogether it's made for a very challenging year personally. I'm thankful for a fulfilling job that meant that even when I had no answers for the personal pain we faced, I found joy and purpose in my work, and of course God gave me hope.

2. What did I enjoy doing this year?

• Editing fiction in my spare time. I spent a couple of months early in the year editing a book by a friend of mine. First time to edit a book-length manuscript, first time to edit fiction. It was challenging in a good way and I hope I get another opportunity to do it again in the future (though it would be great if I could devote work-time, rather than spare-tie to such a project).
• Baking and reading: my two passions I've continued to love.
• Camping: we only made it out to two camping trips this year and one of those was shortened due to a typhoon. The pandemic made it difficult to book campsites across prefectural borders and we complicated things by trying to gather a larger group to do it.
• Walking after dinner: this has become one of my favourite things too, most of the time I love catching up with my husband during our 4–5 km walk, and I miss it when weather or work or other events mean we can't do it for a few days.
• Weekly video calls with our eldest son have been really great too. Often one or both of his brothers join and we usually end up playing online board/card games.

3. What/who is one thing/person you're grateful for?

• I'm grateful for a solid marriage, for a husband who is calm and committed to his family, and we've walked through a very hard year shoulder-to-shoulder. Many people don't have that. I'm ever so grateful I do.
• I'm also grateful to my friends. My daily-trio of friends as well as some other women who have emerged as even more precious than they were before.

4. What did you read/watch/listen to that made the most impact this year?

• Mmm. Hard question as usual. Looking at the books I've read (post on Dec 13), I would suggest the Bogel book about overthinking was probably the most impactful. I also have enjoyed listening sporadically to a podcast call Undeceptions, for example the episode about a same-sex-attracted Christian was eye opening and ultimately very encouraging, another episode I posted about here on Friendship was also excellent.

5. What did you worry about most and how did it turn out?

• This is something I can't share here due to protecting the privacy of my family. My worst fear didn't eventuate, but it still might, only God knows.

6. What's my biggest regret?

• Not being able to see my eldest son this year (it's been 2 ½ yrs now).
• I regret not being able to see any Olympics or Paralympics in person, despite living in the city where they were held.
• Not having the emotional energy to do some things that I used to do.

7. What's something that has changed about me?

• I think I've become a little less less zoned in on "what's next" for our boys. I've had a lot of my expectations for them stripped away (expectations I mostly didn't realise I held).
• I did more teaching this year than I've ever done (mostly in the first quarter of the year). I still don't think it's really my wheelhouse, but it was good to have the opportunity to help other adults learn new things.
• I've become even more discerning about who I bare my heart to.

8. What surprised you most this year?

• How many people are rejecting immunisation. Also I've been saddened by Australia's isolationist policy during this pandemic. There are times that it felt like us expats weren't welcome in our home country. And no, I don't wish to have a discussion about this here or on social media. I have steered clear of writing about these things on social media.
• I've also been happily surprised by some of the ways that I've seen my boys grow and change this year. As I wrote in this blog post, it's harder to anticipate when and what milestones older teens and young adults will achieve, but it's just as satisfying (or more) as when they  were learning to walk and talk.
• I was also surprised at how difficult it was to get used to being back in-person after many months of online meeting.

I'm going to add two more questions here: 

9. What Bible truths impacted you this year?

• "Be still and know that I am God" (Ps 46: 10) has been an ongoing theme since mid-2018. But I also spent several hours on an "accidental" retreat considering the whole of Psalm 46.
• Also I've returned again and again to Hebrews 12:1-3 and Isaiah 40. Both are worth looking up and pondering deeply.

10. What meta-themes have you thought about this year? (in no particular order)

• Efficiency isn't necessarily God's way or the best way.
• Letting go of control.
• Walking alongside older teens and young adults as a parent (of course all these first three are related!)
• Lily pads (see here)
• I got to ponder a wide variety topics courtesy of my work for example: pop culture in Japan, technology in ministry, history of the Japanese church, men in the church, the best uses of social media for mobilisation, rest, good editing practices, and macrons and other questions of the romanisation of Japanese (look it up, it'll either fascinate you or bore you).

Highlights:

• Two camping trips, including camping in a new prefecture.
• Several opportunities to spend time with family friends in-person for the day or evening.
• Immunisation against COVID-19 (yes, a highlight)
• Seeing the social media team that I lead continue to forge ahead producing excellent content.
• Editing a fiction book (as mentioned above)
• The new building and sports field at school. I've rarely been there and actually haven't set foot on the oval ("field" for Americans), but it's great to hear about how it's being used.

Lowlights:

• Aforementioned tragedy and ill-health
• Missed opportunities for good fellowship during online meetings, sometimes due to a lack of thinking-outside-the box by event organisers.
• Shortened winter holiday due to an unexpected and dramatic medical event
• Seeing my boys struggle
• Too many online meetings and not enough people-time some weeks.
• Church being online for most of the year.
• Not being able to get to Australia (which meant some thinking outside the box for a few items I'd rather buy in person there).

Other thoughts

Writing: I did plan to write a blog post every month based on a book called Come Closer by Jane Rubietta. I did it for four months, but then failed to finish the rest of the year. In fact this year I've only published 43 blog posts, that's an all time low (my highest output was in 2011 at 369). It's been a busy and stressful year and I've often been tired. I have written two or three articles for each of the four magazines we've published, plus various social media posts and a a couple of online articles for OMF. But really, my writing output has been very low, an indication of how the year has gone, really. There's lots been going on, but much that I can't share with a wider audience and a lack of energy to invest in writing as well. Contrary to that I've done a lot of editing and continue to enjoy working with other people and their writing.

Goals: these were my stated goals for 2021 (in my first blog post this year) and I think I've done okay at these. How we worked towards #1 looked surprising at times to some outside our household, but there were good reasons for what we did. Of course these aren't "SMART" goals, in that they aren't Measurable, but then I think that there is much that needs to be achieved in life that can't be measured easily and isn't short-term.

1. Looking after myself and my household as best I can
2. Taking care to look out for others who are within my circle of influence—keeping my eyes open for opportunities to serve them and others further afield, and
3. Working to the best of my ability in all the tasks that are mine to do.

I have pondered this blog post long enough and it's just getting longer the more I look at it, so it's time to release it into the wild. If you take up the challenge of answering these questions, I'd love to hear your thoughts (privately, if you wish).

Celebrating 10 years of camping in Japan

 I realised this afternoon that last week was the 10 year anniversary of our very first Japan camping trip (which was actually our first camping trip on our own). I wrote a blog post about that first camping trip: http://mmuser.blogspot.com/2011/07/our-camping-adventure.html

It’s fascinating to look back and remember the journey. Our boys were 6, 8, and 12 on that first trip and they loved it (though were thoroughly exhausted by it). Opinions have changed over the years and only two still enjoy camping.

Last year’s summer camp

Camping also looks a lot different with older teenagers. For starters, camping just with us is too boring, so for the last couple of years we’ve been including their friends, and that’s added another fun dimension.

For the first five years or so, we mostly just camped as a family, but since then we’ve camped a lot with others, particularly one family who lives close to us. It’s been fun to share the camping fun with them, and share the meal-preparation (and clean-up) side with them too. And camping with Americans also means S’mores!

This last 18 months of pandemic I’ve had very little opportunity to spend face-to-face time with people outside my family. Camping has been one way to stay connected to at least a couple of our friends.

In those ten years we’ve also done two camping tours. We toured Hokkaido and also the central part of Honshu (as far south/west as Kyoto and Wakayama Prefecture). Both times we camped continuously for about two weeks, but only staying in each campsite one to three nights. David and I loved those trips, the boys, not so much.

I probably should stop and count how many camping trips we’ve been on, but we’re in the midst of preparing for another one tomorrow, so I’ll leave that for another day. 

The main reason we began camping ten years ago was a realisation that we’d been in Japan for ten years already and seen very little of this beautiful country. It’s not easy to see Japan on a budget with a family, but camping was one way to do it. We’re also more small-town/country kids than we are big-city kids, and we’re not particularly into tourism or shopping, so exploring Japan’s countryside was appealing. 

You might think that we are great outdoorsy people. We are not. Both David and I burn easily and don’t particularly love hiking. I was pondering earlier this year why camping has been so appealing to us (besides being able to see different parts of Japan and to get out of the city) and I think it’s partly because both of us love problem solving. Camping is full of opportunities to problem solve and we enjoy the challenge. We’ve also found that camping so fully occupies your mind that just a few days away can feel like many more, so it’s actually a pretty efficient way to take a break.

Anyway, if you’ve followed my blog for any length of time you will know about our camping trips. We’re excited about embarking on another one tomorrow, but we’re hoping that it will be cooler at the campsite than it is here (the car’s thermometer read 35 degrees C when parked in the shade at 5pm this afternoon, and the humidity was something like 80%). We’re camping near a stream, so hopefully we’ll be able to cool off pretty easily.

Looking back at 2020

It's time for my end-of-year blog post. 

Last year on this day I used some interesting questions to reflect on the year: http://mmuser.blogspot.com/2019/12/looking-back-at-2019.html They were good questions, so I'm going to use them again.

1. What makes this year unforgetable? 

Sunset late in 2020 near our house.

• Well that's easy for 2020. But, unusually, probably similar to most of you: it's experiencing a pandemic, something we've only ever glanced over in the history books.
• For the first time I can remember in my life, I've been encouraged to stay home! All of us working from home during March-June was quite a challenge (though David did spend a good portion of that working at school, seeing as he has his own office only 300m walk from our house).

2. What did I enjoy doing this year?

• Baking. I've always enjoyed baking, but often it's been something that's squeezed in between other commitments on weekends. This year, with everything cancelled mid-year and not much to look forward to, baking was something I could not just plan for, but look forward to, and control. It even enabled me to give some small pockets of joy to others outside our family, in a safe way. This year, I also inherited a stand mixer. First time I've had one in Japan. That was also mostly due to COVID (the owners suddenly decided to go back to Australia when they discovered they were expecting twins).
• Camping. As always. But amazingly, despite the restrictions, we were able to go camping three times, with a couple of firsts: the first time in Gunma prefecture and the first to camp on our own without kids (we were camping with friends).
• Watching God work in unexpected ways. 
• One of those was related to camping. In April/May I had a short conversation with a colleague/friend whose teenage boys had had to suddenly evacuate from their international school in India when borders closed. Her boys were lacking connections in Tokyo, never having lived here. They are around the age of our our youngest son and I was pretty sure that, given the chance, they would be good friends. So, in a God-inspired moved, we invited them to come camping with us in July and they hit it off, not just with our son, but with his group of friends. Despite living on opposite sides of this great metropolis, they've managed to get together quite often. Amazing. 
• And that's just one example. I've heard other stories—one just the other day about a Japanese couple coming to faith this year, despite how hard it's been to meet together.
• A third is this story from March, when I sent a pair of earrings to a friend, and they arrived the day after her son died!

3. What/who is one thing/person you're grateful for?

• I'm grateful to my two friends with whom I formed a trio over two years ago now. We've helped each other stay afloat with daily messaging through what has been a horrid year. 
• Technology, without which much of the above wouldn't be possible and we'd be a whole lot more isolated from one another. We attended church online from mid-March to mid-August this year. Without technology that period would have been much more difficult.

4. What did you read/watch/listen to that made the most impact this year?

• Hmmm, a hard question, as it was last year.
• For the first time I've used an app called Goodreads to track my reading. So I know that this year I've read 108 (maybe 109 books, if I get my current book finished today). It tells me that that's 37,00+ pages with an average book length of 348 pages! Many of those have been crime/mystery type novels. I've always loved this genre and this year found reading to be especially calming when life around about us was in a turmoil. Last Christmas I received a Kindle Fire and I've used it extensively to borrow ebooks from the library, it's been a lifesaver.
• I enjoyed participating in a book club for the first time in my life. Naomi Reed spontaneously started a somewhat random Facebook-based book club to read through some of her books. We started with My Seventh Monsoon, then No Ordinary View, and Heading Home. I think she's done more, but I didn't own those books. The first two were especially interesting to do during the depths of the State of Emergency in Japan (April and May), providing some outside interaction that wasn't work-based.
• I read some books on first-person experiences of mental illness that were helpful in my understanding.
• It's interesting to note that the verse I cited this time last year has stuck with my through this year also: Ps 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God."

5. What did you worry about most and how did it turn out?

• Figuring out how to live with this new infectious threat has been a huge challenge. Just going out to get groceries (which was almost the only reason I left the house from mid-March onwards for several months) was stressful. Watching other people's reactions on social media was also stressful: for example seeing people go out and then ranting about how many people were out and seeing people declare that they won't get the new vaccine was also worrying. However, we've made it to the end of the year without dying, or contracting this new disease!
• I really didn't want the Olympics cancelled, ironically! We amazingly had tickets. But it did. We've still got tickets for the Paralympics, if they happen in September next year!
• Learning to wear a mask every time I was out was challenging, and I still haven't found one that I can wear for many hours at a time without ending up in pain.
• Unrelated to the global pandemic has been my concern for my older two boys. They are both on the verge of new things as their current studies come to an end in 2021. Neither knows what they want to do next. Our middle son is on the verge of adulthood and transitioning to life in Australia. There are many things that concern us about that transition. This has been a big worry for me that I've tried had to hand over to God regularly, with varying success. It remains to be seen how all this pans out, we probably won't know for several years!

6. What's my biggest regret and why?

• Hmm. Possibly, not being able to be with my friend in Australia when her son was dying. I think that was far harder than I'd anticipated.

7. What's something that has changed about me?

• I've enjoyed a new habit formed with David: walking three times a week in the evening. That's a new way for both of us to get exercise. It's been a good time to debrief from the day too.
• To think deeper than that...I'm not sure. This year we passed the 20-years mark, 20 years since we left Australia as missionaries for the first time. It's also 10 years since our youngest started school full-time and I started work in the publishing industry more intently. 2010 was a big year. It's been good to reflect on that journey during the year and see how far I've come. I'm gradually being called on more often to teach others about writing, editing, and other communication skills, rather than just doing it myself. I guess that's been something of a change of mindset over the last 12 months, or longer.

8. What surprise you the most this year?

• I think I was surprised by how much I need to have concrete things to look forward to. Having so much cancelled in March and April (and ongoing cancellations since then) was really hard. I was reduced to looking forward to small things, like looking forward to watching a favourite TV show in the evening, and baking on a Saturday.

So, after that focused reflection, here are some highlights from the year (some have been mentioned above):

• Our three camping trips and two family holidays in the mountains.
• Reading large quantities of books!
• Seeing the new prayer book for Japan published after 18 months of work.
• Successfully leading a series of three, online meetings that comprised our magazine's annual planning time.
• Good conversations with friends.
• Deepening friendships with some friends who were more like acquaintances before.
• More Saturday sleep-ins due to sports events cancelled.
• Finding the capacity to write some poetry/song verses to express deep emotions.
• Leading a writer's retreat weekend in March. 

Actually I think this year is more marked by what wasn't, rather than what was! So many things that usually make up the fabric of our year just didn't happen. Some we missed acutely, others not so much. On Jan. 4 this year, I wrote a hopeful list of things that I was looking forward to for the year. Three of the six things on that list never happened. I am thankful that three did!

Some lowlights of the year:

• My friend's son dying in March.
• In-person school being cancelled from March to June.
• Not being able to see our eldest son at all this year in person.
• Losing a few more friends in my expat "colander" life!

Today is the end of a remarkable year, one that will be a bookmark for the rest of our lives! 

I'm thankful that, through it all, I've been comforted by the one thing that never changes: our God. I reflected on this in April here, and verses like 

"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure" (Heb. 6:19) 

and 

"The name of the Lord is a fortified tower; the righteous run to it and are safe" (Proverbs 18:10).

As I mentioned earlier, "Be still and know that I am God" has been especially important to me this year. A real sense that though I have little influence in this world, God knows what's going on and my role is largely to stop and trust him in the midst of the chaos. So, as the old year ends and the new year begins, I want to remind myself to do this:

"In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly" (Psalms 5:3 NIV).

My next blog post is going to be an interesting one, as I ponder the year ahead. It seems even more uncertain than a usual year, so how does one even do that? The first post I wrote this year I suggested that 2020 would be a quiet year (primarily with the thought that we might not engage in any international travel). I had no idea just how quiet it would be!