Another unexpectedly unusual week

It's Friday and I have to say that this has been an odd week. Looking ahead to June last week, I didn't clock this week as being especially unusual, but it has ended up that way. Here's a few bits and pieces:

Music practice

As I mentioned last week, I'm playing the piano for worship at church this Sunday and also at conference next Friday. Hence, practise was needed. On Tuesday I took three trains across Tokyo to meet with others from our mission to practice for an hour...and then took three back again. Three hours of travel! Because it is such a distance, I usually try to combine such a journey with at least one other thing. This time I managed to snag a friend/colleague for lunch. Precious quiet moments in a tiny Tokyo cafe.

Piano: I've been playing since I was 
four...it's like another "first language".

I also spent an hour and a half practising at school yesterday (the easiest piano for me to access). David found a practise room and I had a great time. It took me back many years to my childhood and teenage years when I spent at least an hour a day practising and three hours a week at my teacher's studio, many times playing the piano in one of her two practice rooms. As I've eased back into playing these last few weeks, I've realised that playing the piano (and reading music) is like a first language to me. I still find it very easy to sight read (i.e. play from written notes without first hearing a piece)...much easier than trying to play chords (what guitarists use). And to extend the metaphor...much easier than trying to operate in Japanese.

Being stretched

This week I've had few stretching experiences.

On Wednesday I took seven trains (after six the day before). My day only contained two main things: I took three trains to met a colleague from one of my teams for a catch-up about work and how he's doing. Then I caught another three trains to meet another colleague who is moving back to Australia. She's newer in Japan and needed a hand with driving a larger vehicle to shift some of her furniture to another new family who live about 45 minutes away. My job was driving! Usually it's David who does things like this, but he wasn't available when they were, so I volunteered. The vehicle was a HiAce, a little bigger than our 8-seater vans that we've owned most of our years in Tokyo. But I managed. Between us we also managed to hire it from a Japanese company. This is no small thing when you struggle with Japanese . . . it wasn't pretty, but we did it. And I didn't damage the vehicle in any way, so that was a relief! 

The van we hired to do the moving. 

When we were done, I took one more train to get home. In contrast to the day before I never left western Tokyo, just took a big train circuit, and never more than about 15 km from our house.

Then yesterday I had my annual Japanese medical. It's pretty much funded by the government. It was not very comprehensive, but they did a urine and took some blood and asked me if I had any concerns. The doctor, nurse, and I danced around in two languages, but, I think managed the basics. I really struggle with starving blood test. Breakfast is mandatory for me to have decent brain function and going without my mid-morning coffee is a double blow to my capacity. Then, having to speak Japanese on top of that . . . it's definitely not pretty. I haven't yet managed to explain to a medical professional how difficult I find it to function in my (very second) language without breakfast or coffee.

My big mistake, yesterday, however, was trying to be efficient. I also needed more asthma meds, so I thought combining that with my medical would be a smart move . . . and it was, until I got to the pharmacy next to the doctor. What I should have done was go and have my coffee and then come back, but I didn't. The pharmacy didn't have enough in stock to fill my prescription. This has happened every time I've been recently, so I shouldn't have been surprised. But this time it seems there were greater difficulties that I don't understand . . . the lady appointed to deal with me spoke loud and fast, but didn't seem to have all the information that she needed. Our interactions (entirely in Japanese) were punctuated with something like "chotto matte kudasai" (please excuse me) followed by her rushing back to talk to someone else (the pharmacist?). 

This back and forth went on for some time. 

I was sitting like a blob on the waiting seats, with a pretty massive headache and brain fog so thick that thinking was hard. 

Eventually she agreed that they could sell me two then and they would mail me the rest of the script later. I had to throw more complications into the conversation as I explained that I was going to be in Sapporo from Monday for five days, then back here for four days, then in Australia (I didn't mention Singapore) from the week after for five weeks!

I think we sorted it out, but now I look back, I'm not sure why it was so hard. Brain fog and headache contributed, for sure, but I'm hoping that it wasn't contagious and that she didn't also have compromised brain function!

The "medical" actually only took around 30 minutes, but the end result was that I pretty much was incapacitated for the whole morning. It was only after lunch that I started to be able to do anything much of value. And then I had a piano practice and staff family dinner at school . . . so yesterday I didn't feel like I got much of value done!

End of year feel

At both school (where David works) and OMF JHQ (our mission's national base) I found an "end of year" vibe. Certainly at school, where the school year ended this week, that was the case. I wasn't ready for it at JHQ. It's not the end of the year there, but with our national conference next week, there is a lot of "get this done before conference". And there are cross-overs between the two organisations. One key leader in OMF Japan has kids at the school, so they are heading off straight after conference on a short home assignment, and so she's been handing over jobs to people to take care of during the months she'll be away. Also so there was an edge of tired frantic-ness (overwrought?) there that I wasn't expecting.

Additionally, in both places there are people leaving after serving in each place for a long time. So there's an edge of sadness to it all as well.

Ah, I'd better stop writing here and get back to the things I need to get done "before conference".

June's a big month

June, how can it already be June? My calendar says it's a so, so it must be so!

My calendar also has a lot written on it this month. It's a month that will contain a five-day OMF Japan conference in Hokkaido, a trip to Singapore for work, a couple of days holiday in Singapore, and flying to Australia for a five-week stay.

The day before we head off to conference I'm playing the piano for church. It's been a long time since I did that! David's also leading the service, which is something he's not done for a long time either. It's a great joy to be able to serve our new church in these tangible ways.

Conference starts on the 16th, and there are many preparations going on. The schedule is pretty much 8 am to 9 pm! We've done many of these over the years and they are really good times, but very exhausting at the same time (though not as bad now as when our kids were little). More than 250 adults and kids will meet together at the pictured hotel for the week.

We've been to this venue on
the outskirts of Sapporo multiple
times. It's beautiful. Our boys 
especially loved the all-you-can-eat
buffet for breakfast and dinner
as well as the water park in the 
basement!

My own small parts are:

• I'm part of a worship team as the pianist for one session, which has required creativity to get the music as well as practise (I no longer have a piano at home and live a long way from others on the team). 
• I'm leading a voluntary session that is themed writing. It's unclear what this will look like and completely unknown if anyone will even come to it...and it's on the last evening, by which time I'll probably be staggering around under the influence of too much coffee, just to stay upright! So, some preparation has been necessary (yep, I stopped writing this blog post and actually did some prep!).
• I think the only other thing I'm responsible for requires almost no preparation, but will require concentration. I'm the designated "conference recorder". Which basically means recording the important stuff that happens through the week and providing a report at the end. I've been given a copy of the report from 2023, and it's actually pretty intimidating. I don't think I'll be able to make my report as pretty!

On June 20, after conference, we head back home for the weekend before David heads to Thailand. I get to stay at home for a couple of extra days before I fly to Singapore. I'm planning on meeting others in our organisation who do similar work to me in social media and we're going to "job alike", which is a new term I learnt last year that is mostly used in education circles. It's when people who do similar jobs in different places/organisations get together and talk about common stuff in our jobs. It's the first time I've done this as an in-person thing in another country. I've talked to various people over video calls, but usually just an hour or so, but this will be larger than that and I'm interested to see how it goes. Our organisation is large and spread over multiple countries around the world. It's not easy to get together with others who do similar things. Social media is a newish kind of ministry and there aren't so many of us around.

After that David will meet me in Singapore where we'll rest for a couple of days and catch up with some Singaporean colleagues from Japan who happen to be "at home" at the moment. And then we'll head to Australia on the last day of the month.

When we left Australia last July we told our boys we're planning to come back this year to see them. As it turned out, we saw all of them in January at our son's wedding, but we still wanted to catch up with them and other loved ones, so we've pushed ahead with this plan.

Our five weeks in south-east Queensland will be a combo holiday/work remotely situation. It's much like July would usually look for us in Japan—with David on summer holidays from work and me still working from home, but scaling things back a little (getting some mid-week sleep-ins for example).

We'll fly back to Japan in early August in time for a couple of annual medical checks for David before he starts back at school.

Phew, I'm tired just writing all that (about June, especially).

It's a daily battle

Well, the last two blog posts have been really easy to write: from inside the writing retreat and then last week's wonderful news about our family. But today's isn't rolling off my fingers.

Last week I had a quiet week working at home with only one meeting. After a busy time at the retreat the previous week, it was good to counterbalance that with a more restful one. But it is when I'm not so busy, and also in the "slump" after a big, highly anticipated event, that doubts and negative thoughts start to creep into my mind.

Some of those internal voices I hear are words about how ineffective and useless I am, and you have to read that in the context of the organisation we're apart of and the reason we're in Japan. We're here because so few Japanese people follow Jesus. I talk and write about how important support ministry is (the name of the work that David and I are primarily involved in), but sometimes it feels like we're just not doing enough and by extension, are not enough. I think that is probably a common feeling amongst missionaries in this country. We don't talk about it much, but it's the big elephant in the room, and one reason that people burn out or fizzle out here.

Last week I felt particularly heavy-hearted about Japan as a nation (not about living here, but how tough a place it is for people to come to faith in Christ, and continue in that faith). In some weird way I found that sadness a comfort: Jesus himself wept over Jerusalem (Luke 19:41), surely he weeps over Japan too! It is right to be sad about those who don't know Christ.

But at the same time, I know we need to take heart and trust in God. He's got us (and our colleagues) here for a reason. Missionaries generally don't just decide to go off and "do stuff" in foreign countries, they are compelled by Scripture and the Holy Spirit to do this. It's hard to prove in black-and-white, but we're here due to an overwhelming sense that it's the right place to be serving God.

Earlier this week I saw this article "Tethering tightly" from A Life Overseas, and though the situation of the author differs from ours in various ways, she hits on some important points about persevering in this life of faith by thinking about the verse in John 15:

I am the vine, you are the branches; the one who remains in me, and I in him bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. (vs 5 NASB).

Here are some points that were good to be reminded of:

• Living abroad takes its toll. The layers of grief, hopes for the future, fatigue, and persevering through trials.
• We're called to remain steadfast in God, not to change our circumstances to get relief from our struggles or weakness.
• God is the vine, our stability in the midst of the constant changing human landscape. He's the only one who can truly satisfy us and strengthen us.
  
• I'm just a branch. I don't have all the answers or solutions. I'm part of it, but not expected to do everything or be everything.

  

  I also spent an hour with a new hairdresser as she
  tried to comprehend what I wanted to do with
  this unfamiliar "Western" hair. I think she did
  a good job in the end. I don't think I've ever had 
  someone try so hard. I learned a new, helpful
  word "nagamochi" which means "longlasting"
  and apparently can be applied to skinflint
  missionaries who don't want to pay for a haircut
  every other week!

• My job is mostly to remain in him and he will do the work, whatever work that he decides to do.
• It's simply not about me. About what I do, how I serve, what my productivity or lack of productivity is, what activities I do or complete, what things I tick off on my lists.

Please don't imagine that I've been curled up on the lounge in despair. I haven't! I've actually been moderately busy most days—writing, editing, reading, emailing, planning, thinking, etc. I could tell you several very encouraging things that happened in the last 10 days, not the least was, on Saturday, doing a bunch of baking for church, and getting a tonne of appreciation for that on Sunday! I also had a very encouraging time at a coffee shop with a new friend from church.

But it's a daily battle, isn't it? To keep our eyes fixed on Jesus. To remember that we're not the centre of the story. And to do our desperate best, despite our weak and distracted selves, to remain in Christ. Thankfully that's not up to us either. He's got us in a far more solid grasp than we'll ever be capable of.

Buzzing with exciting news

I'm still buzzing from the writing retreat, but more "buzz" was to come on Saturday. We've known for several weeks, but finally we were able to talk openly about our impending grandparent-hood! 

My kids were all born pre-social media, so I come from an era where people didn't do announcements like this. But how fun is this photo that I made?

I feel like life is shooting past faster than I can comprehend, though! Only two years ago I had a kid at school...and then I was adjusting to "open nesting" and then having a daughter-in-law and now a grandchild is on the way? 

Phew! It's a lot! But also a lot of joy. 

The only sad thing about it is that we live a long way away from the expectant couple and we don't have a huge budget. Decisions about our movements at Christmas time are now pending...

Writing from the depths of a writing retreat

We are into day four of our five-day writing retreat. It's going really well from an organiser's perspective. You might wonder what a retreat like this looks like. From my research and experience, a writing retreat can look quite different from one to the other. It can be as simple as one person going somewhere for the day and working on a writing project. Or it can be as complex as a group going to a very special destination for a lengthy period with a complex schedule that includes teaching, workshops, small groups, as well as individual and writing time.

This retreat is a time for missionaries who feel compelled to write to get away from their daily lives (and ministry) and write and talk about writing amongst ourselves. And we've had lots of time to do both. Each day we're spending up to five hours in "Shut up and write" (SUAW) time where we're trying hard to stay silent. We don't have desks in individual rooms, so we're mostly quietly writing in a single (beautiful) communal room. Often people will stop and go for a walk, or have a snack to break up the time. One of our group has been stoking literal fires. The room is heated by a wood heater, and yes, it's cool enough in the evenings to enjoy that.

Aomori Christian Center

Each day we're starting, straight after breakfast with a devotions led by one of the participants and a short time of prayer. We follow this with 10 minutes of "no-back-space" writing time, using a choice of several prompts, from the serious to the absurd. After that, there's time to share what you've written, if you wish. I've also given a Daily Creative Challenge that people can choose to do during the day if they wish. Then we transition into a couple of hours of SUAW before lunch.

After lunch we've spent 40–80 minutes talking about writing, which has been participant-led. It's often been people sharing something they've written and the rest of us giving kind, but constructive feedback. But also we've had discussions about an idea for a story or article.

The rest of the afternoon is SUAW. It's been wonderfully focused time. No nattering or catching up on email or errands to run or meals to prepare or meetings to attend. I'm so thankful that our hosts here are fully catering for meals, snacks, and drinks. 

After dinner we've had time to share our responses (if we wish) to the Daily Challenge. On the first couple of evenings we had some get-to-know you questions that we each answered, as well as sharing our expectations for the week. Then we've indulged in some fun games which have been welcome after the intensity of the day.

I'm appreciating the time to relax into being here, and also being with this small group, most of whom I didn't know well. It means that it's much less hit-and-go than previous short events that I've led, most of which have been one or two nights only. We've been able to focus on longer projects or getting more things written. But it's also challenging. This hasn't been a holiday.

As one who has mostly worked in the publishing field as an editor, to have this much time to work on my own writing is very confronting. It's not that I haven't written much in the last 17 years, I've actually written quite a lot! Dozens of magazine articles and online articles, a handful of short pieces in book collections, and a personal blog that now contains 3,300 posts. 

It's the latter that I'm focusing on this week. The last three days I've been reviewing what I have actually written...from the beginning in March 2009. I've been pondering what content I've got that could be reworked into a larger thing—also known as a book—for publication. That is also confronting. For years I've eschewed any idea that I might write a book, and now I'm wondering if I actually should. That scares me because it is a big project, a long-term project. But it also excites me.

The other exciting thing is that it's looking likely that we'll be able to do it again next year in the same location. Hopefully we'll be able to widen the invitation to allow a larger group to join us. Though the small group has been very special and comfortable, I know that there are others out there who would love to join us and would both benefit and contribute. We'll see what feedback everyone gives me after this is over so that we can make the next one even better. 

Exciting week coming up

One of my secret joys is getting away with other people who love to write, and simply focussing on writing. And living in a country where the language is not your own is a lonely place for a writer. So I've had to make my own opportunities.

It's over five years since I ran a writing retreat. On Monday I'm heading north to host a five-day retreat for OMF people. I'm so glad that this long-held dream is actually coming to pass, and that I really haven't had to do too much to prepare.

A scene from the 2020
writers retreat.

Last time I did this it was mid-March 2020 at the start of the crazy pandemic years...literally, that plague was a few weeks old and we were nervous. Thirteen of us gathered in three holiday apartments (where we've often had holidays in the mountains). I "outlawed" talking about the pandemic and we didn't wear masks. Little did I know that would be the last time I saw the faces of people in person outside my family for many many months (or was it years?).

It was so successful that several people who attended kept asking me when I was going to do it again. One of the attendees and I dreamed of doing this "up north", closer to where she lives. But with the pandemic as well as challenges within our own family and then home assignment, none of that has been possible.

But the dream goes way back 15 years to when I first thought about hosting a retreat/workshop and then did my first micro retreat in November 2011. I ran six between 2011 and 2020, and only one of them in Tokyo. Most of them I was involved with logistics, finance, catering, and transport too (I was often the driver and last time the facilities manager too)!

Ever since we came back to Japan last year, I've been working towards pulling this off, and in January we finally found a venue and got dates and things started to come together. And then we had eight people (beside me) sign up. So exciting!

This one is going to be easy: it's catered, finances are taken care of by the venue, and we even get transfers from the train station. And I don't have any teaching to do.

Five days is the longest one I've ever hosted (I attended a five-day one in Hong Kong in 2010). It's such a relaxed schedule that we should have a lot of time to write...something I've not had the chance to do much of in any of the six I've hosted before.

My goals for the retreat are:

1. To provide a space for people who write to get away and do that.

2. To energise writers by getting them together.

3. To offer people help with writing or editing...if they want it.

4. To make concrete plans to do this on a bigger scale, for a wider group of people, next year.

A couple of people asked me about my personal writing goals. I have one big idea and a couple of smaller ones. We'll see where and how God leads. I am full of anticipation, though. Watch this space.

End of the teenage era!

This week marks the end of an era. Nearly 13 years ago our eldest son became a teenager and this week his youngest brother turned 20, though it's been more than a year since he moved out, it's still worth acknowledging that our family has reached a new stage with no teenagers in our midst anymore. One of the fun things about a long-distance blog like mine is looking back at the past (I guess the same would be true if you were a consistent journaller).

One of the nearly 20 birthday
cakes I made for our
teenagers over the years.

Below is a short collection of some of the better things I've shared about parenting teenagers in the last 13 years.

I started blogging before I hit the teen years as a parent, so I recorded the start (in 2012!) here: https://mmuser.blogspot.com/2012/05/mother-of-teenager-not-i-not-yet.html

At that time I wrote:

I don't know what is ahead, but the last 13 years of parenting haven't been a breeze. I doubt that the next seven are going to be either. I guess the only way forward is how I've made it through the last 13 years — by God's grace and with lots of prayer.

I clearly wasn't thinking that it would be 13 more years until this phase of parenting would be put to bed, however my proposed way forward was solid.

By the time my first son hit teenage years, I'd given up on parenting books. However, in 2015, I did find one that was helpful. It majored on "grace" rather than "this is how you must do it or else": https://mmuser.blogspot.com/2015/10/broken-parents.html 

Here's one quote:

Parenting, like all tasks under the sun, is intended as an endeavor of love, risk, perseverance, and above all, faith. It is faith rather than formula, grace rather than guarantees, steadfastness rather than success that bridges the gap between our own parenting efforts, and what, by God's grace, our children grow up to become. 

(This actually comes from Leslie Leyland Fields, , "The Myth of the Perfect Parent," Christianity Today, January 2010, 27.)

February 2016 was a very difficult month (my father-in-law was dying in hospital). During that time I came across a very encouraging post: The value of a mother: https://mmuser.blogspot.com/2016/02/the-value-of-mother.html 

As I’ve said before and will repeat until I die, no matter your role or stage of life, when you wonder about your value you need to look to only one place: the cross. At the cross the creator of this universe sacrificed His only Son because He values you. Your value comes not from what you do, but who you ARE in Him because of what He already did. He also highly values your role as a mother.

In 2018 we had three teenagers, though one had left home earlier that year. I wrote a short blog post with some crumbs of advice:  https://mmuser.blogspot.com/2018/11/teenage-parenting-crumbs.html

1. Pick your battles very carefully (not meaning that you don't set expectations).

2. Find what they're interested in, and invest in that to build a bridge.

In May 2019 I wrote about negotiating new family household jobs: https://mmuser.blogspot.com/2019/05/negotiating-with-my-teen.html

And here are two final pieces of advice (from here) Ups and downs of parenting teens:

3. Teenagers grow up, this is just a stage. It's a long stage, but seeing them come out at the other end with all sorts of amazing skills is even more gratifying than watching your kids learn to walk!

4. Find someone safe who you can talk to about your parenting struggles. It is a hard, long slog. A very long marathon, if you like, not a sprint. And it's not a good idea to slog it out on your own without support.

I have long said I will never write a book about parenting, however I have written about my own journey quite a bit on this blog. Every family is different, has different challenges and different strengths. Every child and every parent is unique. I don't write here about my experiences to make you envious or to feel guilty. My intention is to walk alongside you in the trenches by showing you a little of my "on the edge of ordinary" life.