Settling into Australia again

It's amazing to me to recognise that it's already a week since we left Japan! 

What has re-entry been like this time?

Very smooth. We have, in fact, been in Australia quite recently: three times in the last 18 months! Once for a wedding, once for a new granddaughter, and once for a holiday. So it doesn't feel much like we've been away since our last home assignment two years ago. When I remember what a stressful thing home assignments have been in the past, this seems very easy. 

We haven't had to buy new phones or sign up for internet, we haven't had to find and furnish a new house, we haven't had to enrol our kids in a new school or settle them into a land that they hardly know, and we haven't had to find a new car. We're very blessed, for about half of these 11 weeks, to be able to occupy part of the bottom floor of our friends' house and share the use of one of their cars.

Any shocks?

Not really, not yet...re-entry shocks mostly happen when you've been away a longer period. They usually comprise of: 

incremental changes within society and friends that add up over the years + 

incremental changes within ourselves while we're away that we don't notice +

big life changes (e.g. health changes, lifestyle changes, family changes).

Because we've been in Australia four times in the last three years, most of the changes are still incremental, not shocking. And none of our immediate family or closest friends have endured large changes since we saw them last.

Starting (and finishing) faster

The biggest difference is that we've had to charge into other home assignment jobs at a faster rate. We finished work on Tuesday and left on Wednesday. In the last three days we've already had our eyes checked and started on other medical checks. We've got our first speaking engagement this Sunday and an open "day" on Saturday. We had done some work on the former before we finished work in Japan and have been finessing that presentation these last couple of days. Which is a good thing, because June contains at least 12 more official or casual engagements.

Possibly the biggest challenge of this home assignment is making sure we take time to rest, especially because we don't have much transition time at the other end either: within 24 hours of our last speaking engagement we'll be on a plane and within a couple of days we'll both be back at work in Japan. 

It's definitely not what I would advise a younger colleague to do. 

While I'm in Australia I'm still carrying some responsibilities from Japan. This morning I was emailing with our magazine team and this afternoon I have a 90-minute meeting with a new OMF team in Japan and David's keeping his eye on school and OMF emails also, hoping that nothing major arises. 

We're used to a fairly regular 8–5, Monday to Friday routine. Home assignment always challenges that, with weekends and evenings being the most common time we're officially "on the job".

Thankfully we have two weeks of holiday organised in the middle of all this craziness, much needed breaks!

Meanwhile, I'm enjoying slower mornings (not up at 6 am most mornings like we are in Japan), more time with my husband, and more flexible time to spend with friends and family. And time to absorb the Australian ambiance on a front verandah!

We're grateful for international travel, even though it's discombobulating

Massive leaves in Singapore

It's been two weeks since I last wrote here, but it feels like a lot longer because of all the things that I've done in that time. July will also be a strange month, but I don't think it will be as hectic...for starters, we have no plane tickets booked for the month!

But we're glad to be in Australia for a bit now (till early August). We've already enjoyed spending in-person time with our younger two sons, with some close friends, and with our home church. We're not here because of any particular crisis or event, but rather, because we've "showed up" because we can. David's got a long summer break, and I work from home so I can be mobile. So we've seized the opportunity to be in Australia this month.

Singapore: tall buildings

Since I last wrote, we've had adventures in multiple airports and three countries, so it's hard to know what to write about all that. We've enjoyed the people we met and opportunities we've had. It's been several years since I've had the chance to go to other countries (other than Australia) and meet with colleagues serving in other places, so that was a good opportunity.

In Singapore we had a couple of days rest before coming back to Australia. We tried to do a bit of tourist stuff, but had failed to plan ahead and purchase a SIM card that would give us local rates, so it was challenging trying to get around. But we did get to see a bit, and got our heads around their trains (if not their buses). David had a cold—which I also got, but not until after we got to Australia—so that clipped our wings a little.

View from our hotel room in Singapore

One of the many stunning flowers 
in Singapore's botanical gardens:
the Showy medinilla or Rose grape.

Butterfly orchid

In some ways we feel at home in both Japan and Australia and south-east Asia isn't as strange to us as it was in the mid-90s when we both encountered it for the first time. Additionally, this visit to Australia hasn't been preceded by months of packing up and saying goodbyes, but it's still come with it's own "transition" stress. 

Last week we were very tired, yet still trying to "do stuff" like medical and optical appointments, and seeing our kids. And making mistakes. The biggest one was me determining, last Wednesday, that we could get together with our two younger sons to watch a locally famous footy match at one of their houses. Except I got the date wrong! The match isn't happening until tomorrow night...but no one questioned my wisdom (I had most of the details right and apparently am usually pretty reliable on facts). It wasn't until just before the usual starting time of the match that someone messaged to say I'd gotten the date wrong! Nonetheless it was a "happy mistake" and we enjoyed hanging out together for several hours—a new thing as we figure out how to visit our adult sons.

Moon orchid!

A good measure of how settled I am is my ability to manage menu planning and grocery shopping. As we're staying with friends, I'm not in charge of very much, but have planned to make or contribute to several meals or events in the coming days and today went shopping for some of that. It was messy, not at all efficient. The grocery store was my local for the year we last lived here and wasn't too overwhelming, but getting my head around planning has been a bit more challenging than I'd like to admit. Especially when you consider that I'm supposed to be back at work (working remotely this month), making various responsible editing and writing decisions!

This week, in addition to catching up on work that I haven't been able to attend to in the last fortnight, we have various appointments and times to catch up with family and a few others. We're enjoying this opportunity to spend the month here and looking forward to what else it brings.

Our pizza party (fake State of Origin party)

Loving Australia's gum trees and soft
end-of-winter-day light.

Seasonal confusion

The shadow of me at the beach on Saturday

Over the years I’ve mentioned that I get confused about seasons…

Here’s an example: we’re in the middle of school starting in Australia. Everyone is posting “first/second/third/last-first day of school” photos. I didn’t think it would really be that big a deal for us, who have no one starting school (not even as a teacher), but there’s no avoiding it all around us. 

Of course I also see this on social media when I'm in Japan, but it makes less of an impact when we're there. Driving around at 3pm this week has been different to the preceding six weeks, with all the school speed zones activate again (the rule here is you have to drive 40 km/hr in designated and signed school zones between certain hours, the hours that kids are arriving and leaving school). Shops and TV ads are full of "back to school" stuff.

At our local supermarket...one
 of many signs of the season

But our youngest is starting uni next month and various preparations for that are taking place. So in some ways, we're in "starting the new education year" mode, but not as intensely as when we had kids at school.

All of that has overflowed into my thinking. The other day, I was idly pondering CAJ in Japan (where our kids went to school) and wondering about how the cross-country season was starting up—something that happens at the start of the school year there. Only trouble is that though cross-country season starts at the start of the school year, that is September! Yep, I’m confused. I'm sitting here in summer clothing, seeing many of my northern hemisphere friends in the depths of winter, and watching cricket (a summer sport). And it messes with my brain. 

But to confuse things even more we watched some live wrestling the other day too, a live stream from CAJ where they were holding the Kanto finals tournament. Something that definitely happens in winter, and in January!

This is all a bit like when there’s a public holiday and you’ve got no clear idea what day of the week it is and have to think carefully if you’re pressed for an answer. It's not quite as bad the mind fog between Christmas and New Year, but similar.

So, once again, I look and sound like I belong in Australia, but inside my head it isn't quite the same. The other day I mentioned to a long-term friend that, though we've here six months, I still feel only partly here and still partly there. She wasn't surprised; she thought that after 23 years of this life it was to be expected!

If you encounter me in the wild . . . be gentle :-D

Looking back at 2023

Ever since I stared writing here in 2009, I’ve been using this blog to reflect on the year just lived. For the last five years I’ve been using the same set of questions. These questions push me past the surface reflections, so they aren’t easy, but it’s a good exercise that I enjoy. They aren’t about what I’ve achieved in the year. I hope they might be a springboard for you to think about your own year too.

Christmas Day on the beach 2023

1. What makes this year unforgettable?

Some big changes this year for us mean this year will be a noteworthy year for the rest of our lives: 

• Our youngest son finished high school, that’s a huge milestone for our family after 20 years of children at school.
• We moved out of the house we’ve spent the most time in for our whole marriage, the house that our youngest son started kindergarten from.
• It wasn’t just a simple move, this move included downsizing and storing stuff for our year away from Japan.
• The move also marked the end of our younger two sons’ time in Japan. In July they moved to Australia with the intent of staying here, at least in the medium term, which is a huge change, considering one of them was born in Japan and the other moved there when he was less than three months old.

2. What did I enjoy doing this year?

We have just celebrated Christmas with both our birth families. It’s really different doing this with older kids, it was much calmer and more enjoyable than in times past.

It’s been enjoyable seeing our three sons, who are now all 18 and over, getting to know one another as adults. Being together in the same region for several months has been wonderful. Parenting is hard work and long work—it’s very satisfying seeing some reward for all the years of effort you’ve put into them as you watch them gain confidence and skills as they grow much more independent.

It’s been enjoyable spending more time with David these last few months. We’ve enjoyed lunches and occasionally other meals on our front deck in Ipswich (a beautiful view). Three weeks Perth without children was an interesting adventure that involved both work and play. It was fun to see glimpses of what’s not very far in our future, but that is really next week’s blog post.

I enjoyed watching my youngest son as he powered his way through the school’s wrestling season undefeated. After many years of injury interrupting his participation in this sport, I really didn’t expect him to do it at all, and then to achieve as well as he did was very satisfying. He went on from there to do really well in shot put and discus in the track and field season too. 

Going to two women’s retreats—one in March in Japan and one in October in Australia—with close friends was definitely enjoyable.

3. What/who is one thing/person I'm grateful for?

Of course I can’t limit it to just one person or thing. I’m grateful to a handful of precious friends who’ve walked alongside me this year. It’s not been an easy year and I’ve leaned on friends, not to mentioned David, heavily to stay afloat.

4. What did I read/watch/listen to that made the most impact this year?

I’ve read more than 100 books again this year, more in the second half of the year than the first. Undeceptions podcast continues to be a thought-provoking listen, though I haven’t listened to as much of that in the second half of the year with less alone time than I usually get in Japan.

Here are some of the books that made an impact

Trusting God by Jerry Bridges

Being Mortal by Atul Gawande

Sacred Siblings by Sue Eenigenberg and Suzy Grumelot

When God Doesn’t Answer Your Prayer by Jerry Sittser

5. What did I worry about most and how did it turn out?

There were many things that I worried about this year, including who to hand my work over to so we could leave Japan for a year and how we would find somewhere to live in Australia (the latter being a big concern because everywhere we turned people were telling us of horror stories about the rental crisis in Australia).

I split my jobs into multiple parts and handed them over in late May and early June. That part worked so well that I ended up with extra time to do preparation for work in Australia that I hadn’t planned for. Both of the publishing projects I managed (Japan Harvest magazine and OMF Japan’s social media) have continued onwards, so I guess I did okay in handing them over. But I know it wasn’t easy for those who have taken extra things on in my absence. It helped to remember that we had important work to do in Australia, even if I didn’t really want to make the effort to get there.

Our accommodation story is a lot easier to tell. We got a house really quickly, with the on-the-ground assistance of a lady from our home church who we’d never met in person. It’s been a really good find, with very little we can fault. Great landlords; beautiful, convenient location; and functionally just right. We also have all the furniture we need, including a large TV and fabulous fridge.

6. What is my biggest regret?

This is always a hard question. I think I regret all the time I spent worrying about the future. It’s a bad habit that is hard to break, and even now I’m struggling not to worry about the first half of 2024.

7. What's something that has changed about me?

I’m no longer the parent of a school-aged kid. I’m also no longer in my 40s. I’m also on the verge of having all my kids move out of home.

I feel more and more that I am a writer and editor and more often when pressed will describe myself as such these days.

8. What surprised me most this year?

Probably my answer to #5 covers a good portion of this. 

But in addition, I’ve been surprised this last week. I’ve been surprised by how “adult” all my boys have been. In the middle of last year we did a similar “tour” without the Christmas celebrations and extra family time thrown in, and it was much harder. They’ve all grown in maturity, which is a great joy to see in what amounts to a stressful situation (travel, sharing rooms, lots of people, many unspoken expectations, lack of routine etc.). Over the years of raising our kids, visiting family in Australia has always been stressful for a few reasons: they’ve rarely seen their Australian relatives, it always involves significant travel, they aren’t in their own environment and Australia was never really “home”, and they were energetic boys (the first grandsons on both sides). Maturity has helped a lot and that meant that this time around I didn’t have to spend much time at all being their advocates or working to keep the peace.

The other big surprise was quickly finding a government-funded program that accepted our neurodiverse son which has helped him do employment readiness and help him find a job (the end of that story is yet to be written, but we’re hopeful).

9. What Bible truths impacted me this year?

In the latter half of the year, reading Trusting God has been significant. I dipped my toe in with some ladies from church in a Bible study (when I could get there), then read it from front to back on my own. The book takes you back to basics about God’s sovereignty and love, and confronts you about how you live in light of these truths.

10. What meta-themes have I thought about this year? (in no particular order)

• Transition
• Aging
• Women and their roles (especially within Christian circles) and non-romantic relationships between Christians (see Sacred Siblings book).
• Whether God’s leading us to stay in Japan after 2023 (we think he is).
• Life with grown kids who don’t live at home anymore.
• Disability support in Australia.
• Downsizing.
• How Japan Harvest is produced and how that can be done with me less involved.

Highlights

• Our youngest finishing high school, especially his athletic achievements, but also seeing his persistence in working hard academically and the great friendships he had the privilege to be part of.
• All-Japan OMF conference in June was both exhausting and wonderful.
• Writing a series of six articles about the process of preparing for and going on home assignment for the US branch of our organisation, and also recording a discussion with a colleague about the same topic. All of this was published mid-year online.
• Being able to watch a lot of cricket, especially watching Australia unexpectedly win the semi-final and final of the one day international cricket World Cup (which involved staying up way past my usual bedtime twice in one week). Making it to two cricket matches in-person.
• Going to a symphony orchestra performance in person for my birthday.
• Visiting Rottnest Island in WA.
• Speaking at a women’s conference and “losing it” onstage as I tried to speak briefly about the long-term griefs that cross-cultural workers encounter. I put this as a highlight because, while it was very hard to do, it was true to myself and my desire to show others how ordinary missionaries are. But the other reason it’s a highlight is that the response was overwhelming, in a positive way. I had many conversations afterwards with women who understood (and were glad to hear someone tell this unspoken story), had their eyes opened, or who wanted to learn more.
• I think my blog post that got the most attention this year was “Neurodivergence and missionary families”. Maybe this doesn’t belong as a “highlight”?
• Camping in late March was lovely, unfortunately we’ve not be able to manage any other camping trips in 2023.

Lowlights

• Moving—I really don’t like moving, never have. And the anticipation of moving is almost as bad as the move itself.
• Watching our sons pack up their lives in the place they’ve grown up and say goodbye to friends and Japan.
• Walking alongside our son as he negotiated medical and other difficulties, and then trying to figure out how to help him start to forge a life in Australia.
• Exhaustion. We’ve been able to really slow down in the last couple of months of the year and have realised how much toll the past few years have taken on us (obviously culminating in a huge, stressful transition). It’s been hard to have less structure and purpose in our days, but also to realise that our energy levels weren’t what we were used to either.

Other thoughts

This category is for other things that don’t really fit anywhere else…

This year I was invited to join a couple of groups of women who are all mums of kids with various types of disability. Most of them live in Japan (or have spent significant time there) and many of them are expats. One group is mostly Christians and the other is not. I’ve only met them a handful of times, but the depth of connection is quite remarkable. I wrote a bit about this under the subheading “Being heard” in this blog post in February.

Ultimately, I’m glad 2023 is over. It contained big highlights, but also big milestones and a lot of hard work and exhaustion. It’s encouraging to look back and see how God has sustained us and provided for us through it all.

In the second blog post I wrote this year I quoted Psalm 103, and I think it’s a good place to finish. Here is some of what I wrote in January:

“There are lots of nuggets in [Psalm 103] to ponder. Just now I'm leaning into these phrases: "Your youth is renewed like the eagle’s" (v. 5 NIV) and "As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust. The life of mortals is like grass, they flourish like a flower of the field; the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more" (vv. 13–16).

It's different to any home assignment we've done before

This is a different home assignment to any we've done before this. Mainly because we've got older kids who aren't in school anymore. We don't have school pickup or drop-off to take into consideration, we don't have to get them to after-school events or sport. They are pretty independent due to the location of our house and we are free to plan our schedule without them. 

When I'm able, I've been trying to come here to
write on Tuesday mornings. This library is a very 
short ride/walk from home. I love that this time
we're very close to a regional city centre,
 it makes it feel more like Japan than when 
we've had to drive everywhere.

September was a prime example: going to Perth for 18 days, and then six days after returning we went to a camp for four days. The camp would have worked when our kids were younger, because it was during the school holidays, but probably not when they were teens. None of our guys are very extroverted and as teens wouldn't have appreciated four days away from home with 100 unknown peers and leaders.

This Thursday we're leaving at around 7.30 a.m. to get to Toowoomba (my home town, about 1 ½ hrs west of here) for a 9.30 prayer meeting . . . and then we're staying the night, in fact three nights. In the past we would have taken the boys to school and then dashed up to Toowoomba and planned to be back by 3 the same day to pick them up from school.

This is a tiny glimpse of what last time looked like: It's a strange job

It's definitely easier in many ways this time. We only have to move the two of us around. And it's allowed a lot more freedom to what we choose to say yes to, in terms of opportunities to speak and serve. We did a lot more work in the evenings last month than we've done before.

The downside is that while school and our kids restricted our movements, they also provided some structure to our decisions too. In the past we've often taken school holiday times to do family-related things (for non-Aussies, we have four ten-week terms here, with three two-week vacation periods between terms, plus around six weeks at Christmas). 

Many people assume we spend our home assignment close to family, however that isn't the case. We both grew up in country towns and moved to Brisbane to study at university. The greater Brisbane area is where we have most of our support base as that's where we were located when we began this mission journey. So none of our immediate family is closer than Toowoomba, and all of David's family is a day's drive (eight hours) away. It's been harder this time to decide when to take a chunk of time to visit them. 

Part of the reason we haven't gone to see our families yet has been work-driven (the Perth trip was timed to get to a once-a-year church camp from a long-time supporting church). And partly it's because we've prioritised our sons. A number of the things we've done with them in the last 11 weeks (yes, it's 11 weeks today since we arrived in Australia) have been time sensitive. For example, getting a learners licence as early as possible was important because getting a licence here is fairly dependent on the volunteer labour of parents, as 100 hours of driving experience needs to be documented before a test can be taken!

But in October we're hoping to see most, if not all of our siblings and parents (although I won't get to see David's family until Christmas time, he's driving up there with our youngest son when I'm busy at a women's convention).

Of course each home assignment is different, especially when you have children. But when you only do this every five years, things change. Other things, aside from our children, that have changed this time around (big and small):

• some churches no longer exist or no longer want us to visit them and some of our supporters and friends are no longer with us on this earth
• we're in a different suburb (yet again . . . we're yet to stay in the same suburb twice!)
• we're now in our 50s, I think that makes a difference to energy levels
• deputising when you've been serving overseas for over 20 years seems different, and people are commenting on that length
• we've also got a lot more experience and confidence than we did when we started off in 1999, before we'd even set foot in Japan
• Australia has changed, in small ways and big ways. 
• There's been a pandemic, for example. Hint: if you want to stop people asking questions about you, change the subject to the pandemic and they'll talk for a long time about their experience!
• I'm pretty sure that there's been a change in what stores sell: some places that used to be more generalist (e.g. Big W, Target, KMart), are now more specialised? I've been more lost here than I am in Japan in finding some non-food things!
• Australia continues to get more and more expensive, it's vastly different to when we first left in 2000 (Japan and Australia have flipped in comparison to one another in 20 years)
• we get to take long service leave this time!!! (for non-Aussies and Kiwis this is paid leave that you get in our countries after a certain period of working for the same organisation and you'll hear more about it from me next year as we prepare to take off in late March)
• my parents no longer live in the house I knew from the age of 15, so visiting them feels just a little bit different
• I've got two friends in south-east Queensland who I've been communicating with almost daily for the last five years, that means I'm feeling less lonely and disconnected here than in the past

But it's time to go and pack my bag for yet another trip away. Thankfully this month we only will clock around five or six nights away, compared to September's 21!

End of our Perth trip: it was good and hard

Birthday cheesecake.
A very rare occasion
when I didn’t make it myself! 

It’s only been ten days since I last wrote, but a lot has happened in that time. In terms of what we’ve done, we:

• Spoke in front of small and large groups (six times, once in Japanese).
• Had meals or “coffee” with people while answering questions about our life and ministry (eight times at least, I think).
• Spent about 40 hours at a church camp, interacting almost all the time we weren’t asleep.
• Travelled back to Brisbane (about four and a half hrs on a plane).
• Celebrated our middle son’s birthday with a family party on our 26th wedding anniversary.
• Spent a number of hours planning for future events.

Many evenings we’ve had things on: a dinner or party, an event to speak at, or we’ve been travelling. That’s been hard, because we’re used to relaxing after dinner. Talking intently to people until 9.30 at night doesn’t help with sleep!

We are, however, getting into the groove and I’m feeling more relaxed in front of a group than a month ago. But still, we long for a much more settled life. Alas home assignment is never settled. There is no routine, no “normal week”. We’re working towards the goal of going back to Japan in July next year, so there’s no incentive to get really settled here either.

And then there’s all the conversations that make me feel unsettled and uneasy. All the questions about our lives. Many of them are great questions, but explaining our lives over and over again isn’t easy. And it is exhausting trying to discern what someone wants to know, or what they already know about us. The hardest questions (aside from  the “So how’s Japan?” ones) are about things that I feel insecure or somewhat regretful about. They touch on what I, like these people, have imagined in the past a “perfect” missionary looks like: wonderful language skills (our kids included in that), amazing evangelism stories, and a clear, succinct answer on why Japan hasn’t been receptive to the gospel. 

Questions about how our kids are doing are constant and not easy. Some are from people who have read between the lines on our prayer letters and know that we’ve struggled. Others are from people who don’t know us at all. How do I summarise and satisfy people’s desire to know about us, without sharing too much that our boys don’t want shared?

It’s been exhausting, but, despite all my discomfort, ultimately very good. We especially like interacting with small groups. I think two of my favourite events in the last week were groups of 20 and 50. Both had atmospheres of informality and the kind of intimacy that invited honesty and excellent questions. After events like that, speaking for six minutes in front of a church felt quite flat and shallow.

We flew back on Monday, arriving home after 10pm. So grateful we didn’t have to take a red-eye like we’ve done every other time from Perth to Brisbane, but still tired. We’ve had a slower week, but still had appointments to get to, and next week to prepare for. 

Next week is another big one: from Sunday for four days we’re at a regional church high schoolers camp. These are usually great times to interact, especially with the leaders. But I’m going to be careful about managing my energy and taking downtime. At least we don’t have our own children to take care of at the same time, like we did last time we did a school-aged camp (?about nine years ago).

On the home front: our time in Perth was a big event. It was the first time we’d done an overnight ministry trip away without our guys, and we did it for 18 days! It was good for us all to experience that. Our two younger sons lived at home during that time and by all observations did well. They felt the pinch of not having a car at their disposal, but they got by. They’re gradually learning about life in Australia, which is good, as this is where they’ll be for a while to come. It was good for us as a couple to experience an extended time away from our kids too. We had fun doing some different things as we stand on the cusp of living life again as a couple after nearly 25 years of having kids in our home.

Our trip to Rottnest Is. was a highlight I mentioned
in my last blogpost.

We usually set up some kind of “table” display
wherever we go. We managed to squeeze some things
into our luggage for Perth. Packing for Perth is another
story: it was done at the end of an exceptionally
busy day and I didn’t do a great job personally. I 
wish I’d taken a larger bag and more clothes.

A sand bar at Point Walter on the Swan River.

Catching public transport, especially buses, in
an unfamiliar city was a new challenge.

This was the auditorium at the church camp. Very reminiscent of the place where we first started applying to be long-term missionaries in Queensland.

Different ways of working

For the last three weeks, I’ve had Tuesday morning free to go to our local library and write. This last week was different. We spoke at a growth group from a supporting church (the same church we spent Sunday at, teaching in the Sunday school, being interviewed up front by the pastor, and talking to people before and after the service). It’s a more immersive approach to reporting back to a church that we’re thoroughly enjoying. And it’s made possible by having no school-pickups or needing childcare.

That same evening we went to another growth group from the same church, the first time we’ve worked in the evening like this for a long time. We’re far more used to working during the day and relaxing at night, and neither of us are night owls. It took a long time for me to chill out enough to sleep Tuesday night, and a while to get moving on Wednesday. 

In fact on Wednesday, an admin and preparation day, it was really hard to concentrate and check things off the list of things we had to do. Neither of us are used to working in pairs for planning and executing plans. Both of us usually work on our own for the “thinking” parts of our jobs. It’s not that we mind working together, and in fact we complement each other quite well, but it’s another adjustment, quite a large one.

We had another big day on Thursday: several hours of talking with people at a theological college in the morning, time spent with a couple of different professionals in the afternoon dealing with family matters, plus over three hours of city driving. It was tiring. And then when we got home we had

We got the crowd at the theology college
discussing tricky questions.

to finish packing for our 18-day ministry trip to Perth (west coast).

On Friday we dragged ourselves out of bed with the sun and made it to the airport with time to spare, but not really on top of our game. The flight was good—on time and fairly smooth—but we happened to have seats amidst a group of very verbose older folk. Two of the ladies rarely stopped talking during the six-hour flight. It was wearing.

Now we’ve got mild jet lag, Ironic, really, that we can get that here, with a domestic flight, but not really when flying to Japan (one hour difference between Qld and Japan, two hours difference between Qld and Western Australia). I was awake before 5 am this morning, despite my fatigue. But, it’s mild and will resolve quickly. I can’t fathom what many of my international friends cope with, flying across multiple time zones!

The plan for our time in Perth is to visit supporting churches, individual supporters, and also to connect with the OMF network over here. It’s looking different to what we expected it might, but in a few ways that’s really good—when our expectations are foiled, we have to depend on God more, and seek what his plans are.

This is our first multiple-day ministry trip away from home without children. And the first time we’ve ever been away from our guys for more than five days. It’s different for us all, and will require some time to adjust to.

In addition to meetings, we’re planning some relaxing time. This is a beautiful part of the world that not so many people are privileged to see (many Australians never get over to the west coast), it’s always a special treat to be able to come here. One day we’ll plan it that we can get out of this small built-up part of the state and see some other parts of this massive state (the second largest in the world, Texas is only 26th on that list).

We’re missing our usual jobs and ways of working. Gracious, I’m even missing my newly formed Tuesday morning writing habit! But for now we need to be patient with ourselves and each other as we learn new rhythms of life and work for this season.

Transplant shock

A close friend has watched me struggle this week. Struggle with work not going as expected, with criticism, with ups and downs; struggle with expectations of our kids, of ourselves, and “the system”, with impatience and frustration, and with a poor sense of time passing. She’s watched and prayed as my emotions soured and bottomed out. And she’s pondered the analogy of “transplant shock”.

Transplant shock is something that can happen when a plant is transplanted from one pot to another, or from one “in ground” location to another. My limited research tells me it can last a couple of weeks, or, in the case of larger plants like trees, a couple of years. It’s got to do with how well the roots are able to absorb water and nutrients from the soil. There are various things you can do to prevent it, or to help a plant recover from it, but patience is also needed.

We finally put up some pictures on the wall
this week, I was longing to see this old
favourite: my preserved wedding bouquet!
But I commented to a couple of friends
that my bedroom looked more settled than

I felt!

Now I don’t want to take the analogy too far. But it’s helpful to think about, especially as we get impatient with ourselves and those around us. We’ve had a very large transition and it’s going to take time, probably more time than we (and others) realise, to recover. Of course we want to feel settled as fast as possible, especially because this isn’t a once only transition, we anticipate we’ll be here only a year and then another transition will happen. Somehow we humans are programmed to try to avoid pain. But being impatient and frustrated with it all will probably only make things worse.

How do I know if a plant is suffering from transplant shock? Withered or drooping leaves, fruit or leaves abruptly dropping, dying branches, easily bruised.

How do I know that I am still suffering from transplant shock? Quickly wearied, easily knocked “off balance”. A poor sense of time passing (it seems like a long time since last Friday, for example). Memory issues, poor concentration. I’m sometimes homesick for familiar routines and a familiar environment, sometimes dominating a conversation with memories from Japan. Emotional, tears are falling more easily at the moment.

That’s enough of a list, I think.

The cure? Lots of common sense stuff: eat well, exercise, rest, and sleep. Being patient. And keeping a good longer-term perspective. As a Christian, keeping my eyes on Jesus, on my rock. Plus, being thankful for all that we’ve achieved with God’s help so far in this transition (which actually is quite a lot). And perhaps taking the ups and downs a little less seriously?

Do you have any other suggestions?

An aha moment

Every time we’ve come on home assignment (this is our fifth) I’ve made a photo album about our recent term of service to share with people. It’s been a very helpful tool when we meet informally with small groups, or over meals, or even when chatting with someone after a church service that we've spoken at. So now we have a collection of five photo albums summarising our last 22 1/2 years!

This year I wondered if I was going to get a photo album done before I left Japan (or at all). Back in February (see this blog post) there seemed like so much to do. Photo album was on the list, but it was way down below other priorities like "moving", "handing over our work to others", and "finding somewhere to live in Australia". But I found some time to do it in the last week before we headed to conference, after I'd handed most of my work on to others and before we started packing up our house.

The other day I pulled out the earliest photo album to show some ladies who know our eldest son . . . the first photo album shows his early days in Japan and they loved seeing that. The aha moment came later when I thought about how detailed the first couple of albums were, compared to the ones I’ve made the last couple of times. How did I have the time?

I realised that those first two albums were made when my role in Japan was mostly full-time stay at home mum. A role that was busy, but didn't completely satisfy my creative tendencies and also had many little moments that I could use for an extra project. The photo albums are evidence of that. They are also evidence that, as my kids have grown and become more independent and busy outside the home, I've also taken on more work that's focussed outside the home.

That realisation led to me further realising that I should never been afraid that I'm being too lazy. That, over the years, I've naturally filled my time with productive and creative things. And I appear to keep filling up my time until I reach my limit. Another place to see that is this blog. From 2009 when I started it, until late 2017 I wrote here most days. What happened in 2017? I took on new roles: OMF Japan's social media and website content.

That fear of laziness? I'm a conscientious soul, always have been, and I don't like the thought that I'm wasting my precious time on this earth. Because I work flexible hours at home on several different jobs it can be difficult to tell if I'm working at my capacity. Over the years I think it's become a little easier to read the signs that I'm overdoing it, however sometimes I still don't recognise that until I've stepped over the "too busy" line.

I knew that I'd be tired yesterday, because we had a run of high-octane days last week: several intense, but good times with friends and colleagues, the start of deputation meetings, and sorting through years of accumulated resources related to speaking about Japan here (unpacked it easily took over our dining room and office). Amidst all that, various other things continued to need our attention, including medical and bureaucratic matters. 

Thankfully yesterday we could just call a halt to the craziness and we focussed hard on "not doing", not opening the computer and not talking about work stuff. I'm feeling better today, but know that I need to be cautious. We're still recovering from this major transition and don't quite have the stamina we're used to when we're settled in Japan.

It's amazing to me that at 50 I'm still learning more about myself. This realisation about my internal drive to fill my days makes it easier to push though this very fuzzy year known as home assignment. We don't have anyone closely looking over our shoulder to tell us to work harder or to take it easier. No one assigns us a schedule or tells us what meetings we have to attend. We don't have to report to anyone the number of hours that we work and we don't have as many deadlines as I usually juggle. All in all, there's not much accountability for our day-to-day activities and it's easy to wonder if we're doing an okay job, or if we're wasting time.

But then there's the debrief we had earlier in the month with a psychologist. She recommended we take things a bit easier this year, even aim for boredom! (I usually avoid boredom pretty studiously.) 

We've carried a fair weight these last few years as parents of someone who isn't neurotypical (see this blog post from last year when I poured out something of what that has meant). I hesitate to call myself a "carer", as many others carry much heavier, full-time caring responsibilities, but it is similar. It's something that is hard to escape, but also something that is woven into the fabric of our lives in a way that has changed us and how we live. The psychologist challenged us, as we work towards the goal of all our boys living separately from us, to explore things and ways of living that we've just had to avoid in the past, in order to survive. It’s going to be an interesting adventure. 

But my big challenge now is trusting, moment-by-moment that we will eventually get there, that we will make it through this transition time. 

 I need to do what David did when he wrote Psalm 62, tell myself: “Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him. Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I shall not be shaken. My salvation and my honour depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge (vv 5–8 NIV)”.

A typical week, not a chance!

No, no one has asked me yet what a typical week is on home assignment. I can't say we've had a typical week yet, and we probably won't ever get there these twelve months. We've now been in Australia for a month and our weeks have included:

• collecting furniture
• shopping
• setting up home internet
• sorting out stuff we've had stored for 4 ½ years
• figuring out how to make a functional home and office from the stuff we own and the stuff we've been given
• buying a car
• sorting out red tape—including stuff related to driver's licences, applying for Blue cards (child safety clearance), changing addresses, insurance
• debriefs of various sorts for our organisation
• medical stuff—bi-annual checks for our organisation, hunting down referrals to specialists, skin checks, blood tests etc. (this has actually taken up a lot more time that you might imagine)
• starting to get involved in mid-week events at our home church
• university open day
• social time—with our eldest son, with good friends
• driving lessons
• preparation for speaking events coming up
• a prayer meeting
• meeting with other members of our organisation to catch up
• walking and orientating ourselves to the local community

  

  The hardest thing to set up was our dining 
  room/home office. Without an extra bedroom
  we've had to juggle our living area to accom-
  modate a working area too. It turns out that 
  this large table doubles quite nicely for work 
  (except for me, thankfully I am able to
  work at the shorter desk you can see in the 
  corner).

  
  

Phew! In between all that I've been trying to do my best to relax by having a coffee break on our deck with a book in the afternoon, when I'm home. Other things that have helped me feel more grounded have been household management things—meal planning, grocery shopping on a regular day, regular basic cleaning, and baking. 

"There’s a big difference between living and visiting." That phrase that popped into my mind recently. A lot of what we've been doing is related to living here. We're not on a brief visit or trip. We need to, as best we can, establish our lives here for the next 12 months. That's been hard work, and it doesn't feel like it's over yet, though perhaps the pace is slowing as we gradually tick off once-off things.

Two weeks tomorrow we're flying to the west coast for 18 days to visit churches and others over there for work. That deadline looms large. We'd like our sons to be as settled as they can be at this time so they can manage independently for the longest time we've ever been away from them. We also want to be as prepared as we can for the speaking work we'll be doing over there . . . alas we're still waiting on replies from several people, so it's more last minute than we're really happy with. 

Ah, God's got us on our toes. But I'm reminded that he's the God who goes before us (Deut. 31:8) and that his mercies are new every morning (Lam. 3:22–24, KJV, more modern versions say "compassion"). And these are the truths I need to be repeating to myself when I dream/drowse in the early hours of the morning and my thoughts get filled with anxious thoughts.

Culture shock: it can bite you in your passport country too

Maybe you're wondering if I've had a hard time re-entering into Australia, in terms of culture shock. On Saturday we attended a half-day gathering held by our organisation for people in our state interested in mission. It was very full-on. But it was part-reunion—many of the people there have known us since we went to Indonesia as young adults in 1993). There were also fellow cross-cultural workers that we'd heard of, but never met. There was one missionary couple whose lives have paralleled ours in many ways: we left for Asia in the same year, but our lives have rarely cross as we've worked in different countries and come back to Australia at different times.

Someone on Saturday asked if I'd had re-entry shock. But it wasn't easy to come up with many instances of significant shock. Perhaps because I'd been back last year for a couple of months?

I have to say it's been pleasant to be free from the social pressure surrounding masks in Japan, though that had diminished significantly in the last couple of months. 

It has been a little bit of surprise to see signs everywhere in shops and other public service areas telling Australians that there is “zero tolerance of bad behaviour”. In general Australians seem to be conforming to the signs. From what I've heard, though, teachers would be hoping similar signs could be posted in their classrooms! It's really a pity that any signs are needed at all, anywhere! But it did get me thinking about how I'm used to the Japanese value of being considerate of others. It's one of those things that makes foreigners think Japan is such an amazing place (think about the press they've gotten for tidying up stands after big games).

Our street is really quiet, far quieter than you would believe possible, considering there are some really busy roads very close by. However, sometimes we’ve had loud music (during the day so far only). There was a guy building a wall across the street for several days, and he usually played loud music. Then one day last week a neighbour played very loud music mid-morning for an hour or two, loud enough for me to want to keep the doors shut. I can’t work well with non-instrumental music in the background and this music was intrusive. 

These major road works are happening only about 
300m from our house. We don’t hear them. 

Culture shock: this type of thing rarely happens in Japan. People are generally very cautious about doing anything that will cause discomfort to others. Japanese tradies, or others working on people’s houses never seem to play loud music while they work.

The only loud music we encountered at home during the last decade or so was from the kindergarten just down the road. They played it outside occasionally for the kids to perform to, or during sports events. The nearby elementary school did similarly, but less often. Occasionally we’d hear pianos, but never loud recorded music.

It’s this sort of thing (first considering how your actions will affect others, and being very concerned about what others think of you) that marks Japan as much more group orientated than Australia.

Yesterday we went to one of Brisbane's largest shopping centres to meet with our organisation's national director and another worker from Japan who is also on home assignment. As we walked from the car park to the place we were meeting, we travelled on escalators and I briefly wondered if I should adhere to the "stand on left, walk on right" rule that is standard on Tokyo escalators. The difference between the two countries is that if I break an understood rule here in Australia, I'm more likely to be yelled at. That kind of direct confrontation is much less common in Japan, though I have been told off in a train before: for talking too loudly. Last year in Tokyo I was told off in my local grocery store for coughing (into my mask), and no, I wasn't out while sick, I had asthma post-cold.

When you consider that we left Australia in 2000 our late 20s and have only been here for a total of less than four years in the last 22 ½ years, you'd expect that we'd experience some shock. But I guess we've been back every now and then during that period, so have somewhat recalibrated each time. Thankfully I've been spared any dramatic instances of re-entry culture shock so far this year. The difficult thing about it, though, is that it can sneak up on you in the most unexpected moments and really throw you. When that happens you can suddenly feel very disorientated and shaky, especially if it happens in a situation where an immediate response is required by someone who doesn't know anything about you.

We've had an awful lot of "life" going on

We went back to our home church last weekend for the second Sunday in a row. It was a relief to feel a lot less fragile this time.

Almost the sum total of books we own in
Australia. Not many at all! And many of them
are photo albums or school yearbooks. But
it's good to have them up on a shelf and
out of boxes!

In one conversation I had with an older lady, she comment frankly: “What you’re dealing with is just life.”

My gentle retort was, “Our problem is that we’ve had an awful lot of 'life' all at once." 

For example, most people help their older teens adjust to adult life over months or years. In the short 20 days we've been here we’ve been doing things like teaching them about banking, getting a learners licence, getting a MyGov online account (for various official purposes like tax, medical insurance), etc.

On top of that we're introducing them to life in Australia, as almost-newbies. How to access a doctor in Australia, how medical insurance works, what's the best place to buy a certain product, how to get a haircut, public transport, etc.

It also happens to be university-open-
day season at the moment, so on Sunday
we hoisted ourselves off to the University
of Queensland (UQ), David's and my
alma mater.

We've also moved houses into a suburb we've never lived in before, so we don't know the answers to all the questions that are related to locality. And it's not all about our sons—David and I have started new jobs and we've also just bought a car in Australia for the first time in over 25 years.

It's no wonder that I'm routinely feeling like we're much further into August than we actually are (it's not helping that we haven't gotten around to putting up more than one calendar yet, nor that the season doesn't feel at all like winter, except in the middle of the night and early morning).

We're trying to get on top of daily life things so that we can pay attention to what we're going to say in our upcoming speaking appointments. This Saturday we're running a 50 minute elective at the state conference for our organisation. The blurb we gave them was:

Title: Working together to share the good news about Christ in Japan

Blurb: Why do a school teacher and editor/writer work with OMF in Japan? Mission work involves more than just church planting and evangelism. Our work in Japan contributes to supporting the wider community of missionaries. Join us to consider how missionaries work as a team to spread the good news in a nation where less than 1% of the population are Christians.

I've actually written on this topic in the past (see this) and I'm married to a teacher, so things like this don't faze him much. We have a general idea of where we're headed, but just need to nail down some details.

This morning, though, I'm taking a break from everyone and have walked to our local library. That's right: we're walking distance from an English library!!! If I hadn't been an ardent e-book borrower over the last four years from this exact library, I'd be even more excited, But I am keen to see if there are some hard copies of books that I haven't been able to find electronic versions of.

But the main reason I've come to the library is to write. And to hopefully start something of a Tuesday morning tradition for this home assignment. Hence this blog post has been written, but I'm planning to write other things too, I'm just not sure what they all are yet!

Settling always takes longer than you think

We've already been in Australia for over two weeks and it's been really hard to find time to write! The most writing I did this week was our prayer letter, but finishing off a blog post was next on the agenda.

I wrote these few paragraphs 48 hours after we landed in Australia: 

I hesitate to write in the heat of the moment. Often a bit of time between an emotional experience and writing about it is helpful. But I also know that this new-to-Australia feeling will soon slip away and I’ll miss an opportunity to capture how fragile I feel when I’m newly back in the country. 

Yes, it’s less than a year since I left, but it feels much longer. I guess in part because the cumulative time we’ve been away is getting pretty big. Certainly the majority of my adult life has been now spent in Japan. 

Stepping back into Australia is not like coming home after a short holiday. It’s both familiar and unfamiliar. It’s scary and intriguing. I feel a little like an alien trying to read the cues so I don’t mess up. I look and sound like I belong (mostly), but that’s not what it feels like on the inside. One of our early stops is always a branch of our bank. We need to double check our memory of our PIN numbers is correct, and change our contact details. 

Believe it or not, it’s all a bit scary till you get back into the groove. (I’ll come back to this later in the post.)

We’re in Cairns for a few days rest before we plunge into life in south east Queensland. I have to give a plug for the staff at Bank of Queensland in town here. They were friendly and helpful, and not at all shocked by having these vagabond Aussies who’ve been living overseas and moving to Ipswich dropping in on them in Cairns.

Wednesday August 2

We're now almost completely moved into our house now, eight days after we first walked into the house. That's a great relief, as we've been living out of suitcases since mid June. (I think this was the day that we unpacked books onto a bookshelf…we don’t own many books here, but just having them out of boxes is a big step towards feeling like we’ve settled for the time being.)

Saturday Aug 5

Back to today. I’m sitting on our front deck (yes we have one!) It’s mid-winter and I’m in a t-shirt with a light flannie (flannelette or flannel shirt for the non-Aussies). Amazing weather, but pretty usual for this place. The forecast maximum today is 23 (about average for this week), it’s not quite that warm yet, but the sky is blue with a few fluffy white clouds and I can see a lot of trees from where I sit.

This suburb (Springfield Lakes) is fairly closely packed with houses. It’s a relatively new suburb and the blocks are much smaller than the average Australian block, but it feels comfortable to us. It’s not as crowded as Japan. There are footpaths and grassy verges everywhere. It’s a convenient location: very close to shops, the train station, cinemas, post office, bank, even a free public pool. But it’s also very suburban and relatively quiet. Add to all that is a lot of parkland and footpaths through bushland and beside bodies of water.

We’re really happy with this location and with this house and so thankful that God provided us so quickly with a place to make our base for these 12 months. When we moved in last week, it was our sixth beds in July and we were very happy to stop.

Although we haven’t really stopped. We’ve stopped moving and stopped living out of suitcases and in a one-day-at-a-time mentality, but the act of settling into Australia has moved to a different level. Now we’re working on things like getting medical appointments, filling out forms for various reasons, proving our identity and our suitability for working with kids. And also working on young-adult-children type stuff like researching part-time jobs, uni Open days, getting Medicare cards for sons, etc. And gyms. Our youngest son is very keen to join a gym, and we’re doing what we can to help both of them feel settled, so this is a key piece. Up till now he’s had free access to a school gym, so paying to go to a not-so-cheap Australian gym is harder to swallow.

We also don’t have our own car yet. Thankfully our eldest son has lent us his car, but we’re actively searching for our own wheels. Car shopping is new, we haven’t done this in Australia for more than a quarter of a century. David is out this morning looking at used car lots, and yes, I decided to leave him to it and stay home!

This week also held OMF medicals, psychological debrief, driving an hour to meet my parents for lunch (they live 120 km or 1½ hrs away), and grocery shopping (which deserves another complete post). As well as dipping our toes back into ordinary church life: young adult Bible study for our son and ladies Bible study for me.

And that’s not even including the subplot of David’s work laptop simply stopping working just days before we left Japan and the saga of him trying to figure out what to do about that! Finally yesterday both his new laptop and the backup data arrived, so thankfully that distraction is nearly over.

But back to the idea that life back in Australia is a little scary at times. Not that we’re afraid, it’s just that most things take extra effort because none of it is familiar. It doesn’t take much to tip us into confusion. We’re also struggling to keep longer lists in our heads, resulting in frequent disorganized behaviour and amusement from those who are closest to us.

On Monday I went grocery shopping before I’d had my mid-morning coffee (the first coffee of the day). A bad idea at the best of times, but when I was planning to do my first big grocery shop for the household, it nearly undid me. I stood so long in one part of the huge cereal aisle that an employee asked if she could help me (and normally the employees there don’t speak to customer unless spoken to). Thankfully I managed to get enough food to last us through to yesterday, when I did a top-up shop (with coffee on board). 

It feels good to be getting back into my groove in the kitchen. This afternoon I’m planning to do my first baking in my new kitchen. I’m looking forward to that. It’s another sign that I’m starting to feel settled here.

This has turned into a long rambling post. But it’s probably fairly indicative of the sort of conversation you might have with me if you managed to pin me down anywhere for any length of time just now!

I have lots of other things I’d like to write about, but I’ll keep them for now. The debrief on Thursday with the psychologist challenged me to think about dreams I might be able to follow, or pastimes to pursue during this year when our time is more flexible. I think that writing is one. Usually my time is quite bound by editing deadlines, but I’m much more free from those these next 12 months. We’ll see what eventuates. But for the short-term, at least, I hope to be blogging more often.