Questions corner

Here’s one I prepared earlier. Our youngest son is moving out tomorrow and it’s been busy!

I've mentioned before that I write 11 prayer letters a year. I've been writing them since October 1998, so it's gotten to be a habit. The way that I manage to churn out so many is by using a template, and by making it in a newspaper-type format. Here's an example from five years ago. There are "regular" sections that I just fill in each time, like a calendar; a prayer list; a "on the home front" with personal news; and CAJ corner, which David writes about the school and his work. 

But when we're in Australia we change up the "CAJ corner" to something else. This time it's become "Question corner" where we answer good questions people ask us (or questions we wish people would ask us!). Here are some we've featured:

So, how’s Japan?

This is an impossible question to answer when it comes at the start of a conversation. It usually comes from someone who wants to engage with us, but isn’t sure where to start. In case you want to ask us a question when you see us, here are some suggestions of questions you could ask us in casual conversation:

Japanese BBQ we use while camping

• What do you miss about Japan?
• What’s something funny that happened to you in Japan?
• Tell me something you love about Japan.
• How is the Japanese church doing post-COVID?
• What’s a small thing that brings you joy in Japan?
• What’s the climate like in Tokyo?
• Tell me about a regular day for you in your work in Japan.
• Are Japanese people worried about the political situation in the region?
• What do you do to relax in Japan?
• We’ve heard you love to camp there, tell us about camping in Japan.

Is Japan’s population shrinking?

According to worldpopulationreview.com, “Japan’s population is projected to lose 20.7 million people between 2020 and 2050. The population is expected to shrink from 126.5 million to 105.8 million, a 16.3% decline. Japan’s population has been falling since 2011 due to very low fertility rates (1.42 births per woman) and an aging population.”

Fertility rates in wealthy countries around the world are dropping. Japan’s is the fourth lowest in the world. Pair that with proportionately the oldest population in the world (29.2% over 65 years of age) and you’ve got population shrinkage.

There are many cultural factors to this situation, including an education system that demands a lot of parents, especially mothers; low childcare support; and a nation that works hard and sleeps little, so there’s often little time or energy to find partners. A recent survey also revealed that around 50% of unmarried adults under 30 don’t want children. And Japan also accepts few immigrants, though there are pushes to change this, it probably won’t change quickly.

Japanese people are concerned about the future of their country. Pray that they’ll find hope in God.

Why are so few people coming to know Christ in Japan?

This is a really hard question to answer—people have written whole books on it. The truth is, we don’t know why the Holy Spirit is not moving more people to become Christians in Japan. It’s possible to discern various factors in individual stories, but the same set of factors don’t apply to every person. For example, one person might not want to let their family down by abandoning the family altar they are responsible for, another doesn’t feel the need for what appears to them as a foreign god. Many people are held back because they don’t understand grace and forgiveness, or don’t see themselves as sinners.

The pressure to conform to the group is strong in Japan and while Christianity is such a tiny minority (under 1%), it is hard for people to consider stepping outside that. Many people have never heard the gospel. Will you pray for this nation of 125.7 million people?

Why go with a mission organisation?

We’ve been greatly blessed by being members of OMF International. Here are a few reasons why:

• OMF has provided so much on-the-ground support in Japan and in Australia. They’ve helped us when we’ve had medical needs, provided fellowship vital to longevity, guided us in important decisions, provided professional development, admin support, and language training. They also sponsor our visas and have helped us find housing.
• The local knowledge and experience that they’ve got as an organisation helped us get to Japan and settle there in ministry.
• They’ve provided us with a means to get the money people have given towards our support in Japan, in a way that doesn’t look like international money laundering.
• They’ve got a much wider platform in Australia than we have personally, enabling us to develop a wider prayer and financial support team that would otherwise be possible, but also to tell more people about the needs in Japan.
• They’ve supported us through challenges with our sons in recent years and given us much grace to do our best to support our kids, even when that meant taking time off.
• Possibly the most important thing to us is that being members of OMF means we feel part of a greater whole—a body that is working together to reach Japan for Christ. That sense of purpose, and of working together with others is very important to us.

Why do parents send their kids to CAJ?

CAJ was founded to serve the children of missionaries, and that remains its main purpose. About 40% of the students come from missionary families (it varies a little from year to year). These missionary families are seeking education for their children in English, and with a Christian emphasis.

There are various reasons that these missionaries don’t use local schools. Sometimes they arrive in Japan with older children and it’s too difficult to start Japanese school at a later age when kids don’t have the language. Others try Japanese schools for a time and find the culture difficult, or maybe the students just don’t do well. CAJ provides an alternative option so that missionary families can stay in Japan.

Similar reasons apply to an additional 40% of students who come from a variety of Christian backgrounds: some are local Japanese Christian families, and a good number of Christian foreigners who work in secular jobs in Japan.

The remaining 20% of students come non-Christian families who desire an education in English, but don’t mind the values that CAJ weaves into its teaching. Our prayer is that all of these students will serve Jesus in their lives.

How can I prepare to serve in missions?

There are lots of things you can do. When we’re asked this question we say:

• Read about mission: biographies, social media, etc.
• Connect with a missionary and pray for them regularly
• Find others who are like-minded about cross-cultural mission and spend time with them.
• Find ways to serve others where you are: in your church, and in other ways too, like with AFES.

OMF Japan recently shared some tips on their social media from a helpful article by an MTW (Mission to the World) missionary that also included these tips :

• Get cross-cultural (where you are, or on short-term trips overseas)
• Study Scripture
• Learn language/s
• Evangelize
• Be uncomfortable
• Live with less
• Pray more

End of our Perth trip: it was good and hard

Birthday cheesecake.
A very rare occasion
when I didn’t make it myself! 

It’s only been ten days since I last wrote, but a lot has happened in that time. In terms of what we’ve done, we:

• Spoke in front of small and large groups (six times, once in Japanese).
• Had meals or “coffee” with people while answering questions about our life and ministry (eight times at least, I think).
• Spent about 40 hours at a church camp, interacting almost all the time we weren’t asleep.
• Travelled back to Brisbane (about four and a half hrs on a plane).
• Celebrated our middle son’s birthday with a family party on our 26th wedding anniversary.
• Spent a number of hours planning for future events.

Many evenings we’ve had things on: a dinner or party, an event to speak at, or we’ve been travelling. That’s been hard, because we’re used to relaxing after dinner. Talking intently to people until 9.30 at night doesn’t help with sleep!

We are, however, getting into the groove and I’m feeling more relaxed in front of a group than a month ago. But still, we long for a much more settled life. Alas home assignment is never settled. There is no routine, no “normal week”. We’re working towards the goal of going back to Japan in July next year, so there’s no incentive to get really settled here either.

And then there’s all the conversations that make me feel unsettled and uneasy. All the questions about our lives. Many of them are great questions, but explaining our lives over and over again isn’t easy. And it is exhausting trying to discern what someone wants to know, or what they already know about us. The hardest questions (aside from  the “So how’s Japan?” ones) are about things that I feel insecure or somewhat regretful about. They touch on what I, like these people, have imagined in the past a “perfect” missionary looks like: wonderful language skills (our kids included in that), amazing evangelism stories, and a clear, succinct answer on why Japan hasn’t been receptive to the gospel. 

Questions about how our kids are doing are constant and not easy. Some are from people who have read between the lines on our prayer letters and know that we’ve struggled. Others are from people who don’t know us at all. How do I summarise and satisfy people’s desire to know about us, without sharing too much that our boys don’t want shared?

It’s been exhausting, but, despite all my discomfort, ultimately very good. We especially like interacting with small groups. I think two of my favourite events in the last week were groups of 20 and 50. Both had atmospheres of informality and the kind of intimacy that invited honesty and excellent questions. After events like that, speaking for six minutes in front of a church felt quite flat and shallow.

We flew back on Monday, arriving home after 10pm. So grateful we didn’t have to take a red-eye like we’ve done every other time from Perth to Brisbane, but still tired. We’ve had a slower week, but still had appointments to get to, and next week to prepare for. 

Next week is another big one: from Sunday for four days we’re at a regional church high schoolers camp. These are usually great times to interact, especially with the leaders. But I’m going to be careful about managing my energy and taking downtime. At least we don’t have our own children to take care of at the same time, like we did last time we did a school-aged camp (?about nine years ago).

On the home front: our time in Perth was a big event. It was the first time we’d done an overnight ministry trip away without our guys, and we did it for 18 days! It was good for us all to experience that. Our two younger sons lived at home during that time and by all observations did well. They felt the pinch of not having a car at their disposal, but they got by. They’re gradually learning about life in Australia, which is good, as this is where they’ll be for a while to come. It was good for us as a couple to experience an extended time away from our kids too. We had fun doing some different things as we stand on the cusp of living life again as a couple after nearly 25 years of having kids in our home.

Our trip to Rottnest Is. was a highlight I mentioned
in my last blogpost.

We usually set up some kind of “table” display
wherever we go. We managed to squeeze some things
into our luggage for Perth. Packing for Perth is another
story: it was done at the end of an exceptionally
busy day and I didn’t do a great job personally. I 
wish I’d taken a larger bag and more clothes.

A sand bar at Point Walter on the Swan River.

Catching public transport, especially buses, in
an unfamiliar city was a new challenge.

This was the auditorium at the church camp. Very reminiscent of the place where we first started applying to be long-term missionaries in Queensland.

Pondering COVID's impact on life and ministry

One of my jobs with our mission's social media is to come up with media posts, especially the text-parts. That sounds easier than it sometimes is. Our goal is to raise awareness of the need of the gospel in Japan and getting people more involved, which is a bit different to how most of us use our personal social media accounts. I guess it's a close relative to "marketing".

We use a monthly theme to help fuel our creativity. Some themes are easier than others. Next month's theme is "How COVID has impacted life and ministry in Japan". That sounds like a good theme . . . but how did we find engaging content for that? 

Our team met early last week and brainstormed. One of my ideas was to do a short survey of our missionaries. But putting feet on that is harder than I thought. This afternoon I found some space to think about what I'd actually ask people. I shifted some ideas into a draft survey format, and then I have moved away to other things (like this). 

That is my usual way of operating with creative things: it's how I write, and edit, as well as work on tasks like this. Letting an idea drift around in my brain while I do other things is a brilliant way to find my way forward. I hate it when someone asks me to do "live editing" at a meeting. I prefer to read something and let it sit for a while before I do anything with it, and even when I do start to work on it, I want to do it without an audience, I want to play around with ideas in my head (and on the screen) before I decide anything. Actually, it's how I do shopping too. I hate shopping with (most) other people, I need space to think about options and decisions.

But anyway, what do I ask missionaries about how COVID has impacted their life and ministry?

My own ministry hasn't been majorly impacted by COVID. I worked from home and online for years before everyone else was doing it. The biggest impacts COVID had were more personal things like the inability to travel to see family in Australia (and them unable to come here) and watching my boys suffer as they lost opportunities and had to deal with online classes. 

Wearing masks hasn't been my favourite thing, but I've been able to avoid much of that as I work at home. 

Emotional distress probably rates fairly highly too. We've just passed the two-year anniversary since one of our young friends lost her battle with depression and died by suicide. We've had our own mental health battle in our own household during the pandemic and because I was isolated from good person-to-person contact with people for months at a time, I've found it difficult at times to find ways to interact with others and know how to talk about my own struggles. I wonder if I've gotten worse at "small talk".

Life is getting back close to normal now, though attendance in-person at our church is still lower than it was pre-pandemic. And we are still wearing masks indoors and in crowded public spaces in Japan. There is talk that next month the government recommendation for wearing masks will be lifted, but we wonder what that will look like. Life in Japan is very influenced by not causing discomfort for other people, and will not wearing masks create problems?

I can identify some positives that came about due to COVID: regular walking and talking with David. And the acquisition of a stand mixer (given it by a missionary who had to leave). Also, the increased tendency of people to have some meetings online and thus meaning less time is taken up with travel, even some opportunities to meet online with folk who we'd never otherwise have done so because we all live so far from one another.

But back to my question: What would you like to know about how COVID has impacted life and ministry for missionaries? If you are a missionary, what would you like others to know?

Discovering I've got a skill I didn't realise I had

Me in my comfort zone

In the last week or so, I think I've done more writing than editing! It been an unusual period, but I'm not unhappy, I do enjoy writing. However, I did get pushed outside my comfort zone. In order to attempt to solve a lack of content problem with our magazine, I asked our Japanese pastor if he'd consent to an interview (in English). He agreed, and promptly found three other people I could also talk with about the topic at hand. So on Tuesday afternoon, I spent about two hours interviewing Japanese people. The second hour was mostly in Japanese and stretched me greatly. They had a lot to say, and I didn't catch all of it, but I have enough to write the needed article. [Ironically, I've ended up with the opposite problem—after I implemented a few other strategies to find more articles, we now have more than double the number of potential articles than we need.]

I've been working in publishing for over 10 years now, but I've always avoided doing interviews. I'm not sure why, but I thought it's something I'd probably not be good at. Maybe I'm thinking about the sort of journalism that is intrusive or controversial, or requiring the journalist to do "cold calls". I'm just not that sort of person.

However, I've discovered that I've had many years of learning to ask questions of others, of learning to draw people out. Not for the purpose of writing about them, but just getting to know them, or simply to enjoy their company when we've been together for some reason (like a car journey, or as volunteers, or eating together at a group meeting). 

I've also spent many years living with non-chatty introverts and have worked at facilitating conversation at home. These interviews, in comparison, was easy. My questions were welcomed, and the interviewees wanted to talk. It would have been a lot easier if my Japanese had been better, but I was with our bilingual pastor, so he's helped me a lot.

I'm happy that I discovered this and that I consented to be pushed beyond my comfort level. I'd hate to be starting to plateau in my middle age! I want to continue to grow as a person. I'd like to continue to find opportunities to practise this newly discovered skill (as well as figuring out how to write a 1,500 word article from an interview).

But, reflecting on the last few years, I've been continually pushed beyond my comfort level, but usually not by choice. Mental illness has become part of our everyday lives since before 2018 (we only got the diagnosis that year, so could see it for what it was)—that's definitely pushed us out of our comfort zones. I never anticipated that any of my boys would struggle to complete their studies, but we've had that experience now too. Watching our older two struggle to find their way into adult lives has been really hard, and we've needed a lot of grace to walk alongside them through this stage, and it's certainly not over yet. It's all left me feeling a bit vulnerable and shaky.

But, of course, missionary life is continually pushing us past what's comfortable, more so than perhaps might have happened if we'd never left our native land. But as I said to a newer missionary early last week—I think that this is a privileged life. Not that it isn't hard, but we keep encountering challenges as a result of what we do that push us to depend on God, and on others. Whereas otherwise we might have been much more self-reliant, we've been frequently cast upon resources that we couldn't conjure up ourselves. And experiences like that make you grow.

I was surprised to have a friend who knows more about me than most write to me that she has been observing "a positive shift in me from anxiety and feeling isolated to coming to peace with what is and inviting others into a space of being honest and vulnerable." I can't especially detect that myself, but am glad to hear that she senses this. Apparently God's been at work in me during the "grit your teeth and get through the day" times that I've had in the last few years and I'm glad.

I feel like we've hit a little bit of a breathing space, a bit of light in the tunnel. But the next big challenge is coming at us like a freight train: home assignment next year. Just the other day I wrote two emails one afternoon about pencilling in dates for later next year in Australia—that's a tiny bit scary. And we've already been working on downsizing, that's what the bazaar helped with last month, but since then we've given away more of our stuff too. 

But if I keep in mind that through it all God has never failed us, that he's always with us, and not only that, but he's growing us through the challenges. That as a result of all the "out of my comfort zone" we're going to be better people. When I remember this, then I'm calmer.

Here are a few Bible verses I've found to remind myself of (and maybe you too), that God is at work in us:

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. 'Make level paths for your feet,' so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed. (Heb 12:11–13 NIV)

And this was in Paul's prayers for the believers in Philippi: 

In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (Phil. 1:4–6) 

For it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose. (Phil. 2:13)

And Romans 8:28 of course: 

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

And of course "for the good of those who love him" doesn't mean God's our genie in a bottle. It means that God is working to make us more like Jesus, more likely to do things that glorify him and achieve his purposes in this world.

That same passage in Romans goes on to say we can't be separated from God's love, nothing and no one can do that, not hardship or danger or distress or poverty or criticism or even death. So therefore, we should live as ones who have nothing to fear (preaching to myself again, for surely there is more fear in me than I'd like to admit).

Okay, I didn't expected to end up here when I started writing this blog post last week, but here we are. I need to get back to various other writing assignments and emails (and all those people I have to write "no-thanks" emails to for their magazine article proposals). Next blog post I want to write about an unsung hero I learnt about yesterday. A man after my own heart.

How are you? How do you even answer that?

How are you? Is a difficult question. It often requires one to either gloss over anything that isn't a brief "fine". If one goes beyond that, you have to be careful about "reading the air": is this person going to have the time to hear the whole story, do they even want to know? Or is this just a greeting, not unlike "Hello"? The postman asked me this after lunch, that was an easy one. The guy who sold me the RAT test that several minutes later came back positive, also asked me how I was! 

An array of brightly coloured cut
flowers at a local supermarket
that I enjoyed when I wasn't
feeling up to doing much more
than a bit of grocery shopping.

I'm no longer in quarantine, and more than two weeks past my "positive test day". But I'm not 100% back to my usual level of energy yet. Chronic asthma means my lungs take some time to recover from respiratory illnesses, but this virus has sapped my energy in ways that have surprised me. 

At its height, the illness felt very much like a miserable cold, but the lingering fatigue is different. Twice this week I met friends for coffee or a meal and I lasted about two hours before I was struggling to breath. Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday were busy days with multiple excursions outside the house (appointments with or without my son, church, lunch/coffee) plus people at home to socialise with. These left me shaky and out of breath, or even feeling mild heart palpitations or discomfort in my throat. It's been challenging to balance all I want to or feel I need to do, with the energy I have available. It definitely reminds me of the "spoon theory" and gives me an extra appreciation for the daily struggle that people with chronic diseases or disabilities that sap their energy deal with.

It's now less than two weeks before we have tickets on a flight that will take my son and I back to Japan. This coming Sunday we make our second-last change of accommodation for this trip. We're splitting up. I'm going to stay with a friend and her family and our son will be trying out life in a share house with his brother and some other young guys. It's an experiment that we hope will help be a stepping stone towards independence for him.

Meanwhile, I'm continuing to work as I can on my varied responsibilities in Japan: I'm working on two issues of the Japan Harvest magazine as well as leading the social media team for OMF Japan. 

I'm thankful that I'm able to start most days with a video call with David, the time difference isn't a problem. We're starting each day with Bible reading and prayer, which is normal for us, so is helping to keep me balanced and to catch up quickly daily is also really helpful. He's back at work now and our youngest starts Yr 12 on Tuesday.

It's been good to have time to touch base with a few people in the last week or so and give them a longer answer to "How are you?". But also to be able to reassure them that we're planning to be back in Queensland this time next year, except then we'll be settled here for at least a year and be freed up to catch up with a lot of people. By the way, this coming year is going to be a big one: last year of having a child at school, packing up our home of 13 years, handing over our Japan ministry responsibilities, and settling into life and ministry in our fifth home assignment! 

But I'll be grateful to have August over and be back together with David in Tokyo soon. The prospect of that trip back to Japan is not appealing, it's one of those things that will be better to be in the past instead of the future. I simply can't believe Australians are busting to get back into international travel again, for fun! It really isn't that fun right now. 

However, I have enjoyed the freedom of going out without a mask on, and talking to people without that barrier. Yes, I probably got COVID because of that, but I also may have gotten it anyway. I see the importance of the strategy of masks, but that doesn't mean that I'm really comfortable with wearing one.

Summarising all the above as an answer to "How are you?" is pretty hard...but perhaps the short answer is "I'm doing okay." I'm breathing, my heart is beating, I'm loved, I've got food and a roof over my head. And most of all, I have hope. I was reminded of this encouraging passage again at church last Sunday:

But this I call to mind,

    and therefore I have hope:

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;

    his mercies never come to an end;

 they are new every morning;

    great is your faithfulness.

“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,

    “therefore I will hope in him.”

 The Lord is good to those who wait for him,

    to the soul who seeks him.

 It is good that one should wait quietly

    for the salvation of the Lord. (Lamentations 3:21–26 ESV)

Let's review your life #10

I'd like to get back to this park soon, it's
a good place for reflecting! But the lead-
up to our family holidays the end of next
week continues to fill with new things to do!

I've written before about one way our organisation takes care of us: Two Year Reviews. Having published a blog like I've done, for several years, it's great to be able to look back at earlier things I've written. In 2013 I wrote about the Two Year Review (TYR) process here, giving some examples of questions we have to answer (and then talk about with a leader). I also shared in that blog post about why reviews like this are really important, as well as the things I struggle with about them.

I've added a few of the questions below (it took me a good couple of hours to answer everything, as well as do the goal setting that was required):

Do you have a day of rest each week?

What do you do to maintain your spiritual health?

In what ways has the Lord blessed you since your last two year review?

Here is a list of emotions. From this list choose the emotions that have characterised your life since your last review. Feel free to add any that aren't listed.

What subjects have you thought about or studied since your last review?

In what ways has your marriage been under stress since your last review?

What are your challenges and encouragements concerning your children's education?

What encouragements have you experienced in your relationships with your family at home (meaning your home country)?

Describe significant friendships in your life since your last review.

When I mildly complained this week about the process (mostly that my "head hurt" in trying to answer these broad questions about the last two years), a close friend quietly rebuked me and said that this was a privilege. She's right—most people don't get the opportunity to answer questions like these, let alone have a leader with time to sit down and go through them with you.

There's a few reasons why missions do (or should do) these kinds of reviews:

• Missionaries often carry a load of extra stress, merely because of where they live and what they do.
• They are often more vulnerable because when you live outside your home country your networks are often thin and it can be hard to access appropriate help.
• Missionaries can be lone rangers and stubborn (the flip side of independent and persistent, two valuable character traits for serving overseas). These two factors can mean they don't ask for help till it's too late.
• Missionaries are rare. There really aren't that many of them in the world, that makes them important human resources that make sense to retain in good working order, if possible. (Not to mention the importance Great Commission...)
• And there's probably more...

This is maybe the 10th or 11th time we've done this, so we're a little savvy. Many of the questions I could have written several paragraphs, or even a blog post about. But no one has time to read all that, let alone talk about it. I also think we are being asked regularly enough "how are you really" for lots and lots of detail at this time to be unnecessary, i.e. our line manager is doing a good job of caring for us. This TYR is like a screening test to pick up areas that need closer attention.

I also tend to be a reflective person anyway, and also fairly self-driven, so possibly this process isn't as important for me as it might be for someone else. However, it's still a good process to have in place, even if I feel a bit grumpy about it at times.

I don't think I got any surprises as I went through the questions this time, although the question about "What subjects have you thought about in the last two years?" always flabbergasts me: no one really wants a detailed answer to that! And as for "What emotions characterise your last two years?" Yikes!

Can you think of a question that you wish someone would ask you, but they rarely ever do?

Tips for getting started in conversation

Last night I was procrastinating about leaving our warm lounge room and going to bed when I stumbled upon this great article about tips for making small talk. I'm not bad at small talk, though I don't enjoy doing it for lengthy periods. But there are several members of my family who find conversation just a bit harder at times! 

The article had two easy-to-remember tips for starting (or at least not abruptly finishing) a conversation. I reckon I'll have to tell the guys about these tips.

1. Triangulation rule 

"There’s the “triangulation” approach to small talk (named by Kio Stark, author of When Strangers Meet). This method involves three points: you, your partner, and the observable thing in front of you—in other words, your common ground."

So you work at finding common ground and often the easiest is related to where you physically are right then, or things that you're both experiencing. That's why weather is a big feature of small talk, it's neutral ground that everyone in a physical place has in common.

But the idea of the three points, is that you can work at finding out things about the other person that the two of you have in common. That is why people will ask about where you come from, what you do for a job, where you've lived, etc. 

I always think that asking someone questions about them is a safe option for small talk. People are usually happy to talk about themselves and if you're feeling a bit uneasy or unwilling to share about yourself, asking about someone else takes the focus and pressure off you.

2. The improvisation rule of "yes, and..." 

I hadn't heard this one before, but it makes sense. The idea is that you accept the premise that's given to you, and add to it without hesitation.

For example:

“If we’re improvising and I say, ‘Freeze, I have a gun,’ and you say, ‘That’s not a gun. It’s your finger. You’re pointing your finger at me,’ our improvised scene has ground to a halt. But if I say, ‘Freeze, I have a gun!’ and you say, ‘The gun I gave you for Christmas! . . . ’ then we have started a scene because we have AGREED that my finger is in fact a Christmas gun.” 

So in a conversation that might look like:
"Wow, it's freezing today."
You reply, "Yeah, I had so much trouble getting out of bed today."
And the conversation can move on from there. Adding a question in gets you bonus points as you throw the conversational ball back to the other person.

The "wrong" immediate reply is "I used to live in Sapporo, it gets way colder there, this is nothing." That reply will probably result in an awkward silence. I struggled with this rule in Australia at times, especially if I was tired or sick of small talk. And yes, when my experience of the world is so different to the person I was talking to. For example, if someone in Brisbane said the "it's freezing" comment, I might have struggled to answer that when the temperature was a balmy 18˚C!

And finally:

Don't be afraid to talk about yourself, even if it is about something that seems mundane. For example, about a book you've recently read, or a movie you've seen. Or perhaps something interesting you saw or experienced as you went about your day.

What tips would you give for working on your small talk?

Continuing to do the impossible

I'm freshly home from having an iron infusion at a doctor's clinic. 

I found out last week that I'm seriously deficient in iron and therefore anaemic. I didn't guess I was low in energy—the result came through a routine blood test required for our two-yearly OMF medical—I don't actually feel as whacked as everyone thinks I should be. This morning I sat in on the bed at the clinic while the nurse injected iron into my vein at 1ml a minute and had a doctor, nurse, and medical student exclaiming over my test results. It's hard to know how to react to that. 

I stopped very briefly at this park for a bite of lunch
on my way home. I just can't get enough of the
juxtaposition of Australian bush on the
amazing blue sky.

The thing is, I'm nowhere near as exhausted as I was throughout each of my three pregnancies. It's probable that my iron has been dropping slowly for some time and I no longer know what "normal" energy is. So I'm looking forward to seeing what that feels and looks like in a week or two. Or maybe it will be a little bit scary!

I'll also need to be making some adjustments to our diet, I"m not sure yet if I'll need to take supplements, though I'm guessing I will. I've got another blood test in a month to see how well today's infusion has lifted me out of the danger zone. And we'll see where we go from there.

I could milk this situation nicely! I don't need to feel guilty that I've been a bit slack recently: at both writing and editing. Truth is, it's not just my body that's made me a bit weary. An international move will do that too, especially with a teenager who is struggling to find his feet here.

Answered prayer

But I do have to give credit where credit is due. Lots of people are praying for us (though not specifically about anaemia, but in general) and God has enabled us through yet another tough period. I'm sure that without God's enabling I'd be in a much worse state.

I had an interesting encounter with a lady a couple of weeks ago that, I suspect, is having a lasting impact. She herself is a relatively new expat in Australia (from the UK). She came here with her family, primary-aged kids, for her husband's ministry. A major change for all. We only spoke twice, for a few minutes, but connected deeply on the various issues and challenges that such moves and a ministry-lifestyle produce. 

As we parted, she said she'd pray that I would be divinely guided to people who would ask great questions and be life-givers for me during this six-months. I think I can say I've seen that prayer already being answered. 

Here's a glimpse of some of the conversations I've had recently (as best I can remember...I should have written more down soon after they happened...that's what happens when I get slack about blogging).

Yesterday I had a conversation with an older lady in our home church about how God's built her "faith muscle" over the years, especially in regards to safety. I came away so encouraged!

Over the weekend we had no ministry engagements, we were therefore free to get involved in our local/home church's events, which included a working bee, a bring-and-share African night, and worship on Sunday morning. That in itself was encouraging. 

At the working bee I worked with a young lady who's interested in youth ministry. She asked some great questions, including, "What do you do during the week?", "Where does OMF work?" and "What sort of medical conditions would stop you from going back to Japan?"

We also were able to host a BBQ here with some friends. I fielded some interesting questions, including, "Where do you plan to retire? Do any Japanese houses have ensuites (bathroom attached to the main bedroom in a house)?" Even—what's it like to live in a snow?

I've had a lot of conversations about whether it's good to be back in Australia. Thankfully most times people have had the patience to listen to some of the joys and the challenges that we experience at such a time and have grown in their understanding that it isn't so simple as they might imagine.

I've had a number of people say they love this blog, love following my journey. One person I met only this year in Japan wrote: "You ... challenge and inspire me in what you write and your passion for God and others around you. I have found myself writing much much more lately and I know that is in part thanks to you ... and so I just wanted to say thank you!"

I was encouraged to hear about the faith of the physio treating my son on Friday (just a bit of re-tuning for this sporty kid). The physio was super excited about us being missionaries and told us about his short-term missions trip to Fiji when he was 18. 

People continue to observe that "I couldn't do what you do", that we look like we're doing the impossible. I've had conversations where I've been able to point out that though what we're doing looks impossibly difficult (especially moving cultures with teenagers), God has enabled us to do it without serious disaster. Indeed our eldest son endured a year here when he was 15/16. It wasn't a fun year, but I think that it helped set him up for a future of living here. The year didn't totally derail him (he settled back into Tokyo really quickly), and he's been successful at both graduating from high school as well as moving to Australia and settling here. All this undergirded with much prayer and God's enabling.

I hope that as we continue to "do the impossible" God will be glorified, for there seems no earthly explanation for why things might have gone so well in many cases. It's not that we're perfectly amazing parents with perfectly amazing kids. Things get ugly (often at home, out of the public's view). Our bodies give way (hence my infusion today). We struggle not to be self centred. Our boys criticise our choices, though we try very hard to be as fair to everyone as our work allows. Some days it feels as though I can do nothing right. There's no way that we're doing all this in our own strength. We're doing God's work with his resources. Praise him!

Isaiah 40:28-31 seems very appropriate:

Do you not know?
    Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
    the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
    and his understanding no one can fathom. 

He gives strength to the weary
    and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
    and young men stumble and fall;
 but those who hope in the Lord
    will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
    they will run and not grow weary,
    they will walk and not be faint. (NIV)

Meet the missionary FAQs

I really want to write something other than "we're struggling to settle", but I'm struggling to say anything else. I could write about my kids and the challenge we've had parenting them these last weeks, but I'm not sure they'd appreciate that exposure. So, what can I write about?

I was "dumping" on a friend last night about parenting as well as the no-so-much-joys of deputation. One thing she suggested was writing a FAQ to give people. I don't think it would work, because the questions people ask at the starts of conversations are the small-talk that gives some solid ground for further conversation. However, I can entertain you with some FAQs! Here are questions we're answering often:

How long are you in Australia for?

Six months, returning to Japan early January.

How long have you been in Japan?

Since December 2000, coming up on 18 years.

Where are you living while you're here?

In Ipswich, in a rented house.

Where are your kids going to school?

Our youngest is at a local Christian school, our middle son is doing online schooling at home using an American curriculum. Our eldest is at university studying maths and science.

Is your eldest living with you?

No, he's stayed at the house he's been living in since February.

Are your kids fluent in Japanese?

No, not really. Once they were, but now they're not. Maybe they will be again sometime in the future, if they choose to go that direction.

Are you fluent in Japanese?

Not as much as you might think. We both work in English environments, but we get by in Japanese and continue to learn it as much as we can amidst our work and life responsibilities.

Where do you live in Japan?

In Tokyo, about 25km west-north-west of the main city centre.

How long will you keep doing this missionary work?

As long as God continues to call us to Japan, maybe until we retire.

How much travelling will you do this home assignment?

We're visiting 16 different churches on Sundays and a number of other groups also. We're going to visit a church in Canberra, and also several in Perth. The rest are in south-east Queensland. Wendy's also attending a conference in Singapore for a week. We'll be visiting family in Toowoomba (about an hour from here) and also central Queensland (about 800km from where we're based).

What do you do during the week?

We are both still doing small amounts of work from our roles in Japan, all computer-based. Other than that we have various mid-week and weekend meetings that we're speaking at as well as the preparation for them. We also spend time with supporters, as well as catching up with friends and family. We're also spending as much time as we can with our sending/home church. It's surprising how much our kids need us during this time, Australia is a foreign land to them and so we spend what time we need to help them make it through. One of the goals of home assignment is renewal, so we take time for relaxation, as well as spiritual feeding (for example I'm going to a Theological College's Women Enrichment Day tomorrow).

What do you do in Japan?

David is a teacher at a school for missionary kids, he teaches maths and science in English as well as being the Director for Teaching and Learning. Wendy is an editor who works with a magazine for and by missionaries as well as in social media with OMF.

What do you think? Any other "meet a new missionary" questions you can think of that I could include?