So encouraged

Yes, we had fire!

Today is the deadline for the articles for the Spring magazine (yep, as we come to the end of autumn here in the northern hemisphere!). Each magazine I generally write two articles: the editorial and a column about "good writing". I wrote both of them earlier in the week; in my editorial I took some time to report back about our writing retreat from last month. (The organisation who publishes Japan Harvest magazine sponsored the event, so we all received a 5% discount.) 

I'd sent out a feedback form to those who attended, and then for several weeks forgot to take a look at the responses! And so, when I went back to look this week, I was pleasantly surprised to find some very encouraging words. Here are some of the things people wrote:

Q: What did you appreciate?

All of it. Great food, nice schedule, nice location, interesting people, interesting prompts. 

I liked the camp fires, chopping wood, and meeting other missionaries with similar interests. 

The food was great, the venue was really nice and serene, and the fellowship with other creatives was really encouraging. 

Location 

All of it! In particular the fellowship. 

Everything was good, but the food and fellowship stood out as awesome.

Q: How helpful was it in meeting your goals?

I was able to get feedback on my story’s concept and plotting, which really helps me move the work forward. 

The environment was very helpful - everyone working quietly together, enough space, aesthetically nice environment. 

Very helpful. I left refreshed, re-motivated, and joyful, which was what I needed.

Q: What would you say to someone considering attending a JEMA writing retreat?

If you make dedicated time to write at home, get positive criticism from like minded writers, and have all your meals cooked for you, then you don't need to attend a JEMA writing retreat. 

Come! 

I would say, "If you love to write and it's part of who you are, then you need to take the time to be 'a writer.' The JEMA writing retreat creates the space writers need in order to enjoy themselves in a relaxed environment with others who love to write."

For me it was a perfect environment to think and write. The schedule was a good mix of work and fun. The people have a variety of backgrounds, goals, and types of projects so conversations are interesting. Even though most group activities are optional, I felt everyone joined anyway because we enjoyed the activities and each other's company. Getting peer feedback is very helpful and encouraging. 

If you want to write, it's the right place.

You can tell that they are writers. But this is very encouraging stuff. I'm so thankful! 

Then I got an email from another attendee yesterday that was icing on the cake. Here are some of the words:

First of all, thank you for doing this. It was a very valuable time for me in so many ways. . . I enjoyed writing with people and enjoyed the daily writing/creative activities. I so rarely get to share any my writing that isn’t a sermon, so that was really good. I would love to be able to do more of that and I am praying about how to do that . . . The few days away, with the ability to focus on non-work-related things was wonderful and actually helped me focus on the prayer letter that also needed to get done.

And even more than that is that two of the writers have told me the longer-term influence that participating in this retreat has had on their writing habits. One of them came last year and had been really frustrated with writer's block. She came this year, more joyful and definitely writing more regularly (she's posting weekly on Substack) and credits some of that from the writing retreat last year and in particular the "10 minutes no backspacing" challenge that we started the day with. She's now wondering about gathering some of her stories together for publishing.

The other writer sent me an email with a short story she'd written from her ministry. She'd sent me one ages ago and I knew that she'd been intending to write more of these, but she'd gotten stuck. Yesterday she wrote, "The writers retreat told me to just sit and write it." And she did, and sent it to me!

I'm so thankful that I've been able to get this retreat happening. And I'm thankful to various leaders and friends for encouraging me along the way! As well as the enthusiastic people that God has brought along to attend, and our hosts too at Aomori Christian Center who are fabulous.

Alas, our next retreat is still 18 months away (May 2028) . . . but I'm already looking forward to it.

 

Feeling a little overwhelmed

I'm feeling a little overwhelmed as I approach the end of this first week of November. So it's probably time to do a little bit of processing here. I'll separate it into different sections to help keep things clear.

OMF Japan field conference

Last week I had a three-hour meeting on Thursday that has given me homework to do. It was the fourth meeting this group has had as we work towards running a conference for all the OMF Japan field missionaries and their kids. 

This is our conference venue in Hokkaido.
I'm really  thankful we have a Japanese
colleague communicating with
the venue!

I'm not really great at committees, though I've discovered that meetings that are very outcome focused aren't so bad, especially if I have a hand in running them and I'm actually the "chair" of this group. I'm also not the best event organiser, but this is an internal-to-OMF event that I have attended many times over our 26 years in Japan and so there are a lot of things that are done regularly (even if we tweak it to look a bit different every time). It's my first time to help organise this conference, but this group has a number of people on it who have done it before, so that it really helpful. Each member also has specific area of responsibilities, so that also helps make things more clear-cut.

So, the things I have been working on are mainly asking missionaries in Japan to take on different responsibilities, like taking photographs, organise our worship times, design a logo, etc. Asking people to do things (and giving them deadlines) is something that I regularly do in my other roles, so this isn't so hard. But it's extra on top of the other things that I've been juggling.

OMF Kanto meeting

On Monday we had an all-day meeting at our headquarters with most of the OMF missionaries in the greater Tokyo area. We regularly meet once a month like this, but the November one is a bit special in that it is more about the leaders reporting back to us and members discussing various important topics. Just getting there and back is tiring for many of us. Tokyo isn't that big a place, but there are a lot of people in it moving around. I took seven trains to get there and back (about 90 minutes each way). It was a tiring day with lots of interaction.

Magazine

I'm working on aspects of both the upcoming Winter and Spring issues of Japan Harvest magazine. The Winter issue is moving into the design and proofreading stage. My role at this stage is to review all the editing and fact checking on each article (over 20 of them), create a design-ready version of the article, and check with authors and deal with any of their concerns. Once that is done I'm working with our designer and proofreader to make the final copy as correct as we can. This is a lot of moving parts and many details to keep track of. 

We've had a lot more movement than is usual with the Winter issue. Usually by this time our general content is almost set, but we've one advertiser and one article have been withdrawn from this issue in the latter stages. We thought we had a replacement article, but that has also been postponed till Spring.

So I've had more involvement with the Spring issue than is usual at this time too. I've been interacting with the authors of the two articles I mentioned above, as well as one other author who I was tasked to ask to submit an article. Oh, and I've got two of my own regular articles to write in the next week or so too. Plus scheduling for the editing team for the coming months.

Believe it or not I really enjoy this, but it's tiring.

Social media team

Our OMF Japan social media team is in the midst of transition...we kinda have been all year. We started 2026 with five team members. Early in the year one left for home assignment and we weren't able to find anyone to replace her. Then another team member left the team for the same reason a couple of months ago and also wasn't replaced. A third member will finish up at the end of December. In addition to this we have a short-term worker coming to join us part-time for three months from the end of November. We have one missionary temporarily helping us in a very part-time fashion, and another who might join us in the coming months too. It's a lot and in the midst of all that our work of producing about four posts a week continues.

Yesterday we met for just over 90 minutes to talk about upcoming content for the rest of 2026, start planning for 2027, and also talked about our team retreat coming up later this month that I'm supposed to be planning. I'm doing most of the writing and editing for the team at the moment. 

At the end of yesterday's social media meeting I was feeling pretty overwhelmed with this as well as all the other things that are currently on my plate. I worked my way out of the overwhelm by writing short lists that summarised what I need to be doing just now (rather than thinking about all that needs to be done in the coming weeks). It really helped. But I crashed last night. I was in bed before 9pm!

Help in weakness

Then this morning I was listening to Scripture and happened to be up to Romans 8. It's a chapter with a lot in it, but one thing jumped out at me:

This is the cute poster that some
ladies made to advertise the World
Missions Conference. I don't really
recognise myself (except that my name
is under the image).

But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. (Romans 8:25–26 NIV)

Paul also talks about weakness a few times in his letters to the Corinthians:

But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Cor. 12:9–10)

It also comes up in Hebrews in another very encouraging passage:

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to feel sympathy for our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are – yet he did not sin. (Heb. 4:15)

What a relief: our God helps us and understands our weakness (NLT version uses "understands" instead of "not unable to feel sympathy"). Not only that but the NLT version of the 2 Cor. 12 verse says the Lord says "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness."

I haven't written here about the World Missions Conference that our church hosted a couple of weeks ago...it was a big day with over 100 people attending. I didn't have a formal speaking role, but spent an hour in two small bilingual groups talking with attendees. I don't remember the exact flow of question and answer, but at one point I said that World Missions doesn't actually make sense from a human point of view, but that God seems to delight in working with weak people. Weakness is what I'm feeling this week and praying that God's grace will get me through, and that somehow through my weakness, God's glory will shine even brighter.

No more solo parenting

October has been a month full of travel. David's been to Nagasaki Prefecture (school trip) and Bangkok (leadership conference). Together we went to Fukushima Prefecture (camping), and I went to Aomori Prefecture (writing retreat). That's nearly 7,000 km in total.

Myoonzawa in Niiza, Saitama Prefecture, 
just 5 km from us along the river
 https://maps.app.goo.gl/qstkjmP8t57rGXvQ6

This last week I was home on my own for five nights while David attended a school leadership conference in Bangkok. He got home on Sunday morning. I reflected out loud on Sunday night about how much easier this was than when our kids were younger. 

In particular I remembered the period of the day from when they got home from school (around 4) until bedtime. It was hectic and exhausting and it was all mine. Usually we shared parenting and housework tasks and that was especially helpful at night when we were all tired. From dinner time onwards: I cooked and David washed dishes. I think he also did a lot of the shower-time supervision, but I can't remember exactly, and then there was bedtime routine which we shared: we tried to individually read the Bible and another book, pray and (often) sing with them. But when he was away it was all mine and it was exhausting. But it has to be said that in those early years he didn't go away all that often!

These days it can be a bit lonely when he's away, but at least I only have me and limited housework to manage.

It's good to remember and be thankful. Here are two quotes from earlier times:

    [David was away nine days this trip]: Anyone else have trouble with getting night-time ablutions and bedtime done? I do. They move at a snail's pace and I find myself bouncing between three boys imploring them to move forward only to find when I get back to the one I've left, that he hasn't done a thing. I hate it! I hate putting them through showers too. They hate getting in, then they won't get out. And even when they do, they've not encountered any soap on the way through... Arrrgggghh. [2012, when our children were 12, 9, and 6] 

     [When David had been away for eight days] Only one child had to leave the room during one meal (and that was his choice, I didn't order him out, only suggested). That is huge. Meal times have been a high stress time in recent months. Closely followed by the after school–pre dinner period (homework, piano practise, showers).

    I'm very thankful. God has given me a wonderful week with my boys. Wow, I've even enjoyed them most of the time. [2014, when our children were 14, 11, and 8]

I am not fond of walking on my own
for exercise, so, with my walking partner
away last week, I chose to go for a 
bike ride instead. This little nature
reserve is just five kilometres from our
house along riverside paths.

So I am indeed thankful that those days are past and when one of us goes away now it isn't anywhere near so stressful for the one left behind. But I'm also thankful that this October is over and that life is a bit more routine now for the next seven weeks before we do a bit more travel (though just for leisure, not for work).

October camping trip 2026

Lake Inawashiro at sunset

Last week we spent four days camping in the Fukushima Prefecture next to the fourth largest lake in Japan: Lake Inawashiro (for the record, we've now seen three of the four largest, and camped next to two of them, this one and Lake Biwa). It is about 280 km north of us in Tokyo.

Rice fields being harvested as we drove north.

We stopped at an expressway service area
and ate traditional "Service Area food".
David accidentally ordered the largest dish on
the menu. All this for about AU$25. There was
more rice here than the two of us would eat in
a single meal. He didn't finish it all!

We drove up on Tuesday, with our usual camping friends, though for only the second time of camping together we had no kids camping with us. When we arrived it was pretty windy and I was having flashbacks to our most recent camping trip where we ended up going home a day early because our camping set-up was overwhelmed with wind and rain on the second night. We were very careful about the angle that we set up our tent, trying to protect the pole that got damaged in March. But thankfully the wind started to die down as the sun set and it never picked up again through our whole stay.

So much space in our little car!

Kebabs on our surprisingly spacious
portable fire pit.

Wednesday was a pretty quiet day. It rained in the morning and was cloudy and cool all day. We strolled around the large campsite (100+ sites) and enjoyed gazing at the lake and spent time reading after lunch. 

After our last trip we threw away our cheap little wood fire stove and bought a brand-new higher quality portable fire pit. We had a lot of fuel with us, so we ended up playing with fire most of the day. It was relaxing and a great "circuit breaker" to help us get into relaxing mode. Dinner was chicken kebabs and fire-roasted veggies followed by Apple Crisp cooked over the fire! (Fire and food cooked over the fire is the best thing about camping, we don't starve!)

Moss!

This impressive plant is called
"Jack-in-the-pulpit".

Moody lake views.

Thursday dawned bright and sunny. Our friend Mark, had, as usual, brought his bike and prepared to ride all the way around the lake. His ride ended up being about 60 kilometres. As is common in this country, at times the mountains descended straight into the lake, so the road wasn't at water-level all the way around so he had a fair bit of climbing to do, and contrary to what seems logical, he tells us he had a headwind the whole way!

While Mark was off riding, the rest of us walked around a large park across the road from the campsite. After lunch, we met Mark at a tourist farm for ice cream and then all convened back at the campsite. The evening meal was all about the fire again, and we enjoyed campfire-cooked pizza (using a base made on location from flour, baking powder, water, and then after we loaded the toppings, it was folded into foil for cooking) followed by American S'mores. We're so happy with our new fire pit!

Our location had lots of trees. 

Ice cream :D

Mossy wall in the park

Autumn leaves

So many dragon flies! Hard to photograph,
but they were everywhere around us.

Autumn leaves, blue sky, and Mount Daisan (1,729m)

Our friends brought solar-charged fairy lights, which made our
basic setup kinda pretty. Hard to take a photo of, though.

Thursday night was pretty chilly and to stay warm, I wore most of the clothes that I had on during the day to bed. We ended up in bed really early and got up late due to the chill, such is the camping life!

On Friday we packed up our camp and headed to an nearby tourist spot: a Japanese castle. Actually the real castle was demolished in 1874, but the outside of the tower was rebuilt in 1965. Inside the tower is a (mostly) bilingual museum which told us some of the history of the castle and the area. The castle has stood on this location since the 1500s! It was again humbling to learn just a tiny bit of this nation's complex and long history. It continues to fascinate me at the same time as boggling my mind!

Tsuruga Castle (aka Aizuwakamatsu 
Castle or Wakamatsu Castle)

Then, after a short stop for lunch bought from a convenience store, we turned our cars towards home. It was all going well until we encountered a 15km traffic jam on the expressway that took a couple of hours to clear away (caused by a truck being on fire). We didn't get home until after 7pm. But unlike our last trip, at least we were in the open (not in tunnels) and we'd had a good sleep the night before. We were also thankful that no rain fell on our last two days, so we didn't have much cleanup to do once we got home. 

I'm so thankful that we decided to go the "camping route" 15 years ago. We've seen much more of Japan than we otherwise would have. We also frequently note that the act of camping creates a kind of weird time warp. Four days away feels like much more, mostly because when tent camping you have to focus more on daily living, like making fire, keeping dry/warm, ensuring the tent stays up, etc. It takes your mind away from the things that usually occupy our minds at home.

Our next touring adventure is only a couple of months away. It will be cooler so we won't take our tents, but instead plan to make use of the little rustic cabins that these campsites frequently have to rent. Stay tuned for our mid-December road trip!

2026 writing retreat

I'm back in northern Japan at another five-day writing retreat, a pretty similar event to what I organised in May last year. We have ten writers, including myself, four of us were here in May last year, but six weren't. It's exciting to have new people coming along. Last year it was pretty "in-house"—just OMF-related people. This time we've got attendees from a variety of organisations and locations in Japan, though everyone except me are from north America (Canada or US).

It's again such a joy to be able to facilitate such a gathering. We're in a beautiful location in Aomori Prefecture, about 20 minutes drive south of Aomori City. Two months ago we came back to Tokyo from Australia and I haven't been out of the city in that time, it's so delightful to get away.

I've shared with various people about coming to this and they have been curious and asked clarifying questions. It is not a "workshop" where lots of stuff gets formally taught. It's not a conference where we have many meetings. Nor is it a place where everyone has come to work on a single project. It is simply an event organised for people to get away from their usual day-to-day lives to do writing. The schedule includes significant amounts of time to work on things that are on their hearts or that they need to. Some people here are working on newsletters or sermons. Some are working on writing stories, or on book projects. Others aren't sure why they are here except that they feel compelled to write and are able to take some time away to see what they can achieve.

One of the keys to this event is that we're doing it together with others. According to my records, this is the eighth time I've organised a writing retreat in Japan. Each time I've come away feeling more encouraged and excited about writing than before I went. Writing is largely a solitary activity, but thinking that you can grow as a writer without engaging with other people is dangerous. Getting together with others who are also writers can be very stimulating and helpful. 

This event therefore includes times of solitary writing as well as sharing and helping each other. But don't be fooled by the word "retreat". Yes, it's time away from our regular responsibilities, but it is by no means a holiday. We're working here! Publishing these days is easier than it's ever been: I'm going to his "Publish" on this blog post when I'm finished it. But getting full books published, or even short stories published, is much more complicated than it used to be. So while writing can be a joy, it also can be like wrestling an elephant up a hill, it also can be like guiding an elephant through a wilderness where there is no map, but many possible paths. (For anyone who is interested, a colleague shared this helpful website about publishing paths with me.)

So, in addition to silent writing times, we're talking with each other, sharing stories and challenges. We're asking each other for advice, for clarity; asking others for a different perspective on the forest of words that we have created and are too close to to have any clear vision.

I've just spent some time with a friend mulling over a very short (true) story that she felt compelled to write, but wasn't sure why. In some ways I feel similarly about these curious "writers retreat gigs" that God has me organising. I don't know why, but somehow I'm able to do it and I just have to trust that these events are helpful to the people who come along on the journey.

Unexpected hospitality in the rain

It's been months since I've been able to ride my bike to my favourite park south of here. After arriving back in Japan in early August we've had plenty of heat and rain and I've had plenty of work to fill my days. In the middle of it all, I was longing for a quieter day that coincided with good weather. Up until we got up yesterday morning, it looked like it was going to be that perfect combo! But somehow the weather didn't conform to those earlier forecasts! 

My only photo from the day, just after 
arrived home.

With stubborn optimism I rode off mid-morning into very light rain. From there it went downhill! Partway into the ride I pulled out my rain jacket. By the time got to the park about 30 minutes later, my glasses were wet, but my jeans weren't too damp.

Koganei Park is one of the largest parks in Tokyo. It's about 80 hectares (112 professional soccer fields or 80 400m running tracks; or to use a park in my hometown: more than three times the size of Queens Park in Toowoomba). It's a beautiful place, but there are only a couple of places that you can shelter if it's raining.

So, I headed for my favourite sheltered spot and discovered that a few others were sheltering there too. I wasn't surprised, but a little disappointed. I cruised past on my bike, but recognised a couple sitting in the shelter: two people from church. Initially I was going to find somewhere else to hang out and eat my packed lunch and read the book I'd brought, but something prompted me to change my mind and I circled back to say hi. They were surprised to see me, but welcomed me and we ended up spending nearly three hours together. We were all hoping that the rain would ease up while we talked, but it really didn't, it got worse, and chillier. So, in the end we departed, me, for my seven kilometre ride home and them, for a much shorter walk to their nearby house.

This time I donned my full rain gear, and covered my two bags with plastic. Nothing I could do about keeping my glasses clear, though, so I peered between raindrops on my specs and thankfully had a safe trip home. My rain gear did a pretty good job, though the cuffs on my jeans and flannie (US Eng: flannel shirt) both got fairly wet. It was a relief to get inside and dry off my face!

Hospitality

The sermon at our church on Sunday was on 1 Peter 4:7–11. Here's 8–10:

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. (NIV)

It's a rich passage with many concepts, but a couple are hospitality and loving one another. At lunch after church one man asked "How does hospitality look if you're an introvert?"

It so happened that that was the same man I encountered in the park with his wife. Hospitality is much a broader concept than hosting someone at your home for a meal or a night. In fact we have a whole industry using this name, an industry that encompasses providing food and beverages, accommodation, tourism, travel, and entertainment. 

I would venture to say that Christian hospitality is welcoming others, it's having a heart that is genuinely open to others. A heart that creates space (physical and otherwise) for others. I would also say that sitting and chatting to another person is a type of hospitality. 

When I arrived this man and his wife did practical things like shuffled over to give me a dry place to sit and offered a cloth to wipe my glasses. They also shared some of the food that they'd brought (something I forgot to do, but it's very Japanese to do this when eating together like this). They didn't dash off, they welcomed me into their conversation and we spent a few hours getting to know one another better. This was blessed fellowship and one that we would have missed if not for the rain (we probably wouldn't have met at the shelter except that we sought respite from the rain and would have left earlier if it hadn't been raining).

I'm thankful. I was able to share this story last night at our church's prayer meeting and another lady said she was encouraged by it. It reminded her that God has the power to make "coincidences" like this happen and encouraged her to pray for someone she occasionally encounters.

What other things would fit under the umbrella of Christian hospitality that we don't typically first think of?

He is not unable to sympathise when we grieve

This year I've been working on a big goal that I wrote about here in May last year when I was at the writer's retreat I organised, and then again in my first blog post this year. 

I took a big break in the middle of the year, but much of the rest of the year I've been trying to set aside some time on Friday mornings to think about and write chapters of a book that I'd like to see published. We'll see if publishing ends up happening, but I've discovered that if I literally write "Writing" on my calendar for a Friday morning and avoid having other meetings or outings that morning, I can usually settle down to write fairly well. However, if I don't do any of that, then I usually don't get anything done.

This morning I ended up with a 9 am meeting and I have not been able to settle to any book writing after that! But maybe I can write a blog post instead?

I'm in my 50s and have been living in Japan for about half my life! Life has changed greatly over that time, but there are still themes that keep coming back again and again. One of them is grief and loss. It's something I've written about many times here because it's something that keeps coming up. Everyone who has lived on this earth for more than a few years deals with loss and grief, but the cross-cultural life we live has a tendency to bring more of it into our daily lives than many people deal with.

I'm thinking about it at this time because a friend and colleague who has become very close in the last few years is leaving Japan permanently in February. It's a long, sad goodbye. Yesterday we had lunch together over a video call (we live on opposite sides of Tokyo), and finished with prayer for each other, and tears.

This is a reminder to me
of the time five years ago
when we had a picnic with
my friend and her family
on my birthday and she
baked me a cake :D

After our call finished I couldn't settle to my regular work. I don't know if it's true for others, but it's pretty normal that straight after a video call I can't just jump back into whatever is next on my list—especially if it is editing or a creative task like writing, and if the meeting or conversation was emotional, it's even harder. Yesterday I struggled to figure out what I could do to get myself back into the place where I could get things on my to do list done.

So, instead of ignoring the elephant in the room, I pondered grief. I looked at some of the things that I'd written about it in the past. I remembered talking to a psychologist about the grief I have accumulated over the years as I've said goodbye to many, many friends and colleagues. She mentioned the verse in Isaiah 53 that says Jesus was "acquainted with grief". So I looked that up.

I usually use the NIV version and it doesn't use those words, its translation is that Jesus "was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain" (Isa. 53:3 NIV).

"Familar with pain" is the phrase they've used for "acquainted with grief".

ESV, RSV, and KJV use "a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief".

NLT "a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief".

But what does "acquainted with grief" actually mean? "Acquainted" means to have personal knowledge of experience. It's stunning to think on this. Jesus knows about grief personally. 

He knew about grief before he came to earth as a man, actually, so I shouldn't be so surprised. The Old Testament tells us that God was grieved so many times by his people. One story of a conversation between Moses and God in Exodus 32 tells us how angry God was about Israel's disobedience when they made for themselves a golden calf and worshipped that instead of God.

The Lord said, “I have seen how stubborn and rebellious these people are. Now leave me alone so my fierce anger can blaze against them, and I will destroy them. Then I will make you, Moses, into a great nation.” But Moses tried to pacify the Lord his God. “O Lord!” he said. “Why are you so angry with your own people whom you brought from the land of Egypt with such great power and such a strong hand? (Ex. 11:9–10 NLT)

But we also see evidence of Jesus's grief in the New Testament. Of course when he wept at Lazarus's tomb and we know he lost John the Baptist to violent death (Matt. 14:13 says when he heard he immediately left in a boat to a remote area to be alone). But also in a larger sense we see his heart when he said "O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the city that kills the prophets and stones God's messengers! How often I have wanted to gather your children together as a hen protects her chicks beneath her wings, but you wouldn't let me" (Matt. 23:37). Jesus also endured the pain of betrayal in Judas, something that must have been more painful because he knew it was coming?

As I pondered these things, I plucked my copy of Gentle and Lowly: The Heart of Christ for Sinners and Sufferers (by Dane Ortlund) off my bookshelf and scanned through some of the chapter titles and then text. Here are some snippets:

Whatever it means to be human (and to be human without sin), Jesus was, and is. And emotions are an essential part of being human. . . . Jesus experienced the full range of emotions that we do (p. 104).

He ponders Hebrews 4:15: "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin" (ESV). Ortlund says:

The burden of this . . . verse is Jesus Christ's sheer solidarity with his people. . . . it is in "our weaknesses" that Jesus sympathizes with us. . . In our pain, Jesus is pained; in our suffering, he feels the suffering as his own even though it isn't—not that his invincible divinity is threatened, but in the sense that his heart is feelingly drawn into our distress." (p. 46). . . 

If you are in Christ, you have a Friend who, in your sorrow, will never lob down a pep talk from heaven. He cannot bear to hold himself at a distance. Nothing can hold him back. His heart is too bound up with yours (p. 51).

In Chapter 12 Ortlund considers again what it means for Jesus to be a tender friend. I think that was the most comforting thought in all this pondering. That, even when my close friend is no longer close, Jesus never leaves me. That my location is irrelevant in my relationship with him.

Christ's heart for us means that he will be our never-failing friend no matter what friends we do or do not enjoy on earth. He offers us a friendship that gets underneath the pain of our loneliness. While that pain does not go away, its sting is made fully bearable by the far deeper friendship of Jesus (p. 120).

None of this is especially new to me. I remember praying this in 2000, with tears, over my toddler, when we were grieving as we left Australia for the first time:

7 I can never escape from your Spirit!
I can never get away from your presence!
If I go up to heaven, you are there;
if I go down to the grave, you are there.
If I ride the wings of the morning,
if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
even there your hand will guide me,
and your strength will support me (Ps 139:7–10).

Nonetheless, we are forgetful beings, or at least I am! It's good to stop when things like this make us stumble, and remember in our hearts the truths we know in our heads.