Reflections on our 12-day trip to Australia

I did a lot of this: just sitting with
our granddaughter.

Three days ago we arrived back from our short trip to Australia to meet our new granddaughter and spend time with our kids. As you might imagine, it was a very special trip. Most of our international travel in the last 30 years has been for work, not leisure, so this uptick in family-related flights to Australia in the last few years has felt a bit extravagant. We're thankful that God has provided for our needs and that we've been able to walk a little closer to our kids through the challenging years as they transition into independent living in a country that they haven't grown up in.

The timing was perfect: we got to meet our granddaughter when she was only two weeks old, and also to have Christmas with all our kids as well. It's the first time that we've had only a "nuclear family" celebration in Australia for Christmas, i.e. not with our parents and siblings, only our kids.

Train window view: it was quite rainy
and we saw many sugar-cane fields.

It did feel like we had a double Christmas, though, a strange combo of the two types of Christmases that have become normal for us: a winter Japanese one, and a hot Australian one. Someone asked me which I preferred and I couldn't say. There are good things about both and memories associated with both.

Our journey there was a bit of a long slog. It took 25 hours door-to-door, including a two-hour car trip to the airport here, then about seven hours in the air, a taxi trip from the airport to the train station in Cairns, then a long and slow journey south to Townsville on the train that felt like it took forever (only about eight hours, twice as long as driving it would have taken). It's the first time I've taken an intercity train in Queensland. Overall the train was a good choice. It was cheaper than renting a car and, after an overnight flight, it was safer. The journey home took longer, because of train and plane schedules we had to spend the night in Cairns, so it was close to 36 hours to get back to our place in Tokyo.

Beautiful Townsville waterfront,
with Magnetic Island in the background.

Most of our 12 days in Townsville was spent hanging out with our eldest son and his wife and daughter at their place. The temperature and humidity this time of year aren't super inviting for going outside, especially with a newborn. But we did spend a little bit of time on the beachfront (though not in the sea...that's a bit dangerous with jellyfish and crocs), we went to church with them twice, and also to the Christian Christmas celebration called "The Stable" that featured not just carols and food, but live animals and actors walking around as Christmas Bible characters.

We got to housesit a beautiful water-front
apartment for free.

The apartment complex had a pool, and yes, we did have a swim one evening.

This is one reason you don't swim at this time of the year in the sea in north Queensland.

One day when we went to exit the apartment building
we found this shopping trolley taking a solo trip up and down
in the lift!

Beautiful tree in downtown Townsville. It has
a population of around 190,000, the 7th largest
non-state-capital city in Australia. Tiny compared
to Tokyo, but feels good for us who grew up in
rural Queensland.

It was a growing experience as we tried to fit in and adapt to what was going on for them, which meant not planning ahead, a lot of small grocery trips, and trying to discern how best to help out, without taking over. Like the rest of the parenting journey there's no instruction book on how to be a parent to your adult kids. But after years of raising them, I have to say that it's satisfying to sit back and watch them operating as responsible adults. Though, just like when they are younger, it's also hard to watch when they are struggling and in pain: you just want to fix it all for them and it hurts when you can't. I can easily see how challenging it would be to set boundaries if you lived close to your adult kids when they're raising their own kids. Good communication would be very important.

People have asked how it felt to be a grandmother...there's no clear answer to that either. I feel quite young at 52 to be a grandma! There is a detachment that you don't have with your own babies, when you're too tired and busy to really enjoy them. As a grandma just dropping in for a few days I had the luxury to sit back and enjoy the cuddles, while also helping out with meals, nappy changes, and a little bit of cleaning, without the long-term responsibilities and anxieties that come with parenting, especially the first time you do it. It also felt like picking up an old skill—holding a baby felt very natural and it was very special to know, as grandparents, that she's "ours".

Having our two youngest sons also visit for Christmas was like icing on the cake. The days surrounding Christmas Day when we just got to hang out together were very precious. The four guys (David and three sons) spent a lot of time playing two boardgames and I got to hang out with the girls. As I said, precious time. The last two times we came to visit this year we didn't have a solid "home base" of our own and there was a lot of other things going on, and therefore it was hard to get together and just "hang out", but that was different this time and it was lovely.

It's also been good to get home a week before school started again, we've been able to get extra sleep and relaxing time, as well as catch up with a handful of friends over meals.

Today I had the goal of starting our prayer letter, but also writing my reflection blog post looking back at 2025. I fear that I've got too many ambitions for my day!

Expectations

If you're a regular here you might remember that in May I mentioned an exciting development in our family—that we were going to become grandparents this year.(See here.)

Well the day has come: on Wednesday our first grandchild was born, a granddaughter! With our hearts partly in Australia, it's been tricky at times to concentrate on the things in front of us. In the age of instant communication, it was pretty easy to stay in touch with our son as he walked through the day with his wife as things progressed. Though I think the expectation of instant communication can easily make you impatient, and I can't say I was the most patient of expectant grandparents!

It's surreal because we can only look at photos and talk with them, but I guess that's a lot better than people in the past! I've heard stories of people getting a telegram months after such an event! But, nonetheless, we're getting a tiny taste of what my parents dealt with then they became grandparents. I've said previously that leaving Australia for Japan the first time in 2000 was one of the hardest experience I've ever had: we took my parents' only grandchild with us and saying goodbye was heartrending. Then, in Japan, we had our second child a couple of years later, their second grandchild, and they didn't get to meet him for several months. And, of course, most of the last 25 years our parents haven't been able to see our kids regularly.

So now, our son, who made us parents and my parents grandparents, has made us grandparents and my parents great-grandparents! A momentous week indeed.

We get to fly to Australia in less than two weeks to meet our granddaughter and spend Christmas with all our kids. That's going to be really precious, and I'm going to try to dwell on that, because it's easy for me to let the inevitable goodbye at the end of that time to colour the time we get to spend with them all.

But I've also got a difficult decision (wink!). I made cross-stitch birth gifts for almost all my nieces and nephews (here's a blog post about one I completed in 2010). Will I continue the tradition for my grandchildren? I'm not a knitter or crocheter. I've done a lot of cross-stitch in the last 27 years, but I consider myself semi-retired from cross-stitch because it's getting much harder as my eyes age. I have a really nice magnifying/light in Australia, but couldn't fit it in my luggage to bring to Japan. I guess I could try a larger count Aida cloth and a simple pattern? I'll have to think about it...I do have some nice patterns on my shelves. We'll see.

Buzzing with exciting news

I'm still buzzing from the writing retreat, but more "buzz" was to come on Saturday. We've known for several weeks, but finally we were able to talk openly about our impending grandparent-hood! 

My kids were all born pre-social media, so I come from an era where people didn't do announcements like this. But how fun is this photo that I made?

I feel like life is shooting past faster than I can comprehend, though! Only two years ago I had a kid at school...and then I was adjusting to "open nesting" and then having a daughter-in-law and now a grandchild is on the way? 

Phew! It's a lot! But also a lot of joy. 

The only sad thing about it is that we live a long way away from the expectant couple and we don't have a huge budget. Decisions about our movements at Christmas time are now pending...

Last week was a blur

As predicted, these last two weeks have been crazy busy and my head is feeling pretty fuzzy. As a way of untangling myself, I'm going to give you a quick glimpse of the bigger events of last week.

Our eldest son turned 18. It almost got lost in the busy week. 

On Monday night he stayed up into the early hours of the morning finishing his final high school presentation that we watched the next morning at school. He spoke for thirty minutes about gender inequality in sport, it was a culmination of a year's worth of investigation and writing. He did a great job!

On Wednesday night David and I accompanied our son to a parents and seniors banquet at a flashy venue downtown. I've been very involved in getting this organised, so it was almost surreal to be a part of of. All went smoothly except for the amount of food. Our group is a little different to the groups that facilities in Japan usually cater for: we've got larger boys (several over six-feet) and the party was non-alcoholic. Probably we were too frugal with our budget too.

It was fun getting dressed up (and then traipsing downtown on trains).

Thursday was a blessedly quiet day then Friday the biggest event: the high school graduation itself. I thought I'd be teary, but for the most of it I was fine. It's all a bit blurry now. There were 53 graduating seniors and about 600 people came to see it happen.

This was an extra special treat. We had several OMF colleagues, aka "OMF family" come to join us in the celebration. What a joy. Living at such a distance from our birth-families you tend to develop your own networks to survive and thrive. Over the years many OMFers have helped us in many ways and they do become a bit like an adopted family. Having these colleagues with us on Friday night was a reminder that our son didn't get to this point alone, nor did we. We've had a lot of support, both in Japan and in Australia. Many people have prayed for us and our family over the years too.

Straight after graduation we had a "mini" banquet, with a spread provided by the PTA for guests. It was crazy in a crowd that large. How many times did I get congratulated? Then just an hour after that the seniors all left on a final trip. A parent-organised all-night trip to the beach to watch the sun rise, eat breakfast and return (no sleep except on the bus). They were gone for 12 hours. David volunteered as a chaperone along with three other parents. When they got back our son slept most of the day and David had two long naps. But they did get a spectacular sunrise.

There is controversy about this particular tradition for a few reasons (not least being that it is expensive and took a lot of work to organise). I can see both sides. 

Last week I tried to explain to someone who hasn't lived overseas that graduation from an international school is a little different to a usual high school. I came away disappointed that my point didn't appear to be understood. These third culture kids (TCK) have a bond that will be hard to replicate as they go to other countries and mingle with a lot of mono-cultural kids who don't really understand what it's like to grow up in a country that isn't your passport country (or for the Japanese kids in the class, to go to a school that isn't in your native language or system and become a TCK as a result). When our boys were in Australia, it wasn't so much Japan they missed, but school. They feel "at home" there.

So for me, one reason I'm in favour of the trip because it gives these graduates time to say their goodbyes by just being together. This last week has been so hectic that I don't think there really was time for that otherwise.

And finally, we also said goodbye to my parents. Mum and Dad were with us for 12 days and on Sunday headed off on an adventure of their own. They'd booked a ten-day tour taking them to some very famous places in Japan. We're so glad they were able to come and get a glimpse of our daily life and celebrate these milestones with us. It does make me feel a bit sad and even guilty that they have to go to such trouble and expense in order to simply visit us. And then the best we can offer them is "camping" in our lounge room where they had little personal space.

So now, somehow I need to get back into ordinary life again. Our two younger boys finish school on Friday and David has a few staff days after that. I guess all of that will help jolt me back into reality, that and the list of things that got put on hold while I helped hold the household together over the last fortnight.

Big weeks coming up

The first time my parents visited us.

Yesterday I went to the airport to get my parents. This is the third time they've visited Japan, in fact it is 14 years and one day since they first visited us in Japan.

The first time my parents visited we were living in
Hokkaido, the northern island of Japan.
We drove along the west coast of the island on an
incredible day where the sea was almost glass-like.
Great memories!

I don't go to the airport very often. It's a long way away from where we live, even though we live in Tokyo. I travelled through three prefectures yesterday. The airport isn't in Tokyo, it is out the other side in Chiba prefecture and we travelled back through the prefecture to the north of Tokyo called Saitama. The whole trip took six hours.

But it took them longer. They were up for nearly 24 hours. Australia is not as close as you think, once you factor in especially if you don't live close to an international airport. We were all pretty tuckered out by the end and a bit slow to get going this morning.

In order to blog I need my own quiet headspace to write. I can often manage it with just my family around (though I usually try to do it while they're all out of the house, at least for nine months of the year), however add two more people to the household and things get more hectic. Not to mention that it's been two years since I've seen them, so I want to spend time with them. So I won't be here that much in the next couple of weeks, but we do have some big events happening (that's why they're here):

26th (Friday): Middle school graduation (8th grade) for our middle son in the evening (along with a dinner for students and parents beforehand and dessert for everyone afterwards).
27th (Saturday): Parent-organised lunch at school for 8th graders and their extended families.
30th (Tuesday): Our eldest son's last assessment, which is a presentation that combines all the research he's done this year on a global issue: Gender Inequality in Sports. We're invited to this and he presents to a teacher panel who grade him.
31st (Wednesday): Parent-organised banquet for seniors and their parents. This one I've been very much involved in organising since September last year (I wrote a little bit about it here). It's a fancy affair and we'll have photos. I just hope it all goes well.
2nd (Friday): High school graduation for our eldest. Wow, I feel too young for this. During the week leading up to this our son also turns 18, officially an adult in his country of birth!
9th (Friday): School finishes for grades K - 11.

So I suspect that though I won't be here writing lots, I might be posting photos...

Single parent hat is on

Good memories of Christmas with my
in-laws in 2014.

From today I have my single parent hat on for most of the next two weeks. David's flying to Australia this evening to spend time with his dad and family (see why here). He gets back next Thursday late and flies again next Sunday with the wrestling team to their international three-day meet in Korea. The latter has been planned for some time, the former only two days ago.

I don't like being a single parent. If you've read my blog for long you'll know that (see here), but admittedly it is getting easier as they get older.

But just like choosing to come back to Japan in obedience to our call even when my feelings weren't there yet last year, I choose to do this without protesting (though I may complain about my boys on occasion). I choose to be thankful for my husband who we love so much that he is greatly missed when he is away. And I pray he will be a blessing to his family and others he encounters while he's away. 

I also pray that he will have all the energy he needs. Just the journey there is arduous: two nights, three planes, three or more trains, and a 300+km car trip at the end.

I've also just rediscovered this song, I think I'll be playing it a few times in the coming days.

How's it going?

Email from a friend: "How are you guys coping this week?"
My reply: "We're okay. A bit swamped by work, but in good spirits. The boys are all being pretty good too, which helps."

A birthday

As I mentioned yesterday, we had a birthday this week. That resulted in:

A great conversation with my parents:

• Grandson turning 15 big changes in him. Skype is great!
• Photo book arrived, looks great.
• Moving details (they store our stuff while we're away).

The boys "gaming".

Presents

• Particularly a new game (not technically a board game, but something of a hybrid between a board game and a card game): 7Wonders. The boys have been playing every spare moment, including all day today (with two extra boys, friends of our eldest from mid afternoon).

Self Maintenance

I took myself to the dentist for a checkup and the hairdresser for a trim this week. Felt great to get these routine-type things out of the way.

A good antidote for me about feeling overwhelmed by work is taking time out to socialise with friends. I had a couple of opportunities to have coffee with friends this week. It helped me keep my perspective and positive attitude.

Some projects coming to conclusion

I've received the proofs of the "31 Days of Prayer for Japan" booklet that I spent a lot of time on late last year and earlier this year. Looks like it will be out in time for our home assignment. Just need to get it proofread and marketed now!

The Japan Calendar 2015 that I've worked on the last couple of months is also coming to a conclusion. This year we're adding Portuguese and German to the English version. Wonderful progress!

The end is in sight for the Spring issue of Japan Harvest. I'm also getting to the end of the editing phase of the Summer issue. I might be able to do that before I hand it over in a couple of weeks.

Today got our last prayer/newsletter out (though there is still a couple of knots to sort out, with some addresses not being sent to). That is the last prayer/newsletter for this term of service. Great!

As I wrote above, the photo book I've worked on this year about this term of service has arrived at my parent's house (cheaper than getting it posted to Japan). My parents think it looks wonderful, great quality. This is a relief and I'm looking forward to using this flexible deputation tool.

David's finished the video we made with a couple of Aussies at CAJ giving their short testimony about how CAJ really contributes to their ministry. This is also going to be a great tool for deputation, in conjunction with another fabulous video that some American friends made for us.

David finished the rough draft of the last assignment for his Masters degree on Thursday. I'm proofreading it. It's going to be a great relief to get this finished.

It is wonderful to see these things coming to an end. That means that we're making progress in our preparation for moving, but also that we're getting ready to move into different roles for the year.

Cleaning

I cleaned the inside and outside of the windows in our bedroom today, including the screens. Seems like a small achievement, but it took a while. And again, it is a marker showing visible progress.

More furniture decided on

We've been getting various pieces of information about furniture that could be used by us in Australia. Needed furniture. It's required lots of emails and guessing/decision making. Challenging at times to get our minds around it all. But also a reminder that not only do we have good friends working on our behalf, which is a great encouragement, but also that God is supplying our needs.

Sports Day/Field Day (as the Americans call it)

5x200m relay. Our boys made up ⅖ of the orange team.

Yesterday it was the CAJ elementary sports/field day. I wasn't looking forward it, but it turned out to be okay. It was hot and despite using a hat, sunscreen, and an umbrella, and drinking 4L of fluid, my skin felt battered by the sun last night. On that note, Australians don't use umbrellas to keep the sun off them much, do they? That's going to be weird.

However I did get to touch base with a lot of people, as well as see my two younger sons perform very well in a number of events.

Here I am with a couple of friends.
I think our team should have gotten point for parents
wearing team colours. Orange is not a colour that is
in my wardrobe. I actually planned ahead and
bought this shirt at Thrift Shop for a very small
amount of money. See the orange umbrella that
my eldest son allowed me to use (it's his), it was
his idea, actually!

So, just in case you were asking: that's some of "How it's going" here!

MK grandparents

Being a grandparent of missionary kids (MKs) is not an easy role. Home assignment can be a great time to catch up, but all the time we're aware of the years that they've missed and will never be made up.

Yesterday my parents drove 100km to visit and stay overnight. They came because we've managed to combine an early birthday party (for our nearly 11 y.o.) with grandparents' day at school.

Last night after the kids were in bed we talked about logistics of getting packed up and back out of the country (we store our stuff at their place). It was all calm and calculated - but under it all you know that they're about to lose our family again. God has given them (and us) much grace to cope.

Thankfully they now have other grandchildren as well. One of the most painful experiences of my life was to leave for Japan the first time in 2000, and say goodbye for four years - taking their only grandchild away. For a long time I would burst into tears at the memory of that awful day. In many ways we've learned to live an ocean apart, so it is no longer so painful. But that day of parting at the airport is never pleasant.

Back to nicer things. Here is the birthday party:












And the cake. I'm pretty happy with how the cake turned out. Very simple decorating. Lower in fat, but tastes good. Looks realistic too!