Connection at a retreat

I'm in a post-retreat slump. This morning (Monday), I struggled to wake up, despite having a very quiet, restful day on Saturday. And now I'm back at my desk, trying to pick up the pieces after being away from it since last Tuesday. Part of me craves the high of the retreat, the time to worship, to talk with other women, and, to be brutally honest: to swan around without responsibilities!

I guess this slump probably means that I am actually quite tired and need a longer break than just one day. I'm looking forward to going camping next week for four days, and hope that that will result in greater physical refreshing.

Last week was great, I got to escape from Tokyo and daily life to a women's retreat I've been to many times. I always look forward to this retreat with other cross-cultural women, but I don't look forward to coming home and facing the rest of my life afterwards!

This time was a bit different, though. It was great to come home to my husband and not this kind of situation. Home without children remains a very quiet place, something I love, but it was a dramatic change from hanging out with 60 other women for the better part of three days. My husband graciously listened while I spilled out many things from the week that had passed.

Entrance to the centre's onsen,
yes non-private bathing

But you might have gleaned that the retreat was good. It was, in fact, great. I got to go to the venue a day early, ostensibly to help the small leadership team to set up. But I didn't actually do much, mostly because there were so many of us helping that the few things that needed doing didn't take long (or took a lot longer, because...well you know how sometimes it's easier for one person to decide something than a committee!). So the first 24 hours really were very restful, though I did have the remnants of a nasty headache on Tuesday afternoon.

It was so much fun being able to see many people who I haven't seen for two years (the last time I went to this retreat). It's interesting reading about that retreat in 2023 (here). I'd forgotten how heavy the start of that year was. This year my heart was lighter and there were less tears. I'd also "graduated" into the "older woman" category of those who have no children left at home, which felt odd.

Some of these women I never see at any other time other than these retreats. Yet, conversations are deep. I pondered this with one lady over lunch one day. We concluded that most of us feel like outsiders most of the time, but at a retreat like this we are insiders who are almost all living in a foreign land. It's comforting to find this a common ground and fosters strong bonds that form quickly.

Writing workshop ladies talking

Worship through song during the retreat was led by a couple of very down-to-earth ladies and our speaker was also very relatable. The talks were Bible-centred and the retreat started out with a whole session of focussing our eyes on God, in particular focusing on his unfailing love.

Thursday afternoon was free time, plus the option of attending two of four short workshops. Yours truly ran one, on a topic I've never specifically taught before: writing prayer letters (for those who hate doing it). Eight ladies were brave enough to come and I hope they went away with a few ideas to help make this routine ministry task easier. I'm not a natural teacher, and find it uncomfortable to stand up in front of even a small group like this, but I can see ways that I might repeat this (and do a better job).

After that I went for a walk with a very dear friend who I haven't seen since December.

Thursday night was very special: an open worship night. I've noted in the past that at these non-church interdenominational events I often feel more free. I've worshipped in conservative circles all my life and am happy there. So worshipping with people who are far more expressive is different, but good for my soul, I think. We mostly sang, and towards the end dissolved into a lengthy people of spontaneous micro-prayers. It was exceptional. 

The fun ride home

On Friday we left for home straight after lunch. I squeezed into a fun car full of six women and our luggage. We had a great afternoon, you guessed it—talking all the way home (about four hours, as we gradually dropped of ladies along the way, and only got a tiny bit lost along the way)!

During the week I had all sort of encounters. Here's a tiny taste:

I met a neighbour I didn't know I had. She and her husband work in a Chinese ministry at a sister church to ours and live about five houses from us.

I caught up with the mum of one of my youngest son's best friends. Turns out our sons had been talking (Australia to US) just that afternoon!

There were two other Aussies at the retreat. One with the Salvos and the other on a working holiday visa, I chatted with both.

At various times over the week I was able to share bits of our recent journey with neurodivergence, autism, and mental illness. And about journeying with kids into young adult years, especially about the bumps and challenges we've faced. I rubbed shoulders with mums who are ahead of me on this journey, and others who are facing up to their kids finishing high school soon, as well as women who are still in the midst of figuring out how to get their kids an education in this foreign land. We all learn from one another and it's a joy.

I met women who "know" me through my writing: this blog and through my work with the Japan Harvest magazine. That's always a little scary. What do people know about me? What do they think they know? Many who know me for my role as a managing editor make assumptions about my educational background that aren't true. No, I don't have a university degree in writing (or editing, though I've discovered that few editors do, most learn on the job like I did). But it's always exciting to hear from those who have really enjoyed the content of the magazine. My roomie was busy reading the latest issue (I don't think she was trying to impress me).

I did a lot of listening and a lot of talking. And, as usual, came away wishing that I'd done more listening and been slower to speak.

Last week on Facebook, I shared this article about the value of cross-cultural relationships. I could probably write a whole blog post as I bounce off ideas that the two authors shared, but here's a tiny portion as it relates to the friendships amongst women I meet at English-speaking retreats in Japan.

Cross-cultural friendships may often lack the natural reference points that ease our interactions with people of our own background, but they do have the advantage of creating a sense of self-expansion. This is the sense that we are growing as people...

Self-expansion can come in many forms. It may come from an exposure to new points of view, or an introduction to new and exciting experiences that we had never encountered alone...we are constantly learning from each other...

Connections across countries . . [may help] to loosen some of the shackles on our thinking so that we are more receptive to new ways of viewing the world—a more flexible and open-minded attitude that encourages innovation. (David Robson and Alessia Franko, "'I call her my Italian sister': The power of cross-cultural friendships")

So, I think that these friendships are very helpful. They take me beyond my usual thoughts and experiences and stretch me into someone who has a bigger experience and broader mind. I love getting outside our organisation and church and hearing about how other people and organisations do life. It helps keep me realistic about the various challenges we face in our own lives. I'm already looking forward to next year's retreat!

This week is unusual

Tomorrow we are catching trains to our first in-person overnight mission conference in four years. It's 550km north of here, but we get to go on the super-fast Shinkansen, so it's a shorter journey than if we were driving. 

OMF Japan field has usually held all-field conferences every two or three years. We were about to gather in March 2020 when all plans had to be cancelled for the pandemic. Since then we’ve had two online substitutes, but they really have only been “better than nothing” events.

This is the grand dining room of the venue of
our last all-field conference, in 2018.

One of the best things about on-field conferences is actually gathering with other missionaries. It really is pretty exhausting, because not only do you have various meetings and gatherings to attend, you spend a lot of the “free time”, coffee breaks, and meals catching up with people you haven’t seen in a long time, but it's a "good" exhausted. This is our family-away-from-home. The noise is quite something! I think this one is going to be more overwhelming for me than they have in the past, because rarely, in the last 2 ½ years, have I been in a room with more than 20 people who are talking to one another.

Nevertheless, I'm looking forward to gathering with our “OMF Family” in May for the first time in four years. (Incidentally it will be first time in Japan that we've been to a conference without any kids—our boys are staying home.) This isn’t a full-field conference, but about two-thirds of our missionaries will be there. There will be many new faces, and, sadly, many faces missing—people who’ve retired or left the field for various reasons, as well as most of those who don't work on Honshu. It's going to be an all-masked affair, and I'm hoping that wearing masks all the time will not hinder our time together.

I don't get off with being just a participant, either. I'm running a writing workshop for an handful of people on Friday afternoon and playing the piano for a short while during communion also. But I'm okay with these! What I have had trouble with is actually believing that this is going to happen. We've had so many plans cancelled in the last 2 ½ yrs, it seems surreal to actually have something big like this really happening. And we've done our Covid tests, so we're really good to go! I'm packing my suitcase soon.

By the way, if you're interested, this was my blogpost after our last conference, in March 2018: https://mmuser.blogspot.com/2018/03/hokkaido-conference-is-wrap.html This time we're going to a much more bare-bones venue, a youth hostel.

A story blast from the past

This week I'm preparing to help facilitate a two-week online workshop. I'm not experienced at teaching (and would be inclined to say, not good at it either). Nevertheless, I was challenged this week by an article I had to edit that it's important to not avoid doing everything that you aren't good at. That's a real temptation for me! 

Anyway, I'm trying to "marinate" in the content I have to present next week (that's the advice of a teacher friend) and hope that I'll be able to wing it once we get there and there won't be too many awkward moments.

One of the parts I like about this course is that it encourages (actually, requires) people to write their stories. It's a course that helps to prepare missionaries to go back to their home countries and share with people there about Japan and their ministry here. 

So, as a facilitator, we have to model "story sharing". The particular format they've chosen is to share "module stories" of two minutes each. I've actually gotten quite distracted writing some of my own stories and looking at things I've written in the past. 

I need to get back to work, but want to share with you a fiction story that I'd forgotten I'd written, even though it was only written five years ago, but it's quite poignant as it's based on real experiences in language school 20 years ago.

“Don’t pick up the phone.”

This is my mantra in my first year in Japan. It is too intimidating. It presents an impenetrable divide between me and the person on the other end called language and there seems to be no point. A while ago our language adviser found out that I was not answering the phone and I was in trouble. After all, I am in language school, I am supposed to be boldly confronting this wall of language.

Trouble is, like a rock climber with sweaty hands, I struggle to find a handhold. The footholds don’t match my feet and my progress seems unmeasurable. Whenever I do get a handhold it turns out it’s the wrong one. Or it doesn’t allow me to get a foothold too and then my teacher corrects me. As soon as she does I lose my grip and my confidence in the same moment. There just doesn’t seem to be a way forward to begin to climb that wall.

I used to be a daredevil, that, after all, is how I came to play both netball and the clarinet. I came close to representing my state in netball and my senior year at school was a blur of activity. As a child I had too much energy, so my mum sought to direct that into extra activities. It seemed to work, or maybe it drained me of spunk? Because I don’t feel like a daredevil anymore.

“Brrrrrring, brrrring . . . brrrrring, brrrrrring” Oh no!

“Brrrrrring, brrrring.”

“Ah hello?”

“Ohayogosaimasu, blah blah blah…” The rest was a blur.  I presume they introduced themselves.

“Goshujin . . . blah blah blah . . . masu?” Ah, are they looking for my husband? He’s not here, otherwise he would have answered the phone. Um, how do I say, “Not here?”

“Ummmm. Gakko desu.” He’s at language school, how do I say that?

Silence

So I venture: “Arimasen.” Does that mean not here? No, maybe it means doesn’t exist? “Go ji desu.” I think I said five o’clock. That’s what time I think he’s coming home.

“Go ji kaerimasu?” He’s coming home at five?

“Ummm, hai.” Yes, am I agreeing to the right thing?

“Shitsu . . . blah blah blah.”

Click.

Sigh. Daredevil I am not. Surely there is a better way to live than this? But how can I admit to being defeated by a language? How can I continue to live in a land where I can’t even answer the phone and tell someone that my husband is out and won’t be back until 5 pm?

My problem is not only that I’m bad at learning language, I’m bad at quitting too. I can’t come up with a good enough reason to call it quits here. We spent a long time telling people how much Japanese needed Jesus, and that we were going to help. How could we just turn our backs on that? What would we tell everyone?

But secretly, I’m looking. I’m checking the internet for jobs in Australia. Oh how I dream of going back to a place where I can talk to anyone I like. To a place I can read. To a place where I’m not scared of the phone.

But I can’t admit it to my husband. He’s soaring away from me in language learning. He loves the challenge, I hate it. He’s climbing up that wall at a speed that is shocking to me.

“Brrring brrrring” Oh no, not again!

“Ah, hello?”

A familiar voice greeted me, “Hi, it’s me.” Phew, I sink to the floor, so weary of the fear.

“Hey darling, when will you be home? I just got a call from some unknown person who, I think, wanted to know.”

“I wonder what that was about? Maybe it’s our new table they’re going to deliver. I’m just leaving now, do you want anything from the store?”

“Just a new brain.”

“Ah, what?”

“Never mind. I think we need some milk and eggs.”

“Great, I’ll be home soon. Love you.”

“Love you too. Bye”

Click

Fantastic, just enough time to write an email to my best friend. I scurry over to the computer. 

“Hi Sal, 

I miss you!!!!!! I’m not doing well today. I just can’t stand it here. The phone rang today and I answered it, but I could barely understand a word that was spoken. I still don’t know who it was and why they called, or if I managed to communicate anything with them. How am I going to keep living like this?

The other day I went to the store and I put four milk bottles in my basket. The cashier took two away from me at the checkout and wouldn’t let me buy them. I’m not sure why. Then when I got home I tried to make dinner. I just felt so down that it was hard to get up the motivation to cook. I was making pizza on bread slices (no pizza bases here), but because our kitchen is so small first I had to wash and dry up all the dishes and put them away so that I’d have room to cut stuff up. I’d rushed out so fast this morning that I didn’t get to them and, presumably, Phil didn’t get to them either. Somehow doing all that just to get the space to chop up stuff for simple pizzas seemed like too much work. I ended up preparing everything on the dining room table in the other room. We ended up with a lot of washing up afterwards, but at least we got dinner.

Daniel's doing well at language, but they want him to be a church planter and he’s not so sure about that. Me, well I’ve got no idea what I’m doing here. How are we going to work in a church when I can’t even answer the phone?

Tell me I can come home? Help me find a way I can get out of this.

I miss you so much, can I have a virtual hug?

Love,

Tess.”

I heard a key in the front door and a blast of cold air rushed into the room. “Hi honey, I’m home.”

My greeting was less than enthusiastic; I’ve never been good at pretending I feel good when I don’t. “That was fast.”

As he shook the snow off his boots and hung up his coat he asked, “What’s for dinner?”

“Oh, I haven’t got that far yet. I was totally derailed by that phone conversation.”

“Hmph. I’m hungry.”

“Well, I’ll figure something out. Did you get the eggs? Is it okay if I scramble them?”

“I suppose so. Are you okay?”

“Yeeeees, maybe not.” My brave mask started to crumble. Heck, where’s the tissues?

“What’s up?”

“I really hate living here. I can’t even answer the phone without sounding like a complete fool. I’m stuck. I hate being so dependent on other people and not knowing what’s going on. I’m lonely too. When did I last have a good conversation over coffee with a girlfriend who’s known me more than a couple of months?” I paused as I blew my nose.

“Yes…”

“Well, too be honest I’ve been looking at jobs in Australia and there’s this really good sounding one in Dalby, not so far from my family.”

“Do you think that’s a good idea?”

“Well maybe this was all a mistake, maybe we misread the situation. Maybe we’re not meant to be missionaries?”

“But a lot of people have given money for us to do this. We spent so many months visiting churches telling them this was God’s calling for us. How can we just give up? What will we say to everyone?”

“Yeah, well I had that thought too. But how can I go on?”

“But what if I don’t want to go back to Australia?”

“Oh, well . . . “I pulled out a bowl and started breaking the eggs into it. “Um, I don’t know. I guess I’ll just have to keep trying?”

The next day we have a guest at the language school, Rose, a missionary from England who’s in her 50s and been in Japan since she was my age. Her talk is about looking after ourselves, how to “stay the course”.

Afterwards there is time for questions and before I could think I burst out with, “But what if it’s too hard? What if we can’t envisage ourselves staying until we’re 50?”

She looks at me and I know that she’d been where I am. She said, “You do it one day at a time. Can you last out today? Then do it. And tomorrow you ask yourself the same thing. That’s how I’m still here.”

“Does it get easier?” I blurt.

“Yes, in a way it does.”

At 5pm Daniel came home to a wife that was just a tiny bit happier.

He said, “Hi darling. How was your day?”

“A little better. I still made tons of mistakes in my classes and messed up at the pharmacy, but I think I can stay tomorrow.”

He looked puzzled, “What do you mean? Where are you going?”

“Oh, nowhere. Rose spoke at language school today, I’m sorry you couldn’t be there. She said just do this one day at a time. Don’t let your mind race ahead too far. I’m thinking that I can manage that, for now.”

He grabbed me in a hug, and I grabbed the tissues again.

Looking back at 2021

 The last two years I've used some interesting and challenging questions to write this last post of the year, so I'm going to do it again.

David and me enjoying a pre-Christmas
date.

1. What makes this year unforgettable?

• Second year of the pandemic, what can I say...
• Personally we've had tragedy, ill-health, injury, despair, close encounters with suicide, exhaustion, a creative ending to a high school career, lack of clarity about the future, etc. Some, but not much of that was related to the pandemic. Altogether it's made for a very challenging year personally. I'm thankful for a fulfilling job that meant that even when I had no answers for the personal pain we faced, I found joy and purpose in my work, and of course God gave me hope.

2. What did I enjoy doing this year?

• Editing fiction in my spare time. I spent a couple of months early in the year editing a book by a friend of mine. First time to edit a book-length manuscript, first time to edit fiction. It was challenging in a good way and I hope I get another opportunity to do it again in the future (though it would be great if I could devote work-time, rather than spare-tie to such a project).
• Baking and reading: my two passions I've continued to love.
• Camping: we only made it out to two camping trips this year and one of those was shortened due to a typhoon. The pandemic made it difficult to book campsites across prefectural borders and we complicated things by trying to gather a larger group to do it.
• Walking after dinner: this has become one of my favourite things too, most of the time I love catching up with my husband during our 4–5 km walk, and I miss it when weather or work or other events mean we can't do it for a few days.
• Weekly video calls with our eldest son have been really great too. Often one or both of his brothers join and we usually end up playing online board/card games.

3. What/who is one thing/person you're grateful for?

• I'm grateful for a solid marriage, for a husband who is calm and committed to his family, and we've walked through a very hard year shoulder-to-shoulder. Many people don't have that. I'm ever so grateful I do.
• I'm also grateful to my friends. My daily-trio of friends as well as some other women who have emerged as even more precious than they were before.

4. What did you read/watch/listen to that made the most impact this year?

• Mmm. Hard question as usual. Looking at the books I've read (post on Dec 13), I would suggest the Bogel book about overthinking was probably the most impactful. I also have enjoyed listening sporadically to a podcast call Undeceptions, for example the episode about a same-sex-attracted Christian was eye opening and ultimately very encouraging, another episode I posted about here on Friendship was also excellent.

5. What did you worry about most and how did it turn out?

• This is something I can't share here due to protecting the privacy of my family. My worst fear didn't eventuate, but it still might, only God knows.

6. What's my biggest regret?

• Not being able to see my eldest son this year (it's been 2 ½ yrs now).
• I regret not being able to see any Olympics or Paralympics in person, despite living in the city where they were held.
• Not having the emotional energy to do some things that I used to do.

7. What's something that has changed about me?

• I think I've become a little less less zoned in on "what's next" for our boys. I've had a lot of my expectations for them stripped away (expectations I mostly didn't realise I held).
• I did more teaching this year than I've ever done (mostly in the first quarter of the year). I still don't think it's really my wheelhouse, but it was good to have the opportunity to help other adults learn new things.
• I've become even more discerning about who I bare my heart to.

8. What surprised you most this year?

• How many people are rejecting immunisation. Also I've been saddened by Australia's isolationist policy during this pandemic. There are times that it felt like us expats weren't welcome in our home country. And no, I don't wish to have a discussion about this here or on social media. I have steered clear of writing about these things on social media.
• I've also been happily surprised by some of the ways that I've seen my boys grow and change this year. As I wrote in this blog post, it's harder to anticipate when and what milestones older teens and young adults will achieve, but it's just as satisfying (or more) as when they  were learning to walk and talk.
• I was also surprised at how difficult it was to get used to being back in-person after many months of online meeting.

I'm going to add two more questions here: 

9. What Bible truths impacted you this year?

• "Be still and know that I am God" (Ps 46: 10) has been an ongoing theme since mid-2018. But I also spent several hours on an "accidental" retreat considering the whole of Psalm 46.
• Also I've returned again and again to Hebrews 12:1-3 and Isaiah 40. Both are worth looking up and pondering deeply.

10. What meta-themes have you thought about this year? (in no particular order)

• Efficiency isn't necessarily God's way or the best way.
• Letting go of control.
• Walking alongside older teens and young adults as a parent (of course all these first three are related!)
• Lily pads (see here)
• I got to ponder a wide variety topics courtesy of my work for example: pop culture in Japan, technology in ministry, history of the Japanese church, men in the church, the best uses of social media for mobilisation, rest, good editing practices, and macrons and other questions of the romanisation of Japanese (look it up, it'll either fascinate you or bore you).

Highlights:

• Two camping trips, including camping in a new prefecture.
• Several opportunities to spend time with family friends in-person for the day or evening.
• Immunisation against COVID-19 (yes, a highlight)
• Seeing the social media team that I lead continue to forge ahead producing excellent content.
• Editing a fiction book (as mentioned above)
• The new building and sports field at school. I've rarely been there and actually haven't set foot on the oval ("field" for Americans), but it's great to hear about how it's being used.

Lowlights:

• Aforementioned tragedy and ill-health
• Missed opportunities for good fellowship during online meetings, sometimes due to a lack of thinking-outside-the box by event organisers.
• Shortened winter holiday due to an unexpected and dramatic medical event
• Seeing my boys struggle
• Too many online meetings and not enough people-time some weeks.
• Church being online for most of the year.
• Not being able to get to Australia (which meant some thinking outside the box for a few items I'd rather buy in person there).

Other thoughts

Writing: I did plan to write a blog post every month based on a book called Come Closer by Jane Rubietta. I did it for four months, but then failed to finish the rest of the year. In fact this year I've only published 43 blog posts, that's an all time low (my highest output was in 2011 at 369). It's been a busy and stressful year and I've often been tired. I have written two or three articles for each of the four magazines we've published, plus various social media posts and a a couple of online articles for OMF. But really, my writing output has been very low, an indication of how the year has gone, really. There's lots been going on, but much that I can't share with a wider audience and a lack of energy to invest in writing as well. Contrary to that I've done a lot of editing and continue to enjoy working with other people and their writing.

Goals: these were my stated goals for 2021 (in my first blog post this year) and I think I've done okay at these. How we worked towards #1 looked surprising at times to some outside our household, but there were good reasons for what we did. Of course these aren't "SMART" goals, in that they aren't Measurable, but then I think that there is much that needs to be achieved in life that can't be measured easily and isn't short-term.

1. Looking after myself and my household as best I can
2. Taking care to look out for others who are within my circle of influence—keeping my eyes open for opportunities to serve them and others further afield, and
3. Working to the best of my ability in all the tasks that are mine to do.

I have pondered this blog post long enough and it's just getting longer the more I look at it, so it's time to release it into the wild. If you take up the challenge of answering these questions, I'd love to hear your thoughts (privately, if you wish).

January was an unusual month for me at work

Last week I worked in a team of three people facilitating a workshop that helps prepare missionaries for home assignment (PHAW). It was my first time! And the most formal teaching I've ever done. Not to mention, the first time I've been a presenter on the "in control" end of a Zoom workshop. I spent nearly 40 hours on Zoom over the two weeks of the workshop and I'm exhausted this week! It's taking me a while to get back to a "status quo" of energy, and given that it's already Thursday, I'm thinking I won't be back to 100% before the weekend.

One of my favourite things about this course is the amount of writing you get to do. We were participants back in 2003 and 2009, at the end of our first and second terms. This course was one of those things that God used to awaken in me an understanding that I love to tell stories, and that I love to write about things that have happened in my life.

As facilitators, we had to give several presentations of stories we've written to demonstrate what was possible. So in the weeks leading up to the course, I got to indulge in writing! Of course writing for speaking is a little different, and this course is very strict on time limitations, but it was still fun. I'm a bit peeved that Blogger seems to disallow cutting and pasting from Word these days, otherwise I might have shared a five-minute talk I gave last Monday. I'm not sure I want to type all that out again...

Picking up this new role has pushed me outside my comfort zone. I'm very at home sitting at my computer, working on other people's writing (and my own), managing a couple of remote teams, and working with social media. Not that my role has been static, or without changes or challenges over the last five years. But teaching adults, using someone else's curriculum, and over Zoom was way outside what I've got experience in, and so I've felt very stretched this last month. But it's been good for me. I have a tendency to get bored, so a new challenge was welcome, but I also know that the older we get (yes, I know I'm not even 50 yet), the more set in our ways we become and the harder it is to change. So shaking that up every now and then is helpful. 

As I worked on this new job assignment through the month, I also became aware that, though I'm not trained as a teacher, I have a good amount of experience on the topic that we were talking about: home assignment. We've done a total of three and a half years of home assignment in the last 16 years (not counting the 21 months of deputation we did prior to coming to Japan the first time), so it's not a topic that I know nothing about. It's good to be able to pass something of my experience on to others. Not to mention that I've pretty comfortable with working on succinct writing and working with writers, something this course demands. However what I found more challenging was the listening skills required: for some of the time we were critiquing talks, not written work like I usually do.

I also enjoyed working more closely with people. Though I work with people all the time, I don't talk to them often. Interacting daily in a team, even virtually, was stimulating for this ambivert (extrovert with a strong introvert shadow). Before the week started, I packed my bag and moved to our mission's Japan guest home and headquarters the other side of Tokyo—in order to give my all to the course, and to minimise the disruption here at home. (This role required me to be working late and being on video calls during times when others would be using the room I call my office, but which is also in our family's living area.) As I was working in an office building, I also saw colleagues who I otherwise never see. It's the first time I've had an office outside of my home since I became a mum in 1999! I got quite giddy being able to pop my head into someone's office to ask them a question. And I took the time to go for a long walk and talk with two of them.

But, I have to say that I'm glad that that intensity is over for now. I could not, and have never entertained the thought, that I could be a teacher year-round. I'm happy to be back at my desk, doing what I usually do again, even if it doesn't generate the adrenaline-rush that I had going last week.

Best get back to my day-job...

Top 10 tips for working with editors

This week I'm preparing to teach next week at an online course that prepares missionaries to do home assignment. This online teaching is becoming a trend in my life—I've also been asked to teach at an online OMF writing workshop in March.

Big difference is that next week we've got a curriculum to follow and other "facilitators" to work closely with. The one in March I've got a lot more freedom with.

One of the things that I've been asked to prepare for March is a "top ten tips list for working with editors". I know that many of you won't have had the experience of (or interest in) working with an editor. But I thought I'd throw this out there for any who have and to get your ideas/feedback. 

The workshop is focused on non-fiction books. While I have a fair bit of short-writing non-fiction editing experience now, I don't have experience in editing books, so that's a bit of a challenge. So some of these tips might be more suited to magazine editing, than book editing.

From the perspective of an editor, here are some things I'd like to include on my Top 10 list:

1. An editor is not your enemy, this isn't personal to them, be professional in your interaction with them. Editors want to make your work shine, work with them to help that happen.
2. The editor may understand your audience better than you do (especially the case for magazine editing).
3. Don't think that your work is perfect when you give it to an editor, they will make changes.
4. An editor is your "first reader", their job is to catch the things that will puzzle or bother your readers. They will see things that you can't see because you are too close, for example, where you've not given enough explanation, or too much.
5. Welcome rewrites, an editor usually has a good reason for asking for one.
6. Take note of deadlines, word limits, and other instructions an editor gives you, again, there is a good reason. If you're having trouble meeting a deadline, let the editor know sooner rather than later.
7. An editor can help you become a better writer, welcome feedback.
8. Communicate succinctly with your editor. They are busy too, they don't need multiple emails/texts/phone calls from you.
9. Be accurate—make sure you check your facts and sources, this will save time later. Not every editor has the time/resources to check these things, the integrity of your writing depends on you checking.
10. If you make changes when an editor sends you edited content, make sure you note where you made the changes (eg. by using Track Changes in Word).

What do you think I've missed? Anything here that I shouldn't include? Any surprises here?

Why are these stereotypes of missionaries so hard to change?

In that nebulous time between Christmas and New Year we took the train into town to meet a couple of tourists. 

Special tourists. They were a couple from one of our supporting churches in Perth and happened to be taking a family holiday in Japan. They messaged us several days earlier asking to meet up somewhere between their hotel near Tokyo's waterfront and our place. 

There's an awful lot of humanity in that space and it's possibly not surprising that it's challenging to find a good place to meet and talk on a busy holiday-Saturday. Tokyo was partying and shopping and so we stood around at the "designated" coffee shop (that has over 120 seats) for more than 20 minutes to get four seats together!

David using boxes to illustrate how many 

extra tasks a missionary has to manage, 

tasks that take time that an evangelist or 

church planter could otherwise be 

using in people-ministry.

These tasks can be taken on by 

missionaries who specialise in these 

tasks, freeing others up to do their work.

It turned out to be more than just a casual catch-up. This man is a key player who has been pushing for several years for our small, relatively young denomination to have a group overseeing mission work. We talked for over an hour and a half. Conversation roamed around ministry in Japan, why the work is so slow here, missions networks in Australia and the tendrils that extend to Japan and extend out to the US also. 

But the biggest thing I took away from the conversation was how challenging it is to communicate that missionaries do more than just church planting or evangelism. We've been talking for over a decade on the importance of support ministry, but it seems that it's an even harder sell than we imagined. It also seems as though the education of missionary kids is okay, but what I do is mysterious to the point of being suspect of whether it is worthy to be called mission work at all.

I have to say that is discouraging. 

I can come up with dozens of metaphors that show how important the "behind the scenes" work and workers are: the support staff for Australia's cricket team, the ticket ushers, physios, administrators, and coaches at the Australian open, the canteen staff for the athletes at the upcoming Olympics. 

Or non-sport examples: the receptionist for your local dentist, the tech staff in a big business, and the logistics staff for an army. What about the childcare workers who enable both marriage partners to work or the garbage collectors who keep our garbage from stinking out our houses? Or the accountant who helps you keep your finances in order.

Or think about a hospital: cleaners, medical records, receptionists, electricians, plumbers, maintenance workers, and groundskeepers. 

All these people have the less visible and less glamorous jobs. But they are all important jobs.

I'm left wondering why missionaries are all expected to have the visible and "glamorous" jobs. Why are the stereotypes so fixed? Here's a great article pondering the same topic: In Defense of Second-class Missionaries

This blog post has been written this week during little bits of time between the end of my working day and the start of my evening family responsibilities. I hope it makes sense to you. I could write in defense of my own job, explaining in more detail about what I do and how that helps the message of Christ reach Japan, but not this time. This time I just want us to ponder why it is so hard to imagine that not all missionaries are evangelists and church planters. And what we can do about that. I feel like we're trying the best we can to communicate why support ministry is important, I wonder what else we could be doing?

Japan family fun night

On Saturday night we ran a Japan-themed family fun night at our home church. Of all the various up-front things we do, it's one of our favourites. Alas not many churches take us up on the offer to do it. Over the years we've done them in about six different churches.

The principle is simple: introduce people to Japan and mission in a fun way, with lots of interaction and activity.

On Saturday, we knew that people would probably wouldn't all arrive at 5pm when it began. So during the first hour we had a variety of individual activities for people to get into the theme: from origami to Japanese-themed colouring-in and worksheets to dress-up in Japanese clothes. The kids really got into the origami, but there were quite a few takers at the photo booth too.

Then we had a bring-and-share dinner, to which we contributed rice balls (onigiri) and coffee jelly.

After dinner the main programme began.

We divided the group into teams by playing "happy families" where people were given a card with a Japanese surname on it and they had to find the rest of their family.

Then we ran a slipper-chopsticks relay (pictured). They had to change out of their shoes into Japanese slippers, run up to the bowls and move five sultanas from one bowl to the next with chopsticks and then reverse the journey back to tag the next team member.

Chopsticks proved harder than the slippers, though David did advise them not to run in the slippers!

The next activity we started moving towards our theme for the evening: support. Each team got a bag with 45 plastic blocks and had to create a tower that would support this "Japanese missionary" (aka wooden doll). They did really well at this!

The main element of the evening is pictured below. One volunteer (a young girl) was our "missionary" who was first given a box representing "ministry". She was then given a lot of other boxes representing other things missionaries have to do, or need in order to function healthily, eg. visa help, language and culture learning, education of their kids, spiritual growth. Needless to say, she looked rather overwhelmed after being loaded with all that.

So we got more volunteers to take some of the load off her (I've blanked out faces for privacy reasons). It was quite a powerful demonstration of how missionaries involved on the "coal face" of evangelism and church planting, can be mightily helped by having others around them to help. It was pretty obvious that without all those other tasks, the missionary would have a lot more time to do ministry.

The analogy was continued when David asked everyone else to form a circle around the kids. We represented those who remain in the sending country and we support the missionaries by praying, giving, etc.

It was a fairly small group but we were hopeful that those who did come would not forget what they learned there. As our home church, it hopefully helped them to understand why we're doing what we're doing as support workers.

Speaking at churches when you're a support worker in mission isn't the easiest thing. People like to hear conversion stories, news about people being baptised. Teaching science and editing a magazine doesn't have quite the same impact. So we've been trying our best to raise awareness of how important what we do is to those who are evangelists and church planters. That what we do will help those who do those things stay longer and be more effective.

We have one other opportunity to present this to a church group this home assignment. Though if you're reading this and would like us to do this in your church (and you are in SE Qld), then do get in contact with us as we've still got some Fri/Sat nights free (or even mid-week nights).

Boys and hygiene update

On Thursday I was amused to find this blog post about hygiene and my boys come up in my "on this day" Facebook feed. It's from six years ago.

Our shower. What's not shown is the deep Japanese-style bath.

For all who are still at the elementary-middle school (or younger) stage of parenting and trying to teach their kids about hygiene. I'm hear to briefly tell you there is hope, we have a light at the end of the tunnel here. 

Over the years I've learned that there are personality, not just gender issues involved. Some people are just more pedantic than others. And it also takes longer for some kids to get it than other.

I read the above post to our middle son (who turns 15 this month) and he was horrified, especially at the bit about "not washing hands". Thankfully I rarely now have to tell my boys to wash their hands (the youngest is 12). 

We still have battles sometimes about showers: getting in and getting out (at after a reasonable length of time). Sport really helps us here. Generally when they come home after training they jump straight in the shower, especially the older two.

Teeth cleaning I also rarely have to insist on, though I suspect at least one boy of often not brushing at night time.

It wasn't mentioned in the post above, but we've had trouble in the past with boys wearing their clothes for multiple days before putting them in the wash. Those days seem to be over. Two of them are now washing their own clothes, that in itself seems to have raised their awareness of how clean their clothes are, now many clothes they need in their wardrobe to keep themselves from having to wash too often (which in turn has motivated them to be slightly happier about clothes shopping), and has become something of a badge of honour when they reach high school (when we've enforced this rule). We still wash sports clothes with the rest of the washing (which is down to just three of us, plus sheets and towels, a significant change).

Hair washing and using soap, I don't supervise anymore, obviously, but I think it happens.

Nose blowing can be an issue, but generally because they get lazy and would rather sniff! Drives me insane if they're in the same room as me and I usually lose it after a while.

But in generally we're getting there. It's been a long haul, and one I didn't understand would be so long when we started our family more than 18 years ago. Probably it's good I didn't know!

Life's been a bit topsy-turvy this week

Feeding the family continues. I made these brownies from
scratch yesterday and some are already gone. That's a
good sign! It's the first time I've made brownies from scratch.
Probably they're healthier than the packet-mix ones, they're
certainly lighter in texture.

It's time for a "what's been going on in our neck of the woods" type post.

This has been a topsy-turvy type week, as is usual in our house, the first week that students are on summer holidays, with the usual schedules all out the window.

Monday to Wednesday David was at school full-time participating/leading various compulsory meetings and finishing off his responsibilities for the school year. The boys were "full-time" at home.

Well, that's not quite true. Our eldest went off on a two-night hiking/camping trip in the mountains west of here with more than a dozen of his friends. You might think it is crazy to let a bunch of teenagers do that, but it's safe in Japan and looking at the character of this group of kids, we had no concerns at all. Oh, and one of them was a scout while another has exceptional orienteering skills. So our son was gone from Sunday lunch time till late on Tuesday, then Wednesday was a recovery day.

Our youngest son hung out most of the time with a classmate who lives nearby and has both parents as teachers. The boys spent most mornings outside and afternoons upstairs in his bedroom here.

Our middle son was home almost full-time. The most extreme introvert of the family, he's enjoyed being a homebody and having few people to interact with.

Thursday and Friday David's been at school part-time, doing preparation for next week (summer school) and next year (handing over some of his classes).

Our youngest and middle sons continued a similar schedule to the above. 

Our eldest son had training at school yesterday for the two weeks he's left for today as a summer camp "leader" (Americans call it "counselor"). During those two weeks they have three camps coming through, first one is grades 1 and 2! Then 3–5 and finally from next Saturday is 6–8. They're going to be busy and have a lot of fun. But it also is a paid gig!

There's no doubt about it, having older boys is definitely a different parenting lifestyle. But I like it.

My week?
And through all the above? Aside from Monday morning, I've mostly been at home trying to catch up on what has been put on the back-burner over the last month as I dealt with a senior graduating and parents visiting. I'm finally feeling a little more on top of things again. 

Oh, as well as mopping up the final things from the events that I helped coordinate for the seniors over the last ten months. I'm so glad that that is almost completely done. I don't think I'll be volunteering to such an extent for our younger two sons classes!

I also went out with a couple of friends for dinner on Wednesday night and that was a lot of fun.

This morning I did one of my least favourite chores: a starving blood test as part of an annual check-up provided by the Japanese medical system. 

I'm a little peeved, though. From my experience trying to get a blood test for an OMF medical last year, I knew that in Japan you can't get health maintenance checks at the "wrong" time of the year. But I'm due (according to Australian recommendations) for a couple of female-health tests. However it seems that I'm the wrong age. You can only have these two particular tests at a certain time of the year and only if you're 41, 43, or 45 (you get the idea, an "odd" age). But next year, when I'll be the "right" age, the tests will be in the second half of the year (as best as I understand the schedule) and by then I'll be back in Australia for a year! 

Sigh. As I'm not particularly worried about anything, I guess I'll have to wait another seven months till I'm in Australia settling out eldest son into university in February, to get those particular tests done. It's going to be a great visit to Australia (sarcasm intended!), but at least I'll be able to do it all in English.

So, in a summary, in the last twelve days we've gone from seven people in the house, to five, to four, back to five, (with an extra boy in there for several afternoons, but not for meals) and now four for the next eight days. Then, from the 24th, we'll have six days of three of us in the house, when our youngest goes away to summer camp himself. My meal planning and grocery shopping has taken a bit of a hit. Not to mention my sense of "normal". I remind myself occasionally that it's okay to feel a little off-balance.

No second class missionaries

We are, in three days, returning to Japan and ministries that are classed as "support ministries". We aren't "front-line" missionaries. It is a division that doesn't actually officially exist in our mission. But is often referred to informally by churches or individuals. 

My husband, doing his job as a teacher of kids,
40% of who are missionary kids.

Put simply:

• "Front-line" missionaries are those doing church planting or evangelism.
• "Support" missionaries are those supporting other missionaries. Like accountants, IT experts, medical advisers, teachers of missionary children, admin staff, publishers, guest home mangers, pastoral care etc.
• Others doing work like medical, relief, community development fit somewhere in-between the two above.

The other day I read a superb blog post about support ministries and how they are not second-class: http://gilandamy.blogspot.com.au/2015/06/in-defense-of-second-class-missionaries.html

Even if you don't think that support ministries are second class, I recommend reading this article. It gives a very good argument as to why supporting those who aren't "front-line" is actually strategic. And shows up how many churches have a different standard for missions than they do for their own staff. (Though as an Aussie I do have to tell you that this is American-centric article, in that most of the church examples aren't replicated in Australia, most of our churches simply aren't big enough or wealthy enough).

Another question I've been asked recently

Have they found a replacement for my husband David's job for the time we're away? (He's a high school maths and a science teacher at the Christian Academy in Japan.) 

The straight answer is no, but the correct answer is they are covering it internally. On Saturday we had two guests for dinner, the teachers who'll be living in our house while we're away (hopefully, we're still waiting for the landlord to approve it). 

Typically conversation turned to teaching and school matters. I got the distinct impression that the headmaster has been playing a complicated slider puzzle to fill all the spots this coming school year. They don't have many new teachers coming, but there are many internal changes. That is, teachers taking different subjects and year levels than they did before. 

So no, there is no one person covering David's role, but there will be people teaching all his subjects (physics, calculus, applied maths, and, as far as I know, statistics too).

Two main thoughts
One main thought is that I'm glad I don't have to job of figuring it all out, it is very complicated!

The other thought is that I'm so grateful that things are gradually falling into place for us to leave for Australia. Praise God! There are so many bits of the puzzle for us to just move our family. I'm looking forward to seeing more bits in place as we get closer to the actual move (we booked our tickets last week and are leaving the country on June 29, eleven weeks from yesterday).

CAJ Staff Wife Part 2

After I finished my post yesterday, I realised there were a few more things about being a Staff Wife that I'd forgotten to tell you.

Unknown people come up to me and thank me for my husband!

I'm happy that my husband is appreciated by the parents of his students, but how they imagine that I know who they are is beyond me. Most of the time I don't even know who my husband's students are.

We don't get the same holidays that students get

There are numerous occasions on the school calendar that are student-free days, but staff work days. Many families take those days off and do things as families. We can't do that, because David's still at school. Same thing at the start and finish of the school year: we can't "take off" as soon as school's out or stay away until just before school begins.

But David does get more holidays from school than many others get in ministry, so it really isn't something to complain about, and I don't.

I always have to sit alone at graduation

It does seem a pity to dress up for graduation and then sit on my own. Thankfully I've had my eldest son come with me the last couple of years, otherwise it is a bit sad. David has to sit with the other teachers and these last two years has helped the high-heeled senior girls down from the platform also.

Other parents expect that I know more than them

And sometimes I do. So they come to me for advice or information.

At other times I'm as clueless as them. Believe it or not, my husband doesn't tell me everything (even if he was allowed to) about what happens at school. Many times he also expects that I know more than I do. An example was last week when he read an email I'd written to my mum that revealed my ignorance about exactly how many hours he'd be working last week (full-time from Wednesday).

I bring a different perspective to prayer meetings.

I can often bring a staff's perspective to a meeting. Parents at a school don't often think about things from the teachers' perspectives. They don't know about all the things that go on behind the scenes (like recruitment and administration, for example).

I know teachers better than many parents

I also tend to know more of the teachers than many parents do, especially the parents in the younger grades. I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. We do find ourselves socialising with my husband's colleagues. I'm on first name basis with a lot of the teachers, that's interesting when talking with other parents.

This can be awkward. Again, like I mentioned at the end of my last post, having relationships with the same people on a variety of personal and professional levels can be challenging.

Last night we had a new staff family over for dinner. The husband had just realised that he'd be teaching teacher's kids, and especially that he'd be teaching our son. He didn't expect it, we're used to it. In fact our son was keen to be here last night so that he could meet his teacher.


All, in all, I'm happy to be a staff-wife. Many staff have their partner also working at CAJ part-time or full-time. I have no such ambitions. I'm really happy to be the maverick on the side, who has her own distinct ministry, keeping my staff-wife hat quietly in the shadows.