Overthinking—more common than I thought

This is a review of a book I read last weekend. Yes, it's so well written that I managed to read it in just three days (granted my weekend was very quiet, being as we're not going out for anything beyond essentials).

I have caught myself recently dithering over purchases for several months (or years). I didn't categorise myself as an overthinker, but perhaps I am a little, especially about financial decisions, but through reading the book I realised I tend to overthink conversations, conflict, and other things too.

I felt like, at the start, the author was trying too hard and over-wrote the first few chapters. She spends a lot of time convincing the reader that you could change. However, once I got past that bit, it was a fantastic read, one that I got through very quickly.

Here are (quite a few) gems:

• "Mental energy is not a limitless resource. We have only so much to spend each day, and how we choose to spend it matters." Overthinking is basically frittering away mental energy, that's not something I want my life characterised by.
• Overthinking includes inefficiencies, like poor organisation (e.g. losing car keys because you don't put them in the same place every time).
• We can develop processes that help us circumvent overthinking, e.g. not checking email when you don't have the time to reply (e.g. before bed).
• Putting decisions off for later isn't always the best thing to do.
• Doing too much research or looking at too many options isn't necessarily helpful, limiting your choices can be a huge time and mental energy saver.
• Rejecting perfectionism: putting a cap on how much time you spend on something making it as good as you can, then acting.
• Adapting a "try it and see what happens" approach can help.
• Our values can drive our decisions. (See more about this lower down in this post)
• I love this quote: "Being a responsible adult is the most underrated form of self-care. Yes I mean: live within your means, make dentist appointments, save money, plan meals, wash your face before bed, go for walks, cook for people, keep your house clean, go to bed at a decent hour, all that boring stuff. Routines make everything in your life better and this is absolutely the most overlooked and underestimated form of self-care"—Sarah Bessey, as quoted in the book.
• "Clutter isn't great for mental function. . . By streamlining your spaces you can streamline your thought process, and your brain won't have to work so hard to tend to life's details."
• Don't duplicate the work: this is where our camping list works brilliantly. We don't overthink preparing to camp because I know that if we get everything on the list, we'll be prepared for most things.
• Take breaks and look after yourself: sometimes overthinking creeps in because we're overtired.
• Sometimes we dither because we have to decide between two good choices, or between two bad choices. If that is the case it's best to just get on and choose one.
• Notice when you're stuck in a negative cycle. Breaking that can be as simple as noticing things to be grateful for or distracting yourself.
• Outsourcing is another strategy that helps. There are times when it is worth doing it yourself (especially if it lines up with your values), but other times it is far better to ask someone else to do something.
• Don't think too long about splurging on an experience that you think will be good. Memories are invaluable.
• Small treats to myself are okay and don't need to be overthought.

I liked it that she talked about life as a writer. I am a non-fiction editor and writer. That means that reading non-fiction tends not to help me feel refreshed—it's what I read for work. I also related to her work-cycle that has period of both "leisurely seasons of creative planning and preparation [which] alternate with busier seasons of execution." During the latter periods, it's okay to brush off decisions that fit more naturally into the creative planning and preparation periods.

Our values can drive our decisions

I realised that we do do this, and that is why we sometimes feel so different to many people we meet. But identifying your values makes a big difference to the decisions you make. For example, the decision about when we will come back to Australia for our next home assignment is informed by many factors, especially at the moment the education and well-being of our three sons has a big part to play in our decision on that matter.

Rituals

The author defines rituals in an interesting fashion, distinguishing them from routines by noting that rituals have a higher purpose in mind. Simply changing the name of something can give it deeper meaning. I realised that I've got more rituals in my life than I realised, and that they are helpful in keeping me afloat! Yes, even camping has become something of a ritual: it has a rhythm and routine to it, but there is a deeper meaning that makes its total value more than just us sleeping in tents and cooking outdoors.

Read it

Wow, that's a lot. I really do recommend reading the book, I hope I haven't put too many spoilers in. I got a lot more out of it than I expected and often thought of close friends who could also benefit from it.