Mental health and missions

Here is a great article from OMF US on a topic that has touched our lives in various ways. 

I know missionaries who struggle or have struggled with mental health issues, and yet are here, serving in Japan. It's not easy, but with the right support, they're able to use their gifts for the Lord here. In many ways it's not much different to someone with well-controlled asthma serving in mission (i.e. me). But I also know missionaries who have had to leave the field due to mental health (or, for that matter, physical health) issues with themselves, or their kids.

Mental illness still holds a stigma and it's not easy to talk about these things openly. This is especially the case for missionaries who are unfortunately often held up as something like super-Christians. 

Mental illness is also beset by stereotypes. So if a missionary tells their supporters about their particular struggle they are opening themselves up for misunderstandings from the very ones who are supposed to be supporting them. Understandably that is not an easy place to be.

I like what the author of the above article wrote about pretending:

Whether we pretend we’re fine, pretend we’re holy, pretend we don’t need help … The life of pretense sets us up for failure and separates us from ourselves, from God and from others. Whether we face mental health issues or not, we must learn to stop pretending. Our only hope to deal with the challenges of life is to learn to come to the Father and rely on him in our lack.

We are a body, not individual units. Let us each care for the members of the body, giving grace and providing a safe place for transparent and honest living. 

Big elephants

I wish I could write about some stuff that's been going on recently. There are a couple of elephants in my room that I just can't write about on this public forum because they concern private family matters. But they're taking energy and headspace.

I had someone ask me the other day what was wrong, that I seemed more stressed this home assignment than in previous years . . . but I didn't feel I could share honestly with them either. 

These rice plants looks great. But do note that it has its
feet in the mud! Missionaries can be the same. Look good
on the outside, but don't forget that there is mud too.

So what can I share? How can I write in a way that's consistent with my philosophy of being honest and open, and yet protecting people I love (and myself)?

Perhaps a reminder that what you see isn't all that's going on.

Missionaries deal with stressors that are common to others, but often there is a twist. Check out this list (not all these are mine, but some are):

• Educational issues. TWIST: educational options aren't so broad on the mission field. Home assignments mess with education, especially when moving between different educational types, and different school years eg. Japanese to American, American to Australian.

• Job satisfaction. TWIST: ministry in a country like Japan, where few receive the Lord means it's hard to see what a difference it makes. It can be hard to come back to tell people about what's going on and not be able to report amazing results from the ministry there. 18 years ago we were saying that less than 1% of Japanese people are Christians. We're saying the same thing this year.

• The challenges of extended family. TWIST: we rarely see extended family and problems can be amplified by this absence. Also, they're used to doing things without us, so including us can cause problems. Not to mention non-Christian family members who don't understand why we do what we do.

• Lack of community. TWIST: our community (i.e. people we call our friends) is both widespread (our good friends live across the globe) and constantly changing. Then we change countries for home assignment and find that, for various reasons, community is even harder to find. Loneliness and relationship stress is a big issue.

• Psychological problems. TWIST: often psychological care is harder to access on the mission field. Psychological problems also can be exacerbated by the stressors of life on the mission field.

• High expectations. TWIST: in my experience the expectations on missionaries are different to those on other people. At times it feels like we're expected to be amazing people who don't struggle. We're expected to not make mistakes. We're expected to be able to move in and out of our home country with ease. We also have high expectations of ourselves, for example, expect that we can survive without good community, cope with high stress, persevere without encouragement.

Okay. I'm going to stop there.

To counter the above, I'd have to say that we have the amazing experience of being supported by many in prayer. You shouldn't underestimate how important that is. I think we are in a very privileged situation that many Christians never experience: having many people praying for us. More than 200 people get our prayer letter every month. I've got no idea how many of those pray for us, or how often or how in-depth they pray. But I know that there are people who aren't on our mailing list who pray for us!

James 5:16: "The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working."

Last Sunday we were asked, as we stood in front of a church congregation, for an example we've seen of God at work. I said, "That we've never asked for money and we're still in Japan after 18 years." If I'd been faster at thinking on the spot, I would have expanded that —it's not just the money that God's provided, it's being able to stick at it through all the challenges that have come, and continue to come our way. But all the praise goes to God!

Retreat musings

This year's theme: "Leaving a Lasting Legacy".
Though it's left me pondering whether thinking about
leaving a legacy might be the wrong tack to take, but rather following
Jesus to the max might be better and the legacy will take care of itself?

Before too much more time passes, I want to write about the retreat I went to last Wednesday to Friday. It's the ninth time I've been to this women-in-ministry retreat and I love it every time. It's a time to go away, be with friends, worship in English, and rest from work (although I usually come back tired, but not from work).

One of the friends who greeted me with a hug when we arrived.

It's part of my missionary-life survival kit. I especially love being with friends who know what this missionary lifestyle is about. No explanations are necessary. Though this time I did spend a lot of time answering the question, "How's your son settling in Australia?" That's what I get for blogging and putting my life up on social media!

But friends who've known you for a while in this mobile environment are worth their weight in gold. This was the 25th time this retreat has been held and as part of that they had photos from many of the past retreats, as well as videos from several ladies who've been a part of the leadership team in the past, but are no longer in Japan. It was bittersweet to see these as they are friends who I can no longer share sweet fellowship with.

"Red" sister fellowship.

However, keeping it positive, I enjoyed the friends who were there. One lady asked me, in a slight panic, on Facebook a few weeks ago if I'd be at the retreat. She saw me preparing to go to Australia and wondered if I'd be back in time. I was surprised that someone who I didn't know super well would be so concerned, but encouraged nonetheless. Missionary women go deep fast. Very often we know little about one another and don't have a lot in common (aside from where we work), but we can have deep, honest fellowship regardless. I don't fully understand it, except perhaps that we're bound together by our shared experience of living and serving outside our home culture and thus are more needy and willing to lean on others?

I felt very tired this time going into the retreat. (Maybe I've been overdoing it recently?) It was hard to stay awake during the first night's worship and teaching session. Sometimes I find it's easy to concentrate on the words of songs, but other times, like Wednesday night, worship is singing without engaging the brain very much at all and I've learnt that that's okay. It was great to praise God in English and I was glad for a nice mixture of old and newer songs that I knew as well as ones I didn't.

The retreat has an overabundance of slippers and
rules about where you wear them. They have dining room
slippers and toilet slippers, but also hallway slippers and
chapel slippers! To get from the main building to the chapel
 you change into outdoor shoes and then into slippers again!

The post I wrote at the retreat (here) contained some of the things gleaned from the speaker. I didn't take notes this year, simply trying to soak it in. Probably being so tired made me a little more grumpy and picky with this year's speaker than usual (I was getting grumpy at cliques and a little frustrated that she didn't spend more time in the Bible).

Retreat is usually a time that includes tears for me. Often during worship time, or during times of sharing personally with others. This retreat was no different. Obviously saying goodbye to our son was still quite raw, but the speaker's husband died a few years earlier, so she talked about grief and the loss of Christians in the prime of ministry also brought up tears. She also emphasised that we have a choice in how we react to painful situations: certainly we need to grieve, but beyond that we can choose our response to pain.

Thursday night was enjoyable, it was a celebration of the 25 years of Women in Ministry retreats. We heard from ladies who had gone before us and a little of the history of the retreat. We sang and prayed. We were entertained by a group who'd learnt a new song that day and a spoken piece by two sisters. And we laughed at two ladies who did a skit/song routine that showed the full span of a missionary lifetime, with tongue-in-cheek. Then we finished up with cheesecake (my favourite dessert).

I'm afraid that is a bit of a piece-meal review of the days away, sorry if it comes across like that. But I've come back to Tokyo refreshed in spirit and my love-tank full. I feel ready to deal with the challenges of life again (though I wasn't ready for being hit by a cold first day back at the "office"). I'm thankful that we're planning to be back from home assignment in time to go to the retreat again next year too (Lord willing)!

Too much transparency?

Today I'm on the lower end of the natural swing back towards normality that happens after a high like we had on Saturday. It is, unfortunately, matched with a slight lull in my work. I say unfortunately, because I find lows easier to deal with when I have plenty of interesting work on hand to apply myself to.

I'm also struggling with any ideas to apply to a blog post here. But I have saved up a few links to articles that I thought might be interesting to those who come and visit here.

This one: Are we complaining too much?, by a former missionary to Taiwan is a good one. It's back on that old theme of mine, about honesty and transparency, especially for missionaries.

Here's a small sample:

Are we [missionaries] complaining too much? No, I think not, at least not yet. And here’s why I think we have a ways to go before we get there.

For too long, the church has put missionaries on precariously high pedestals, and because of the continued pressures to raise funds and promote ministries, missionaries can find themselves taking part in the pedestal building, as well. It will take a while for us, with repeated reminders, to dismantle the platforms.

Living overseas can be very difficult, and we need more, not less, authenticity so that others who are struggling won’t have to say, “I must be the only one.” Transparent sharing also helps future missionaries have realistic expectations so that they can better prepare for future challenges and fend off disappointment.

I also like some other points made towards the end of the article:

• we need to be careful with our authenticity (i.e. who we share what with),
• we should avoid claiming to represent everyone else, everyone has a different story and is at a different part of their story, and
• we need to watch our attitudes: it's easy to move from transparency to grumbling and complaining.

But possibly the best point is that we need to be be careful not to think that one small insight into a story is the whole story. Most stories are just a window in time. It's worth hanging around to hear what the rest of the story will sound like, how it will end.

Dare I add a wrestling illustration in here? It's easy to take a short-term view of wrestling, but that almost always is unsatisfying. It is only when you take a longer-term view that you get a bigger, and often better story. Our eldest son said the other day, "It isn't all about winning." Indeed, there is a much bigger picture to doing sport than that.

Similarly in mission. It isn't all about this discouragement or that triumph. It is easy to get caught up in the trees and lose sight of the forest.

Ultimately we are to give God the glory due his name. Ps 29:2 puts it plainly.

Ascribe to the Lord the glory due to his name;

    worship the Lord in the splendour of his holiness (NIV).

New International Reader's Version says:

Praise the Lord for the glory that belongs to him.

    Worship the Lord because of his beauty and holiness.

King James Version, which, unusually, I quite like:

Give unto the Lord the glory due unto his name; 

worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness.

The Message is a bit different, as usual:

In awe before the glory,

    in awe before God’s visible power.

Stand at attention!

    Dress your best to honor him!

That, is the big picture. So, if we're aiming for transparency, it is not to get pity, it is not to point out other people's faults, or the system's faults. It is to show up how flawed we are, this world is, and ultimately how much greater God is. It is to show how incredible it is that he uses such flawed, weak people as us to achieve his purposes in this broken world.

Two titbits from today

There are some gorgeous flowers in bloom here.

An international network
In an international mission like ours where not only do we come from many nationalities but we serve in many nations, you don't get to meet most members. When you do there is a fascinating way of establishing connection. There are three main establishing questions: "Where's your sending country? Where are you serving? How long?" Then comes the, "Do you know..."

This is where I am staying, the OMF Bangkok Guest Home.

For example, if I'm sitting with someone from Ireland who's serving in Taiwan, I'll ask whether they know Irish people I've known in Japan and Australians I know in Taiwan. The "how long" question gives some help with how far back you can go. 

It is an interesting exercise, actually and highlights how wide a network we have developed during our missionary career. I'm looking forward to visiting some of these people in their home countries when we are older.

I went for a walk with some Thai-based missionaries this evening and
we saw this chicken (or is it a rooster) strutting around on top of a
 truck with a cat respectfully watching (you can see its eyes).

A tricky question
Today we were asked this: 

What builds trust in your home culture?

I found this really hard. It made me realise how we really don't function often in our Australian culture any more. After some thinking I came up with some ideas:

• Honesty
• True blue/ integrity
• Hospitality/socialising
• Quality time
• Paying out on others

Am I right? What would you "monocultural" Aussies add to this? 

This differs from how you build trust in Japan. Hospitality is definitely not a key factor, neither is honesty. Longevity and trying to fit in would be high on the list, however. 

Attractive Authenticity*

We frequently look down on Jesus's friend Martha. She's maligned as the not-so-spiritual sister to Mary. But have you ever thought of her as open and authentic?

I think my friendship with this lady at college had a
big part to play in developing my passion
for authenticity.

On two occasions we see her blurting stuff out to Jesus:

John 11:21

Martha said to Jesus, “Lord, if only you had been here, my brother would not have died. (NLT)

Luke 10:40

But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.” (NLT)

But her faith was not weak, quite the contrary:

John 11: 25-27 Jesus told her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Anyone who believes in me will live, even after dying. Everyone who lives in me and believes in me will never ever die. Do you believe this, Martha?”“Yes, Lord,” she told him. “I have always believed you are the Messiah, the Son of God, the one who has come into the world from God.” (NLT)

This is authenticity before Jesus, but what about before our fellow flawed human beings?

I found this in a post I wrote in March last year: 

"I've been reading Looking for God by Nancy Ortberg. It's another compellingly honest book. I could quote many passages, but here is one that's close to my heart:

The greatest apologetic, the best defense or evidence of our faith, is the way we live authentically with God. Authenticity implies honesty, struggles, questions, desert times, shaking fists, and hopeful silences. I can only model what I'm experiencing. Anything else is either behaviour modification or "faking it" – neither of which is transformational.

We have this mistaken idea that living the Christian life is a series of mountaintops, a succession of grand faith adventures."

If you know me personally or have been hanging around here at "on the edge", you'll know that authenticity is something I value highly and try to practise in my writing and living.

It's gotten me in trouble, though. While preparing this post I found another post about authenticity and pain (here). An authentic life is a fine line to walk, though. Especially when I'm writing about other people such as my family. I've gotten it wrong in the past, but I am somewhat held accountable these days by my son/s reading my blog. 

So why should we go to the trouble of being as authentic as we can? Because I know of nothing else that comes close to touching the hearts of others as authenticity does. Yes, it's risky, but in that risk can come great reward. Because I am not perfect and others need to know that so that they aren't deceived. Basically because to not be authentic is to lie.

Certainly anytime I talk about authenticity I feel the need to add a caution. We don't need to blurt everything to everyone. That is lacking in wisdom and indeed is unattractive and unsafe. The safest place to be authentic is with our heavenly Father who has saved us despite our imperfections. But amidst the circle of influence that God gives us we should seek to be as real as we can. But don't be too cautious, there are people around you who need to know that you struggle.

Seek wisdom in how you live out your life authentically:

Those who are wise will shine as bright as the sky, and those who lead many to righteousness will shine like the stars forever. (Daniel 12:3, NLT)

Let's be Marthas!  Deep in faith, open, and authentic.

*This is in response to a writing theme prompt for this week on Velvet Ashes' The Grove, an online community of Christian women serving overseas.

My unusual afternoon

This afternoon, instead of hanging out quietly at home I accompanied my eldest to a wrestling practice. But, you say, isn't all that over?

Well no. Our son is part of a Japanese wrestling club (not sumo, freestyle wrestling) in the off-seasons. He usually goes on Monday nights, but as this is also Spring Break for Japanese schools, a special practise was held this afternoon. 

I went because it was at a venue he's never been to and we weren't confident he would find on his own. It took about an hour by train to get there, not too far by Tokyo standards!

Interestingly we arrived just as some other high schoolers were leaving. One of them we recognised as a very good wrestler in the international school's league. I guess they went to the morning training time, the training we won't allow our son to go to because it is at the same time as church. 

As I sat and watched them train, I was reminded of the many hours I've spent learning the piano. Particularly the hours spent at my teachers house. I had three hours of lessons a week, half of that was a group lesson. Piano is a very solo instrument. You don't usually spend much time with others when you're learning it. At the time I'm not sure if I valued the group lesson as much as I should have. 

But back to wrestling, it's the opposite to piano: there isn't a lot of training you can do alone. You can do "conditioning", strength training etc. alone, but you really need to practise with a partner to improve. But here's where it is the same as a musical instrument. You need to practise the moves over and over again till they become semiautomatic. Till you intuitively know what to do. 

Knowing all this makes it all the more impressive when you actually watch a bout. An awful lot of work has gone into refining those skills!

Sunday afternoon is usually very quiet for us. I generally spend a couple of hours lying down to read and play sudoku, Words with Friends, and Spider Solitaire on my phone. Sometimes I cross-stitch later. However despite spending more than two hours on trains today and then two hours sitting on a vibrating gym floor, I've had a refreshing time. I've been reading Looking for God by Nancy Ortberg.

 It's another compellingly honest book. I could quote many passages, but here is one that's close to my heart:

The greatest apologetic, the best defense or evidence of our faith, is the way we live authentically with God. Authenticity implies honesty, struggles, questions, desert times, shaking fists, and hopeful silences. I can only model what I'm experiencing. Anything else is either behaviour modification or "faking it" – neither of which is transformational.

We have this mistaken idea that living the Christian life is a series of mountaintops, a succession of grand faith adventures.  

It is not...God lives in the struggle. It is there we find Him. 

As school starts up again tomorrow I'm very aware that we're stepping onto a slippery slope. A slope that ends with us moving back to Australia. It's going to be a struggle. I hope I can struggle authentically. But it is encouraging to realise again that I can expect to find God many times in the slide. 

Avoiding harm

I found this great advice from a veteran writer late last year: 

"When we tell only of our achievements, we do harm in two ways.

First, we imply we're above failure and therefore better or more mature than they are. Second, we imply that they're inferior because they struggle over issues that don't trouble us." Cec Murphey (See the whole blog post here.)

Here's a piece of honesty: this was one of our camping days
in Hokkaido last year. It was a pretty horrid day. The boys
were scared witless about the large bees that buzzed around
our tent. There were also a lot of mozzies about. Lots of anger
and shouting happened, and mostly by me!

Karen (an Aussie who works as a teacher in Cambodia, and who often reads and comments on this blog) wrote the following in response to the quote above:

I actually "hate" that some people hold missionaries up as "heroes". I know I'm not. I'm an ordinary person called to work in a different location, but I'm definitely no hero. I struggle, I fail, I shout at my kids and immediately wish I hadn't, I get tired, I get mad. I'm human. At the same time I love what God has called me to do.

It is one of the main reasons I keep this blog going, as a living testimony of how my family and I are just ordinary people, not heroes.

But Cec's words are good advice, not just for writers or missionaries, but it applies not just to professional writers, but for anyone on Facebook too! 

But as a missionary it is a good reminder that my newsletters or prayer letters should never just be about our family's or ministry's achievements. I've been accused in the past of being too open about our family's failures, but I'm not repenting of my ways! Yes, I've learned to be careful, especially about talking about other people in my family, but I will continue to be open about how human and not-perfect we are.

How about you? Has someone discouraged you by their seemingly perfect life? Has someone unexpectedly encouraged you by being honest about things in their life that aren't perfect?

An image of myself

Yesterday, after I wrote that blog post about lurking but non-commenting readers of blogs, I attended a Beth Moore Bible study. We're doing Daniel and yesterday was about that famous Chapter 3, where King Nebuchadnezzar sets up that huge statue and forces people to bow down to it, but the three Israelites don't and are cast into the hot furnace.

This is one image I
sometimes have of myself —
a hero. Not true, though.

Beth made a point about how we make images of ourselves. And the way that we know if are doing that is if the "out there" image that others have of us is different to the real, fair dinkum us. That challenged me. I don't think any human is totally free of this temptation to put a different "self" out there on display.


As I pondered the various comments on my blog this morning I realised again that one of the reasons I write this blog is to knock down some of that not-quite-true image that people have of me (and missionaries in general). It is risky putting words about myself out there where anyone can read them. But it is necessary to take risks like this, I think, if I am to live an honest live. Sure it doesn't need to be on a blog, that is just one route, but there are other ways to live a life among others that is true to who we truly are. Sure, different people are more private than others, but by hiding behind "I'm a private person therefore I don't have to tell people who I really am", we're believing the lie that it's okay to set up for ourselves a public image that deceives others.

I need to have things out there about myself that maybe I feel a bit uncomfortable about, if I'm to be truthful about myself before others. If I hide them (and there are things I hide, no doubt about it), then I'm not being truthful and I'm deliberately creating an image of myself that I believe others will like better than the real one. And that is not in line with what God wants me to do.

And of course there needs to be a balance. One that we need to seek God to find, because left to our own devices, we'll choose "nice, perfect-ish image" every single time.

Writing this post makes me feel uncomfortable. It probably makes you feel uncomfortable too.  I don't apologise for that. Perhaps the Holy Spirit is talking to you, as he is me, about how I live my life. And how it doesn't always please him. I need to hear that. If I just stay comfortable, I won't grow.


If you're interested in other times I've pondered about honesty, I wrote about it in this post (it has links to a number of other posts I've also written). 

Rolf Harris Part 2

Can you tell what it is yet?

I mentioned back here that I was enjoying an autobiography by Rolf Harris. The background to acquiring the book started back in January last year in a conversation in the CAJ library about Australian biographies. I blogged about it here. The essence of it was that post was that in the CAJ library, almost all the biographies are of Americans. So, when we were back in Australia earlier this year I made it a point to find some second-hand Australian biographies to buy and bring back. No idea if the library will accept them, but this is the first one.

Rolf Harris is a long-time artist and entertainer in Australia and Britain. He does, in fact, live in Britain. But his identity is very firmly Aussie. 

I found his autobiography very honest. It didn't gloss over his shortcomings. The best biographies are like this, I think. It is always fascinating to read how someone famous struggled in their early years. And what they were like "before" fame. If they're presented as rather ordinary it helps me to feel I can relate to them so much more. And even more so if they allow you to see their struggles, especially once they "make it".

Rolf is someone who doesn't fit into any neat category in the entertainment world. He's done a lot of different things. He says he's not fantastic at any of them, but has somehow managed to combine them to make a career.

I think the thing he does best is connecting with his audience. He comes across, on TV or on stage, as someone who enjoys entertaining people and being "with" you.

Probably the best thing I can say about the book is that my teenager has read it and enjoyed it. In fact he got to it before I did. He loves to read, but he'll not just read anything! This is a great read.

Honesty again

During the night as I blew my nose again and again, I was reminded of this ad.


My nose has slowed down since then, but my head is still pretty stuffed.


This morning I would have probably stayed home and felt sorry for myself except that there was something at CAJ that I wanted to attend. This week every year the school holds a Spiritual Life Emphasis Week (SLEW). One of the key events is a daily chapel with worship and a guest speaker. I mentioned it here last year. I was greatly blessed last year by going along to the chapel times. In fact it helped to drag me out of a pretty black pit.


This year's guest speaker is a former headmaster of the school, the man who was "in charge" when we first arrived at the school in 2005. He's a man whose sense of humour I've always appreciated, but this time there isn't much humour. As he said, there have been a lot of tough things the school has had to deal with over the last 12 months. And tsunami jokes . . . well, there's nothing funny about what happened in 2011.


In the last four years he and his family have also been through some tough times. He's started by sharing some of that. This week he's challenging us to be honest by being honest himself. Not just sharing the hard things, but the hard "not-Christian-sounding" questions he's asked in the midst of their difficulties.


I'm keen to hear the rest of what he has to say. Unfortunately tomorrow is the only other day I can go; the rest of the talks I'll have to listen to online without the benefit of worship beforehand.


One of the factors that had me in a black hole last January was a conflict with someone about honesty. She attacked me saying I was too honest and open; after I'd complained she wouldn't communicate with me beyond the surface level. Yes, we're poles apart. 


I've wondered in the months since then if it was an attack that came from Satan. One of the things people comment most often on about my writing is my honesty. And I believe that not only is that how God would have me live (and write), but that the Enemy hates it when we are honest. He attacks us by bringing people into our lives who take advantage of us when we are honest. He reminds us of how vulnerable we are when we don't hide our true selves. He whispers lies into our hearts about how people won't like us if they truly knew us; he tells us that our witness will be destroyed if people saw what we really are like.


But why does he hate honesty so much? I'm thinking (and this is just a hunch) that it is because in the darkness of us hiding our true selves, sin can fester more easily. Last night I was watching "Grey's Anatomy". It is a show about brand new doctors and the struggles they find themselves with in the hospital system. One of these interns said to another, "Do you feel like you don't know what you're doing..." the other interrupted with, "...and feel scared 100% of the time. YES." The first one said, "Phew, I'm glad I'm not the only one."


Isn't that so like our lives as Christians? Most of the time we walk around pretending we've got it all together. We assume that everyone else does have it all together and it is just us who doesn't. We feel ashamed and therefore hide behind our well-formed mask. I'm becoming convinced that this is one of Satan's devices. He loves to work in the dark, meddling with our thoughts like this.


Well, this is one of my hobby horses. Just in the last year I've blogged about it several times. Here I posted a song about it by Steven Curtis Chapman. This post about balance in communication provoked an interesting discussion that I blogged about here. And this post where I've declared my commitment to openness and honesty.


It is a controversial topic among Christians. But what do you think? Do you think our Enemy likes us to hide our true selves away?

Get real

J, shared this link after my post yesterday. I just have to put a link to it here because the author just says so well what I wanted to say, but probably didn't say all that well yesterday. Especially this quote:

"I realized that by acting like I had it all together, by never asking for help, by wanting to appear perfect, I was actually isolating myself and robbing others of the joy of knowing me and being able to serve me." 

I had a major conflict with someone I've known all my life early this year about this very point. Unfortunately because we still disagree about it, we cannot maintain the close relationship we should have. Still makes me sad. 

I believe in openness and authenticity

I've just gone back and found blog posts where I've written about honesty, about open and authentic relationships and conversations. It's been a fun search. I found some great memories from Australia here and spoke forthrightly about my commitment to openness here. I found a post about the cost of not being open and this one about honesty in writing prayer letters.

I'm committed to openness, but it can cost. I'm suffering that now. Someone has taken it upon themselves to criticise my openness. That hurts deeply because it is something that is close to my heart. I believe being open and authentic is something God has called me to do. Actually I'd love to see all Christians committed to it. Pray with me that I won't be fearful and discouraged by this.

To tell the truth...

I have been convinced for a long time that being more transparent in my interactions with others has greater benefits than disadvantages. Time and time again I've had people say that my honesty in my conversation, writing and speaking has both attracted them and encouraged them.

On the weekend I read this in a magazine:

"As I tell the truth about our journey with our son, instead of hiding it like a secret, I've discovered a new kind of freedom. One woman in my Bible study said, "Carol, I used to think you were perfect, but now I think we could be friends." Carol Kent, Just Between Us, Fall 2010.

The context is that Carol, who is a professional Christian speaker in the US, has a son in prison, convicted with killing his wife's former husband. Most of us do not have a 'secret' quite as shocking as this, even so I found her comment to be encouraging. 

By keeping secrets we pretend to be better than we actual are, even if we don't intend to do this - when we don't admit our faults others tend to assume this. And by doing this we build walls around ourselves that prevent others from being our friends or by being encouraged by the struggles in our lives.

So, what can I tell you today that I've been hiding (not to confuse blog readers with a true friends, though of course some of you qualify as both)?  I'm addicted to coffee. How's that?