26 May, 2009

Fluctuating emotions

I usually am fairly steady emotionally, but recently, there's been a lot more fluctuation. The main cause is, of course, the upheaval that lies before us. Yesterday I felt like I just wanted to hop on that aeroplane and take off. I'd had enough. I felt disengaged with Japan and just wanted to head 'home'. Good thing or not, life carried on and carried me with it and this morning I'm busy preparing for the last day of school. I think, like many people, I am better when I am busy. Sitting around thinking or waiting is an exhausting and potentially depressing activity. I remember this feeling at exam time, particularly in the hours just before an exam you'd just want the exam to be over. I am not particularly sitting around twiddling my thumbs, although yesterday I wasn't frantically busy, but there is a sense of pacing ourselves which makes me feel impatient to get this whole ordeal over with. Meanwhile the boys are very excited. Not only do they have end-of-school activities today, but we have a birthday and party to look forward to at the end of the week. Our six year old is getting messed up with, "It's the day after, the day after tomorrow." You'd think it was his own birthday! Anyhow, enough reflecting, back to the laundry and washing-up and clown costumes...

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