Work retreat

For most of last week I hung out with the OMF Japan social media team. We're a five-person remote team and work from our respective homes across Japan. Our role is mobilisation: we encourage people to get more involved in mission, even if that is just knowing more about the needs for the gospel in Japan. Each team member is part-time, we've all got other ministries that we're involved in. So it was a joy to get together in one place (mostly—one member didn't join us as she's on maternity leave).

During our days together we talked about teamwork and personalities, about our mission as a team, and other team matters. But we also spent time creating together. It can be hard to just turn the creative tap on, but after working through some frustration we eventually got there. Actually, by the last afternoon I had to work hard to turn the creativity off so that we could finish our retreat and go home, even if we hadn't finished the projects we set our hands to.

My role on the team is leader, as well as writer and editor. I got to do a short writing/editing workshop with the team this year—it always amazes me how much I know about editing when I get to teach others about it (but I'm also aware that there's so much I still need to learn, especially about editing longer-form writing).

Checking out photos that one team member took.

Choosing something for lunch: yes, Japanese menus can
be huge, but (generally helpfully) include pictures.

Can you hear the creativity crackling?

Brainstorming themes for 2026

The most surprising thing to come out of the retreat was that all those at the retreat had been assessed as "NFP"s on the MBTI (our absent team member is also an "NF"). If you are my FB friend you may have seen that I was questioning my own "type" before the retreat. It's been over 25 years since I had a professional assessment of my type. At the time I was a newly wed, working as an Occupational Therapist, had no kids, and had never lived overseas. Last month I did a short online version of the assessment and came out with a different "type". I did it again a few days later and came out with yet another type. 

For the purpose of the retreat I went with my original type, but I'm left pondering how I've changed. If I recall correctly, my original type indicated that two of my categories were close to the middle. So my working theory is that because much has changed in my life that has changed me, I've grown. I've learned how to operate differently than when I was that 25 y.o., and I'm pretty comfortable with that. I'm also realising that I'm older and I don't have the same level of energy that I did before I had children. I now work a fairly "introverted" job that requires a lot of organisation skills and attention to details; I've lived for most of my adult life in a country with a very different culture and where I don't understand the language well. All these things change you. Occasionally I have opportunity to break out into my more extroverted, crazy self and that often surprises those who only know me in this context. But I love that. 

I also like that I'm able to tap into my creative side, while keeping hold of my organisational abilities. It's a sly combo of these two that have allowed me to both be part of the creative groups that attended the writer's retreat in May and the social media retreat last week, but have also allowed me to be the organiser of these retreats (something that not everyone who came are good at). The more creative part of my personality also loves the variety in my job.

Alas, last week finished and this week began and I'm back at my desk, hardly talking to anyone during the day (though I have been writing many emails). I'm glad we had the retreat, but also glad that I don't work like that all the time—by Friday night I was pretty knackered (US=exhausted). I've been catching up on all the work that got sidelined while I was away...after three solid days at my desk I'm getting there.

Sacred pathways spiritual temperaments

I've just finished reading a book called Sacred Pathways by Gary L. Thomas. It's about different "spiritual temperaments". That is, about various ways that people find it more natural to worship God. This is fascinating to me, and consolidates things that I've contemplated over the years as I work and live in an interdenominational environment.

I've found the book helpful for a number of reasons:

This helps with the tendency to be judgemental of people who do things differently to you. I work with a lot of different people from a wide range of backgrounds. It's good to have a better understanding of their perspective when it comes to worship and connecting with God, and to move away from that tendency that "only my 'tribe' does it right".

It's taught me about my Christian background and how that plays into the way I think about worship. I come from a tradition that strongly values intellectualism. I see that in how much emphasis they put on the words of songs, and on concentrating carefully on a complex, often theologically rich sermon. 

The big revelation that I had as I recognised this was the struggle I have every week with worshipping in Japanese. I only grasp small portions of sermons and most Japanese worship songs mean little to me. However, I love singing with my Japanese brothers and sisters. That's not an intellectual activity for me, it's a sense-filled one that I appreciate. Sermons often turn into intellectual activities as I work really hard to understand what's being said, and look up various words, but I don't feel particularly close to God doing this. It's a language learning exercise that wears me out every week.

The book has helped me see that there are other ways to worship. This is really helpful because my background, and also the unspoken emphasis of my organisation, is that "words" are all important. As a writer, I have to agree . . . to some extent. But here's the interesting thing: being at church is important to me. When services were only online during the pandemic, I could barely bring myself to listen to a Japanese worship service from my home. However, I appreciate going to a worship service in person. I can only account for that as being I appreciate the atmosphere, the music and the beauty of the building, I appreciate being in the same space as others who are worshipping, and even the comfort that comes from the familiar rhythm of the elements of a worship service.

The book has taught me other things about me. I would never have called myself an "activist" (in fact I tend to run from confrontation), however the book showed me that a deep passion and involvement in mission work, like I have, is a form of activism. I also wouldn't have picked myself to be an "enthusiast" either, but in mission work we take risks and get to see God work in supernatural ways (like people giving money for the last 21 years for us to serve in Japan). Apparently both these things are characteristics of enthusiasts.

And I was surprised at how strongly I had affinity to caregiving, for example offering rides to people, cooking for them, and helping with needs when I can. I love caring for my own family by providing meals for them, and making sure they have a reasonably clean and tidy house to go about their daily lives in (though I don't take that too far, I get bored too easily with housekeeping).

I also didn't realise how much time in nature and appreciating God's creation was also a way I love to worship God. Though I should have known that, given how I love camping and going to parks, taking care of pot plants, and getting out of the city. Having my work desk in a place where I can see outside, especially seeing green, is also important to me.

Probably this isn't a book for Christians who are new to the faith, or who have a shallow faith. But for someone who has been around a while and has a reasonable grounding in basic truths of the gospel, it's a helpful read. I'm already feeling less guilty about not being the best Japanese student, and more appreciative of those who feel that liturgy or incense or fasting or  drawing is a really good way for them to connect with God.

It's always good to remember that the God of the Bible is a big, humungous God. One that we can't put into boxes. It makes perfect sense that just as he's made so many humans, each one different, that he's able to connect deeply with each one, and never in exactly the same way.

[And a very cool thing: I discovered this book through editing an article by a colleague/friend of mine, then found the ebook in my local Australian public library (Ipswich)!] 

I don't fit in a neat box

Someone asked me what I've been up to this week. It's been a very detailed-focused week. I'm working on the pointy-end of the next issue of the magazine (i.e. the part when we finalise the text for the designer to work on it). This is the stage when I need to be hyper-alert to nailing down all the details and getting them right. That, for me, also involves, getting to a point of agreement with authors about their work. I also need to get to a point of agreement with our production team (designer and proofreader), but we work well together and usually this is fairly smooth. But sometimes we can get too detail focused—like how important is it to know whether or not to put that semicolon there or if a font looks exactly right—and I need to pull back a little and look at the bigger picture.

I've come to the conclusion that I'm a bit of an all-rounder when it comes to the big-picture vs details dichotomy. I'm neither one nor the other. That's actually a helpful balance, at least in the work I usually do. It means I can juggle a job that requires intense concentration on details and stay fairly well on top of organising myriad things. But I can (usually) also step back and take in the bigger picture. But, like social vs alone time, I need a balance. Doing lots of ultra-detailed focusing tires me out. So does lots of big-picture stuff.

This is true in many systems of understanding humans: I don't fall into a neat box. But I think that is true for many people. We get a little bit stuck on questions like—"is she an introvert" or "is he an enneagram 5?" or "am I an ENTP or and INFP?" These systems of understanding personality are fascinating and sometimes helpful, but are they sometimes unhelpful? The older I get the more I struggle to answer the questions in these kinds of assessment. Thoughts like "Well, when I'm having coffee with Sue, I would do this, but if I was at work I'd do that. If I was really tired, I'd choose this, but if I had just had coffee on a Tuesday morning, I'd act like this." Truth is, I'm not consistent in how I react. 

My reactions are a combination of my personality, the immediate context, and what's gone before. Living cross-culturally hasn't helped, either. In Australia I act differently to in Japan! It's true. I really struggled with that when I first came here, it made me feel like I had a dual personality. Having a clear understanding of language and culture taken away from you can turn you into much more of an introvert than you used to be! You get much more observant, and work harder to interpret your context than you ever had to in your home country. Oh, did you know that I change how I speak according to who I'm speaking too, also? So an American won't usually hear me say, "I'm going to the toilet" but I would say that to a British person. British people won't usually hear me say, "See you this arvo" but an Australian might.

This can all be a bit exhausting! 

I'm glad God's given me the ability to read social situations and adapt to different contexts, because I've seen up close how that can go wrong, even in small ways. But I'm also glad that he's my dependable rock in the midst of all the shifting and changing. He doesn't require me to react in any specific way to earn approval with him. I often chastise myself for not concentrating in church, or falling asleep during prayer time with my husband. It's easy to have regrets about my past behaviour, to question if I've been the best parent I can be, etc. But I need to keep coming back to the solid truth that I'm loved regardless of how good or bad I am. And indeed, on my own, I can't ever be good enough to reach the standards God demands.

And with that thought, I'm winding down towards my weekend. I'm weary, how about you? Thankfully tomorrow's looking quiet!

On this day seven years ago

One of the things I like to check in the morning is the "On this day" on Facebook. It brings up a lot of interesting things that I've posted in past years: events, photos, etc. Because I've posted links to my blog on Facebook pretty much since the beginning, it also shows me those and they can be fun to read also. 

Today I came up with this, a glimpse of what my life in was like when I had 11, 8, and 5 year olds. Sometimes I'm asked about when my kids were younger and even now I can't remember a lot of it. Having written about one particular day on my blog, we can go back and have a peek into life in 2010. Indeed quite different to my life now.

Here are some extracts (for context, we were at a fun sports day for home schoolers, held at CAJ):

Parks were a big part of our family's recreation when
the boys were younger. So much energy!

At lunch-time my kids ate and ran - typical. They really don't eat much at school usually, because there is too much play to be done. However I lingered longer in the bright autumn sun. Eventually I realised that the girls on the next table over were dressed the same, had the same drink bottles, their hair was done in the same fashion etc. Yes, they were twins. 5 y.o. twins. The more amazing thing was that they sat for the entire lunch-hour. Just sat, and ate, slowly. My boys never sit and eat. They squirm, they shove it in and they leave. Getting them to linger over a meal is like extracting a tooth without anaesthetic. Very painful. I can only imagine what it must be like to have children who just sit quietly. . . 

Very soon my eldest was trying to entertain the others by putting the road cone on his head, by playing with water and blindfolding himself and others with the bandanna that awaited us at our relay-station.
My middle son was intense at the games. Competitive to the last. Determined that we obey the rules, even if it wasn't clear what they were!
My youngest was the victim of the other two as well as his youth. He quickly tired of the competitiveness, of the intensity and the pressure. He folded and assumed that it was all too hard. . .

I cannot say that I was having a fun time. Trying to wrestle a balloon off two intense brothers rolling in the dirt. Trying to placate the youngest and stop him being victimised by his brothers. Trying to explain to the middle son that it was okay that the neighbouring team didn't exactly follow the rules. Trying to make sure everyone had a chance to participate. It wasn't fun. . . 

Some people consoled me with the presumption that my boys would go home and collapse. They don't know my boys. My kids are like energiser bunnies and go and go and go. After sports day the younger two went across the road to their usual 1 hour swimming lesson. When they got home from that they wanted to play soccer outside or balloon volleyball in the lounge. It was only when I said that I needed help putting sheets back on beds that they feigned tiredness!
However I was tired, mentally if not physically. We parked them in front of a video for an hour before tea (dinner), just to give us a break and help their active bodies to slow down. Soon they'd rush through another meal and we'd push them to bed (energiser bunnies don't appreciate being made to slow down, they click). Then we could have some peace.

People now say to me, "You're lucky to have such active boys." But I don't know. I definitely feel like it's been a long, challenging 18½ years of parenting so far. I love to see them compete in sports now: I love that all that energy now has a positive outlet (and I don't need to organise or facilitate it). Also, then when they come home now, they are generally tired and don't bounce around like they used to!

Sometimes I'm asked if I miss the times when they were younger and the truth is that I don't. As you've just read, it was an exhausting period of my life. I had pre-schoolers for 10 years and that was long enough for me.

It's also good to remind myself that life is a little physically easier now than it was then, it is easy to forget. What I've forgotten a little, is that it wasn't mentally or emotionally easy back then either. The battles have changed, the boys have gotten bigger and stronger (but not more strong-willed, that's been steadily difficult, I think). It is harder now, though, to make them do things they don't want to do. They are definitely more opinionated and don't hesitate to let us know those opinions.

Enough reminiscing. Back to now. Tonight we have the first wrestling meet of the season (actually just a dual, should be less than an hour). The team is much smaller than last year and it's discouraging to see that. We don't have any of our family wrestling tonight, but I do have friends whose kids are, and I'm keen to sit with them and cheer for their kids. No disguising it—I'm excited to see live wrestling again, though I know it won't be as special as last year, but it won't be as stressful either!

Another messy evening: as I'll make dinner early and people will eat it when they're free (wrestling starts at 6, but two of our family won't be home from school till after it's over and another family member will be home before 6, but out until late as he goes straight to youth group from there, we're not sure if the fifth family member will even leave the house...).

Wanting deep conversation

I'm someone who loves a good, long, deep conversation. 

This friend and I have sat through many wrestling meets,
cross-country meets, track meets, and car journeys too and
from such things. Wrestling meets are just not conducive to
long, deep conversations. Deep, yes, but not long! However,
we went camping with these friends last year and one treasured
memory for me is sitting for ages while the kids played and
talking about deep things.

But sometimes when I'm talking to a person I feel like I'm stressing them out. They're looking for an exit strategy and I'm not supplying one. I'm not sure how to deal smoothly with that.

Is the onus on me? Am I acting too needy and clingy and driving people away? Or is it that people don't want a deep conversation with me? 

Sometimes—and I understand this—they have other important things that need doing. That happens to me (and I hate it when I have to cut a good conversation short because I have to go to another thing on my schedule.) Or they're just not in the mood. Or maybe it is that they just don't really like me at all, and a shallow, short conversation is all they want (yes, I know about this too). Or having a deep conversation is way too scary.

Do you ever have thoughts like this?

I know that some of this is culture-driven (this article about adjusting to a slower-paced life in France showed me that), but that doesn't make it easier to cope with.

I also know a lot of this is driven by my personality (ENFP), I've just Googled "ENFP" and "deep conversation" and found others with similar complaints. It's a life-long problem for me. I got upset at our wedding because we had so many wonderful friends all in the same room and I just wanted to sit and have a long, deep conversation with them all. Of course it was an unrealistic expectation, but the pain was real.

There is also an element here of how being a missionary has changed me. I don't know how long someone will be in my life, so I have a tendency to go deep fast. I saw a great example of this the other day. It was with some ladies I was having lunch with, missionaries who don't know each other very well. We'd barely settled into our seats when one asked another, "I heard that you set aside your Tuesdays to spend time with God." It was a stunning plunge into deep conversation.

I'm just thankful I do have friends with whom I can have long conversations, although at this point in our lives it usually requires scheduling to achieve this. Long gone are the days of university when you could just sit around and chat for hours on end with little consequences.

I've meandered around here a bit, but I am still interested in your thoughts on my thoughts above. How do I handle the feeling that someone wants an exit strategy when I just want a deep conversation?

Fascinating and challenging

A line drawing of where I am. Maybe tomorrow I'll think
to take a photo of my own during daylight.

I sat around a table at afternoon tea today with seven people. We were German, Swiss, (Northern) Irish, American, English, and Australian. Interesting!

We serve in five different east Asian countries.

We've been missionaries from about three years to decades.

It's a lot to take in, I've never met any of these people before. But I find it very stimulating. 

Though I don't feel super tired tonight, not like I did last night, I find myself plastered to the bed and with stomach ache: a classic Wendy stress symptom. 

I've interacted with passion all day long: over the topics raised during the training and also at meals. That equals tiredness. Not to mention a certain period in the early morning where I wasn't asleep. Mild jet lag (we're two hours earlier than Japan here) plus the normal fatigue that comes from travel. 

One interesting topic today was about what motivates you. A model with three main types of motivation was presented: achievement, belonging, and influence. I was fascinated to think about what motivates me. One is that I need to be passionate about something. I find it extremely difficult to do something that I'm ambivalent about. 

We talked about teams this morning and personality this afternoon. This morning confirmed for me that I'm not a cookie-cutter OMF missionary working in a team. This afternoon reminded me of how I don't fit into a classic extrovert or introvert box. 

I have a quiet non-conformist streak in me that I love. I like being a minority. But I can now tell that I'm going to struggle all week to find where I and my work situation fit into all this. Hopefully, though, I'll find things that have "take away" value for me.  

Margin in life

The longer I live this life the longer I realise how much grace I need to extend to others. But also to myself.

I'm realising more and more that my perspective is different to other people's and what works for me, doesn't work for everyone. What I see others struggling with is not something I should judge, nor should I envy those who appear to doing something easily that I find hard.

I know I need margin and I plan for it, David and I have both become fairly skilled at saying no. I rely on him, at times, to help me judge whether I should say no. But sometimes that fails too. 

But obviously others don't need the same amount of margin, or they go about life in a different way. That's okay. Generally. 

But I'm also learning that in most cases it isn't my business to be poking my nose in other people's time management. I can show concern, but in the end it is their responsibility (unless I'm the one giving them the grief in demanding too much of them).

Recently I came across two posts about planning for margin, from two different perspectives.
1. Margin, the wasted space we desperately need.
2. Another perspective, where planning for margin becomes a stumbling block.

I'm in the first category. If I don't plan for margin, then things start to go wrong, especially with my health. I've been struggling with various niggly heath issues over the last few months. I'm sure that a lot of it has to do with a lack of margin in June.

My lingering asthma has forced me to tarry longer in this inbetween, holiday spot. I've enjoyed the long lay-ins in the mornings and lots of lazy time. But I've been a bit frustrated and feeling a bit guilty in the last week or so, that I'm not getting more done. I guess I've had margin enforced upon me, more margin than I thought I needed.

It's at times like these that I need to remember that I'm loved, but not because of what I do. And the One who loves me gives me rest too.

Psalm 23:1-3

1 

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.

2 

    He makes me lie down in green pastures,

he leads me beside quiet waters,

3 

    he refreshes my soul.

He guides me along the right paths

    for his name’s sake.

Depression and missionary kids

Parenting is a tough gig. Parenting in the context of living our kind of lifestyle is even trickier. 

Some kids thrive. Others struggle. 

I came across an article yesterday that resonates with some of what we're seeing just now, particularly in those of our boys who are introverted. 

Here's a particularly good quote from the article: 

Besides the layers of unresolved grief, the TCK may be experiencing depression due to their feelings of isolation in their current situation and struggling in forming meaningful relationships in their current environment. They may not have the emotional energy to walk through the process of making friends and small talk, but yet they long for a more in-depth relationship with someone within their community.

The advice given is that the best thing to do is listen to them talk about their losses (without judgement). It doesn't actually take too much to get them to do that at present, if an interested person comes along and asks the right questions. But usually interested people lose interest pretty quickly. 

How we facilitate our biggest boy to make new relationships when he's clearly mourning the temporary loss of friendships in Japan, I'm not sure. But the school is trying to help and we're praying. And we know others are too. 

Here's the article: http://mangotreereflections.com/2014/08/17/depression-and-third-culture-kids/

My instigating son

This week I'm so proud of my sons and some things they've done or are doing this week.

But here I will focus on my youngest son. He's a handful! Smart, full of ideas and initiative, bold, competitive, extrovert, leader. These are all good qualities, but like any strong personality qualities,

My son is the middle boy here.

they have their negative side. I was looking for a descriptor of him yesterday and this is what one electronic dictionary gave me:

Noun	1.	instigator - someone who deliberately foments trouble; "she was the instigator of their quarrel" inciter, instigant, provoker,firebrand ringleader - a person who leads (especially in illicit activities) bad hat, mischief-maker,trouble maker,troublemaker, troubler - someone who deliberately stirs up trouble
	2.	instigator - a person who initiates a course of action initiator leader - a person who rules or guides or inspires others aggressor - a confident assertive person who acts as instigator

I'm not sure how that he often tries to "foment trouble" but he sure brings enough of it down on his head just by being him. As you can see above, there is a pretty fine line between the two definitions of the same word and that's how it is with him too. At eight, he often lacks the maturity and discernment to deal with his strong personality and it causes trouble.

But yesterday it was used for good. A teacher at the school, knowing that he needs a bit of a challenge at school, suggested that he might be interested in starting up something like a club and his  suggestion was a science club. The teachers have included him in the planning and promotion of the club and he's getting lots of credit! Yesterday they had their first meeting and there was lots of enthusiasm.

It also seems that his idea has sparked off a number of other students interested in starting their own clubs.

I'm so happy for my son, who tries so hard to keep up with his two big brothers, that his strengths have been recognised and produced something that benefits a number of other people. I pray that this is the start of more and more good things in his life. I can't wait to see what he ends up doing as an adult!

Extroverts, introverts, and ambiverts

Our youngest was sad on the first day of school last week. It was a half-day. CAJ always starts with a half-day (8.30-12) and it just wasn't enough social interaction for him after 11 long weeks away from his friends. He is a classic extrovert. When he came home he stuck to me like glue, hoping I'd give him the happiness he wanted.

Our strongly introverted son working quietly on his own.

He is such a contrast to our middle son who is quite the introvert. Thankfully he's beginning to understand that instead of taking it out on us when he returns home, he can retreat to his room for some time to recharge.

I've been thinking more about extroversion and introversion recently and I've discovered a term that suits me far better than these extremes: ambivert.

ambivert: a person who has a balance of extrovert and introvert features in their personality (Origin: 1920s) From here.

 This blog post describes my dilemma very well. The comments after the post are from people like me, who have been confused by the strong dichotomous descriptors of extrovert vs introvert.

Here's another article that talks about the complexities of personality and how we're all on a continuum. I love this quote from the webpage:

The notion of Ambiversion changed my life. Previously, when filling in a personality type questionnaire, I”d hesitate when answering questions like: “would you prefer to go to a party or read a book?”  My first thought was “Depends on the party or book and also how tired I am from the previous night.” But that contextual option wasn’t available. Now I realize what a gift it is to be sensible, reasonable and well balanced enough to have the freedom of choice.

And this one:

I’m an Ambivert with 70 shades of Introvert and 30 shades of Extrovert! What are you? 

The Myer-Briggs calls me an Extrovert with a strong Introvert shadow, but I think an Ambivert is a more helpful descriptor. I couldn't understand, for example, why I could be so excited about having visitors to stay, and yet after a day or so, find myself seeking out privacy in my bedroom (something I rarely do when it is just the five of us here). It seemed weird, but now I understand. Sometimes my extrovert side is stronger, other times my introvert side. And I need to work at getting a balance because if I get too much solitude or too much social interaction I get worn out and grumpy.

Try this simple questionnaire, if you're thinking you might be in the ambivert range.

Physics, the stage, and a good weekend

This weekend my husband is being a Physics teacher geek, getting together with a bunch of other international school physics teachers. I'm not sure what they're doing, but it sounds like they're enjoying it. I'm just grateful this one is in our neighbourhood (ie Tokyo). The last one of these he attended was in Shanghai, which was a whole big deal including visas.

So yesterday he had breakfast and left some brekkie stuff out for the rest of us (I don't like getting up early on Saturday, if I can help it). We told the boys the night before that they could have breakfast whenever they felt like it. Result: very happy boys for most of the morning and a delighted mum who ate breakfast in peace and then enjoyed applying herself to some baking.

The afternoon was pretty quiet too. I continued baking and the boys had SQUIRT time then a bit of "screen time" (ie Miniclip).

At 3 I fed them some afternoon tea and we headed off to school for the high school performance of "Arsenic and Old Lace". A comedy that's more of a Will-the-murderers-be-found-out, than a Whodunit. CAJ stage performances are almost always superb. It is amazing the talent lurking at this school!

I invited some English-speaking Japanese friends. They enjoyed it, though needed a bit of help with understanding some of what was going on. Their three girls had much more difficulty, unfortunately.

The play was long, 2 1/2 hours. And it ran right over dinner-time: 4-6.30. So it was lovely to come home to a warm house with dinner ready to put on the table. That made the transition back home much easier.

Overall it's been a good weekend where the boys have, for the most part, gotten along well and been obedient. I'm so thankful.

Today, our middle son went to Sunday School. He's been refusing to go and instead coming to church with us (it happens at the same time). He also joined with all the other children when they came upstairs and sang us the Lord's Prayer in Japanese before the annual children's blessing.* I'm thankful.

Now, however, I have the dishes waiting to be washed up. Before long it will be food time again. Golly, when they're home like this it seems that most of the time we're feeding them! Even our seven y.o. — who tries his best to eat exactly the same amount as his 13 y.o. brother. And even goes so far to claim that it's unfair if I rule in favour of his older brother getting an extra serve of something and not allowing him to! I'm just waiting till he's old enough to take part in these school theatrical performances. I think we could be harbouring a future star of the stage. I just wish he could wait until then to exhibit those theatrical tendencies.


*The pastor praying over the kids, this is culturally significant as this time of year the Japanese often take their children to the shrine to be blessed.

Japan and Blood Types

In Japan blood types are a big deal. I knew this, but this article told me much more. Apparently employers often ask about blood type interviews, politicians mention it (to the point of blaming their blood type for bad behaviour), and their silver-winning Olympic softball team (in Beijing) used the theories to customise their preparation.

There is a widespread belief that character is linked to blood type.

According to popular belief in Japan, type As are sensitive perfectionists and good team players, but over-anxious. Type Os are curious and generous but stubborn. ABs are arty but mysterious and unpredictable, and type Bs are cheerful but eccentric, individualistic and selfish.

A father and son with no medical background have published dozens of books on the subject here. Amazing.

So, do you fit the stereotype? I don't really.

It takes a community to know an individual

I came across a new idea the other day. Totally-out-of-the-blue idea; an idea that I've never consciously considered before. That doesn't happen to me very often. It was in preparing a Bible study for tomorrow that I found the following passage that gives a totally different angle on why being a part of a Christian fellowship is so important.

"C. S. Lewis was part of a famous circle of friends called the Inklings, which included J. R. R. Tolkien, the author of the Lord of the Rings, and also the author Charles Williams, who died unexpectedly after World War II. in his book The Four Loves, Lewis wrote a striking meditation on his death in an essay entitled "Friendship."

In each of my friends there is something that only some other friend can fully bring out. By myself I am not large enough to call the whole man into activity; I want other lights than my own to show all his facets. Now that Charles [Williams] is dead, I shall never again see Ronald's [Tolkien's] reaction to a specifically Charles joke. Far from having more of Ronald, having him "to myself" now that Charles is away, I have less of Ronald . . . In this, Friendship exhibits a glorious "nearness by resemblance" to heaven itself where the very multitude of the blessed (which no man can number) increases the fruition which each of us has of God. For every soul, seeing Him in her own way, doubtless communicates that unique vision to all the rest. That, says an old author, is why the Seraphim in Isaiah's vision are crying "Holy, Holy, Holy" to one another (Isaiah 6:3). The more we thus share the Heavenly Bread between us, the more we shall have.

Lewis is saying that it took a community to know an individual. How much more would this be true of Jesus Christ?" pp125-127 The Prodigal God, by Timothy Keller. (The emphases are mine.)

Aside from the fact that this is an awesome idea, it has other implications too. Take, for example, a colleague who is struggling to figure out who I am, who keeps initiating "personality" discussions with me. I'm now wondering if this person, with whom I've mostly just spent time with in one-on-one meetings, needs to spend time seeing me in groups where I feel comfortable. Just a thought, an interesting thought!

Anyone else intrigued by this idea? What do you think?

9. What are the positive and negative aspects of your relationships with other missionaries?

Hmm, this is a hairy one. Especially as a number of my colleagues read this blog! Please, no one take offence at what I write. I'm being very careful and speaking in general terms, and I don't want any of my colleagues or friends to be upset. If something I say is offensive, please write to me directly and let me know.
(This is the eighth in a series of questions I'm answering for a friend's Bible college assignment. You'll find links to the other answers in the series here.)

Positive aspects
     It it easiest to talk about the positive aspects of relating to other missionaries. Because we share many unique experiences and challenges, there is often a deep bond between missionaries. In OMF International we have missionaries from many different cultures and backgrounds, I've found, though, that our bond often supersedes the differences. 
     Many of us have discovered that we cannot wait for someone "like us" to become friends with. In fact there are precious few people "like us" on the mission field. For example, we have no close Australian friends who are in the same life stage as us, let alone from the same type of background. We have no one with who we can reminisce with about  our growing up years. Almost no one who's been to Toowoomba or Yeppoon, where we grew up. So, we have to choose to be friends with people who are quite different to us. 
    Not only that, but we recognise how transient life is on the mission field is. I mentioned back here that one of the stressors is constant change. That includes frequently changing colleagues and friendships. Most missionaries recognise that you often don't have much time to build a deep relationship with one another. I often find myself in deep conversations with someone I hardly knew six months ago; I have no idea where they grew up, let alone whether they have any siblings, but still we can connect on a deep level. It is another topic, but I find that having learnt how to do this, I struggle in Australia a bit. People are often scared if you try to go deep too quickly in a relationship. It probably makes me seem a bit like an alien!


Negative aspects
    Now this is the really tough one. Missionaries tend to have strong personalities. They have to, otherwise they wouldn't have been able to overcome the many obstacles to becoming and remaining a missionary. Strong personalities are good, but can be challenging to work with (especially if you have one yourself). They tend to be good at perseverance and are quite independent people. You can say this negatively by calling them "stubborn" and "difficult to control". I'm not really in leadership here, but I'm suspecting that leading missionaries is a very challenging job.
     Years of persevering alone in a foreign culture can exacerbate personality traits that can become somewhat "odd" without being tempered by rubbing shoulders with people of their own culture.
It is pretty well known that one big reason people leave the mission field is because they have trouble getting along with other missionaries. A sad fact, but somewhat understandable if you consider the stressors that we work under, combined with the above personality qualities. We personally haven't had too much difficulty working with other missionaries, but we haven't worked closely with other missionaries for very long in a small team.
    
    My biggest struggle at the moment is with a double minority feeling. As foreigners we are understandably a minority in this country. As Australians stationed at an International School that is based on an American style, we are double minorities. I find that difficult at times. It is easy for others to assume that because we come from an English speaking country, that our cultures are basically the same. That assumption can lead to unfortunate misunderstandings, misunderstandings that aren't even recognised as originating in different cultural background. And like culture shock, it is the ones that you don't see coming that blind-side you!
    I also struggle with a bit of a racial bias against Americans that my upbringing in Australia gave me. I wish I didn't, but I do. That's not to say that I don't have some wonderful American friends and colleagues. I love them as individuals, but sometimes the total effect can be difficult to swallow! Part of that is my personality, that likes to be the non-conformist, but not just that, in some ways I like people to know that I'm different and that can cause difficulties. Suffice to say, it isn't always a picnic in the park being missionaries working with and living near other missionaries. 


     Like teachers sometimes say, "School would be great without the students!" But as I was reminded in church on Sunday, if we choose to work together as God wants us to, we can achieve far more than we could apart, despite our differences.


    I only have one question left in this series and I hope it won't be a fizzer of a conclusion, because I haven't worked with national Christians very much, but like the others, I'll give it a go.


10. What are the positive and negative aspects of your relationships with national Christians?

Pondering my flaws

Well, what to write about today? I'm doing a great job of messing things up, it seems. The older I get the more mistakes I seem to be making.


Just yesterday I put my foot in my mouth as a self-proclaimed American accent expert and then I generalised! Not the first time I've offended Americans by generalising about them and their country. Sorry to all my American readers out there.


Last week I shot off an email to the designer of the magazine I edit. It detailed changes I thought needed making in the about-to-be-sent-to-the-printer magazine. Turns out, I was out of line. In fact editing is all about finding mistakes — my own and others. And then you add more than one editor together, thrown a few writers in and you have disagreement, sometimes major disagreement! Actually, editing this magazine has probably gotten me in more hot water more frequently than anything else I've done in the last decade. Sigh.


I'm still recovering from a couple of mistakes I made in 2010 and discovered last January when I made yet another several mistakes with the same person. The mess that those mistakes made hurt me badly and isn't going away quickly.


Which leads me to another aspect to my personality that has come in focus for me again this week. My tendency to persevere. This, like most personality traits, has positive and negative sides to it.


Positively it has enabled me to stick with difficult situations longer than I might otherwise have done (for example, being a missionary in Japan). It means that I've gained competence in some things that I might not have except that I've persevered (e.g. piano). It means I don't need much external motivation. It means that goals I set, I often achieve and that if I set my mind to something, I usually manage it if I'm not thwarted by some other factor. That's why learning Japanese has been such a frustration to me, because, I didn't get the results that I, or anyone else wanted.


The negative side of perseverance is that it is hard to let go. Hard to let go of an argument, hard to accept that something hasn't been completed to my satisfaction (an element of perfectionism, I guess). Hard to accept that I cannot fix a relationship if the other person doesn't want it fixed. It is hard to accept giving up. It means that I can push my boys too far. This was particularly evident in homeschooling, but is something I have to continually try to keep in check when parenting. It means I can get stuck on something that in the big scheme of things is unimportant. Add to it my tendency to be introspective, and you can get some serious mental messes.


Sigh. Mistakes, messes, difficulty quitting. 


My boys were pondering heaven the other day. When I ponder my flaws, it makes me sad, but it also makes me long for heaven, for a time when I'll not have any flaws or internal struggles anymore.

"I love homework"

What's the first thing kids say when they see you after school? Yesterday, from my nearly 9 y.o. I received: "Yay, I've got homework!!!"

A self portrait of our son taken when camping recently.

He then proceeded to sit down and do it all with a tremendous focus. He's super excited about having his own desk where he can put stuff inside and keep it organised. He loves his new homework book (they call it an "agenda").

I'm so happy to see this. Not just because it makes life easier for me, but because for many years it's been easier for us to see the bad qualities of his personality, not the good qualities. This intense focus was, in earlier years, used to produce prolonged tantrums, to resist good ideas and generally be a very big parenting challenge. 

I remember one time on our kilometre walk to his Japanese kindergarten that he decided he didn't want to go and he sat down. It took me over half an hour to get him the last 300m to the front door where they had to pick him up and carry him inside forcibly. It left me an emotional wreck and I wondered if there was anything wrong with my child . . . or with me.

Actually truth be told, he resembles someone I know well. My parents will tell stories of how I also refused to budge on occasion. I also loved school, homework and (blushing to admit this) homework books.

So I knew that such determination and focus could be put to good use in the future, if he chose to. It was wonderful to see him use those personality traits yesterday for good rather than negatively. I'm praying it will continue once the novelty of school wears off.