Flashback to some transition craziness in Australia

Looking back at my blog post at the end of June and I’m amazed—there was so much going on. It's probably no wonder we've hit a bit of a wall today with energy, after two very busy months with so many decisions and transition.

One thing I mentioned in the above linked blog post was uncertainty about cars. Here’s how it turned out:

Our car, that we bought second-hand in August last year, cost us quite a bit in repairs over the year. It really didn't turn out to be a great purchase. As we looked towards transferring ownership to our eldest son, we decided to fix a ding that was caused during a hit-and-run incident while David was supervising a learner driver. This took several weeks at the end of June and early July to fix at the insurance company's preferred provider.

Thankfully we'd purchased a second car a few weeks previously, with the intention of our middle son taking ownership of it after he got his licence. We were able to use that car while our main car was getting fixed.

The day we moved all our stuff out of the house (which was a huge day without complications) was the same day our first car was available for collection and it turned into logistics challenge and a race against time as we tried to organise two drivers to be at the panelbeater shop before they shut. That also turned out to be the day we handed our second car over to our middle son.

Our eldest son was moving to Townsville (17 hrs drive north) only a few days after we left Australia and needed our larger car to carry all his stuff, so we planned to transfer ownership of our first car to him. So, a few days after we got it back from the panel beaters—and only four days before we were due to fly out of the country—we borrowed a car from the people we were staying with and put our first car into a different "shop" to get a road worthy certificate (an essential step in such a transfer). We already knew that there was an oil leak, due nearly wrecking the engine during our journey north a few weeks earlier, when our oil completely ran out one morning. We just weren't completely sure where or how expensive it would be to fix. Turned out that it would be an expensive fix and one that we (and our son) didn't have time for, so we retrieved our car.

On our last night in Australia we handed the keys to the car that was still in our name over to our eldest son and left him to deal with the mess, while advising him to sell it on our behalf as soon as he could once he got to Townsville.

His car was an older Corolla sedan that was in pretty good shape and actually passed its roadworthy pretty easily. He transferred ownership to his youngest brother who is due to do his licence test later this year.

Are you confused yet? This was just one of the things going on in the midst of us changing countries, for example, at the time I was still recovering from dental surgery. It's probably no surprise that we're weary today.

David started work a week ago and I've been gradually getting back into things. The heat and humidity is quite draining, even though we have good air conditioning. Our apartment is close to being completely set up and we're so thankful for that (and that we could move in so quickly after arriving). But we've made so many decisions and dealt with so much change these last couple of months. Transition is tiring. I'm glad we're on the other side. It's easy—because we've done this so many times and we've moved back to the same neighbourhood in a country we're familiar with—to race onwards and forget to take rest and be kind to ourselves. So it's good to take a moment to remember the craziness that was happening in those last few weeks in Australia!

Day 36: Dora Point to Scamander

We started the day with a cleaning job. We had been leisurely enjoying breakfast in the van when David spotted another padamelon outside. I had an open sleeping bag over my legs as it was still a little chilly, and foolishly I tried to leap up to see the marsupial out the other side of the van. Me or my actions on the sleeping bag knocked over my full cup of coffee. The sleeping bag, however, also saved me and the seat cushions from getting any spillage. … I should know by now that slow deliberate movement inside the van is best…but alas even five weeks into our journey and I’m still prone to error.

Beerbarrel Beach (no barrels in evidence!)

After (the initial) cleanup we drove into St Helens. We did the rest of the cleanup at the end of the day when we got access to a laundry (I should say David did most of the later cleanup, really...he does the laundry most of the time in our house. He did his best to handwash the sleeping bag and it drip-dried on the caravan park's Hills Hoist for 24 hours. We'll give it a good machine wash when we get home.) At St Helens I got a hair cut from a former Queenslander, David used the dump point for our waste water, we got groceries, sent off a signed form to our real estate agent, and checked out the visitor centre.

We then drove out to St Helen’s Point for an early lunch and did an hour-long walk to Beerbarrel Beach, and then a short drive to see a portion of the Peron Dunes (large sand dunes).

Sand dune: our sons would have
had tonnes of fun with snow sleds
on this! It was really hard to capture
the enormity of the dunes in a photo.

After this we drove a relatively short distance to the next town we were staying in: Scamander. It’s also a beachside town, and closer to St Helen’s than we realised. 

So a relatively short day of activity, but probably okay as David was showing signs of decision fatigue. We’ve realised that so much of the decision-making about how we used our personal time in the last 25 years has been dominated by what’s best for the boys. Making decisions just for us is still very novel and a bit tiring in a strange way!

When you realise that your size L feet
(Japanese sizing) aren’t actually that big!
In Australian sizing they are 8. 

Figuring out what God wants me to do

A close friend recently sent me a link to a very helpful Facebook post. It’s written by Martyn Iles, an Australia Christian who has had an unusually public profile in recent years (in Australia Christians don’t typically get much press). Who he is isn’t as important as the wise things he’s written, so I won’t write any more about him. He wrote this in a Facebook post, but sharing a Facebook post is only helpful if someone has a Facebook profile, so I’ve copied the text here (for my future reference, if nothing else):

How can I know what God would have me do?

When I speak to people personally, some variant of this question is possibly the most common question I am asked.

There is a four principled decision making framework which has never failed me yet.

Importantly, all four principles are to be discerned in the context of sincere prayer about the decision.

1. Circumstances

Your circumstances will change (or not), without your manipulation or control, in a way that enables or reveals the right course of action. Because God is sovereign and works providentially.

2. Scripture

If you are a habitual student of scripture, it is likely that your reading and study will speak into your circumstances in a way that confirms the right course of action. Because God speaks to us reliably in His word.

3. Peace

It may take time - it's often the final confirmation - but ultimately you will be at peace about the right decision. That is to say, it may be hard or daunting, but your conscience will quietly confirm it. Because the Spirit of God works in our conscience.

4. Patience

Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait!!!! STOP RUSHING! The scriptures are packed full with exhortations to "wait on the Lord." There are countless examples of God's slowness in the face of our hurry. Learn the discipline of patience or you will constantly make bad decisions. And you will *never* be worse off, or miss out, because you were patient. If you do, it just means it was never meant to be.

Now, you can be mistaken on one of the above - misreading circumstances, wrongly applying scripture, etc - but it is utterly unusual to be wrong about all four at the same time, especially in the context of patience and prayer.

When all four line up, that tends to be when I act. But often they don't, so I simply resist action, which is very hard.

Now, for matters of very great importance, I may have thought that all four principles were in alignment, yet the gravity of the decision was such that I was still reticent to make it.

In such circumstances, you can do a Gideon. You can pray for special confirmation and clarity - a "fleece." In His grace, God is ordinarily willing to provide it.

The alternative to the above is to plan your own way and make your own decisions, and expect God to catch up. That simply is not a life of faith. (End of the quote)

_____________

(Very annoyed right now because I've just lost several paragraphs here that I'd written here the other day...so on to to remembering what I wrote...)

What we see on earth is but a poor reflection of
what's truly going on (a much worse image than
we see here in a photo of the pond in the Japanese
garden at Mt Coot-tha).

I imagine that many people think that the decision of becoming a missionary must be one of the biggest we've ever made and that other decisions would be easy in comparison. While I could write much about the original decision, I will just say that there have been quite a number of times since then where decision making (and waiting for God's plan) has been hard.

A sample of times when this has seemed especially true in the last 25 years:

• When we were working towards to come to Japan and it took longer than we’d hoped
• When there was no teaching position for David in Japan for five years after we made ourselves available for that
• When my Japanese language ability never made it to a level suitable for working in it
• When I spent more time with sick kids than in doing any kind of outside ministry (or language learning) in our first term in Japan
• When our attempts to help our eldest learn Japanese language and culture by enrolling him in a Japanese primary school failed (we had to move him out after just 15 months)
• When we nearly didn’t get back to Japan in a timely fashion five years ago due to financial reasons
• When one of our sons encountered difficulties significant enough to derail our plan of moving him to Australia in 2021

Right now, as I've mentioned before, we're walking through the situation of seeking affordable rental accommodation for our younger two sons so that they can carry on their lives here while we head back to Japan. For various reasons we want to do that sooner rather than later.

What adds to the difficulty of this is not just that the rental system is under great stress here, but that our "public" lives mean that we've asked lots of people to pray about it, including our church. And people keep wanting updates. I want to jump straight to the end of the chapter and tell them a "success" story . . . but it's taking a while.

I really appreciated the wise older gentleman in our church who asked me last month, "Are you making progress?" 

This was a gentle and discerning way to ask and I could answer a wholehearted "YES". I felt encouraged, rather than needing to explain where we were up to and why we hadn't "succeeded" yet.

Back to the earlier quote, I really appreciate the emphasis on "wait". I am not naturally good at that, in general I tend to barrel ahead at considerable speed. Though I'd have to say that I have grown in this area in the decades since I became an adult. This particular waiting seems to be trying my patience and trust in God more than usual. But I'm trying hard to keep my eyes on Jesus.

I had coffee with a new friend this morning and we reflected on how we often don't know why God is doing something, or what his timing is, but we need to trust him regardless because he's so much wiser, more loving, and more powerful than us. That his thinking isn't the same as ours is clearly seen throughout the Bible, but perhaps no clearer than in the book of Job.

Here are a couple of verses I found along this line:

God’s voice thunders in marvellous ways; he does great things beyond our understanding.  (Jobe 27:5 NIV)

‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord. ‘As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.' (Is. 55:8–9)

So, we still await the end of this chapter of transitioning our sons to accommodation separate from us. It's going to be a good one! I can't wait to tell you about it!

Emotional roller coaster—April 2023 edition

This morning, my Facebook memories reminded me of the last time we moved out of a house in Japan to go on home assignment. I wrote this just a few weeks after starting my blog in 2009: Thoughts on packing up to go . . . 9 weeks out

A lot of that sounds very familiar. What's changed? 

Emotions can be like the sight of this
bridge: there's lots of things here
warning me not to attempt going across
it. Approaching home assignment
is a little like approaching a bridge
like this—it looks pretty scary and
full of danger. 

1. My boys are 14 years older, and there're only two of them here. 

2. CAJ's Thrift Shop is no more. 

3. There's still a lot of sorting to do, mostly because we're seriously downsizing this time, however, we can't complete downsizing while we're still living here and I'm still cooking meals for the equivalent of five or six people.

4. I probably don't live as close to the line on exhaustion as I did in 2009! Mostly due to #1.

What hasn't changed?

1. I'm still experiencing those emotions. I'm still not sure about the Right Time to do everything that needs to be done. I'm still concerned (maybe even anxious) about how it will all pan out.

2. God hasn't changed. He walked with us through this last time and we survived, however ragged!

Big transition like this is an emotional rollercoaster that I hate. And apparently, I always have. 

I grew up in a very stable family. We moved once during my school years: when I was 15, and that was just to a neighbouring suburb. I went to two schools, and that was because one was a primary school only and the other was a high school only. I didn't have any experience of a really big transition until I left home at 17 to go to university. My parents are still married and have only recently moved out of the home we moved into when I was 15. They still live in the same town.

But boy, have I had some whoppers since I left home. Nothing prepares you for changing countries. One would think that that, having lived overseas for 22 years now, and having "moved" to Australia four times in there for home assignments, I'd have it figured out. Nope!

Oh, I know the stuff that needs to be done. I'm not a newbie at any of that. But emotionally, and physically, it's still a stretch. And I'm not holding out high hopes either, having seen many missionaries retire from the field after 30+ years of service: all of them are stressed about the transition.

However, as I look back at this post I wrote two months ago, I'm also pleased to see that we've already made many decisions that answer many of the questions I listed in that post. That's maybe why I'm feeling like every night when David comes home, I'm asking his opinion on one decision or another that has come up during the day. It seems relentless! But I am thankful that we're making progress, even if it doesn't feel like it as we continue to be loaded with more decisions to make.

We've got many dates in the schedule up for several months now: moving dates, flying dates, accommodation dates, even when we stop work here and when we start in Australia. Our first two months of work in Australia are filling up. I was talking to two of my best friends on Monday and we're thinking about the three of us doing a retreat somewhere . . . however, my schedule is planned way in advance of what they're able to think about at present. So we shelved that conversation for now!

But back to our weekend. On Saturday we spent all day at another track meet. Our second-last one (and the last one on a weekend). It was good to see our son performing well again. He broke his personal best in discus by 3 metres, a long way! And less than 2 metres behind the winner, his good friend and teammate. He didn't throw a personal best in shot put, but no one threw further than he did. 

The weather was a distinct player on Saturday. We always keep a close eye on the forecast before these events, because the weather is so variable at this time of year. As it was, the night before was quite warm and so when I walked to school at 7.45, I carried my jacket. The forecast was 18C. But, by lunchtime we could feel the temperature dropping and I was soon wearing that jacket. In the morning I put on thin, long socks, but had scrunched them down around my ankles. Around 2 pm I pulled them up to my knees, then a little while later I did the challenging work of putting leggings on under my tracksuit pants in the school toilets (never my favourite place to change). By 3.30 it was raining, on and off, and David and I headed for the shelter of the school bus, really thankful that our son had already completed all his events. Finally, not long before we headed home at 5pm, I put an extra pair of socks on too. 

On Sunday we went to see an apartment that might be available to us next year. It was beautiful, but also shocking. I really hope that this will work out, but it depends on a few factors outside our control. It was shocking because the reality of how much downsizing we'll have to do to fit ourselves into an apartment was evident. 

So I've had this emotional roller coaster running this week: really wanting to jump straight to the point where we move into this new place, skipping all the hard work that going to Australia will mean, but also knowing that isn't possible. Chomping at the bit to get rid of more stuff at home as soon as possible, but I also know that isn't possible, at least for most things (that hasn't stopped me from throwing some books and papers out and selling an ice cream maker).

With all that happening, I started work on Monday and realised I needed to rev up the editing engine and tackle the next stage of the next issue, all while feeling tired after a busy weekend. That pre-HA emotional roller coaster mixed with fatigue and a large list of things to do at work:  it was not a great combo!

Thankfully it's been a week without any meetings or other reasons to have to leave my desk. That meant that by today I'm feeling like I'm currently on top of things (which is part of the emotional rollercoaster, albeit a better-feeling part).

What I need to do, in the midst of riding this uncomfortable roller coaster is to keep going back to some metaphors we find in the Bible:

1. God knows we are but dust (Psalm 103).

2. And he is our rock, our refuge, our hiding place, our shield, salvation, stronghold, fortress, our strength, our rescuer, and our deliverer (Psalm 18).

If I am able to remember these things as I approach the "scary bridge" of home assignment, I'm probably going to manage everything a whole lot better! The challenge is remembering them when I'm feeling all over the place. I'm so thankful that there are a whole lot of people out there praying for us as we do this.

Too much

This week has definitely shot back to the unavoidable reality that we are moving out of our house and actually out of the country (and jobs, even if temporarily) in just five months. That takes a fair bit of planning and decision-making on top of our regular work. We're starting to feel the strain already.

Downtown on Tuesday I had a team
meeting in a cafe off this atrium with an
impressive ceiling.

I sat down with a friend/colleague on Tuesday and she asked me lots of questions like:

• when will you finish your Japan work
• who will take over the work that you're doing now
• what do you have between now and then, what's important and what can be left
• when will you move out of your house
• where will you stay before you fly
• when will you fly
• where will you live in Australia
• when will you begin doing deputation
• who can help you find accommodation and transport in Australia
• when will you take holidays

Phew...it's a lot. And there are a lot of decisions within the above decisions. For example, moving out involves thousands of decisions. This decision tree illustrates that.

Did I mention that we're still doing all our current work? This week that's included working on a particularly intense phase of two magazine issues, as well as the regular social media work I do for OMF. I know of at least two people who have been slightly frustrated with me (at work) for various reasons this week, something I hate, but have to acknowledge that I'm not perfect and that my work is likely to suffer at times like this. I'm thankful that we're just about to head into a weekend and can take a break. Also, that the school now has a four-day weekend (called "Winter Break"), so I can get a bit more sleep in the next few days, which I'm sure will help.

But what is probably good to do at the end of this busy, working week is to look back at Psalm 103, like I did in early January. God's love and compassion for us is great (verses 11, 13, 14, 17). And it's not dependent on how much we do, or how good we are.

And be reminded of these timeless words from Romans:

 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?  No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,  neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord (Rom. 8:35, 37–39 NIV).

I'm a frail field flower

Looking back after more than a dozen years of life with kids at this international school in Japan, I know that January has a habit of going from zero to 100 km/h almost instantaneously. I never feel ready. In fact it was quite discouraging to get to Monday this week (when school started back and I started taking work more seriously again) to find myself already tired.

It hasn't been exactly 100 km/h all week, in fact after a busy start to the week, I've been able to sit quietly at my desk for three days just catching up on work here. It's been challenging, but not impossible.

At the same time, though, I've had a rash of decisions to make about future commitments, starting with this Saturday: Will I commit to being at school by 7.30 to help set up for a wrestling tournament, followed by meeting friends for dinner that evening? Will I also commit to help providing food for the tournament refs and coaches, which means buying stuff on Friday? As I considered those questions, I took into consideration that I'd already committed to providing home baked goods for another event at school on Monday, goods that I won't have the time to make on the weekend, so will have to do it on Friday. And that I expect to be back at my desk working on Monday morning, as well as lead a meeting in the afternoon. Yep, 100 km/h is just around the corner.

And that's just one instance.

There have been a few other smaller and bigger commitments for the coming couple of months that I've thought about this week. Yep, the stuff that can easily get me into trouble by saying too many yeses. That's where it starts. Each yes seems small, but they quickly get out of control and by then, if you mean what you say when you say "yes", you just can't stop the train.

Frail field flowers in October

If you've read my first blog post for 2023, you'll realise that we're facing up to a big year, one that will probably get crazy busy. I've been searching for a passage of scripture to try to anchor myself as I head into this and I've found Psalm 103. I've pasted it below in its entirety for you. There are lots of nuggets in it to ponder. Just now I'm leaning into these phrases: "Your youth is renewed like the eagle’s" (v. 5 NIV) and "As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust. The life of mortals is like grass, they flourish like a flower of the field; the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more" (vv. 13–16).

God remembers that we don't have much in reserve, that we are pretty frail, not only that but he has compassion on us (the sort of compassion that us parents have for our kids, that makes us weak in the stomach when something goes wrong for them that we want to fix). On top of all that he also has the power to renew our strength. What great truths these are, and worthy of leaning in to when the future looks overwhelming!

               Praise the Lord, my soul;

    all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
 Praise the Lord, my soul,
    and forget not all his benefits—

who forgives all your sins
    and heals all your diseases,
 who redeems your life from the pit
    and crowns you with love and compassion,
 who satisfies your desires with good things
    so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

 The Lord works righteousness
    and justice for all the oppressed.

 He made known his ways to Moses,
    his deeds to the people of Israel:
 The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
    slow to anger, abounding in love.
 He will not always accuse,
    nor will he harbor his anger forever;
 he does not treat us as our sins deserve
    or repay us according to our iniquities.
 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
    so great is his love for those who fear him;
 as far as the east is from the west,
    so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

 As a father has compassion on his children,
    so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him;
 for he knows how we are formed,
    he remembers that we are dust.
 The life of mortals is like grass,
    they flourish like a flower of the field;
 the wind blows over it and it is gone,
    and its place remembers it no more.
 But from everlasting to everlasting
    the Lord’s love is with those who fear him,
    and his righteousness with their children’s children—
 with those who keep his covenant
    and remember to obey his precepts.

 The Lord has established his throne in heaven,
    and his kingdom rules over all.

 Praise the Lord, you his angels,
    you mighty ones who do his bidding,
    who obey his word.
 Praise the Lord, all his heavenly hosts,
    you his servants who do his will.
 Praise the Lord, all his works
    everywhere in his dominion.

Praise the Lord, my soul. (Psalm 103, NIV)

Overthinking—more common than I thought

This is a review of a book I read last weekend. Yes, it's so well written that I managed to read it in just three days (granted my weekend was very quiet, being as we're not going out for anything beyond essentials).

I have caught myself recently dithering over purchases for several months (or years). I didn't categorise myself as an overthinker, but perhaps I am a little, especially about financial decisions, but through reading the book I realised I tend to overthink conversations, conflict, and other things too.

I felt like, at the start, the author was trying too hard and over-wrote the first few chapters. She spends a lot of time convincing the reader that you could change. However, once I got past that bit, it was a fantastic read, one that I got through very quickly.

Here are (quite a few) gems:

• "Mental energy is not a limitless resource. We have only so much to spend each day, and how we choose to spend it matters." Overthinking is basically frittering away mental energy, that's not something I want my life characterised by.
• Overthinking includes inefficiencies, like poor organisation (e.g. losing car keys because you don't put them in the same place every time).
• We can develop processes that help us circumvent overthinking, e.g. not checking email when you don't have the time to reply (e.g. before bed).
• Putting decisions off for later isn't always the best thing to do.
• Doing too much research or looking at too many options isn't necessarily helpful, limiting your choices can be a huge time and mental energy saver.
• Rejecting perfectionism: putting a cap on how much time you spend on something making it as good as you can, then acting.
• Adapting a "try it and see what happens" approach can help.
• Our values can drive our decisions. (See more about this lower down in this post)
• I love this quote: "Being a responsible adult is the most underrated form of self-care. Yes I mean: live within your means, make dentist appointments, save money, plan meals, wash your face before bed, go for walks, cook for people, keep your house clean, go to bed at a decent hour, all that boring stuff. Routines make everything in your life better and this is absolutely the most overlooked and underestimated form of self-care"—Sarah Bessey, as quoted in the book.
• "Clutter isn't great for mental function. . . By streamlining your spaces you can streamline your thought process, and your brain won't have to work so hard to tend to life's details."
• Don't duplicate the work: this is where our camping list works brilliantly. We don't overthink preparing to camp because I know that if we get everything on the list, we'll be prepared for most things.
• Take breaks and look after yourself: sometimes overthinking creeps in because we're overtired.
• Sometimes we dither because we have to decide between two good choices, or between two bad choices. If that is the case it's best to just get on and choose one.
• Notice when you're stuck in a negative cycle. Breaking that can be as simple as noticing things to be grateful for or distracting yourself.
• Outsourcing is another strategy that helps. There are times when it is worth doing it yourself (especially if it lines up with your values), but other times it is far better to ask someone else to do something.
• Don't think too long about splurging on an experience that you think will be good. Memories are invaluable.
• Small treats to myself are okay and don't need to be overthought.

I liked it that she talked about life as a writer. I am a non-fiction editor and writer. That means that reading non-fiction tends not to help me feel refreshed—it's what I read for work. I also related to her work-cycle that has period of both "leisurely seasons of creative planning and preparation [which] alternate with busier seasons of execution." During the latter periods, it's okay to brush off decisions that fit more naturally into the creative planning and preparation periods.

Our values can drive our decisions

I realised that we do do this, and that is why we sometimes feel so different to many people we meet. But identifying your values makes a big difference to the decisions you make. For example, the decision about when we will come back to Australia for our next home assignment is informed by many factors, especially at the moment the education and well-being of our three sons has a big part to play in our decision on that matter.

Rituals

The author defines rituals in an interesting fashion, distinguishing them from routines by noting that rituals have a higher purpose in mind. Simply changing the name of something can give it deeper meaning. I realised that I've got more rituals in my life than I realised, and that they are helpful in keeping me afloat! Yes, even camping has become something of a ritual: it has a rhythm and routine to it, but there is a deeper meaning that makes its total value more than just us sleeping in tents and cooking outdoors.

Read it

Wow, that's a lot. I really do recommend reading the book, I hope I haven't put too many spoilers in. I got a lot more out of it than I expected and often thought of close friends who could also benefit from it.

Was it worth it?

We've had a pretty calm, "normal" week and have started to have the head space to look back and process the last few months. It's easy to look back with regret. 

Home assignment is required by our mission, though how and when you do it is a negotiable thing. So we look at the last six months and start to think: "Did we do the right thing? Did we make the right choices?"

The fact is that there is no good way to do home assignment. It means a lot of disruption in the missionaries' lives. When those missionaries have children at school, that disruption is bigger. If they are teenagers, the disruption escalates to a high level. If those children are settled and the missionaries are established in good-fit ministries, then it seems so unnecessary to volunteer for this amount of disruption.

The other side, though, is that our mission relies on missionaries coming "home" to give a field-side perspective to their mobilisation efforts. People at churches we visit repeatedly say how good it is to see us face-to-face and that that makes a big difference for them.

So, at this point you ask: was it worth the effort? I can't answer that question, though I know we've paid a significant cost as a family to do this home assignment. I also know that there are a few benefits we gained. Here are some tangible ones:

• we went through a crisis in late November that made us, and various related parties, look carefully at our calling to Japan—the result of that was great confirmation that we are indeed in the right place doing the things God has called us to
• home assignment triggered us to get some help for one family member who had been struggling for some time
• we were able to see our extended family members face-to-face and get a feel for how things were going for them: the benefit of that on relationships with them is immeasurable, but definitely not negative
• we also reconnected more deeply with our home church and as a result see the start of changes there with regards to involvement in mission
• I was able to address a slow-burning issue with a psychologist and find remarkable answers that will help me stay this journey long-term
• we got to spend time with our eldest son and witness first hand that his transition to Australia has gone remarkably well (and got to help him on the way to a drivers licence)

There are a variety of benefits that are more difficult to discern, including how this will affect our younger two boys' abilities to transition to Australia after they graduate from high school.

But one, very tangible, result, was a realisation that we can do regular dates now. Many Fridays we dropped our son off to youth group and then went to a local restaurant (and played Scrabble). Our boys are quite old enough to manage a meal on their own (often left-overs). Last night we had our first date-for-no-special-occasion in Japan. I can't remember the last time we did such a thing, and it was great, especially being able to indulge in a spontaneity that has just not been possible for nearly 20 years! We have home assignment to thank for this. Possibly not something our mission leaders had in mind, but I'll take it.

A coffee-flavoured cake called an Opera Cake!

My decaf coffee (8pm at night) came with this dollhouse-sized jug of cream!

One boy thinking about home assignment

I found one of our younger two boys making this table the other day. He's processing what home assignment this year means in his life. I asked his permission to share and he asked me to block out the items he'd listed.

It is, actually, not too different to how we decided if going on home assignment in July for six months was going to work for our family. Following on from my post yesterday about making it up as we go, this is part of it: weighing up the pros and cons of any decision according to the information you have. The key difference, I think, to parenting in your home country is that you often have a lot less information to work with and a lot more unknown variables.

What's interesting about this list that you can't see is that some items appear on both the pros and cons list, for example "food". Yep, there are things about both Japan and Australia that my boys enjoy and food is one. But when we're in one country they do miss the other!

Making it up as you go

"Making it up as you go."

Yep, that's what we're doing!

Often parenting as a missionary feels like you are all alone with little
to guide you. It can be scary. We're praying for this young man as he
transitions to the next chapter of his life: settling in Australia for university.

This was a phrase that an experienced TCK (third culture kid) mum said to me recently about an excruciatingly difficult decision that she and her husband had to make last year. 

I can't imagine making such a decision, but the experience of making it up as you go rang true. It is, indeed, what we've been doing our whole parenting journey. All, of which, has been done in the context of mission. We began applying to be missionaries with OMF before our eldest son was conceived, so when we announced my pregnancy there were questions from spectators. Even though we were still in Australia.

So this week as we head relentlessly towards saying goodbye to our son as he heads off to university in Australia, we especially feel as though we're making it up as we go. Questions like these have arisen within our family:

• What will we do about his birthday in May?
• Can we text him in Australia?
• How much should he take with him? 
• Should he take his wrestling trophies?
• When will he next be in Japan?
• Should he take all his shoes, even the grubby work ones since they still are in otherwise good condition?
• What kind of farewell should we have on Sunday? A family one? One with a bunch of friends?
• What food would he like in his last week here?

Parenting, I suspect, even in a mono-cultural situation is always about "making it up as you go", however there are many less cues to call on when you're doing this in a country you  didn't grow up in with a child who is having a very different childhood than you had.

I remember talking to a Southern US dad last year at wrestling. He said if he was bringing his son up in the US, he'd know exactly what sport his middle-school son would be doing. It would have been the same that he did when he was a boy (baseball?), and the same as a lot of his son's peers. But he was raising his son out of that context and to his surprise found wrestling had entered the mix and he was scrambling to catch up, to find out what this unknown sport was all about.

We've made lot of different decisions to what our parents made, purely because of context, not because our parents were wrong. I'm sure they've looked at what we've been doing, at times, and wondered at our wisdom.

The additional challenge to making it up as you go, is that you have to "back yourself" (an Australian phrase? Meaning "to have confidence in one's self"). Despite others, yes, even other missionaries, around you making different decisions you have to make the best decision you can come up with and stick by it. Getting to know our kids as well as we can has been important here. For example, knowing that some of our boys hate rapid change has informed lots of our decisions, for example not taking short home assignments.

As any parent knows, there is no laboratory for testing your decisions either. You may never know if you've made the right decision! That's hard.

Making this big change means that we're making it up more than usual in the next month. We're praying that we "get it right", which, of course, is what we always do: praying for wisdom and then doing the best we can.

Uncertainty over hard decisions

This weekend a friend shared a helpful article on Facebook about searching for God's will and why it isn't always clear what we should do. It resonates with me as we made a couple of hard decisions last week. Decisions that I don't want to talk about here, but required us to choose between two good and important things and also required us to not be concerned about what other people thought (please don't worry, these decisions don't have long-term implications regarding our current ministries in Japan).

Jon Bloom writes in the article:

But conformity to the world or to Jesus is most clearly seen in the pattern of decisions we make over time. That’s one reason why God makes us wrestle with uncertainty. He wants us to mature and have our “powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil” (Hebrews 5:14). (from here)

 He also writes:

Shouldn’t we expect God to direct us more explicitly in these [big, life-shaping decisions]? 

The answer is no, not necessarily. Why? Well, the short answer is because he is God, and we are not. “It is the glory of God to conceal things” (Proverbs 25:2). His wisdom and knowledge are unfathomably deep, his judgments are unsearchable, and his ways are inscrutable (Romans 11:33). Considering all the factors in play in the universe, it is likely no exaggeration that there are trillions of reasons for why God directs the course of our lives, and he prefers to carry out his purposes in ways that confound, surprise, and humble humans, angels, and demons.

Good points. We're simply not equipped to deal with making decisions with all the knowledge that there is to have, so we have to do what we can with what we've got. And in the process we will, if we allow God's spirit to work in us, be gradually transformed into people who are more like Jesus. (Romans 8:29 and 12:2)

It is helpful to remember, though, as we go out into another week and daily wrestle with uncertainty, that God wants us to wrestle with these decisions, but also that he is right by our sides throughout it all.

Here's one more Scripture to ponder:

I was senseless and ignorant;
    I was a brute beast before you.

 Yet I am always with you;
    you hold me by my right hand.
 You guide me with your counsel,
    and afterward you will take me into glory.
 Whom have I in heaven but you?
    And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
 My flesh and my heart may fail,
    but God is the strength of my heart
    and my portion forever. (Ps 73:22-26, NIV)