Can we get creative at this time?

Last week I had a virtual coffee with one of my best friends in Australia. We love touching base and always come away feeling encouraged, and with things to think about.

One thing I came away with this time was a sense that people like us (we're both in full-time Christian ministry) have already learned some of the things that others are now faced with in the current global crisis. As is typical for me, this has been percolating and a blog post forming in my head. But my chief struggle has been: what angle to take? I can't write to you in a boastful way saying, "Ah, we've been learning these things for a long time. Have fun learning them now!"

Please forgive me in advance, I'm trying not to write with that tone. Though this situation is not a cake walk for us either, perhaps I can speak as one who has gone before in some ways and tell you some of the things (in random order) I've learned that are helping with the current situation. Perhaps that can help you process the many things going on and find some paths through.

Loneliness
I think this is one of the biggest things I've faced as I've lived overseas. It's been an ongoing challenge to find relationships and keep them. When you move out of your own culture you face challenges to having friendships on multiple levels. 

I felt like I left the "real Wendy" in Australia. In Japan I could no longer hug friends freely, as I preferred (I do still struggle with this at times). I couldn't speak freely in the new language I found myself surrounded by. Even those who spoke English didn't speak the same English as me. I needed to internationalise my language somewhat, just to communicate clearly.

I had to be more intentional about friendships. That included "seizing the day". If there was an opportunity to touch base with a friend, even if it was unexpected or creative (like an accidental pocket-call) then it was worth doing. Video calls and texting have made life a lot easier on this front in recent years, I'm so glad technology is where it is now, even ten years ago this would have been a more difficult experience.

If you need a hug, try a pillow or a soft toy! It's worked for me (even before I came to Japan). I know it's still warm in Australia, but cuddling under a blanket, or even a sheet wrapped firmly can help.

Get creative. Be impulsive. Think intentionally about how you most value as friends and seek a way to encourage them. Pray.

Cooking meals
From the start learning to make do with what you could get has been an integral part of us providing food for our family in Japan. That includes a lot of substituting in recipes. It can require creativity. But it also requires you to think about what you can do, rather than long for what you can't have.

Living in Japan has pushed me to learn new culinary skills, or extend the ones I had: like making bread, lasagne, and fruit mince pies and making other things from scratch, like chutney, lemon butter, and even puff pastry (never doing that again!) There are plenty of ideas online for substituting for ingredients you don't have, and videos to help you learn new skills.

Get creative. Be bold. Try new things. Think about what you can do, rather than what you can't.

Fruit mince pies

Spirituality
Moving to a country where you don't speak the language you have to learn how to self-feed. For many years it was about all I could do to get my family to church, let alone understand anything that was going on there. I've learned not to rely on a Sunday morning service to "feed" my soul. I've listened to sermons mid-week, read helpful books, pray and read the Bible very regularly, been honest with friends about how I'm doing, even formulating my thoughts enough to write them on my blog etc.

Get creative. Set a goal of doing one new thing to feed your soul this week. Think about what you've learned and share it with a good friend. Share honestly with one person about what you're struggling with spiritually.

Working from home
Home is my usual place of work, so that hasn't been a major change for me. The biggest change has been having my high schoolers and sometimes my husband join me at home, though I'm used to working here during their holidays. Some of the challenges of working at home have included a lack of private space, separating home and work, managing my time, and getting enough rest. 

Ways I've addressed these include setting "work hours" when I try to remain at my desk in our dining room most of the time, and not sitting at my desk at other times. Not looking at or answering emails or work messages outside of "work hours", including weekends. Taking the evenings off and sitting in my "relaxing chair" (admittedly, though, I'm still doing Japanese study there). Having a routine that includes watching a TV episode in the evening with my husband (something to look forward to as I work during the day). I've even got a red bandana that I put on my head if I particularly don't want to be interrupted (given that I don't have a door on my office). I don't use it often, but it has worked well when I do.

Get creative. Set up a rough schedule, including meals. Set aside time to work and time to relax. Find things to look forward to that you can slot into your day.

Grief
Yes, we're all suffering grief at this time. A loss of our plans, a loss of lifestyle, of freedom, even a fear of losing people we love. We've lost the ability to touch base with people easily in our day-to-day lives.

Yesterday I went into the office to pack the magazines we've been working on since Christmas. As I said goodbye to my two colleagues/friends at the end of the day, it was a bigger goodbye than usual. It kind-of felt like the goodbyes we do when we leave Australia or when friends leave Japan. An "I don't know when I'll get to see you again" goodbye. That hurts. I meandered my way home, not knowing when I would next get outside my own little neighbourhood. A lot like the internal processing that goes on in my last days in Australia: wandering through shops like a ghost, not knowing when I'll next be there, wondering if there's any last-minute things I should buy. It's a way of saying goodbye for now.

Get creative. There are different ways to grieve. But take your time. Think about, or even write or draw the things that you're missing. Look at photos. Talk with friends about what you're missing, or what you're looking forward to doing again. Plan what you might do next time you get the freedom to go to that favourite place or to shop freely again.

Being content in the now
One big lesson we've learnt that helps us stay afloat is finding ways to live in the present, to enjoy where we are. We've sought places and experiences that can only be done where we are. In Japan that has ranged from big things like going camping or visiting places we'd never get to if we weren't living here, to smaller things like enjoying local cuisine or appreciating the seasons in our local area.

Get creative. Are there things you can find that are unique about now that you can enjoy? Like living in your PJs all day? Or the many online experiences that are freely available? Or having time to sort through old photos? Or just having more time to connect with others who also have more time just now?

The first article I've linked to below finishes with an invitation to cross-cultural workers to join in the conversations that are circulating about confronting the challenge before us. I'm not quite sure what opportunities will present themselves to me, but I guess this blog post is a start.

The second article below mentions some other things that I've learned as a cross-cultural worker:

• loss of control
• our fragility
• dealing with fear and learning to operate out of faith instead
• our desperate need of God and compelling need to pray
• helping us distill what's really important in life
• what's our ultimate hope

I could write on all of these things also, but maybe another day.

Inspiration for this post also came from these two articles:
1. https://www.alifeoverseas.com/how-to-do-life-during-a-pandemic-cross-cultural-workers-can-add-to-the-discussion/
2. https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/things-coronavirus-teach-us/

I'd love to hear what you're inspired by in this post, or what creative things you're doing to help cope in the midst of the current season.

Looking back at last week's retreat

More than a week ago I wrote about going to a spiritual retreat. I guess I should get around to letting you know how that went.

The cabin I stayed in. It can accomomdate about nine in
beds, there were just two of us though, one upstairs and
one down.

This retreat was actually closer to the true meaning of its name than other retreats I've done in the past. Yes, other retreats have been a "withdrawal" from everyday life. But generally I've come home at least as physically tired as I left. I may have been refreshed spiritually and socially, but tired from the intenseness of being with a lot of people and a generally busy schedule.

This retreat was much smaller (12 people, plus the facilitators) and the intent was much more about rest. On each of the two full days (not Tuesday or Friday, the part-days) we had spiritaul input in the morning and free time all afternoon and into the evening. Our accommodation was also arranged spaciously, so if you wanted time alone, that was easily achievable during free time.

View from my bed.

I was, as I'd expected, very tired when I got there. I even found it hard to concentrate much on what was going on in some of the sessions. In some ways it would have been good to do less of the input/interaction time at the start of our "long weekend". On the Tuesday we travelled there after lunch and then had sessions from 4.30 till after dinner. My small group was still sharing about "where they were at" after 9pm and I struggled to keep my "nice face" on.

Wednesday morning was focused a lot on the problems, stresses, and griefs of our lives, especially in cross-cultural work. It was good to name it all, but also a bit overwhelming in the number of challenges we face. 

My kintsugi pot.

This culminated in an activity that provoked strong emotions in some. It's an Japanese method of mending broken pots with gold called kintsugi. According to this article, it began in the 15th century. The activity we did was a poor-man's version, as in we didn't use real gold, of course! But we did have to smash our own pots, which in itself was traumatic and far from easy. Some pots smashed too much and were super hard to put back together. Mine didn't, so I was rather quickly able to glue mine back together and paint over the glue with gold paint. I found it a bit troublesome to watch others (we were seated in a u-shape) try to fix theirs. The missionary beside me got a bit distressed. However, not only could I not help her, it was a silent activity, so I couldn't really encourage her either. Being both an encourager and a helper, I found this difficult to cope with. After a bit I put on another familiar hat and wrote down some of my thoughts.

I took it easy on Wednesday afternoon, reading a novel on my bed for a lot of the time. Wednesday night many of us joined in lighthearted board and card games.

Games, puzzles, and imprompu karaoke.

On Thursday morning we spent a lot of time dwelling on the Trinity and God's love for us. That was good, but I found it overwhelming after a while. A tiny bit like some of the scenes we see in the Bible where people see a bit more of who God is than they are able to handle. (See Isaiah 6 and Revelations 1). Nothing close to what those two passages mention, but a sense of the love of God being way too big for me to grasp to the point where I could barely even think about it any more.

Thursday afternoon I wasn't so lazy, I went for a 45 minute walk and also spent over an house in a "soul-care" conversation with one of our facilitators. Thursday night was a campfire. No, we didn't sing Kumbaya, nor did we have any majorly deep conversations or testimonies, it was mostly a fun time together. Probably what I needed! Confession: I did tell some camping stories, including that time we accidentally went camping in the snow ;-). 

One of my reflections on the retreat is that missionaries don't often have lighthearted stuff in their schedule. The needs are great and we can lurch from serious day to serious day without much break. I think that's especially the case in Japan where even hobbies are taken very seriously! It was great to have the "excuse" to have fun.

The mission holiday compound is almost wedged between the lake and Mt Fuji.
And entirely delightful (yet cool) place to be.

Most of the week Mt Fuji looked like this during the day (I
was told by early birds that it was often visible early).

On the last day the clouds cleared and Mt Fuji appeared in all its glory.

Another lake view from in front of the property.

There is a pathway around most of the lake. I walked a short way on Thursday:

I have definitely come back more rested than before I went, so just in that it was a worthwhile adventure. I'm left pondering if I can build something into my life on an annual (or more frequent basis) that wouldn't cost too much, yet would provide time to both rest and dwell on spiritual matters more deeply. Still pondering that.

Have you ever done a spritual retreat? How was it structured? What did you think about it? I've avoided doing one up till now for a couple of hard-to-articulate reasons, but I don't think it's so bad a thing. I'm not so sure how I'd deal with a "silent retreat", though.

Stop and refresh myself

This afternoon I'm doing something I've never done before: go to a spiritual retreat. I've been to "women's retreats" and various other overnight gatherings of Christians. But I think this one will be different. I hope so. I'm tired and yearning for refreshment, especially physical, but spiritual refreshment is vital too.

Almost all our Saturdays in the last couple of months have involved
watching our boys run and throw. Great times to connect with our
boys, but also tiring.

Late last year, as we prepared to come back to Japan, I knew that I'd be exhausted by this time. Our six months in Australia were stressful and the last six weeks of that were one of the most stressful periods we've experienced for some time. We landed back in Japan in the middle of the school year and had very little margin for recovery from our second international move in six months. I feel like we're functioning pretty well for what's gone on in the last 12 months, but with little in reserve. We're hanging in there, but not by much.

This Saturday just past was the final regular athletics meet for the season (there's one more middle of next week that I may or may not get to). I started the day feeling exhausted (drank two coffees before 8am, which is pretty unusual for me) and it turned into a 12-hour day (we left around 7.30am and got back not much before 7.30pm). Thankfully it was the last long Saturday sports event until September, so we can now have some slower weekends, which will definitely help, especially as we can't take holidays until July. I don't regret going to our boys sporting events, but they are tiring.

So when I heard about this retreat back in February, I thought it was well timed: a lily pad to help me make it through to our "big" family holiday in July.

But I'm also nervous. I intended to get editing work done this morning before I left, but have had trouble concentrating long enough to do anything much worthwhile. Why nervous? Well, I guess it's a new thing, a slightly scary thing. "Being still" has never been my forte. Although my boys are seeing a more sedate person than I was when I was younger, mentally I'm still quite "unstill".

Nevertheless, I'm game and keen to see how this works out. Below I've pasted the blurb that came with the invitation to join this retreat and what three previous participants have said about it. I have a lot of time for the couple who are leading this, so we'll see how it goes.

I'm going put my language study "on vacation" mode and pull back on my social media time. Now that social media is part of my job I've felt the relentlessness of it and I think a little bit of downtime will be good for me. I've got books to read and a new cross stitch project to work on, which are both proven things that help me "be still", physically at least.

We're very aware that this missionary life is not a sprint, it's a marathon, and we need to pace ourselves accordingly if we're going to last the distance. I'm seeing these next four days as part of "pacing myself".

Refresh:  A Retreat for Spiritual Refreshment and Soul Care

Is your heart yearning for a chance to experience some deeper soul connection with God and others? If so, we would like to personally invite you to “Refresh:  A Spiritual Refreshment and Soul Care Retreat,” a place where you can be still and listen to God, hear encouragement from the Word, fellowship with other missionaries, and maybe even gain a fresh perspective on life and ministry.

What previous participants are saying:

• “It was a great blessing to be able to attend the JEMA sponsored Refresh Retreat at Yamanaka Chalet.  Being in recovery from burnout, and having attended similar retreats, this event was another reminder of God’s great love for me, and his presence in my journey.  It was a joy to meet with Alan and Judy, as well as participants from a variety of mission organizations, and learn from their wisdom and experiences.  So many things to take home and process!”   Gary Carlson, Evangelical Covenant Church 

• “It had been a long time since I had really felt understood and listened to. In most of our relationships, we are giving out… and we are given out!  It was just comforting to be on the receiving end and to hear the voice of the Spirit saying, ‘I love you and I’m going to take care of you.’ I came home feeling more hopeful than I have for at least several months.”   Ruth McDonald, Japan Free Will Baptist Mission 

• “The biggest thing was that I realized (again) that I need to get away for a few days of retreat more often. Whether alone, or with a group, I realized how much I need to take time away from the daily/weekly routine to renew my perspective and unwind.”

Not camping this weekend

This is approximately where we're headed.

Tomorrow is the anniversary of our snow camp. Did you hear about it? If not, here it is: Remember the time mum and dad took us camping in the snow?

Us, last year this weekend.

In the last year we've had some great conversations with other people about this camping trip. Most have been in the realm of "you're crazy!" But we do have super memories. And it really is fun to have done something a little extreme like this and survived.

The amazing sight we discovered on our way back
from the toilet block on our first morning.

As I wrote when we went camping last month, we decided not to camp this year at Thanksgiving time (which had been our tradition for several years). It turns out that the weather is going to be quite favourable if we'd chosen to do it—sunshine with daytime temperatures in the teens, night times still low single digits. But we've made other plans.

We're still going to a campsite, but we're spending more money and renting a cabin instead. Hopefully a cabin that has a heater!

We're also going to a place where we know local church planters from the UK and will spend time with them and their teenage boys over the weekend. Because the weather is forecast to be good we should be able to have some fun at a local beach (but not in the water!).

If it's a good experience, we might even go back in warmer weather sometime with a tent. Apparently there are good views as it's up on a hill.

We're looking forward to getting out of Tokyo, even if only for two nights and three days.

Stretching my wings in the city

I tried something different today to build some rest, exercise, and relaxation into my working week. 

Instead of riding to a park, I took a train. Instead of taking the train all the way to my meeting in town, I got off two stops earlier, where the park was located. Instead of leaving just enough time to get to my meeting, I left an hour and a half early so that I could wander through the park and then walk to my meeting. Instead of packing my computer, I packed my camera.

It was fun, even though I beat the best autumn colours by 10 days or so (I also beat the crowds, it was relatively peaceful there today). I've had this tentative plan for a few days, but wavered today because it was windy and I hate wind! However, I steeled myself, put on extra layers and went. The sky was so blue, it was gorgeous! And my layers worked well, so I didn't get too cold. 

It was also lovely to be on my own with my camera in a different park. On my own agenda, I could take my time in fiddling with the settings on the camera as I continue to learn about this new hobby of mine.

Here are some of my photos of Koishikawa garden.

This park sits right next to Tokyo Dome. It's almost possible to forget you're in the city, it is quiet and peaceful, but any photo involving sky includes buildings. Nice buildings, mind, but still buildings. No powerlines, though!

This photo was taken from the other side of the island you can see above.

A few sightseers around taking selfies. This boardwalk looked very temporary, obviously a work in progress.

I love the blue-green contrast in the below photo. But I'm also amazed in these old Japanese gardens, the way they prop up vulnerable limbs. This is an old garden, begun by the son of Tokugawa Ieyasu in 1629 (I wrote a bit about Ieyasu the shogun who united Japan in the 17th century and founded the Tokugawa shogunate in this post). Interestingly, the garden was finished with the help of a Chinese refugee!

So close to the city surrounding it!

This one might be my favourite.

This was a tiny leaf. It barely had begun to grow when it ran into autumn.

Below are photos I took on my phone, mostly because I put my camera away after I left the park, but the first one was in the rest room. This, apparently, is what the park will look like later in the month!

On the right is the wall which surrounds the park on all sides. Makes a nice wind-shield. But I was delighted to find this little winding path on the outside of the park, going in the direction I needed to go. Much nicer than a city street!

A map along my route, only noteworthy because this butterfly decided it was a nice resting place.

Fascinating art is to be found. I'm not a great art appreciator, but this seemed fascinating. It was rotating too!

And, at the end, coffee at a serious coffee shop (seriously, we sat next to the coffee roaster, which took up fully 1/4 of the floor space of this city-corner cafe).

I ended up walking nearly six kilometres. It was a perfect day, really. A really nice balance of work, rest, and play (with a coffee shop thrown in to make it just perfect).

Photographic proof

This week I feel like I got over the hump of things that have been on my urgent list. For months now I've felt driven by an overwhelming to-do list. This week that seemed to ease up, I guess partly to do with getting two projects "done" (see here). 

I think that probably about since I wrote this post back in April, I've been working in a higher gear than I'm used to, or comfortable with. It is a great relief to find that light at the end of the tunnel. Hopefully things will be a little more manageable in the foreseeable future.

But this week, after I realised that I was over the biggest, most urgent things for now, I hit the other side of the mountain: freewheeling down. It meant both relief as well as a greater sense of fatigue. I also realised on Friday that I was reacting to small things at work with a greater sense of inner irritation than usual. It was then that I realised I needed to lay low this weekend. Hence I've stayed away from email and this computer.

Thankfully I was able to read for several hours yesterday afternoon on my bed and again today, as well as drop off to sleep. Hopefully tomorrow I'll be feeling a bit more normal.

As a result of all of this, I've not blogged as much as I would have liked to. But below I've added some photos from the last week, photographic proof, if you like, that things have been happening in our house and that I've been taking time-out.

This week we had another boy-birthday, so we now have the three-year-gap balance back again: 12, 15, and 18 (we have two boy-birthdays in April-May and the other in September). The birthday cake was my extra rich Chocolate Cheesecake.

Our eldest son has continued to work 28 hrs a week in the maintenance department at school. Varnishing this picnic table is one of the projects he's helped with recently.

On Thursday, with the pressure of the overwhelming-urgent projects over for the time being, I felt able to take time out to ride to the park about 30 minutes away. It was a gorgeous day; the sun was hot and shade pleasant. Yet there was a breeze that only comes with autumn. As usual, I took my camera. There isn't a lot of splendour at this time of the year, with the freshness of summer fading and leaves gradually dying. But I found a few spots of beauty.

There were a few people in the park, not heaps, but not sparse either.

I loved the blue sky. This open field always makes me stop and admire. It's more like "back home" than most things in this big city.

Then yesterday we got up early, as usual, for this season, to watch our boys run in this gorgeous place: the Tama Hills Recreational Facility. This is our seventh year visiting this beautiful spot in Tokyo (see here for an older post about the facility). We went camping there in March this year also. It's only 45 minutes from downtown Tokyo, but not a destination for most Tokyo residents, because you need to be US military or have special approval or sponsorship to go in (and show ID).

The history of the place is quite something. Briefly, it used to house munitions factories during WW2.

Tama Hills’ history dates back to 1938 before World War II (WWII). At that time the Japanese Imperial Army established a munitions processing and storage plant under direction of Arsenal Headquarters in Itabashi located in central Tokyo. Historical records reveal that the plant constructed exclusive chemicals. By the end of WWII, It became an independent facility in 1940 with 2,085 people, three facilities, housing, dormitories and warehouses.

The Tama arsenal was built according to German specifications. It resembled facilities in Bavaria, a province in Southern Germany. Processed bombs were stored in numerous concrete “Bunkers” throughout Tama Department, many of which remain today. The Japanese Army took full advantage of the natural concealment to hide the facilities. In fact, it was so effective that the depot was undetected during the entire WWII. (From here.)

Like many military facilities in Japan, it was taken over by the US military when Japan surrendered.  Here's one of the bunkers as it looked on Saturday.

I'm hoping to take some time out one morning this week for a bike-ride-coffee-shop mini retreat. I need a bit of space to think a few things through. Life continues to be very busy. Our family's October calendar has lots on it, so I'm going to grab this little window before it closes.