Fears and tears

I've had another busy week with work and family commitments. It's amazing to me how my weeks fill up sometimes. I won't give you a blow-by blow account. I've struggled to get to my desk and my to-do list, but it has been a week rich in investing in outside-this-family relationships (which I needed towards the end of these long summer holidays).

This morning, as I've sat down and tried to whittle down that list of work items that needed doing (mostly editing/writing/email), a few niggling thoughts from recent conversations and emails keep poking in. Part of it was the theme of fear. That sounds a bit stark, written just naked like that, but I'm going to explain.

One of the things that I've talked about one-on-one with a couple of friends this week has been dealing with conflict in my work (this has just been in general terms, I'm haven't revealing specifics to my friends). 

I don't like conflict, I avoid it as much as possible, but that is impossible to do all the time in the work I do. My job as an editor is to have opinions and my role in working with many writers is ripe-ground for conflict. My work as I guide a magazine (and now a blog feed for a website) means I have to set standards and guidelines and seek to conform to them. And not everyone likes it where I draw the lines or the opinions that I have, even when I tread softly.

One of my friends reminded me to repeat to myself, "It's not personal."

I find that harder to do in some situations than others. I guess it depends on the "who" and "how" and "what was said". I'm getting better as I get older and more experienced. But I also know that God made me with a sensitive side and I don't wish that away at all, because it gives me empathy for others and it tempers my impulsive side too.

But fear of what people will say about my decisions can paralyse me and make it very difficult to do my work, or to write anything at all. That is something I've been finding myself fighting against, at times, these last few weeks.

The other time that fear came up was when one of my friends insightfully asked about the upcoming year (in the context that we're about to start a new school year) and how I want to grow during that time. Two big upcoming challenges came to mind:

1. My eldest son will most probably leave home to study in another country during the year.
2. We're planning to go on home assignment after the end of this school year (in late June) and last time I moved countries my stress resulted in uncomfortable reflux, the effects of which lingered for months.

My thinking about all of this is that I'm probably more fearful and anxious that I'd like to admit. Moving countries is stressful, but I don't know why I can't be more calm about it. That level of stress I'd like to avoid when we move next year and so, my answer to my friend was that I'd like to survive this year in better shape than I did the last international move in our lives.

She followed up with, "So what 'fills your cup'?" My main thought was deep conversations like the one that I was currently engaged in—with friends. Preferably with coffee in hand!

So we'll see how I go. As God continues to grow me through dealing with conflict in my work and in the stress of major changes in my family, I need to be intentional in seeking good conversations with friends, but also in turning to God.

I don't know where I found this blog post by an Aussie (it was published seven years ago), but it entices me to dig into the Bible again, and lean into another opportunity to cast myself upon God: Praying your fears. Here's just one nugget that I need to follow through on daily: 

We need to relocate our glory: not in our talents or our role, or others' opinion of us, but in God's approval.

Its pair is: Praying your tears, which is also an excellent post. For surely, the fears are often accompanied by tears (for me, in conflict, especially). And another nugget (which I think is a Timothy Keller quote):

Weeping is fine. Weeping and grief is fine. Weeping and disappointment is fine ... but weeping in self-pity will make you a small little person, someone who can't forgive, someone who is always feeling ill-used, someone who gets incredibly touchy and incredibly over-sensitive. ... Look at the cross and say, "... My sufferings are nothing compared to yours. If you suffered for me I can be patient with this suffering for you."

But now I need to get back to my work—looking at people's words and deciding what to do about them.

A new blog

One reason I've found it harder to write here in the last six or seven weeks (aside from being away on holidays and having my family in my "office" all the time) is that I've been in charge of starting a new blog for OMF Japan that links in with our new website. I've really enjoyed it. I do like blogging. But for this blog I'm the managing editor, rather than the writer, with the writers being missionaries serving in Japan with OMF. Although, to get things rolling early on, I've repurposed nine blog posts I wrote five years ago for "on the edge of ordinary", answering challenging questions about my life as a missionary and how I came to be doing what I'm doing.

I'd love it if you came over and had a look at the blog and the rest of the new OMF Japan website also (which isn't so much what I've been doing, although I did write or edit most of the content). Thankfully it isn't just my posts up there anymore, I've managed to get three other writers' stories up too. This is an ongoing project, with the aim to get at least one post up every Tuesday.

Hopefully we'll get some great posts that will give good insight into the lives and ministry of missionaries in Japan. I'll keep sharing the links to various posts here every now and then, perhaps you can continue to check them out and, if you like them, even share them with your friends.

Struggles missionaries have with identity Part 1

I'm a guest blogger on our OMF UK blog today (and the next two Saturdays). I've written three posts about the challenges missionaries have with identity. Here is the first one.

Share your world #2

This is a new blogging challenge I started doing last week called "Share your world," from Cee Neuner. She posts a few questions each week, and all participants need do is answer them. It’s a cool way to get to know one another. The idea is to answer the questions without overthinking them and just have fun. Feel free to join in by copying the questions and then write your answers in a new post linking back to Cee’s original post.

How many languages do you speak?
One and a bit.

What are you reading, watching, listening to, eating?
Reading: I've just finished something of an Australian classic: A Town Like Alice. I really enjoyed this historical fiction set during and after WW2.
Watching: West Wing. Yes. Our second time through and we still love it.
Listening to: right now I've got classical music on shuffle on my computer (I've been editing and can't do that with words being sung at me).
Eating: Not that long ago I had my Wednesday comfort food for lunch. Tinned condensed tomato soup with two-minute noodles and cheese. To balance out the not-so-healthy nature of that I had an apple and a small tub of yoghurt.

What was the last photo you took with your phone?
The top of the calendars I helped publish last year. One of the projects I'm working on is whether to continue to do this each year for our field, or whether to make a change. The printer we had been using has said they can't continue to do this for us, so I was communicating with a local printer yesterday and he asked for a photo of what we'd produced last year.


What is your favourite time of day?
After dinner and a shower—settling down into my relaxing chair before bedtime.

Optional bonus question: 

What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up?
I'm grateful for a quiet weekend last week. I actually got to the end of Sunday and felt refreshed. And I'm looking forward to my parents coming next Tuesday.

This weekly prompt comes from Cee's Photography blog. 

Gagging on a day

I blogged the following post in 2010 when our boys were 11, 8, and 5. Friends who have little ones I want to encourage you: it isn't like this very often any more, but it used to be, and we survived!

"The mothers agree that indeed the years do fly. It's the days that don't. The hours, the minutes of a single day sometimes just stop. And a mother finds herself standing in the middle of a room wondering. Wondering. Years fly. Of course they do. But a mother can gag on a day." Jain Sherrard  

I really like it and it describes today - I gagged on today and in fact, many of our recent weekends. 

I could describe the awful behaviour that we've been suffering, but I won't spoil your day. I'm just praying that our boys will move through whatever stage it is that is making them so poor of hearing, so rude of speech, so short of patience and so full of complaints, that it makes them extra difficult to live with at the moment.

It is a pity, really. Today was a gorgeous autumn day and we even took the time to go on a picnic (and it took time—driving around Tokyo on a Sunday is a pain). Unfortunately we didn't really enjoy the outing, mostly because parenting is just painful at present. 

And that takes me back to the quote above. I couldn't help but long for these painful formative years to be over, to long for days when we can take a picnic and enjoy being together instead of struggling in random directions and in the meantime hurting each other. It is, of course, a longing for what cannot be until heaven, but that doesn't mean I don't still long.

Originally post here: http://mmuser.blogspot.jp/2010/11/gagging-on-day.html

Why missionaries need time off

I have a post planned for later today, but I just saw a blog post by Susan, a friend and colleague here in Tokyo and thought it was too good not to share. She writes about why she took a day off, why missionaries need to take time off, more than you might think.

Promoting missionary attrition

Missionary attrition is a problem across the world. That is, missionaries leaving the field early for reasons that are potentially preventable. We find ourselves in our fourth term, our 13th year on the field, and find, with shock, that we're quite a way above average in terms of length of stay. I'm not sure what the exact figure is, but I'm pretty sure I've heard it quoted as well below 10 years for Japan.

I found this interesting post by a missionary in Thailand the other day about missionary attrition. He writes with cynicism, listing:

10 ways that mission agencies, churches, and others (including missionaries themselves) can speed up unanticipated departures from the mission field.

Here's his list:

1. Encourage high expectations.
2. Minimize language study
3. Promote the Saviour complex
4. Isolate people
5. Leave tasks and goals intentionally vague
6. Discourage pre-field theological and pastoral training
7. Emphasize right methodology 
8. Trivialize concerns and struggles
9. Promote conformity
10. Demand results

Interesting! I would suggest that within that are some reasons that people find it hard to remain in Japan:

• The language is hard. After a while that gets wearying, even for those in missions who don't minimise language study. Missionaries come with high expectations and are looking for results, it is hard, therefore, to spend years slogging away at the language (and therefore not being able to "do" work). 
• Many come with tiny mission organisations or as independent missionaries (isolation)
• Openness to the gospel is slow (results). 
• Because the lifestyle isn't so hard compared to other countries where missionaries serve it is easy to trivialise concerns and struggles.

This is worth thinking about, no matter where you are. If you're in a church supporting a missionary, on a missions board, or in a prayer group. Or perhaps you yourself are a missionary or planning to become one.

Unnecessary missionary attrition is tragic. Not only is it such a waste of resources, it leaves a scar on those it touches, both those who pack up and go home and those they leave behind.

An Ongoing Battle to Trust God: guest post

This month a piece of my writing has been published in The Upper Room (TUR) Daily Devotional Guide, today is the day it's been allocated to. Though I haven't seen the magazine yet I'm told it's there. They've also started inviting writers to write as guests on the TUR blog, published the same day that our meditation appears in the magazine. 

Here's a link to my guest post, if you're interested. It's called "An Ongoing Battle to Trust God."

Flying and mission

We got back from a big weekend just a couple of hours ago. It's been a good weekend but I really don't have it in me to write much now. I can point you to someone else's blog post and add a little of my own, though.

10 Things Flying Taught Me About Mission
1. Pre flight inspections are a good idea
          Preparation is vital. Included in that is stuff you don't realise you'll need, like waiting and trusting God to provide while you still have your supports around you.

2. Communication matters 
          Oh yeah. We've tried to consistently communicate well with supporters. But communication on the field is probably even more important. Being a lone wolf and just doing your own thing isn't helpful, though very tempting.

3. One-uppers happen: 
          People who want to "one up" your story.

4. Landing is one of the most dangerous parts of flying.
          Landing, both in your country of service and back in your home country.

5. Landing is very different from flying over a place.
          Yes, whenever people who've had a tourist trip to Japan enthuse about the country and its people I struggle to control myself.

6. Most, but not all, the obstacles are on the map.
           There are many unexpected challenges, things you didn't realise you'd face. For example, having to learn how to say your name differently or having to talk in Japanese to a nurse over an intercom at 3am when your child's pulled out their IV in hospital.

7. Don't judge another passenger's anxiety.
           Yep, especially learned that during March 2011 when we had a nuclear incident because the tsunami flooded a nuclear power plant. Many people because very anxious, especially foreigners. It was hard not to judge.

8. Toilets are different.
            Enough said. Thankfully most Japanese toilets are different in a better way (though millions of buttons can be confusing).

9. You don't always get to choose your travel buddies.
            Certainly true of mission. And you get thrown together in way more stressful situations than in your home country. But as a result you make friendships that are so precious that you'll be forever scarred when you return home.

10. Sometimes you lose stuff
            Yes, but sometimes it's good stuff, like: ignorance, pride, self-reliance.

An age-old question: "Am I Okay?"

I found this encouraging blog post "Am I okay?" three and a half years ago, in the midst of a traumatic series of months in our lives. I didn't get around to posting about it here, but it is as relevant now as it was then.

As I've written honestly here, I've often had reassurances that, "You're okay." From friends, but also from God. 

All I need to do it look at my Bible to be reassured that, though God knows more about me than anyone here on earth, He will not fail to love me.

Psalm 139:1-2 
You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar (NIV).

and

Isaiah 54: 10

Though the mountains be shaken
    and the hills be removed,
yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken
    nor my covenant of peace be removed,”
    says the Lord, who has compassion on you (NIV).

Single Missionaries and Loneliness

I came across a blog post today that nicely complements the article I wrote about loneliness and missionaries. 

I've had two single missionaries tell me that I didn't mention singles in my article. That was a deliberate miss, the article was short and written from personal experience. I don't have experience as a single missionary. However this article does a pretty good job. 

Though I am a little doubtful about the section where the author talks about helping singles find a marriage partner. Most singles I know are tired of people blundering into their lives and trying to "fix them" by finding them. I certainly would be very reluctant to meddle with someone's life like this unless I was very close to them.

41 tips worth your time

Here are some wonderful blogposts by an former missionary in China. These posts are well written and definitely worth your time. I highly recommend you check out at least one of the below.

Staying Well: 10 tips for Expats left behind Great quote: "It hurts because it is good."

Leaving Well: 10 tips

Landing Well: 10 tips

Receiving Well: 11 tips

One of the things this blogger emphasises is giving ourselves and others grace. I'd like to reflect on that more, but I'm giving myself grace this evening. I've had a bit of an emotional and full day and my innards are mucking around and feeling uncomfortable. So, while I might try to fool myself (and others) into thinking that I'm doing okay, my body is telling me otherwise. Therefore . . . grace.

How come you're coming to Japan?

I love hearing the stories of how people end up coming to Japan as missionaries. I had two friends pry my story out of me this week and today I've been editing the story of someone who came a few decades ago. 

Here's another one, this one is more recent (he's coming next month). Levi's been helping me with editing this month and it will be great to meet him. This link goes to his blog and shows him telling how he's ended up coming to Japan.

Dark Underside of Great Japanese Service

In Japan we receive amazing customer service, something we miss when we're in other countries. 

But there is a dark underside to this. Here's a great post about it by someone who'll be an OMF missionary in Japan soon, quoting one who already is.

What's the longing of your heart?

I've totally run out of time to write anything myself here today, but here's a link to a new blog. Today's post is by a former member of my writing critique group. The post today asks the question:

What is the longing of your heart? What is God inviting you into? 

Impacting Media

So many great links going around my Facebook feed at the moment, not junky ones, but insightful ones. It's too bad to just leave them on FB, I want to share them with you. Here are three of them:

This 15 minutes video is about the decreasing birth rate and increasing elderly population situation in Japan. Some insightful comments in interviews (and the reporter is Australian, which is another bonus).

This is a blog post about the impact the mobile lifestyle missionaries live has on our children's thoughts about relationships and the seeming inevitability of goodbyes. It has implications, not just for MKs (missionary kids), but all TCKs (including military kids who haven't left their home country), and adults who live this mobile lifestyle also.

This one is funny, but in a sad way. It is a humorous look at what must be a frustrating problem for those who have Asian looks, yet were born in America (or whatever Western country you'd like to name). Because I'm white, I don't know if this is as bad a problem in Australia. I certainly remember growing up with Asians and just accepting them as Australia, especially if they had an Australian accent. Are people really as rude as this?

So, 

• Japan's decreasing birthrate coupled with a lack of desire to increase immigration.
• Inevitable goodbyes and how that impacts our relationships
• Judging a book by it's cover: making assumptions about people because of the way they look.

Which of these impacted you the most?

Snow Day in 2nd Grade

Elementary classes at CAJ have their own blogs. I've only just seen the Snow Day post from my youngest's 2nd grade class. Check it out, it is cute!