I had way too many tabs open and a book review happened

[Written yesterday, but I ran out of time to finish it off and post it.]

I'm having an exceptionally difficult time concentrating on anything today...part of that is that it is my birthday and I always struggle conceptually with that—it always throws me off balance for 24 hrs! I feel like maybe you should stop celebrating that once you become an adult (or perhaps by 25 or something). We don't have much planned, indeed it was going to be a usual work day for us both. But David has had a sore throat and minimal vocal endurance since Friday, and this is his third day home. I'm just not used to him being home during the week (when it isn't a school holiday) and it throws me off balance! 

Ice cream cake and my birthday present:
eight bulbs in bloom

Our plans were (and still are) to go out for dinner and have ice cream cake afterwards. Simple, easy. With no family around there isn't any need for anything else. I did think about taking a few hours out of the office to ride to my favourite park. It would be perfect as the sakura trees are all blooming, but alas it's drizzling and cold...in fact it's been raining almost constantly for the last week, barring Sunday. So not a great day to be out at all.

So, instead I'm sitting at my desk with way too many tabs open—on all my devices, and in my head—and I'm not achieving anything. (In my defence, I did get our prayer letter for April sent out...but that was a fairly simple task, the harder stuff was done earlier in the week).

One of the things on my "rolling" to do list is to write about a book I finished recently...maybe that's something I can do today? I want to write about this to help clarify my thoughts about the topic, but also to recommend it to you as a worthwhile read.

The book is called Unoffendable by Brant Hansen. It was mentioned during the retreat in March, and, to my surprise, I was able to find it my online public library. The book takes us back to basics, especially about anger, but also love, forgiveness, and living a restful life. It was quite US-focused, though. The US sounds like a very angry culture, and perhaps Australia has changed in recent years, but I think our culture tends more towards the "she'll be right mate" laid-back attitude that both annoys and attracts Americans.

What shocks me in the book is what the author portrayed as an apparent acceptance by Christians of anger as a good emotion: legitimising one's answer as "righteous" is commonly mentioned in the book. People saying that you can't get things done unless you utilise anger as a motivation. And "Isn't being offended part of being a Christian" (quote from p15 of my ebook).

The author has concluded, in an apparently counter-cultural move, that Christians should be the most unoffendable people on the planet. Here is some of what the Bible says about anger:

"Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice" (Eph. 4:31 NIV).

"My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires" (James 1:20).

"But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips " (Col. 3:8).

I looked it up and the term "righteous anger" isn't in the Bible, actually. Most of what is written there about anger is very negative.

But as I type that, I think of examples of stories of characters in the Bible who did get angry for good reasons: Moses (more than once), David, various prophets, etc. But the question really is, as a book review on The Gospel Coalition's website says, in theological terms, is "anger a communicable or incommunicable attribute of God. . . is anger an attribute God shares with people?" A question you need to answer before you can use Jesus's anger as a justification for your own.

I am no theologian, but I think that Christians probably justify anger more than we should, but also, that there are times when anger is okay. But I don't think that it's okay to hold onto anger for lengthy periods or to sling around like a sledgehammer in a way that overshadows the life of love that we're called to. I know people like that, even Christians, and they aren't easy to live life near. This book addresses the tendency to go overboard in our justification of anger.

One of the parts of the book that struck me was that a restful life, a life characterised by peace, is actually more attractive than one that is full of anger and an easy-to-offend nature. Some how "restfulness" can often feel like a waste of time to me...but perhaps I'm more useful to God if I aim more at a restful-type life, than a running-around-like-crazy life?

I always love an author who writes in a personable way and is happy to share their faults. This book has that in spades. He also has fun (and helpful) stories and quirky chapter titles like: "This is the Chapter about how we're just barely smart enough to be stupid" and "And lo, the Kingdom of God is like a terrible football team".

It's a good read, even if you don't especially struggle with anger.

_____________

Postscript: The day ended, better than it started. I did get a bit more done (maybe because I did a bit of writing here...writing often works like that for me). And finished off with a helpful international collaboration meeting with others in our organisation. Then we had a delightful meal at a Japanese restaurant and, you've already seen the photo, ice cream cake!

A birthday post

It's nearly a week since my birthday and I wanted to recount the blessings of that once-a-year day to you. I've learnt not to have too high expectations, but also to plan something fun for myself.

This time I got some surprises: two invitations from friends. One from a friend I've invited out for coffee before on my birthday (yep, don't be shy!). She blessed me with a great conversation, a cute card signed by her kids, and some lovely "Pillow perfume"!

Another friend invited me out to lunch on Friday. I recounted this on Facebook at the time:

A friend said, “I’ll buy you lunch for your birthday.”
“Where?” I asked. 
“Anywhere!” 
So I asked if we could go into the city to one of the spots people come from overseas to see in this Sakura season and she said, “Sure!”
So for the first time ever, I joined the crowds around the Imperial Palace in Sakura Season.

I'm always amazed at these elderly Japanese people
who are really into photography. And I mean "really"!
It's very common to see them along the river with their
"foot-long" lenses.

Tulips were a big discovery in our first spring in Japan.
We'd arrived during the snowy winter of Sapporo and
the splash of colour that tulips made was a wonderful delight.

On my actual birthday I also took a couple of hours to ride to my favourite park. It's a popular sakura viewing spot, but there are other flowers out too. The whole place was pulsing with energy: lots of kids, families, and various groups celebrating the visible start of spring in Tokyo. The tulips and following park photos are from that ride.

Groups like this are common. They're having a "hanami" or "flower viewing" party. Often it involves alcohol and snacks.

So many bikes!

I also got some cool presents including a potted rose from my hubby. He reasons that even though it might die in my care, it will last longer than cut flowers do.

I received two necklaces. One from my parents and one from my 13 y.o. The latter is extra special because it is a rock he found while we were camping the week before. He got David to help order a chain and attached it himself with left-over wire he bought for another project. Wow!

I also spent an hour talking to mum and dad via video chat and another hour talking to a close friend the next day. We "dragged" the boys out to dinner at a family-friendly Italian restaurant in the evening and had a reasonable family time too.

I'm thankful for one more year of life. Each year brings surprises and challenges. Possibly my last year had a few more than most in the last few years. But I continue to be grateful to my rock and foundation, the Lord Jesus Christ, who holds me steady through all the changes and surprises each year brings.

Your help needed to celebrate 10 years

It was with a bit of a shock that I realised a couple of weeks ago that it is ten years on Saturday since I started this blog! This is the 2,951st post that I've published! And I'm certain that I'm the only one who has read them all :-)

I was pondering what I should do to mark this event and a friend suggested that I ask for your input. Even if you've only been here a little while or only stop by occasionally, could you write to me at the gmail email address in the sidebar with a memorable post or favourite memory from my blog, or perhaps an overall impression? Tell me how God has used this blog to help you, encourage you, or challenge you. I'll write a post on Saturday with your responses and a few of my own thoughts on this blogging journey and what I've learned through it.

I'm looking forward to hearing from you.

Celebrating 19 years of parenting

Today we're celebrating 19 years of being parents. 

Might sound a bit weird to you, but here's my reasoning. The other day I was feeling a bit sad that this is the first birthday that we won't be with our eldest son. So, I decided instead to have our own little celebration: that of becoming parents and surviving this long. It's not an insignificant achievement and worthy of a cake! We won't go as far as having candles, party food, or presents, just a simple cake.

Even if my boys think it is a little odd (only guessing, it hasn't been said), no one is about to refuse cake—special birthday-cake recipe, no less.

Back in Tokyo

I'm physically back in Tokyo, but still struggling to get my head back into the right space. These last two weeks were very tiring, as I predicted. Last week was more emotional than I'd foreseen, though, and I think that has also taken its toll. I have to say that I'm enjoying a less social week this week!

However, in the meantime life continues onwards as usual. I got home at 11pm on Friday night, after leaving Sapporo at 3pm. I got about five hours sleep before we got up and went to our sons' track and field meet. Thankfully, though it was an early start, I didn't have to drive or take the train, and I was able to sit beside David as he drove the team and catch up. Last week was so busy that we weren't able to talk even once. Then, because we arrived early (CAJ helps run these events, so if you travel with the team you're always early), I was able to lie down in the bus for a while.

I even managed, with the aid of coffee, to take some half-decent photos and talk to people.

A discus photo for some variety.

David and some friends also organised for me to get a lift home a bit earlier than if I'd travelled with the team.

But despite my exhaustion, it was a good day. The temperature was about perfect (low 20s) and we sat under trees, so there was no concern about sunburn. The atmosphere was quite relaxed and picnic-like.

Last week was interesting, in that many of the people at the workshop are single or have no children. It's quite a different dynamic to the people I usually hang out with. They were a bit horrified at what I was planning to do on Saturday, but for me it is just what you do as a mum. When your children are little, you get up during the night to help them. As they get older you go to their performances, their school events, and watch them use their skills and abilities, even if it means getting less sleep than you need. It does mean that I have less energy to do ministry than if I didn't have kids, but being a mum to my children is also an important role that God's given me.

The other event that's happened since I returned was our youngest turning 13! We celebrated quietly at home in the usual fashion (for us) with a cake, presents, and a meal he requested. It's the first time we've had a "boy birthday" without one of the boys around, so that was weird and will take some getting used to. The boy who's gone will also need to figure out what he's going to do about birthdays etc. when he's on the other side of the ocean to us.

But now the "working week" has begun and I'm trying to work my way through the various tasks that await, including a whole lot of deadlines that I've already missed. The weather is gorgeous and I'd love to go for a ride tomorrow, but I'm not sure whether I want to walk away from my desk for several hours to do that or not. But don't worry, I'm not totally neglecting myself. I read an entire 400 page novel over the weekend. Yesterday I went to the dentist for a regular checkup and this afternoon I have a massage and haircut scheduled which involves a 6-9k ride (depending on the route I take).

A birthday

It was my birthday earlier in the week. One of our boys thanked me for having it! I asked if I should have them more often and he laughed.

It was a great day. I had a couple of things planned (lunch with a friend and dinner out with the family). But there were also some fun surprises, which is always lovely on a birthday.

At breakfast I got some delightful presents, including:

Pot plant from David. I think it is in the geranium family, so that should work
well with my not-so-green thumb. Gorgeous flowers.

A minion from our youngest fun-loving son. He's delightfully soft and cuddly (the minion, not my son). The giver feels he has some claim on him...but together we've decided to call this guy "George"!

The same son also made this small card for me, I asked for an interpretation and he said it was because I was queen of the kitchen and making good food! I love it!

After they all left for school some more surprises turned up: a message from a good friend in Australia wanting to video chat and one from a local friend wondering if she could take me out for coffee. I managed to do both. And my mum messaged me before I went out for lunch wanting to book a slot to chat! So I basically was with people or talking to people pretty much the whole day. No time to contemplate how big this number that defines my age is getting.

Dinner joy was nearly sabotaged by teenage foibles...but we overcame barriers and ended up with a lovely meal at a local Italian restaurant that includes all-you-can-eat pizza. 

I love this dish. It doesn't sound great: eggplant and bacon spaghetti, but its taste and texture is perfect.

Oh, and a cake, which we don't have a photo of, because we had it after I'd showered and was in my PJs!

I felt very loved. Online too, I received greetings from about 100 people on Facebook plus some emails!

Just a lovely day, perfectly delightful. 

Nine years of blogging!

I was surprised this morning to realise that it's nine years today since I started blogging! This is my 2,818th published post. Who knew that I'd be still doing this nine years later? That means that I've been blogging more than half the time we've been in Japan (which was 17 years last December).

Lots has changed in nine years! For you too, I suspect.

Nine years ago:

• I was living in a different suburb of Tokyo.

• I had one boy in elementary school at CAJ, one in Japanese kindergarten (about to graduate), and one eager to start any kind of out-of-house schooling.
• I was home schooling the younger two in English.
• I was about to embark on full-time homeschooling for the first (and only) time.
• that filled the gap for our middle son between Japanese kindergarten and starting in the middle of grade one in Australia because...
• We were about to go on our second home assignment.
• Outside being a mum I had few roles:
• conversation English teaching at the kindergarten
• desktop publisher of a newsletter for missionaries working with Japanese outside of Japan
• critique partner for three other writers (which is where I started learning editing skills)

I was looking forward to seeing my youngest start school, so that I could do some other things, especially I was planning on starting work with the editor of Japan Harvest after our home assignment.

Well, things have changed a lot since then! I've now got almost too much on my plate, though admittedly my boys are a whole lot more independent than they were and I've got a lot more time to do things other than be a mum. Or that being a mum can be done in tandem with more than I used to be able to do, for example, I did a lot of editing work this morning despite having two boys home on a student-free day. That wasn't possible nine years ago! Mothering also isn't as exhausting as it used to be.

Well, I've got no intention of ceasing blogging. As I wrote on the 7th anniversary of this blog: 

• [Blogging] helps me process life as it's going on in my life.
• It's fun to look back on things I've recorded (like a public diary, I guess).
• Connecting with other bloggers (though that seems to be happening less and less, I've outlasted many who were blogging seven years ago).
• It's a great vehicle for sharing things I'm learning.

I don't know if I'll get many replies, but I want to challenge you to write a comment on this post (or on FB, if that's where you came from). You can just say hi, tell us how you found out about this blog, tell us what you were doing nine years ago, or share a random fact. Got for it!

A question of ageing

I did it again today: I had to do maths to figure out which number in my 40s belongs to me right now! This is something that younger people find hard to believe, but it does happen. Yes, I'm middle aged now! No denying that.

So young! In my mid-20s.

I was talking to a married friend recently who is also in her 40s, but a couple of years behind me. She told me that she'd been troubled on her birthday this year. She raised a question I hadn't thought specifically about before: 

How should we approach our mid-life in a godly way? What are good thought patterns in the face of the realisation that our bodies are ageing (though by no means old) and that we are no longer young?

There is a grief inherent, even in your 40s, about not being young anymore and the relentlessness of ageing.

Of course I've thought about the fact that I'm not young anymore. But when married women talk about this stage of life, we tend to talk about—grief about not having young children anymore, grief at children moving out of home, learning to cope with couple-dom again, coping with young children even though you are older, menopause, ageing parents, busyness of life, the physical changes that come, mentoring/coaching younger women, childless-ness, mid-life crisis, raising teenagers, etc.

But not about how to think about ageing, or how to approach it in a godly way.

I did some quick online searching and there's stuff about the above topics too, but I struggled to find anything (quickly) on this topic.

I have some half-formed thoughts, but I know that there are quite a few of you out there who read this who are a similar age, or older. And so I'm putting this out there for you to contribute your thoughts. Have you got a good book recommendation? What has helped you as you've moved into your 40s or 50s? What advice can you give?

And please, I know that women who are older than us will be tempted to say, "But you aren't old..." Please don't. We know we aren't as old as you. We're just trying to make sense of where we are and that where you are, we will be some day soon.

The gift of being able to be present

People come and go in our lives; celebrations happen, then are over;
time moves relentlessly onwards. It is good to sit, sometimes, and ponder.
Being able to be present at key events in loved-ones lives is a gift I no
longer overlook.

Yesterday I attended a memorial service for the Japanese missionary, Mr I, from our mission who died in April. At the time his funeral was held in Nagoya, only two days after he passed away. Yesterday they held a memorial service in Tokyo where and when many others could attend. I'd never met the man personally, only been at a meeting where he spoke, but I was asked to go as the pianist for the performance of "For the Cause" that OMF missionaries had been invited to perform.

OMF is an interesting mission in that many of the countries we work in also send missionaries to other places. That is the case in Japan. We have both a "home" office and a "field" office in the same building. Mr I and his family had been serving in another East Asian country, but battled his cancer in Japan. The OMFers who performed were from a variety of homesides, some sent to Japan, others sent from Japan.

What particularly struck me were the missionaries who came from overseas to this memorial service. They didn't come far, not as far as the Scottish pastor who flew over when our field director died, but they came. These were colleagues of Mr I, people who'd served with him overseas.

I was struck because there are a number of funerals I haven't been able to attend because of distance. During the 17 ½ years David and I have been in Japan four of our OMF Japan colleagues have died (if my count is right). All were cancer-related. That's not counting relatives and friends who have died. Often distance or finances or schedules prevent us from being present. It isn't easy. Funerals and memorial services have a place in the grieving process and when you can't go to one, there is no space to remember that person in community with others who knew them. Life moves on at a rapid space as if nothing happened, as if the world wasn't the poorer for the passing away of someone. 

It's a source of grief for missionaries as we miss many key events in the lives of those we care for, including funerals, but also births, birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, etc. As our circles are widened, by serving with people from many different nations, we "acquire" more people we care about and more events that we cannot be a part of.

So, I'm simply grateful that I could, in a small way, help others grieve yesterday. And in a similar way to how weddings I've attended after I myself was a married woman made me reminisce about my own wedding, this memorial service made me reflective about all the funerals that I've missed over the years. Being able to be present is easily overlooked as a gift to be treasured.

Last week was a blur

As predicted, these last two weeks have been crazy busy and my head is feeling pretty fuzzy. As a way of untangling myself, I'm going to give you a quick glimpse of the bigger events of last week.

Our eldest son turned 18. It almost got lost in the busy week. 

On Monday night he stayed up into the early hours of the morning finishing his final high school presentation that we watched the next morning at school. He spoke for thirty minutes about gender inequality in sport, it was a culmination of a year's worth of investigation and writing. He did a great job!

On Wednesday night David and I accompanied our son to a parents and seniors banquet at a flashy venue downtown. I've been very involved in getting this organised, so it was almost surreal to be a part of of. All went smoothly except for the amount of food. Our group is a little different to the groups that facilities in Japan usually cater for: we've got larger boys (several over six-feet) and the party was non-alcoholic. Probably we were too frugal with our budget too.

It was fun getting dressed up (and then traipsing downtown on trains).

Thursday was a blessedly quiet day then Friday the biggest event: the high school graduation itself. I thought I'd be teary, but for the most of it I was fine. It's all a bit blurry now. There were 53 graduating seniors and about 600 people came to see it happen.

This was an extra special treat. We had several OMF colleagues, aka "OMF family" come to join us in the celebration. What a joy. Living at such a distance from our birth-families you tend to develop your own networks to survive and thrive. Over the years many OMFers have helped us in many ways and they do become a bit like an adopted family. Having these colleagues with us on Friday night was a reminder that our son didn't get to this point alone, nor did we. We've had a lot of support, both in Japan and in Australia. Many people have prayed for us and our family over the years too.

Straight after graduation we had a "mini" banquet, with a spread provided by the PTA for guests. It was crazy in a crowd that large. How many times did I get congratulated? Then just an hour after that the seniors all left on a final trip. A parent-organised all-night trip to the beach to watch the sun rise, eat breakfast and return (no sleep except on the bus). They were gone for 12 hours. David volunteered as a chaperone along with three other parents. When they got back our son slept most of the day and David had two long naps. But they did get a spectacular sunrise.

There is controversy about this particular tradition for a few reasons (not least being that it is expensive and took a lot of work to organise). I can see both sides. 

Last week I tried to explain to someone who hasn't lived overseas that graduation from an international school is a little different to a usual high school. I came away disappointed that my point didn't appear to be understood. These third culture kids (TCK) have a bond that will be hard to replicate as they go to other countries and mingle with a lot of mono-cultural kids who don't really understand what it's like to grow up in a country that isn't your passport country (or for the Japanese kids in the class, to go to a school that isn't in your native language or system and become a TCK as a result). When our boys were in Australia, it wasn't so much Japan they missed, but school. They feel "at home" there.

So for me, one reason I'm in favour of the trip because it gives these graduates time to say their goodbyes by just being together. This last week has been so hectic that I don't think there really was time for that otherwise.

And finally, we also said goodbye to my parents. Mum and Dad were with us for 12 days and on Sunday headed off on an adventure of their own. They'd booked a ten-day tour taking them to some very famous places in Japan. We're so glad they were able to come and get a glimpse of our daily life and celebrate these milestones with us. It does make me feel a bit sad and even guilty that they have to go to such trouble and expense in order to simply visit us. And then the best we can offer them is "camping" in our lounge room where they had little personal space.

So now, somehow I need to get back into ordinary life again. Our two younger boys finish school on Friday and David has a few staff days after that. I guess all of that will help jolt me back into reality, that and the list of things that got put on hold while I helped hold the household together over the last fortnight.

Photos from last week

Last week was crazy busy. The last week of the month is usually pretty busy for me, but it was compounded by taking several days off to volunteer at Thrift Shop the week before plus the events that transpired on Wednesday and Thursday. I'm really thankful that we'd already decided to put off our youngest son's sleepover birthday party till this week.

So here are a few photos from last week.

We did have a family party for our son, including his favourite chocolate cheesecake. Birthdays are a really important tradition in our family and the family party (though quite simple) seems to be one of the keys. But I can hardly believe my youngest is now 12!

The tree outside our dining room/my office now has a full complement of leaves. The fresh, light-green variety exclusive to spring. I love it. We've been watching for the birds to come back again to lay eggs, but they haven't and we're a little disappointed by that.

On Saturday we had the second-last track meet of the season. The weather was lovely, but a bit odd in the afternoon when we had thunder and lightning, a rain burst and then sun again.

On Thursday I went into the JEMA (Japan Evangelical Missionary Association) office and we packed magazines. I'm grateful to have the Spring issue out in April despite several holdups, ranging from team members taking time-off over Spring Break, to flyers not being ready, and people not being available for packing to final product.

Today's joys

One of the few trees in the park today that was fully in bloom. Most were only
partly blooming. The effect when it's all pink and no leaves is spectacular.

First I want to clarify something from yesterday's post, because I've had a couple of people worried. The final point in the list was vague and could have been interpreted any number of ways. I was only referring to the fact that we're fast approaching a new stage in our family: children becoming adults and not living at home anymore. It's a big change after nearly 18 years of parenting. Sorry if I had any of you worried!

Today is my birthday and I planned a couple of special things:

I'm always captivated by these crazy bushes at this time of year. Very ordinary
the majority of the year, when they're allowed to, they have these crazy
loopy branches covered in flowers (often they're pruned back along paths
and roads).

1. I arranged to meet a new friend for coffee (she was so sweet—though I'd initiated the meeting, she paid for my coffee and a snack). It was a delightful time of getting to know one another (though I feel like I talked too much).

The park wasn't peaceful. There were hundreds of
 people and bikes and dogs.

This tree is just down the road at "our" river. I've
been watching it gradually break out into delicate,
vibrant green for a few weeks now.

2. As the weather was shaping up to be pretty good and the cherry blossoms are almost in full bloom, I decided to take my new camera (an early birthday present) and ride to my favourite park, which happens to have a Sakura Festival. The photos in this post are from that ride.

These also are gorgeous, but a little more robust than sakura. Rapeseed plant.

3. I've also organised for dinner that I don't have to cook. It's home delivery from a small, local Chinese store. We've never done this before, so it will be interesting to see how it goes. They come highly recommended.

I just love tulips.

It's the good unexpecteds that always delight me on a birthday, but I know to make some special plans and keep my expectations low otherwise I'm likely to be disappointed. Looking back in "On the Day" in Facebook, I can see some unpleasant unexpecteds that happened early on in parenting (like a poo-accident I had to clean up). Thankfully those days are mostly over, but teens can still be remarkably unpleasant.

Today's pleasant unexpecteds so far:

I loved watching this little family trying so hard to get their
 daughter's first ever photo with sakura. 

• Two boys switching pre-school jobs to enable the one with a gash in his palm to skip his usual washing up. They were very diligent and responsible and the best thing is that I didn't have to intervene at all.
• A very busy friend messaged me and offered to take me to coffee later in the week.

The day isn't over yet, so we'll see what else turns up.