I live in a dichotomy

The past week has been full of things we've grown to associate with Christmas in Australia, things that we don't do or experience when we're in Japan:

Outdoor carols events: we went to one run by our eldest son's church and have seen plenty others advertised. The one we went to was different to many Australia Christmas events: it was evangelistic, it didn't include Santa, and almost all the songs were related to the true story of Christmas.

Church family Christmas dinner: some churches in Japan may do this, but mostly Christmas is a time for outreach events like concerts

An example of Australian "ugly"
Christmas clothing :-)

Christmas everywhere we go: decorations, lights, packaging, Santa, events, and Australia's version of the "ugly sweater" (often matching shorts and t-shirts with some kind of repeating Christmas motif), it's all far more pervasive than we see in Japan.

Preparing for the "rellie tour": visiting our birth families around the state for Christmas, which requires two eight-hour drives and one 90-minute drive.

Cricket: yep, this is a summer sport and the "sound of summer" for us is cricket on the TV in the background of life. And last week we actually went to one match live, which was a great experience after a lifetime of watching it on the tellie.

Summer: of course, it's summer, even if most of the Christmas motifs deny it. It's our second descent into summer for the year. A Brisbane summer is a bit easier than a Tokyo summer, the humidity is far less oppressive, and the nights are often are not as hot. But it will be longer. We do go most places in a car, too, which makes it easier than riding a bike or walking. We also live in a house with decent insulation, and our bedroom has an air conditioner (though I really would prefer not to live in aircon all day and night).

I remember when I first when to Japan I felt like I had to reinvent myself, like I was a completely different person in Japan than I was in Australia. To some extent that's still true. I remember meeting a life-long friend here one time for a Japanese lunch, then we went to an Asian supermarket. She remarked that she was seeing a completely different side to me than she'd ever seen before (she's never seen me outside the context of Australia). 

Life in Australia is very different in many ways to life in Japan. Life in cross-cultural ministry is also different to what most people "get". And it's easy to feel sorry for myself and descend into a pity-party here. I'm glad I didn't post this when I first wrote it because I've been able to delete a couple of paragraphs of that kind of thing!

I know that I have friends who love me and try hard to understand and love the weird person that this life has made me. I am ever so grateful to them. This is a lonely life and those special friends make a huge difference. I'm trying to do my best to embrace the "Australian Wendy" for these months we're here.

I'm also grateful for the various people we meet along the way who understand. We met two just yesterday, people who we've only crossed paths with a few times, but who have a lot more in common with us than many other Aussies.

There's so much to be thankful for! Even the uncertainty about the future, because it challenges me to trust God more. What are you thankful for this week?

A bit of fun with an outfit

This is a terrible photo, but I wanted to show you the outfit that gave me a lot of satisfaction yesterday. Underneath the duffle coat (I don't know what other countries call this kind of Paddington-coat) is a teal-coloured wool-acrylic blend dress. The dress I unexpectedly found in a second-hand store in Australia. The coat I picked up off a free give-away table at a missionary meeting in Sapporo many years ago.

I have been very conservative in my dress-sense most of my life. Growing up in sunny Queensland my main wardrobe staple was t-shirts and shorts. That's had to change, obviously, with age, responsibility, and especially with climate.

In Japan we've experience more cold weather than either of us ever knew in Australia. Even me, who grew up in Toowoomba, a place that many Queenslanders know is one of the cooler places in the state.

Learning to dress for the weather was one thing we did out of necessity in our first few months in the country, as we landed in freezing Sapporo in December. Long-johns layered under long pants, two layers of socks (at least for me), extra layers underneath our shirts. Boots too! And then, of course, the outside wear: scarves, gloves, hats, and coats. All these things became necessary parts of our winter wardrobe.

Less quickly I figured out that other seasons also had special clothing you could wear. The majority of the year in Tokyo is either hot or cold, the seasons in-between that are unstable and generally (to a Queenslander used to much less seasonal variation in temperatures) seem to be a rush from one extreme to the other. So the fun of dressing for the in-between seasons were largely lost on me for many years.

However, that's changing. I've got a variety of levels of clothing now. Different weight and length clothes for different seasons. I don't spend much money on clothes that I can't wear often (like a light jacket for early autumn and late spring), but I've acquired a number of very useful items on sale and from secondhand stores. I also don't discard clothes easily, most of my clothes get worn for many years before they are thrown out.

Anyway, back to yesterday. A short-sleeve above-knees woollen dress is really not my usual style, but it's in my favourite colour and is very comfortable. Perfect, with tights and a long-sleeve t-shive for dressing up on those rare in-between days. Yesterday was forecast to be a mild winter day (around 15C), which I knew would work with this dress. And I had an occasion to wear it—I was going to an annual prayer and fellowship day with some other missionary women. I threw the duffle coat over the top because when I left it was still under 10C, so an extra layer was needed outside.

My love affair with the duffle coat goes back to high school days. I went to a state school that had an inadequate winter uniform. Many of the students wore duffle coats over their uniform and it was a highly desirable item. But very expensive! So I didn't have one. When I spotted this on a give-away table it was a no-brainer that I wanted it. Finally, a "childhood" dream to own such a coat. It doesn't get a lot of wear as it is quite bulky and if there's a breeze, the gaps aren't so good (it doesn't have a zip), but I always feel just a little stylish wearing it. Wearing it over the dress was the perfect warmth combo yesterday and it felt just right.

Just assuring you that this plain missionary can have a bit of fun with her clothes and is increasingly finding that is the case as she moves further and further away from her youth.

Three things I didn't used to have

Here are three candid photos from my entryway.

A basket of scarves. Yes, they're mostly mine! And no, they aren't ornamental, they are to keep me warm. I rarely wear scarves as an accessory because it is so nice to be free of them after having to use these for so many months.

A couple of baskets with other bits and pieces of winter gear, including earmuffs for riding. And no, this isn't mostly mine.

A cupboard of jackets. Half of these are mine.

I was an innocent Queensland-girl when I came to Japan 16 years ago. Since then I've learned about all sorts of winter gear that I barely knew existed before! I've learned that being able to walk out the door without "kitting up" is such a luxury! In Tokyo I use at least some of this gear for almost half the year (in that cupboard are varying weights of jackets).

Spring is being shy. A little slow in coming this year. I'm hoping we'll be able to put a lot of this away soon.

A touch of spring

Out and about without all my external winter layers. I felt a
little naked. My hair is a bit haywire today, actually I've not been
happy with it ever since my last haircut. Had a great conversation
with the hairdresser, but she didn't do a super job on the cut.
Maybe it's time for another cut.

The weather today has gone a little spring-like. It's barely been above 10C since Christmas, so today's 14C feels positively warm! I've just been out to get the groceries on my bike without my winter jacket, gloves, scarf, or ear muffs. I even shed a layer on my legs, putting on a knee-length skirt over my leggings instead of long pants.

Wow. I know that temperatures are going to go low again, after all it is only January. But it's worth appreciating nonetheless.

I don't enjoy winter here. Wearing so many layers, and bracing myself every time I have to undress. It actually gets pretty boring, with little flexibility in what I can wear.

I'm thankful that January-February are so busy with wrestling that I don't have time to be too depressed about the chilly weather. I am also thankful that we no longer live in Sapporo. Though inside is much warmer there, winter is much longer and harsher. Living in snow half the year is hard work!

But today truly does illustrate how relative temperatures are, and how our bodies adjust. In a Brisbane winter, 14C would be a cold day! Indeed, in September, here, 14C would be a cold day. Isn't it amazing how we can get used to different conditions.

This is my new "in-between" skirt, that I bought last week.
 It is fleecy on the inside and quite warm, though it's not warm
enough for under 12C, for those temperatures I need two layers all the way to my feet. Hence I call it an
"in-between" skirt: between summer and winter.

Weighty issues in Japan

Last September I found this article  in Japan Times about weight issues of women in Japan, especially foreign women. It was based around a survey of over 500 foreign women in Japan. 70% in their 30s and 40s.

Half the women responded that their confidence in how they look has worsened since coming to Japan and that “living in Japan has been a major contributing factor to this situation.”

I really am a bit of a dag (Aussie for tending
to be unfashionable), preferring the function
and comfortable (and affordable) over
 the fashionable. But I do love this hoodie.

I've written about this before periodically as I've tried to buy clothes here in Japan. For example here where I compared two hoodies that I own that both fit me but were bought in different countries. And here in a post called Short legs, when I proved that my legs are short for Australia, but generally perfect for Japan. 

I'm pleased that I'm often mistaken for a Japanese person from behind. My hair colour and height are about right, it's only when people see my face that they realise. It's nice to be able to "hide" a little, I know that not everyone has that and the toll of sticking out can be draining.

Japanese women are generally petite and the clothes for sale match that. Yesterday I did a bit of clothes shopping, especially looking for some warm tracksuit pants that weren't too daggy for wearing to wrestling meets (especially for our trip to Korea). Usually I find that even though my height is right, my legs and waist are too thick here in Japan. But yesterday it was very odd, I found a few pants that fitted me well in the legs, but were enormous around the top. I've got no idea what's going on in fashion, obviously! By the way, I didn't find any pants I was happy with, I did get three winter skirts.

But back to the article,

When asked to respond to a number of statements to reflect their experiences and opinions, 85 percent agreed that Japanese media tends to promote the idea that “skinny is healthy”, and that heavier/curvier women are rarely seen. When they are, it is normally in a comedic or derogatory context.

Indeed, that has been my experience. I went to Curves for a number of years and have also had a baby here and the idea of what is a normal body size seems to be very small, not just in the fashion industry, but in the fitness and medical sector too. 

When I was pregnant, it was my second child, so I knew pretty much what to expect. I'd been putting on weight steadily, but not excessively, however the Japanese nurses scolded me a few times. Suggesting that I was eating fruit and drinking juice! I just ignored them and listened to my body. It's interesting that the article says that the percentage of low-birth-weight babies (under 2.5kg) has risen steeply in Japan in the last 30 years and that a major factor is pregnant women dieting.

CAJ staff have a compulsory health check at the start of each school year. It is a common thing in Japanese companies here. Many of our foreign staff get scolded about their waist sizes, even some of those who would seem slim by Western standards. 

Back to the article. A lack of choice of clothing on the racks in Japan can have implications for foreigners who don't fit the mold. I don't really like shopping for clothes here. Knowing that I am not overweight, it goes against the grain to have to buy clothes that are marked L or LL or even larger. That being said, I think perhaps that there is more accommodation for larger women here than there used to be, but still, the sizing is hard to swallow.

The narrow range of clothing sizes and lack of choice for larger or curvier women was cited as an issue by more than 80 percent of respondents, and many offered comments on their frustration with this problem. While ordering online has helped the situation, the narrow range of sizes makes even foreign women who were small in their home countries feel decidedly outsized in Japan.               

I tend to buy up on clothes when we're in Australia and only buy things in Japan if necessary. CAJ's Thrift Shop is also a place where I get a few things (but not many). That has worked as a strategy quite well. 

I don't think my self-esteem is damaged (at least not because of weight or size issues), perhaps because I haven't had to put up with unsolicited comments about my body or weight from people I know in Japan, unlike 75% of people in the article. For that I am thankful.

A bit chilly in Tokyo

Here is another topic that hits missionary's budgets: heating. I wrote a more detailed blog post about this some time ago, that you can find here.

For today I thought I'd show you what I did this morning, in my dressing gown, in our backyard. 

I'd just taken the second photo of the low outside temperature from inside when I discovered our kerosene heater downstairs (our main source of heat during the day) had run out of fuel. So I popped out the "back door" and filled up the metal tank from one of our two portable kerosene tanks using a simple hand-operated siphoning pump.

I'm glad we now do this out the back, previously we used to have to go out the front (practically onto the road) and squeeze down the side of the carport between bikes and the dusty car to where we stored the kerosene. Not something you do in your dressing gown and fluffy PJs at 8.15am on a school day!

We use kerosene rather than air conditioning or gas because it is the cheapest way to heat here. We do have three electric heaters upstairs (bathroom and boy-bedrooms), but they are only used for short periods when people are using those rooms. Kerosene is a common way that Japanese people heat their houses.

But yes, things are a bit chilly around here, a normal Tokyo winter. I've become aware that I could be storing most of the food from my fridge in the stairwell/entry way. The temperature there hasn't gone above 10C for a while. It's not as cold as many parts of Japan north of here (and up in the mountains), but as we've got poor insulation in our house (including a number of large windows) and no central heating, it's cold enough for me.

These days David and I are sleeping with our electric blanket on low and with beanies and two bankets and a thick doona (duvet/comforter/Continental quilt). I've also added a soft neck warmer in recent days to help with the muscle tightness I struggle with. My boys laugh.

Long winter skirt

After a couple of serious posts, here is something less serious.

I acquired this polar fleece skirt from Thrift Shop in April this year. For some reason no one wanted it and it was still there when we did the "Free shopping" just before clean up time. I'd been laughing at it all Thrift Shop and then just decided that I had to have it.

It's turned out to be an amazingly warm skirt. 

Coming from sunny Queensland where daytime temperatures are rarely lower than 15 degrees Celsius, it has never occurred to me that wearing skirts would be possible in the winter. When we first arrived in Japan, we had a supervisor who never wore anything else in winter, she even shovelled snow in a skirt. She declared that skirts were warmer than pants because there was greater shared-heat! I thought she was nuts, and obviously had been living in Sapporo too long! 

Actually at the time I never wore casual skirts in summer or winter, but that's changed in the last 10 years.

So, in Tokyo, from about November to April, I exclusively wear long pants. For a good portion of that time I also wear a second layer underneath, the amazing invention of long johns!

But now I've discovered that long winter skirts, combined with tights or dark coloured long johns also work. Now you're all wondering if you'd find me wandering the streets in this "ducky" skirt and the answer is "NO!" But it does make warm home-wear. Working at my desk next to a large glass sliding door when the temperature is below 10C is cold, especially on my legs and feet. So sometimes this week, I've slipped out of uncomfortable jeans into this comfy skirt when I've gotten home and it's been lovely. It's like wearing a blanket!

The next step will be whether I can bring myself to buy an "outside" worthy skirt and wear it in public? I stopped by a favourite clothes shop yesterday and browsed in the long winter skirt section (there are short winter skirts too, but that's just for the young and brave). Yes, there are some nice casual winter skirts out there. I might just add one to my wardrobe sometime soon.

Parenting joy

Good moods here today. I can't help wondering if it is related to the weather. We've had actual sunshine this morning, enough to cause shadows! That's been a rare thing in the last three weeks. This morning I was standing in the sun after church reflecting on this with another Aussie. We both thought we'd have difficulty living in places like the UK and Seattle that we've heard infrequently have sunny days. 

I just looked it up, Brisbane (2881 hours a year) gets about 1000 more hours of sunshine than Tokyo. Tokyo gets 400 more hours than London. No wonder we feel it! However we were wrong about Seattle, they get 300 more hours than Tokyo, and Oregon (the state I was thinking of, but didn't mention this morning) gets around 450 more hours than Tokyo! Rumours about the climates of different places aren't always correct.

Today I'm basking in more than the sun, however. This morning after church we rode to a local shopping centre and had an early birthday celebration for my husband over morning tea at one of our favourite bakeries. We'd normally have a family dinner on the day, but this week is quite messy dinner-wise, so this plan seemed better. 

As usual we managed to combine it with some shopping. Getting boys to shop is one of the banes of the life of most mums-of-multiple boys. This week our most shopping-adverse boy finally noticed he was getting super low on tshirts that fitted. A critical level, I'd say. Three shirts don't go far when you're training and wearing two a day! You don't want to know how he's managed that, suffice to say my nose is less sensitive than it used to be. 

This boy was so enthusiastic about shopping that I wondered if he'd had a personality transplant. He even willingly tried clothes on! And then made other suggestions of clothes he'll be needing as the season changes. After all that amazingness he happily went birthday present shopping with his brother for their dad, and on their own. I'm in shock. Absurdly pleased, actually. 

Recent experience has me waiting on tenterhooks for a mood change, but we made it through lunch in excellent spirits! So I'm even happier. 

All this combined with the joy of seeing them all run well yesterday at cross country (all made their goal times and two ran PBs), and I'm feeling great.

Ah, the rewards of parenting sometimes are few and far between particularly in the teen years. They are often a long time in coming. But I think days like today are definitely comparable with the joy of seeing a baby learning to walk or feed themselves, or a child learning to read or use the toilet by themselves. Not so clear-cut in definition, but definite signs of growth and maturity. Yay!

Long johns

Have you ever worn long johns? I hadn't, not before I came to live in Japan. Now they are my daily companion throughout most of December  and usually into March.

You can see in the photo how I survive winter in a non-centrally heated and poorly insulated Japanese house. Layering! Two pairs of socks, ugg boots, two layers on my legs (the black is the long johns). My boys are bemused, but I don't care. I do what I've got to do.

My first encounter with long johns was a surprise. We were visiting a potential supporting church in Canberra, Australia during winter in 2000, this was before we'd left for Japan or even been given permission to go. We had a young toddler at the time and were only just keeping things together as we did this travelling circus called deputation. 

A lady I'd never met grabbed me after church and asked me if I had long johns. I'm from Queensland, I'm not sure if I'd even seen long johns before. She said, "Let me buy you some." What?!? 

A stranger buying me long underwear . . . it was out of my comfort zone. But at the time we had no regular income so I wasn't about to say no to someone willing to buy me something I supposed I might need if I was going to study Japanese in a city where they have snow on the ground for almost half a year.

So we walked to a nearby shop and she bought me my first pair of long johns. We landed in Sapporo in December that year where temperatures dipped well below zero at night and barely made it above zero during the day. I was so glad of that spontaneous gift (it must have been spontaneous, surely, I really can't remember much about it).

Recently I discovered Heat Tech, a brand of winter clothing developed in Japan by UniQlo, an affordable clothing store here. It's great: not bulky, feels stylish, great colours (I have a teal shirt that could be under or over-wear) and dries quickly (definitely an issue on a cold, wet winter's day). The long johns don't look like underwear at all, more like tights or leggings. This season I've also bought a couple of their shirts and I'm tempted to buy socks too, but I already have a lot of socks in my wardrobe, so I think I'll wait.

Here's a short article about Heat Tech (please note there is a little bit of language you might find offensive), about how it was developed and what it's made of.

Brown Boots

Left: Outside ugg-boots (I have inside ones too): yes, it is totally
acceptable to wear ugg boots outside here, in fact quite common and exceedingly warm.
Middle: Dress-up leather boots, my most expensive boots ever, but I hope will last a long time.
They provide better support than the uggs, so I also use them when I have to walk a distance.
Right: Classy-looking gum boots that are primarily for the not-mid winter or mid-summer
months. My in-between rainy day boots.

Coming to Japan brought unexpected changes. We arrived in winter in 2000 (and to Sapporo, no less). Temperatures up there barely make it above zero for about four or five months of the year. Forget about culture shock, we had climate shock.

I grew up in sunny (and occasionally stormy) Queensland. Coming to Japan I had to learn how to use a scarf and buy a jacket and gloves. When we visited a church in Canberra prior to coming to Japan, a lady bought me my first pair of long johns. And I had to buy boots. Boots are rarely necessary in Queensland and never before had been a part of my wardrobe.

Now we're in Tokyo. We're not dealing with such severe weather, but the temperatures still are low. Average maximums in January and February temperatures are single digits (Celsius). I'm still wearing long johns! At this time of year I find it's too cold to wear anything that exposes the ankle, so I spend about three months wearing boots.

Somehow, I now find myself in possession of three pairs of boots. Each with their specific purpose. But all my boots are brown. In choosing between brown and black accessories, I'm definitely a "brown" girl.

I don't have much black in my wardrobe, no black outer clothing that I would wear on my upper body. My everyday handbag is brown and my everyday shoes/sandals are also brown. I have various shaded brown skirts, and a couple of pairs of brown shoes. The black in my wardrobe: A couple of black skirts, one pair of black pants, and one pair of black leggings, one pair of black shoes (not boots), and one black handbag for occasional use. No black boots!

So here is my fashion challenge: I grew up with the fashion rule that you don't wear black and brown in an outfit. So my dilemma is what do I wear with my one pair of black pants, or black tights? Brown boots! I wore black pants with brown boots (and brown handbag) today to a missionary women's event and was relieved to see a few others with the same type of combo.

I was reluctant enough to spend money on a good pair of brown leather boots, my spending isn't going to go as far as to have a fourth pair of boots! This webpage suggests that this "rule" is a little old-hat now. What do you think?

Tiny clothes

In addition to tiny streets they have tiny clothes in Japan. Which means of course that even average sized Westerners have to buy large sized clothes. 

These are the labels on two hoodies I own. One bought in Australia and one here. They are actually approximately the same size despite what the labels say! 

Needless to say this can be demoralizing when buying clothes. But I am thankful that I am short enough to buy clothes. I have expat friends who are too tall or whose feet are too big to shop at regular stores here. 

A year ago I was having reverse culture shock in finding that I fit into clothes much smaller than I remembered: http://mmuser.blogspot.jp/2014/08/culture-shock-while-clothes-shopping.html

Kimono curiosity

On Sunday I wore my summer kimono (known as a yukata) to church. It wasn't my intention but I was egged on by the deacon leading worship. 

It created an interesting effect when I was doing my "hats" presentation, as you can see. Talk about culturally mixed up! I use nine labelled hats to help explain the different roles I fulfil in Japan, I've just never done it while wearing a yukata!

I feel somewhat conflicted about wearing my yukata for a couple of reasons:

• I never do in Japan, and I think it gives the impression that we do wear special costumes in Japan.
• It makes me seem more special that I want to be. As indicated from the title of this blog, I'm determined to be viewed as ordinary. 
• It diverts conversations with people from the content of our talks to what I'm wearing, which is not what I'd prefer.

Maybe my thinking is wrong, but that's how I feel. Therefore I've never worn it to church before. But, all that aside, it is a fun thing to do occasionally in Australia. I haven't yet been pulled over by a policeman and surprised them, though I rather suspect they are somewhat surprise-proof.

I usually point out to people that it isn't as comfortable to wear as it may look. I felt uncomfortable and hot on Sunday in it, even though it is designed for summer. Around my middle I wore four belts. It has no fasteners, so modesty relies on the belts being tight!

It is actually a bit tricky to put on, as it is one piece and you have to do some tricky folding and arranging to get it all right. If you're interested, you can go to this video (English subtitles) to get an idea of how tricky it can be to put on. Though I don't do the bow part myself as it shows on the video, I own a "cheaters bow", pre-tied and stiffened, it slips in the back of the obi. But as stiff as it is, it is uncomfortable, meaning that I can't lean back into any chair.

If you're interested in a bit more detail about kimonos, a missionary colleague of ours, who loves to wear kimonos, wrote a very informative blog post about it what she wished she'd known before she bought her first (second-hand) kimono. But it is longish and quite detailed enough to scare most people off (but worth scanning through, nonetheless, if you're interested).

There are many detailed rules about how to wear kimono, but there has been a recent movement to try to bring kimonos back to the "common person". Here is a blog post about a flash mob-type kimono gathering, they're calling "Kimono jack". Check out this English news article about the worldwide movement.

Lots of discussion about fashion and missionaries

I had a lot of comments on my Facebook page as a result of yesterday's post about missionaries and fashion. I thought that I'd post some of the comments (names removed for privacy) here for those of you who don't know me personally.

Here is me before Christmas in one of my very
comfortable t-shirts!

C: I think that anything that makes you feel good about yourself and confident will only enhance your inner as well as your outer beauty. Why on earth should you look dowdy or old fashioned just because you're a missionary? Modest, yes, but that's not limited to missionaries ;)  Love the earrings, have fun with them!

Me:  I think that there is an unspoken thing is that missionaries aren't supposed to be worldly, aren't supposed to spend money on themselves. Misguided really. 

MJ: Isn't it part of a bigger tension that we face in a whole lot more areas than this? On the one hand, we need to be enough like the people we're working with (homeside or fieldside) that they can relate to us, but different enough that it shows our identity and value doesn't reside in our clothes (or house, gizmos, food etc.) and challenges others so see life the same way. Hence there's no easy answer. 

Me: Yes indeed MJ.

C: I'm (as a non-missionary and a really quite slack Easter and Christmas churchgoer) interested to know where the ?judgement? comes from? Other missionaries? People in the congregation? I realise that judgment probably isn't the right word, but I can't think of another. Also, not meaning to be inflammatory or insulting - it's a genuine question. And I honestly believe that it's a compliment to God to want to look your best, most well-presented self as you spread the word.

JL: Sometimes it can be self judgement/ self assessment too.

C:  I hadn't thought of that. I'm finding this a fascinating discussion.

Me: People give money for us to do this, if we report back to them (which is essentially what we're doing in Australia) and we're wearing expensive clothes, say with an expensive car, people will question how we're using our money, presumably.

Me: MJ, I wonder whether the essence is conducting our lives in all aspects so that we aren't a stumbling block to others understanding our message?

MJ: That's the theory. It's the putting into practice part that lacks easy answers!

MJ: C, 'Judgement' is as you say, not a great word for it - I think it implies a more conscious process than I think is really at work. It's a recognition that, if you come across as too weird, people tend to discount what you say as weird without getting as far as listening to the content. But we also need to lead a life in accordance with what we believe - that material things such as clothes are not ultimately hugely important in themselves. Sometimes they are important in being respectful to those we appear in front of (as Wendy says, especially in Japan!)

MB: Just a thought because this makes my blood boil!....the people who support missionaries/pastors/ect financially should give without any expectations on what you can or cannot do with your money, its nobody else's business what you awesome people who give up so much for the sake of the call do with your money.....in fact you should be given more and blessed far and above because you sacrifice so much!

C: MB, I've been trying to word the exact same sentiments! Personal finances are private, regardless of where they come from. I would never expect my boss (hypothetically, as I'm a stay at home mum) to voice an opinion on how I spend my pay - why should missionaries have to justify their spending?

C: And I don't understand why feeling good about your external appearance and serving God would have to be mutually exclusive? By the way, I'm no fashionista! I shop mainly at Target, I'm a champion bargain hunter and I'm stuck in a fashion rut - however, I know how much more confident I am when I feel good about how I look.

Me: Maybe I'm being too sensitive, but I think it is an issue that missionaries do think about. I have heard criticism from supporters about one missionary couple and how often they visit Australia. I don't know how often supporters think this way, though.

MB: I like the way you think C! they shouldn't have to justify their spending and anyone who thinks they should....well like I said it makes my blood boil!

KK: Love reading all of these comments. I use to be involved in a church not mentioning any names and one of the missionary we use to support only wore name brand clothes. But yes. Who really cares what you wear. God knows your heart and you will be rewarded with beauty up in heaven. By the way you can get well known brand names at the op shop. 

Former missionary: One thing I found was that I didn't want to stand out as different when I came home. I'd had 4 years of that. I feel we need to be comfortable but not extravagant.

J: I think it's about comfort, but that includes being comfortable with the people you're with, as well as comfortable clothes. Coco Chanel used to say to buy the best because it would never date, and fashion is notorious for being SO fleeting. Stick to what you like, don't worry about what people think. If you like it, you'll look better than if you try to push yourself into the mould of what you think people expect. (Not that I can see you doing too much of that anyway!)

 I had lunch today with one of the above friends and she confirmed for me that this is a problem for ministers too. Not just that people are judging them, but that some feel bound to make decisions about material things that will minimise the judgement.

We reflected on how sad it is that Christians can be so judgemental.

What was encouraging was her reassurance, as one of our supporters, is that she doesn't care what we do with the money that she gives us.

Should missionaries be fashionable?

It's an interesting question. Missionaries have had something of a reputation in the past of being old fashioned, or just odd. It is a challenge for someone who's been living in a different country with vastly different fashion to come back to their home country and fit in. 

That isn't so much the case for our family dwelling in the metropolis of Japan, but imagine those living in the jungles of PNG or Africa. Or the mountains of Nepal. Coming from Japan to Australia we usually end up being overdressed! Aussies are so informal.

It is less of a problem these days, I suspect, with missionaries travelling to their base of support more often than in the days when international travel was expensive and slow.

But we do live on a missionary budget, and therefore aren't free to buy a whole new wardrobe every few years. That doesn't mean we're happy to wear just anything that gets passed along to us.

The question still lingers. How much should I pay attention to my appearance? Is that unspiritual?

I'm on the conservative side anyway, and that wouldn't have been different if I hadn't been a missionary. Actually I think that now in my 40s, I'm less conservative than I was as a teenager.

When you think about it, it is a conundrum for our profession. When we're in our sending countries we are public speakers, we make public appearances. How we present ourselves is important.

I've thought a bit about this in recent months, one reason being that I'd never had my ears pierced. In our last year in Japan I began to look at how much fun other women were having with their earrings and wonder if I were too late to join in the fun. Additionally, now that I've got short hair, I'm aware that it is easy for me not to look very feminine.

Or maybe its a cumulative effect of being the only woman in my home, over the last few years I've had a growing desire to be more feminine than in the past. Shock! I've never been a girly-girl, don't like lace or pink (though that is changing). I've rarely worn skirts in the past, but that has changed in the last five years too.

Anyway, with the encouragement of a friend (whose fashion sense I trust), I had my ears pierced about six weeks before Christmas. What was interesting is that almost no one noticed. My boys thought it was fabulous, my husband bought me gorgeous earrings for Christmas. I know that two friends noticed, but didn't want to say anything in case they were mistaken. I don't know if anyone else felt the same, but didn't say anything.

But getting back to the conundrum that missionaries (and Christians in general) face, here is a verse that is worth taking notice of.

1 Peter 3:3-4 ESV

Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.

So the true beauty is in the heart, but I don't think that that precludes us from taking moderate steps towards keeping our appearances on the outside looking beautiful too, as long as that doesn't override our concern for internal beauty. 

So, while I'm not a theologian, I can look at the Bible and consider the example of the Proverbs 31 woman:

10 A wife of noble character who can find?

    She is worth far more than rubies.

22 She makes coverings for her bed;

    she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;

    she can laugh at the days to come (NIV).

It seems to me the older I get the more I realise that moderation in most things is the best thing. What do you think about this question of fashion and missionaries?

Culture shock while clothes shopping

I spent this morning shopping in an Australian shopping centre. Most of that shock about that has worn off now. 

But I'm still a little shocked at the clothing sizes. In Japan I usually need to look for L or XL sizes (photo proves it). Here I'm buying 10s and 12s plus one 8 today, depending on the brand and how tight I'm happy to wear. These are probably M or even S sizes. That's a bit shocking, but a good shock! I'm not a large person, so to have to buy such apparently large sizes in Japan is a bit of an indignity.

I wasn't shopping for jeans or long pants today, but if I had that's when I would have run into difficulties in Australia for my legs are often shorter than the short-legged pants here. Whereas in Japan, when I can get pants that have the right waist size, are almost always a perfect length (see here for an example of shopping in Japan for trousers).

So, it was a joy to have the time to shop on my own this morning for clothes and now I have some new clothes to welcome spring. I took a couple of boys shopping this afternoon for a brief period at a second hand store, but that experience is probably best untold! The morning's session was far nicer.