Encouragement in parenting a difficult child

We went through a very difficult period with our eldest son for about four years, from ages 6-10. I don't want to go into details to protect on his privacy, but it was really tough to be his parent during those years. Many tears, many prayers. Many times we questioned our parenting abilities. Our confidence was eroded when, despite our best efforts, we got negative feedback from teachers. Not the teachers' fault, they were just reporting what they saw. Our confidence was shattered when people in Australia we trusted to pray for our difficulties, instead criticised us. It was hard at times to see an end to it all.

Parenting is difficult, even when your kids are 'good'. It is hard to overstate how difficult it is. One of the difficulties is that it goes on for years and years and you don't know what the final outcome will look like, while at the same time desperately hoping it will be good. It is also hard not to feel like you'll be judged based on the outcome of pouring yourself into this child day after day for years. Also, because you are immersed in the situation, it is hard to see improvements, just like it is hard to see them grow physically.

So what I heard on Sunday was a huge encouragement. We met the teacher my son had for grades three and four. It's been 18 months since we've seen her. She talked with her former student for a while. Later she took me aside and said she's so impressed at how he's matured, how far he's come since she first knew him. She went as far as congratulating us, but I was reluctant to accept the praise. After all, if I don't own his bad behaviour as my fault, why should I own his good behaviour?

So, as we face yet another email detailing the challenges he threw up at a teacher yesterday, and a coach who wants to talk to us about his behaviour on the basketball trip on Saturday, we cling to the hope that we're not doing a bad job. And by God's grace, we'll all come through it okay.