The funeral has begun

My son is in the flanny and hat (?US=plaid shirt), he was
Lurvy, Mr Zuckerman's hired man.

On Thursday I watched my youngest son's class perform a short stage-version of Charlotte's Web. They did a good job, though one of the hardest things to do seemed to be to project their voices. I barely heard any of the lines spoken without mikes and I was only about four rows from the front.

It's been a while since I saw the other parents from this class. I was shocked to find that people have begun mourning our departure. They've discovered that we're leaving for a year. 

We're back in that period before a departure that feels like a living funeral. I shocked someone yesterday who started to enthuse to me about a friend who was coming as a new staff member in August. She stopped half-way through and said sadly, "Oh, but you won't be here." 

Sigh. 

I replied, "But it isn't a funeral . . . we'll be back in a year." 

She was shocked at my words, primarily, I assume, because it used that word: funeral.

It does feel like a funeral, though. We're going and there is pain in that, and people will miss us. Praise God they will miss us, that means that we've meant something to them. It's hard enough to leave, but when you have repeated conversations like the above it does tend to make it even harder. On Thursday afternoon in the space of a couple of hours I had multiple conversations about us leaving. It just left me feeling empty and sad.

Thankfully at home we're able to enthuse about the upcoming change. Over breakfast this morning we talked like this:

"Oh, in Australia, we'll be able to have Weetbix every day," enthused my eldest as he spread his toast with butter.
"And as much Promite as we want." said his brother, catching onto the spirit.
I reminded them, "What about lamb, and meat pies, and sausage rolls?"
The youngest chimed in, "And BBQs and sausages."

"Remember the space, the large backyards."
"And the fast cars."
"No," corrected one boy, "higher speed limits."

Ah, our hearts were filled with good memories of Australia and how good it will be to be there for a while. I guess for the sake of others I must undergo a living funeral. Thankfully I can come home and rejoice with my family in the things to look forward to while we're away.

Sole Parenting Time

This morning my husband left for an eight-day school trip to Thailand. Every year the Senior class goes on a trip to another country (recently it has been Thailand). While they're there they help out a some needy people by constructing something they need, often for a school, and in the process learn a lot about

They're going almost all the way up to the
Thai-Myanmar border.

themselves.

I've just looked at the post I wrote last year on the same day, and it says most of what I was going to write! Including my embarrassment at admitting that I find it hard, primarily because I have a number of friends who cope with their husbands doing frequent and long trips away.

However, I've got a couple of things to add to last year's post. Knowing myself, I've organised some things to take care of myself psychologically. 

1. I've organised some coffee dates with friends, for some good adult conversation and perspective!
2. I've also frozen some meals, so that I have little cooking to do in the last week at that crazy hour when boys are doing homework, showering, and ravenous too.

And I'm playing this song often:

Pushing Out of My Comfort Zone

I admit it. I'm a coward. Especially when it comes to using what poor Japanese I have.

But, I have to stop a moment and celebrate a success today. I'm too embarrassed to even tell you in this public place exactly what I managed to do, but I'm celebrating. I hate using the telephone in

My kitchen is very much part of my comfort zone. The
telephone on the left of the photo, is not!

English, but today I made a phone call in Japanese. It was a small thing, but something that needed to be done and done by me. I did it without confusion and without making any vast errors. Then I did a victory pump in the air after I finished!

In the early years of being a missionary you feel as though you're miles from any comfort zone you might have once had. As time moves on, though, and you regain a new comfort zone. Things you can do with ease, places you like to go, people you like to be with. 

But your comfort zone remains far smaller than it is in your home country. It doesn't take much to bump you out of it. A broken pipe, a delayed train, a medical emergency. These things, small and large, we take take in our stride in our home countries, in our native language. These things become much harder in another country.

The challenge is to not let yourself remain in that narrow place where you feel comfortable. You can't help the unexpected things, but to regularly push yourself out of the zone is one of the hardest things to do.

So, today I'm celebrating and hoping that this tiny success will motivate me to keep pushing out.

Life goes on, ready or not!

Here's what life looks like for us this week:

• The boys have various projects due, including some biggies. One on the human brain and another on deforestation. I'm trying not to get too involved in either of these. I tell myself, "You've already passed 5th and 9th grades, it's a part of them learning responsibility."

  

  This is a Cherry Blossom (sakura). No, they're not
  out yet, but other blooms are. Today's 16 degrees and
  it's starting to feel a lot like spring. Of course Friday
  is forecast to be rainy and 9 degrees, but that's
  spring in Japan!

• The high schoolers have a Spring Banquet coming up. It's a girls and boys go in pairs, kind of formality. Our son, for the first time in his life, has asked a girl on a "date". He doesn't see it like that. She's just a mate who he hangs around with at lunch-time. But he did have to ask. New territory for us all!
• David is going to Thailand on Friday morning with the seniors for eight nights. I can feel my anxiety rising, despite trying to remain calm!
• Plugging away at home assignment preparation:
• talking with the ladies who'll be living in our house (have I told you that yet?),
• seeking a home for our turtle and car, 
• fielding emails from Australia about setting up house there,
• discussing when we can replace this computer: here or there,
• and so on!
• I'm working on the magazine, as usual. 
• We're trying to get the spring issue out soon after the winter issue (which won't be out till the first week of April). 
• Working out details with the person who's volunteered to do part of my job while we're in Australia.
• I'm tidying up the 31 Days of Prayer for Japan project for OMF. Searching out photos, marketing etc.
• This afternoon, I'm about to go to my third performance of Charlotte's Web. It is a CAJ tradition for the third grade class. This is the first year we've had our youngest in a grade where both his brothers have also been in that grade. I saw my eldest's class perform this play six years ago, somehow missed my middle son's class, it must have been a schedule clash.

Yes, life goes on and you either go with it, or you get dragged along behind. 

By the way, does anyone in Tokyo want a turtle for a year?

Three years later today

I've been collecting news stories as I've come across them in the last couple of days, particularly in my FB feed. Please take the time to look at some of these links today and pray for this nation that's still in pain.

Here are some poignant photos of what things look like now in the region, where the devastation is still evident in many places.

This is a very rough map of the general area
that was affected, though it did go higher and
lower than this, the tsunami was worst in this
circle.

This article shows us of the mental health stress and loneliness in the region. We see an example of someone refusing to get help, preferring to deal with their pain alone, and blaming herself for not doing one small thing that could have saved her loved one.

Shockingly, the article also says this:

Some daycare centers don’t celebrate Mother’s Day or Father’s Day any more because so many children lost at least one parent.

This article has some statistics:

As a result of the tsunami and Fukushima crisis, among almost 270,000 evacuees as of last month, 100,000 are in temporary housing. It remains unclear how many more years it will take to build all the needed post-disaster housing. 

Japan has so far built only 3.5% of the new housing promised to refugees in heavily affected Iwate and Miyagi prefectures.

This story is of a 57 year old widower who has taken up diving so he can look for his wife's remains in the ocean. The story is well written and takes you to the heart of those who lost loved ones.

This is a very sad article about young children in the Fukushima prefecture that have been cloistered inside for most of the last three years.

And the impact is now starting to show, with children experiencing falling strength, lack of coordination, some can not even ride a bicycle, and emotional issues like shorter tempers, officials and educators say.

“There are children who are very fearful. They ask before they eat anything, ‘does this have radiation in it?’ and we have to tell them it’s okay to eat,” said Mitsuhiro Hiraguri, director of the Emporium Kindergarten in Koriyama, some 55 km west of the Fukushima nuclear plant.

For those concerned about the radiation risks. It is still hard to know what is the truth, what is being withheld by the company and the government, and what is media hype. So I'm not going to put any links here related specifically to that issue.

A little girl who was only 4 months old at the time of the earthquake, she was rescued after 68 hrs of being trapped in their house. She's now a healthy three year old looking forward to going to kindergarten in her uniform. Here's the story: http://the-japan-news.com/news/article/0001084528

This story highlights the mental health of middle school students in a school that's evacuated from close to the nuclear power plant in Fukushima. Imagine being a chaplain in this school? The school nurse finds herself listening repeatedly to the pain of these children.

Three years later

Tomorrow at about this time we will remember the big earthquake that hit Japan three years ago. Of course we've not forgotten, but somehow the anniversary seems big. I can't believe it is only three years, it seems longer.

Last week a missionary from the stricken area mentioned that this will be a dark time. If you think about it, that makes sense. About 18,000 people disappeared from there forever. They left behind many more who still mourn their rapid departure.

Empty shelves in one of our local shops in the
aftermath of the earthquake three years ago.

Those of us who experienced the earthquake and the shocking aftermath of that (yes, even those like us who didn't experience any damage or loss of life), find our thoughts easily switch back to those days, weeks, and months. A few weeks ago when transport was disrupted by two big snow storms meant that items were missing off shelves in the shops for a couple of days. Our minds quickly zoomed back to the time after the earthquake when we wondered when we'd next be able to buy toilet paper or yoghurt. A mild form of post-traumantic disorder, I suppose.

What's still shocking is that so many people are still living disrupted lives. Many who moved into temporary housing in the months after the disaster are still living there. The abandoned house-foundations are still bare in most places. Communities that once existed, exist no longer and seem no closer to being rebuilt. The statistics on the mental state of those who survived is almost as horrific as the disaster itself.

And, of course, the area around the Fukushima nuclear power plant is still abandoned. At the time, the nuclear issue divided the nation, the world even. That issue still divides people from one another, it divides families. For those living in the Fukushima prefecture (state) it is a controversial topic that they tend not to talk about.

So, tomorrow we remember. 
We remember those lost. 
We remember that we live in a fragile country. 
And we remember we're not in control.

1 
In a nation of less than 1% Christians, not many will remember this Bible passage that became precious during those dark days.

Psalm 26:1-3 NIV UK

God is our refuge and strength,

    an ever-present help in trouble.

Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way

    and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, 

though its waters roar and foam

    and the mountains quake with their surging.

Though we're not in control, it is possible to know the One who is. How we long for Japanese people to know this!

Another Fabulous Retreat

I'm still feeling really quite exhausted after the week past, but I expected that. Retreats for me aren't about catching up on sleep or rest. They are about filling up. 

Filling up on friendship. 

Filling up on worship.
Filling up God's word. 

And, in this case I also got to fill up on writing due to the writer's retreat just prior to the Women's Retreat. 

Teaching
The theme of the Women in Ministry retreat was "Called not Driven". Our speaker honed in

on that we have to figure out why God wants us to do, set goals, and be disciplined. It all sounded a bit like hard work, but the alternative is being driven by others expectations and dragged around by our own needs and emotions. 

I realised that I do already have goals, especially personal ones. These help me stay on track and be productive. I also realised that I'm pretty good at saying no. So, it was encouraging to realise these things.

Our speaker also encouraged us to nurture our psychological selves by allowing ourselves "luxuries". Even something like setting the table beautifully or listening to classical music or dressing nicely. These are things we can neglect in our earnest desire to serve others. 

Worship

I enjoyed the worship time. I always do. Singing in English is such a luxury and a joy. 

One new song we learned has stuck in my head.

"I Am"

(performed by Crowder)

[Verse 1:]
There’s no space that His love can’t reach
There’s no place that we can’t find peace
There’s no end to Amazing Grace
Take me in with your arms spread wide
Take me in like an orphan child
Never let go, never leave my side.

[Chorus: (2X)]
I am,
Holding on to You.
I am,
Holding on to You.
In the middle of the storm,
I am Holding on,
I am!

[Verse 2:]
Love like this, Oh my God to find!
I am overwhelmed what a joy divine!
Love like this sets our hearts on fire!

[Chorus: (2X)]

[Verse 3:]
This is my Resurrection Song
This is my Hallelujah Come
This is why to You I run
This is my Resurrection Song
This is my Hallelujah Come
This is why to You I run
There’s no space that His love can’t reach
There’s no place that we can’t find peace
There’s no end to Amazing Grace

[Chorus: (2X)]

The chorus, particularly is stuck in my head. Listen to the whole song here.

The chorus could be misunderstood theologically, but it holds two meanings: of us clinging to God, but so much more that God is holding onto us.

Yep, in the front row again!

Friendships

But again, one of the highlights for me was friendship. Being with other women. Drenching myself, in fact, in friendship. 

We had a seminar on the emotional needs of missionary women. The speaker had done a survey and according to that, by far the largest emotional need of missionary women (and women in general) is friendships. 

So I'm pretty normal when I need my women friends to remain mentally healthy and find that that is one of the wonderful benefits to going to a retreat over a number of years. You develop friendships that deepen over time and nurture my soul. As the only girl in my house I have to go out intentionally to meet my need for women friends. I certainly feel like my cup is full right now, even if I'm exhausted.

Soaking in friendship

It's taken me a long time to grow to appreciate Japanese public bathing. But I find that now I can relax and enjoy taking a bath with my friends at a retreat like this. Sounds strange to Australian ears, I'm sure. But instead of hanging out over supper tables I hung out in the bath after the evening session was over. So many good conversations I that had trouble getting out of the bath. Most times my "bath" took over an hour.

Next year I'll miss this. Being in Australia, I'll be indulging in other friendships, but I'm sad I'll miss this special retreat. Hanging out with missionary friends who know what it is like to live in Japan, even if they don't know my home country, is a special experience. Shared experiences are catalysts for strong relationships.

I'm thankful, though, for the abundance of friendships that God's given me — both sides of the ocean. Any of my friends who're reading this, count yourselves thanked!