Books I've read recently

I wrote back in October that our schedule was less busy than we were used to, that has continued. While we came back to Australia with some big audacious goals (the main one being getting our sons settled into living independently here, especially our middle son who has extra challenges), achieving those goals hasn't been a full 40-hr a week job each week. On top of that, for various reasons we've had fewer church and other groups to visit. We've also not been tied to school drop-offs and pick ups. And then our sons moved out in February and we discovered that we had even more time available to us (meal prep and clean-up took less time, for example). And then, obviously, we had two months of leave! It's been a really different home assignment.

So I've had to figure out how to use my time meaningfully when it's not full of the daily deadlines that were the reality of my work in the last several years in publishing. And with all of the above changes, there has been many a day when I've woken up wondering just what I was going to do to fill my time that day.

A few possibilities for how to use my time were taking on further study or volunteering more of my time to our church or another organisation. None of these were ideal because of the lack of consistency I could offer. Particularly with two months of long service leave thrown in there. We haven't been at our church every week because we have had to speak at other churches some Sundays. We've also only got one car, and some weeks it's been pretty busy as David helped each of our sons get the necessary driving hours to qualify to take a driving test, or been helping them with other tasks.

So in the end I haven't volunteered much anywhere. One thing I have done, however, is read. I have read more non-fiction than I usually do, as an attempt at personal growth. Some of the non-fiction books I've read during our HA include:

• Trusting God by Jerry Bridges
• The Bible Jesus Read by Philip Yancey
• A Praying Life: Connecting with God in a Distracting World by Paul E. Miller
• Writely or Wrongly: An unstuffy guide to language by Joanne Anderson
• How Writing Works: a field guide to effective writing by Roslyn Petelin
• First You Write a Sentence: The Elements of Reading, Writing . . . and Life by Joe Moran
• The Man Time Forgot: A Tale of Genius, Betrayal, and the Creation of Time Magazine by Isaiah Wilner
• My Dream Time: A Memoir of Tennis and Teamwork by Ash Barty
• The Container Victory Garden: A Beginner's Guide to Growing Your Own Groceries by Maggie Stuckey
• Australian History in Seven Questions by John Hirst

It's turned out to be a great way to use my time on those days that I have extra hours to fill. The three I have read most recently are pictured here (not in the list) and they've all been very good.

Bullies and Saints was an excellent overview of the history of the church from the perspective of the good and not-so-good things that people who call themselves Christians have done over the centuries. I love history and really appreciated the perspective that the author, John Dickson, was able to provide. It definitely provided perspective on our current cultural climate, and the place of Christianity in it. His podcast Undeceptions is also excellent and I recommend it for thoughtful, well-researched content that addresses many things aside from history, including really difficult contemporary topics.

David and I read the Keller book on marriage together after dinner for a few weeks. It's also given us a better perspective on marriage in several areas. I definitely recommend it to any married person along with singles, pretty much any adult, but particularly those interested in a Christian perspective on marriage.

I'm not quite finished the Carson book on A Call to Spiritual Reformation: Priorities from Paul and His Prayers. It isn't the easiest book, but it's really good. For years I've used Paul's prayers in various Biblical letters to help me when, on our prayer schedule, I am allocated the task to pray for people who I barely know or haven't been in recent touch with. So this book about Paul's prayers has given me new insight and new encouragement to pray for people prayers that have more depth. For example, rather than  to  say "Please bless Sue", to pray that God would give her power to know his love deeper and to grow in her knowledge of God and love for others. 

To keep myself ploughing through the above book (and others before it), I've tried to set aside specific reading times. For example, a daily reading time over coffee mid afternoon out on my deck. Top tip: over the years I've found it easier to get things that aren't top of my priorities/joys done (like house cleaning and reading more difficult books) if they are tied to a schedule or some other marker.

Reading has many, many benefits. It's a great way to help you with conversation too: the number of times that I've brought up things in a book I've recently read could not be counted! A book like the one by Ash Barty is a great potential conversation starter in a variety of situations.

I'm grateful for the quieter weeks we've had this year, and the opportunity to invest in reading in a way that I haven't had a chance to do for nearly 25 years!

Wisdom and peace about what I do

Last week we started to see a bit more spaciousness in our schedule. Finally! This year has been a fairly continuous hard slog. By God's grace we've made it through thus far, but without a clear holiday yet in view, it's really good to find that we can slow down in the midst of it all. But as usual, I find it's a mental and emotional challenge to change pace.

Somewhat random photo that I took
in WA when we were on Rottnest Is.

Last week we had three quieter days and then headed up to the town where I was born and raised. During the four days we spent there we had two formal speaking opportunities as well as time to catch up with family and friends (including a short and furious op-shop crawl). We stayed with my parents and had lots of time to touch base with them. That was all very good, but also tiring! We drove back late Sunday afternoon and I backed up on Monday with an all-day Zoom meeting with most of our magazine team. That was also very good, but also tiring. 

I slept 11 hours Monday night and spent a lot of Tuesday just sitting around (I did finish a book). On Wednesday I had more energy, enough to do some weekly household chores and more elaborate baking than I've done for months. That night I slept badly (again), but was able to sleep in on Thursday morning. Lacking much routine has good and bad points. Being able to sleep in as much as I need some mornings is one of the good points!

The mental battle for me with such a varied schedule basically runs along the lines of internal dialogue that says:You're being lazy . . . that's okay, I'm being kind to myself . . . but couldn't you be using this time better . . . oh look, there's a cool thing to read or play or watch . . . a whole day has gone by and what do you have to show for it? . . . it's been hard few years, the psychologist said to aim for boredom . . . you haven't had it as hard as others . . . etc. 

Yes, I need to remind myself of this blogpost from August: An aha moment

I also need to remind myself that I'm not defined by my schedule, I'm not defined by what I do, or how much I do, or how well I do it. That's a really hard thing to embrace. David and I are somewhat defined by the label we wear, by the calling we have: missionaries or cross-cultural workers. It's hard to combat that. What we do shapes how we live far more than if we had jobs in Australia, much like how being in the military shapes and defines people far more than civilian life. I think it's also a facet of jobs that fall more into the "calling" category.

At this point I need to stop and remember what God says about my identity. It turns out he says a lot. Here's one portion from Ephesians 2:

Now God has us where he wants us, with all the time in this world and the next to shower grace and kindness upon us in Christ Jesus. Saving is all his idea, and all his work. All we do is trust him enough to let him do it. It’s God’s gift from start to finish! We don’t play the major role. If we did, we’d probably go around bragging that we’d done the whole thing! No, we neither make nor save ourselves. God does both the making and saving. He creates each of us by Christ Jesus to join him in the work he does, the good work he has gotten ready for us to do, work we had better be doing. (vv. 7–10, The Message).

Yes, it's a different version to what many of us are used to reading, but sometimes that is helpful. In this case it reminds me that I'm not indispensable, that what I do is something God's prepared for me to do. And to balance it out, what I do is not to earn the reward of God's love. As Philip Yancey wrote, "There is nothing we can do to make God love us more and there is nothing we can do to make God love us less."

So I needn't be afraid that I'm being lazy, but should trust that this quieter time is God's gift to us. We're in this for the long-term, so taking care of ourselves is an important part of staying the course. I know that in my head, but I still have those internal dialogue battles!

I read an article recently on Forbes.com that talked about how we often define ourselves by our jobs, and how that can be negative, especially if we're between jobs, or if our job title doesn't interest others. The author suggested: 

The next time someone asks you the question, “What do you do?” share something else about who you are and what you care about that goes beyond your job title alone. Doing this reinforce more dimensions of your work and identity so others can have a more complete picture of who you are and what you stand for.

That bears some thinking upon...

At the moment our job is to talk to people about what we do and where we do it. It's actually a battle to help people understand because they feel like our lives are so different to theirs and they come to us with a lot of preconceptions about who we are and what we do. On Sunday I had someone come up to me at the church where we'd spoken who made a confession: that day, for the first time, she'd understood what I do. She'd heard us speak several times in the past couple of decades, but hadn't understood. I don't know why—she wasn't keen for a long conversation and took off as soon as she's said that. I'd love to have talked longer to discover what it was that we said on Sunday that helped.

Writing like this makes me feel nervous. I'm nervous that someone is going to point out that I'm not doing enough, that I am not enough.

Someone suggested to me recently that those negative thoughts are from the enemy, but I'm not so sure that they all are. I've been conscientious all my life, it helps me get my job done when I have little supervision or accountability. And I've also been present at plenty of Christian events where I've been told (overtly or otherwise) I need to do more—more evangelism, more discipleship, more theological study, more prayer, more family-based devotions, more and more... 

I'm just not sure I'm wise enough to discern which of these thoughts in my head are right and worth listening to, and which aren't. 

What comes with the territory as a missionary is frequently being asked "What can we pray for?" (Seriously, as well as writing a monthly prayer letter, I answer at least two or three emails a month with this specific request from our organisation.) One of my most common requests is for wisdom. A thoroughly biblical prayer:

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you (James 1:5 NIV).

And here I will end this meandering collection of thoughts and head into what's looking like a potentially quiet weekend!

It's different to any home assignment we've done before

This is a different home assignment to any we've done before this. Mainly because we've got older kids who aren't in school anymore. We don't have school pickup or drop-off to take into consideration, we don't have to get them to after-school events or sport. They are pretty independent due to the location of our house and we are free to plan our schedule without them. 

When I'm able, I've been trying to come here to
write on Tuesday mornings. This library is a very 
short ride/walk from home. I love that this time
we're very close to a regional city centre,
 it makes it feel more like Japan than when 
we've had to drive everywhere.

September was a prime example: going to Perth for 18 days, and then six days after returning we went to a camp for four days. The camp would have worked when our kids were younger, because it was during the school holidays, but probably not when they were teens. None of our guys are very extroverted and as teens wouldn't have appreciated four days away from home with 100 unknown peers and leaders.

This Thursday we're leaving at around 7.30 a.m. to get to Toowoomba (my home town, about 1 ½ hrs west of here) for a 9.30 prayer meeting . . . and then we're staying the night, in fact three nights. In the past we would have taken the boys to school and then dashed up to Toowoomba and planned to be back by 3 the same day to pick them up from school.

This is a tiny glimpse of what last time looked like: It's a strange job

It's definitely easier in many ways this time. We only have to move the two of us around. And it's allowed a lot more freedom to what we choose to say yes to, in terms of opportunities to speak and serve. We did a lot more work in the evenings last month than we've done before.

The downside is that while school and our kids restricted our movements, they also provided some structure to our decisions too. In the past we've often taken school holiday times to do family-related things (for non-Aussies, we have four ten-week terms here, with three two-week vacation periods between terms, plus around six weeks at Christmas). 

Many people assume we spend our home assignment close to family, however that isn't the case. We both grew up in country towns and moved to Brisbane to study at university. The greater Brisbane area is where we have most of our support base as that's where we were located when we began this mission journey. So none of our immediate family is closer than Toowoomba, and all of David's family is a day's drive (eight hours) away. It's been harder this time to decide when to take a chunk of time to visit them. 

Part of the reason we haven't gone to see our families yet has been work-driven (the Perth trip was timed to get to a once-a-year church camp from a long-time supporting church). And partly it's because we've prioritised our sons. A number of the things we've done with them in the last 11 weeks (yes, it's 11 weeks today since we arrived in Australia) have been time sensitive. For example, getting a learners licence as early as possible was important because getting a licence here is fairly dependent on the volunteer labour of parents, as 100 hours of driving experience needs to be documented before a test can be taken!

But in October we're hoping to see most, if not all of our siblings and parents (although I won't get to see David's family until Christmas time, he's driving up there with our youngest son when I'm busy at a women's convention).

Of course each home assignment is different, especially when you have children. But when you only do this every five years, things change. Other things, aside from our children, that have changed this time around (big and small):

• some churches no longer exist or no longer want us to visit them and some of our supporters and friends are no longer with us on this earth
• we're in a different suburb (yet again . . . we're yet to stay in the same suburb twice!)
• we're now in our 50s, I think that makes a difference to energy levels
• deputising when you've been serving overseas for over 20 years seems different, and people are commenting on that length
• we've also got a lot more experience and confidence than we did when we started off in 1999, before we'd even set foot in Japan
• Australia has changed, in small ways and big ways. 
• There's been a pandemic, for example. Hint: if you want to stop people asking questions about you, change the subject to the pandemic and they'll talk for a long time about their experience!
• I'm pretty sure that there's been a change in what stores sell: some places that used to be more generalist (e.g. Big W, Target, KMart), are now more specialised? I've been more lost here than I am in Japan in finding some non-food things!
• Australia continues to get more and more expensive, it's vastly different to when we first left in 2000 (Japan and Australia have flipped in comparison to one another in 20 years)
• we get to take long service leave this time!!! (for non-Aussies and Kiwis this is paid leave that you get in our countries after a certain period of working for the same organisation and you'll hear more about it from me next year as we prepare to take off in late March)
• my parents no longer live in the house I knew from the age of 15, so visiting them feels just a little bit different
• I've got two friends in south-east Queensland who I've been communicating with almost daily for the last five years, that means I'm feeling less lonely and disconnected here than in the past

But it's time to go and pack my bag for yet another trip away. Thankfully this month we only will clock around five or six nights away, compared to September's 21!

End of our Perth trip: it was good and hard

Birthday cheesecake.
A very rare occasion
when I didn’t make it myself! 

It’s only been ten days since I last wrote, but a lot has happened in that time. In terms of what we’ve done, we:

• Spoke in front of small and large groups (six times, once in Japanese).
• Had meals or “coffee” with people while answering questions about our life and ministry (eight times at least, I think).
• Spent about 40 hours at a church camp, interacting almost all the time we weren’t asleep.
• Travelled back to Brisbane (about four and a half hrs on a plane).
• Celebrated our middle son’s birthday with a family party on our 26th wedding anniversary.
• Spent a number of hours planning for future events.

Many evenings we’ve had things on: a dinner or party, an event to speak at, or we’ve been travelling. That’s been hard, because we’re used to relaxing after dinner. Talking intently to people until 9.30 at night doesn’t help with sleep!

We are, however, getting into the groove and I’m feeling more relaxed in front of a group than a month ago. But still, we long for a much more settled life. Alas home assignment is never settled. There is no routine, no “normal week”. We’re working towards the goal of going back to Japan in July next year, so there’s no incentive to get really settled here either.

And then there’s all the conversations that make me feel unsettled and uneasy. All the questions about our lives. Many of them are great questions, but explaining our lives over and over again isn’t easy. And it is exhausting trying to discern what someone wants to know, or what they already know about us. The hardest questions (aside from  the “So how’s Japan?” ones) are about things that I feel insecure or somewhat regretful about. They touch on what I, like these people, have imagined in the past a “perfect” missionary looks like: wonderful language skills (our kids included in that), amazing evangelism stories, and a clear, succinct answer on why Japan hasn’t been receptive to the gospel. 

Questions about how our kids are doing are constant and not easy. Some are from people who have read between the lines on our prayer letters and know that we’ve struggled. Others are from people who don’t know us at all. How do I summarise and satisfy people’s desire to know about us, without sharing too much that our boys don’t want shared?

It’s been exhausting, but, despite all my discomfort, ultimately very good. We especially like interacting with small groups. I think two of my favourite events in the last week were groups of 20 and 50. Both had atmospheres of informality and the kind of intimacy that invited honesty and excellent questions. After events like that, speaking for six minutes in front of a church felt quite flat and shallow.

We flew back on Monday, arriving home after 10pm. So grateful we didn’t have to take a red-eye like we’ve done every other time from Perth to Brisbane, but still tired. We’ve had a slower week, but still had appointments to get to, and next week to prepare for. 

Next week is another big one: from Sunday for four days we’re at a regional church high schoolers camp. These are usually great times to interact, especially with the leaders. But I’m going to be careful about managing my energy and taking downtime. At least we don’t have our own children to take care of at the same time, like we did last time we did a school-aged camp (?about nine years ago).

On the home front: our time in Perth was a big event. It was the first time we’d done an overnight ministry trip away without our guys, and we did it for 18 days! It was good for us all to experience that. Our two younger sons lived at home during that time and by all observations did well. They felt the pinch of not having a car at their disposal, but they got by. They’re gradually learning about life in Australia, which is good, as this is where they’ll be for a while to come. It was good for us as a couple to experience an extended time away from our kids too. We had fun doing some different things as we stand on the cusp of living life again as a couple after nearly 25 years of having kids in our home.

Our trip to Rottnest Is. was a highlight I mentioned
in my last blogpost.

We usually set up some kind of “table” display
wherever we go. We managed to squeeze some things
into our luggage for Perth. Packing for Perth is another
story: it was done at the end of an exceptionally
busy day and I didn’t do a great job personally. I 
wish I’d taken a larger bag and more clothes.

A sand bar at Point Walter on the Swan River.

Catching public transport, especially buses, in
an unfamiliar city was a new challenge.

This was the auditorium at the church camp. Very reminiscent of the place where we first started applying to be long-term missionaries in Queensland.

Too much

This week has definitely shot back to the unavoidable reality that we are moving out of our house and actually out of the country (and jobs, even if temporarily) in just five months. That takes a fair bit of planning and decision-making on top of our regular work. We're starting to feel the strain already.

Downtown on Tuesday I had a team
meeting in a cafe off this atrium with an
impressive ceiling.

I sat down with a friend/colleague on Tuesday and she asked me lots of questions like:

• when will you finish your Japan work
• who will take over the work that you're doing now
• what do you have between now and then, what's important and what can be left
• when will you move out of your house
• where will you stay before you fly
• when will you fly
• where will you live in Australia
• when will you begin doing deputation
• who can help you find accommodation and transport in Australia
• when will you take holidays

Phew...it's a lot. And there are a lot of decisions within the above decisions. For example, moving out involves thousands of decisions. This decision tree illustrates that.

Did I mention that we're still doing all our current work? This week that's included working on a particularly intense phase of two magazine issues, as well as the regular social media work I do for OMF. I know of at least two people who have been slightly frustrated with me (at work) for various reasons this week, something I hate, but have to acknowledge that I'm not perfect and that my work is likely to suffer at times like this. I'm thankful that we're just about to head into a weekend and can take a break. Also, that the school now has a four-day weekend (called "Winter Break"), so I can get a bit more sleep in the next few days, which I'm sure will help.

But what is probably good to do at the end of this busy, working week is to look back at Psalm 103, like I did in early January. God's love and compassion for us is great (verses 11, 13, 14, 17). And it's not dependent on how much we do, or how good we are.

And be reminded of these timeless words from Romans:

 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?  No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,  neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord (Rom. 8:35, 37–39 NIV).

Off my game, but seizing the day

It's been a weird week and I haven't been able to settle well to work that needs deeper concentration. The main thing to blame is my schedule. I started the week exhausted from Saturday when I helped run a wrestling tournament (and continued straight on to dinner across town with friends), and end the week nervous about the really long day tomorrow at another tournament a long way from home. In the middle of the week was a day hanging out with missionary women and a funeral of a church member, plus a mid-week wrestling event, all on different days. Add to that two other days with meetings, but not even long meetings! 

All that is enough to throw me off my game. I can sandwich some work in-between other things as well as the next woman, but I find that writing and editing longer or more difficult pieces of writing, takes more concentration and doesn't squeeze well between other things. So I generally chunk my schedule to help me work that way (ideally, two or three whole days in a week without any external events), but it just hasn't happened this week. Oh, and I've been struggling with headaches on and off too, which never helps concentration.

Next week looks better . . . I hope it lives up to that expectation.

But for now I want to tell you a little bit about the funeral. We arrived at church on Sunday to the news of a sudden death the night before of a 65-year-old church member who has quietly served his community and church for decades. He was not obviously Japanese, having American heritage, but his heart was clearly centred on Japan. He was born here and spent most of his life here teaching English. He served the church by simultaneously translating one of the services each week into English in his little booth at the back of the sanctuary, as well as proofreading the bilingual PowerPoint presentation. So many people have been blessed by his service over the years! His Japanese wife and mother-in-law were clearly distraught at the funeral yesterday. He hadn't been ill and died while doing something he loved: watching sumo at home.

It was a small funeral, which surprised us. But we were glad to be present, at this beautiful Christian, Japanese funeral, representing some of the many people who have been served by this humble, behind-the-scenes guy. There are so many funerals that I haven't been able to attend in the last few years, usually because of family responsibilities and distance. I'm sure there were some who wanted to be present at this one, but couldn't.

It's only the second funeral in Japan that my husband or I have attended. Before we came to Japan we were told about Japanese funerals, in particular, about the very strict dress code and the need to own "funeral clothes." It's all black, except the men get to wear white shirts with their black tie and women can/should wear pearls (but no other jewellery except wedding rings). I own very little black (and no pearls), as it just drains my already pale face of all life. And almost none of the black clothes I have are "winter weight". My heart's desire was to honour this man and his family, and not to draw attention by my foreign-ness and what I was wearing or not wearing.

Thankfully I managed to do that, all while not getting frostbite! But let's just say I was wearing a lot of layers under the appropriate black externals!

The service was very different to the Buddhist one I attended many years ago, indeed it was very similar to a worship service. I was taken by surprise by the open coffin where we were guided to lay flowers after the service, but as we aren't close to the family, we didn't stay long after the main service. To learn more about Japanese funerals check out this article I edited a while back.

It's sobering to think that this man was only about 15 years older than us. Truly, a funeral is a good place to get a reality check in our busy lives. I'm always grateful for my husband, but this was a good reminder to seize the day as often as I can.

The fairly spontaneous dinner we went to last Saturday was very much a case of "seizing the day". It wasn't wise, at the end of an exhausting all-day event, but it was a rare opportunity for three families who get along well to get together. And we had fun. I'm really glad we went. Taking time to appreciate those we love is so important. For those of us who have no family in-country it's even more important to invest time in friendships nearby. Just this week we've heard of an expat whose cancer journey has taken an unexpected turn, and another family we know whose overseas journey seems to have come to an end (they aren't returning from home assignment, though continuing to work with a mission). Seizing time with friends that God has given you to walk with this current week, month, year, is important in this life where things can change so quickly.

Thinking outside the box was helpful this week

A Pacific rhododendron I spied at
our meeting on Monday. Gorgeous!

This week started with a wonderful influx of people-time. On Monday we had a gathering of missionaries with our organisation. That was very busy with little time for free conversation, but after several months of not having the energy on the designated gathering-day, I was able to be there, which was great. 

The huge bonus was the 24 hrs following that time. One of my colleagues has become a close friend over the last couple of years. The main way we've invested in our relationship has been by regularly staying in touch through the week via texting. We have shared meals and picnicked with her family a few times.

But we've struggled to actually physically get together and have time for just the two of us, because we both juggle many responsibilities and live on opposite sides of the metropolis of Tokyo. It's over 1 ½ hrs by train or an hour by car, but the latter is expensive for one person as it involves tolls.

So after a couple of failed attempts, I jumped out of my box and suggested that I could have a sleep-over at her house after the meeting on Monday. My mother would have frowned at that if we were kids: I basically invited myself over to her house! But it worked. And we had a great time, in fact I struggled to leave when I had to head home again. Neither of us had taken a day off, so it was more like doing life together. I took my computer and we both worked between meals and coffee breaks. But it was great, and refreshing.

Since coming home I've struggled to concentrate on my work. That's actually been a problem throughout March, as we have been preparing for our trip to Australia mid-year. We've booked, cancelled, and rebooked flights; followed leads on accommodation and transport; lined up accomodation in a few places and found transport; communicated with family about schedule; investigated options and appointments for health needs; and many other things. It's been a buzz, but also a huge distraction. And then just last week daily life included accompanying my son to a passport interview and a medical appointment—that equalled more than a whole day of travelling around (not mentioning the stress plus recovery time from the stress). 

So just hanging out with a friend on Monday night and Tuesday felt like a calm amidst the storm, something of an oasis to mix my metaphors. I'm back in my boat in the storm now and need to get back to work, as crazy as that sounds.

Postscript: I wrote the above at the beginning of my working morning and after writing, went on to have a productive couple of hours of editing. I'm thankful. And sometimes writing works like that for me: it helps me process what's going on and then move on.

Adjusting to more spacious schedule

Strangely, I'm still trying to adjust to no longer being in a period with no margin. The first two months of this year were really a bit too much on top of a lengthy period over the last couple of years where I've felt powerless in certain areas of my life and unable to make plans. I am gradually recovering, but emotionally dealing with the changes that have come in the last few weeks is harder than I expected.

At work I've been coming to grips with needing to do some things that aren't exciting or urgent (for example, updating the magazine's style guide!), but are important. That requires a little less adrenaline and a bit more grit. But I am celebrating with my team as we put finished another magazine (print) issue this afternoon. I look forward to seeing the Spring issue in print in a couple of weeks.

This week, with a bit more of a spacious work schedule and the knowledge that our trip to Australia in June is coming up quickly, I've once again become the family-communication point-person for international transition (or at least parts of it).

Good news is that we've got our organisation's approval to come to Australia, and for me to work from there for a while after David and our youngest son come back in early August to start school. Yes, we did need their permission because we don't want to get in trouble with anyone for a "misuse of charitable funds"! 

I'll stay longer in Australia with our middle son to do some reconnaissance for his future. He's still deciding about what his next steps are, and I hope that an un-hurried period in Australia as a young adult will help him consider what he might like to do next. Last time he was there he was 16, and in a period of high anxiety and stress at school, so it's really hard for him to imagine what life in an English speaking country might be like as an independent adult. 

Oh, and we want to spend time with our 22 y.o. son, who we won't have seen for three years! I imagine those first hugs will be a bit emotional. A lot has happened in three years.

But we'll still only be there for three months, so a bit of pre-planning is required. I've been looking at leads on accommodation and cars, corresponding with service providers, and various OMF people. If you know of a car we could use, or a place with three bedrooms that we could stay in that's not too far from the Indooroopilly area in Brisbane, please let us know.

And just to be clear, we're not doing any home assignment time this year—so we won't be speaking at churches or making a concerted effort to catch up with many people. That will have to wait until after June 2023.

We are enjoying a break from the cold Tokyo winter weather. These last several days have seen temperatures in the high teens and low to mid 20s (Celsius). After three months of temperatures in single digits or slightly above, it's a welcome break. Tomorrow is supposed to be back down to 11, Saturday 18, Sunday and Monday 13/14, and next Tuesday 8! But that's spring here for you.

Last week, to celebrate the change of seasons, I bought a 100 yen flowering plant and finally got to do some repotting this afternoon after lunch (in line with the "more spacious work schedule"). Hopefully it will do well and cheer our spirits as we move up and down the stairs. I also replaced the hanging plant that looked like a sopping-wet rag and was clearly on its way out. In the midst of that, found a couple of maidenhair fern offspring that had taken root alongside another plant, so I gave them their own tiny pots. We'll see how this little bit of "sprucing up" of my window garden will go now that the temperatures are rising.

My new plant: Sweet Alyssum. First time I've
tried this one, my app says it's perfect for 
gardeners with brown thumbs, which sounds 
great to me.

My baby maidenhair fern.

Should we value efficiency as highly as we do?

In April, more than a year after this pandemic began to change our stories, and when we really started to ask: how much longer? I came across an article by Susan Narjala about inefficiency. Susan has worked (still works?) as a missionary in India. She talks about how she used to live a very efficient life, but how that changed when she got to India.

Indeed, missionary life does feel very inefficient at times: even in Japan. When you think about it God's idea of mission does seem a bit odd at times. And many a church has failed to support missionaries because of that simple thought: that it looks far more efficient and (is often) cheaper to support a local, than to send in a foreigner to spread the word about God's good news.

Just yesterday I received a blog post in my editorial inbox by two of the thirteen missionaries we have in OMF Japan who are "on the field" but not in Japan, because the borders have been shut to people seeking new religious workers visas for much of the last 18 months. The missionaries write about how they'd sold their house and bought aeroplane tickets, but gotten stuck where they were. That is but one story of many during this pandemic of frustrated plans (missionary and non-missionary alike).

In the Western world we value things like busy schedules, productivity, and high income. We tend not to talk so much about those times when things don't match that: when people lose their jobs, when there's down-time in a work schedule, when illness prevents people from living up to their "potential", and failure to jump through society’s hoops on an acceptable schedule (e.g. education). Indeed, I wonder if that is why artists and other creatives are often undervalued: they don't look productive and indeed the creative process is often slow and seems inefficient. We complain when our plans are disrupted and feel like we've failed or are somehow less valuable.

In many ways I count the opportunity to live life as a missionary as a privilege. We are under no illusion that we're earning our own living, that we're independent islands (dependency on our prayer supporters), or that we are functioning as efficiently as we could in our home countries. All these things keep us leaning hard on God and prevent us (mostly) from believing in our own strength. Hopefully they all help us grow more Christlike!

If we read God's Word carefully, I think it shows us that the value we place in efficiency is often  misplaced. In the Bible we see inefficiencies everywhere. Examples aren't hard to find. Here's a few that come to mind: Why did Abraham and Sarah have to wait until they were elderly to have their one child? Israel had to wait a long time before God called 80-year-old Moses to free them. Jesus certainly didn't live a life that reeked of modern-day efficiency. His schedule wasn't full. Obviously God's ways are different to ours. The aforementioned article quotes John Piper: 

"God almost never takes the shortest route between point A and point B. The reason is that such efficiency—the efficiency of speed and directness—is not what he's about. His purpose is to sanctify the traveler, not speed him between A and B. Frustrating human efficiency is one of God's primary (I say primary, not secondary) means of sanctifying grace."

A local flower, that is a native to Eastern Australia! 

 

 

Susan poses a scary question: "Am I normally so entrenched in efficiency that I don't desperately need God?"

It's a good question for any of us to ask. Especially when we find ourselves wondering about the inefficiencies that are thrown our way. The pandemic has given us all many. Personally, our family has thrown some extras too. Let's face it: parenting isn't really a picture of efficiency.

Martin Luther has some wise words when we're feeling a bit at a loss, when we're wondering if we're really doing the best we can:

 "What you do in your house is worth as much as if you did it up in heaven for our Lord God. We should accustom ourselves to think of our position and work as sacred and well-pleasing to God, not on account of the position and work, but on account of the word and faith from which the obedience and the work flow."

And John Piper again: 

"By all means, make your list of to-dos for the day. By all means, get as good at that as you can get. . . . Go ahead and read a book about it. Then walk in the peace and freedom that, when it shatters on the rocks of reality (which it will most days), you’re not being measured by God by how much you get done. You’re being measured by whether you trust the goodness and the wisdom and the sovereignty of God to work this new mess of inefficiency for his glory and the good of everyone involved, even when you can’t see how." quoted in the article first mentioned above.

This blog post is a study in inefficiency in itself. It was begun in April with a confluence of several things, along with various circumstances at the time: I read Susan's article, but also had recently written a blog post that included a metaphor about jellyfish, and then discovered this verse on my desk calendar:

"Now thanks be to God who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and through us diffuses the fragrance of his knowledge in every place. For we are to God the fragrance of Christ among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing." 2 Cor. 2:14-15 NKJV

But alas the blog post was never completed, until now!

Do you feel judged by others about how much you get done? Are you judging yourself or others too harshly? What if we sit back and remember that God's sense of efficiency isn't the same as ours? And that through these challenges we face, that he's working in us for his purposes.

In our prayer time together, I often pray with my husband that God would help us to do the things that day that he'd "prepared beforehand" for us to do. It comes from Ephesians 2: 

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. (vs. 8–10 ESV). 

I often forget that I've prayed that, but I think that it's a good way to start the day, nonetheless. Maybe one day I'll be less forgetful!

Managing my time

This is a lifelong challenge for most of us. I see my kids struggle with it, my friends and colleagues, and of course myself.

Coffee is one of my routines. I look
forward to coffee at about 9.30 and
3.30 each day. The other day I was
out at 3.30 and in a rush, so I bought
a coffee from a convenience store.
Not bad, either!

Last week a friend called me about our Saturday plans. She asked how I was and I told her I was in the midst of a crazy week where some bigger things had all landed on my desk at once. I had several Zoom meetings, for two of them I had to spend significant time preparing information to present. On top of that the prayer booklet that I've been working on was finally printed and there was a flurry of activity surrounding that, including a trip into town to sign thank you cards for contributors. In the same week we were doing final proofreading for the Winter issue of the magazine, something that only happens four times a year, but last week it collided with these other things.

My friend said, "Wow Wendy, that's quite a bit of juggling!"

I said, "I usually juggle quite a lot, and manage it fairly well, even enjoy it; but this week is a bit over the top." 

I have several job titles, including OMF Japan Social Media manager, Japan Harvest Managing Editor, and Website responder. Now added to that is Pre Home Assignment Workshop facilitator. Most of the time I love it. I love variety and hate boredom, this collection of jobs suits me well and most of time I can make them fit well with one another.

What do I use to keep me organised?

• Asana.com (see my post about that here). This keeps me on track with deadlines in my publishing work (I usually have dozens of deadlines  in any given month).
• A running list on my phone where I tick off (US=check off) the items as they're done through the day, this saves me when I remember I need to do something later and because I nearly always have my phone nearby, it's brilliant. I used to use PostIt notes, but they aren't nearly so convenient.
• A calendar next to my computer and one in my handbag. Yes, I'm a physical calendar kind of girl. Not so good for keeping track of Zoom meeting links, but I haven't had many of those to deal with on a regular basis.

This next list is not so much tools for time management, but more helping with organising multiple bits in projects: when it comes to organising publishing work, I use a variety of other tools, including: 

• Trello (a collaboration tool for organising projects, particularly useful for working in a remote team, we use it for social media planning)
• Google docs: sheets is a particularly helpful way to lay out content such as a publishing schedule or a list of articles for a magazine, in a way that is easy to understand and for others to access.
• Dropbox: I use this extensively when working with files that others need to access, such as other magazine team members.
• Social media scheduling tools (yes there are such things, and I only use them for work, not my personal account): Buffer, Hootsuite, and just today I'm starting to try out a new one called "Later". But I'm still searching for the "perfect" one, any suggestions welcome!

Yes, it's complicated, but I wouldn't be able to do these jobs efficiently without these tools to help me stay on top of things. These tools also help me to relax when I'm not working: I know that I don't have to hold everything in my head, that I'm probably not going to forget important things, because they are recorded in a place that will remind me.

Routines also help me, though my weeks aren't tightly scheduled because I dislike being over-regulated.

What do you use to help you stay organised? Everyone has different responsibilities and a different style. Mine certainly has changed over the years as my boys have needed me less. Different people tolerate different levels of disorganisation and some thrive on being last-minute people. Others, like me, like a certain level of unpredictability, but don't enjoy being panicked.

It's hard to settle

I'm finding it hard to settle down to work today. Something that seems to be plaguing my days more often than usual. And I suspect I'm not the only person. 

This morning I had a message from a long-ago friend from the US saying she remembered something I'd written on here many years ago about how I'm both an extrovert and introvert (aka ambivert), in that I get both energised and exhausted by time with people. She's finding that, as an extrovert, she's struggling without non-family people contact at the moment, that it's leaving her drained and without the energy to do what she has to do.

As an ambivert who usually works from home, I'm doing fairly well. But probably I'm neither getting enough contact with different people (the men in my house cannot cope with the number of words I have) nor enough alone time (I miss having my house during school hours).

The "hard to settle" feeling may partly come from the above, but also probably a delayed stress and grief reaction to this ongoing season. Everyone feels it: this is dragging on much longer than we want it to. It stresses me that there is no definitive end in sight. 

Trying to stay healthy and engaged is hard. Unlike some people, my work has not changed much, which is both good and bad. It's good because I've not had big changes to adapt to. I've already got a well-organised, permanent work station with an ergonomic chair at home. I'm not grieving the loss of daily contact with workmates or the loss of the familiar routine of commuting. But it's bad because I've still got approximately the same amount of work to do regardless of how I feel or who is in my workspace (although I have, thankfully, struck a slightly slower patch in my work flow).

My work station, right next to the dining room table and a large
glass behind me out to our tiny backyard.

I'm very thankful that we have such a plethora of ways to easily and rather cheaply stay in contact with people; that is helping us a lot. That would have been very different if this had happened 20 years ago!

I'm also thankful for a bit more wriggle room to do some things that I ordinarily would have had to say no to. For example: joining a book club. I'm participating in a Facebook bookclub for a book that I had on my shelf, My Seventh Monsoon by Naomi Reed. It's not a fancy set up, so we're probably not getting as much out of it as we would if there were more connection and interaction between those involved. But it has been an interesting time of short reflection in my days. It's something to look forward to and has been a point of interaction with two other friends who are doing it also. And having something to look forward to each day is something that is definitely worthwhile building into your schedule if you can. Even if it is something silly or sounds rather simple, it can help.

And then there's the spontaneous connections with various people, like the friend I haven't seen for 12 years who contacted me this morning. Some of these connections wouldn't have happened in the pre-COVID-19 world when we were busier and more locally focused.

As I wrote in this blog post a couple of weeks ago, now is a time to get creative. How can we creatively help ourselves? And even more importantly, help one another? 

This is the snail mail I received with a gorgeous card and two recipes.
My postcards are very different, but I'd love to send you one.

A couple of weeks ago also I shared on Facebook that two creative colleagues in the US (they're on my magazine editing team) decided at this time to send snail mail to people who asked for it. They volunteered to send things such as a book recommendation, a recipe or two, a story, a poem, creative writing prompts, music playlist etc. I got a lovely letter in the mail with a couple of recipes to try. So I decided to do my own: send a postcard from Japan to anyone who wanted one. So far I've sent four. Would you like one? Let me know (email: wendy.marshall04 at gmail.com).

How are you? Is there something I can do for you? Maybe you've got a topic you'd like me to write about on this blog? Shoot it on over.

Meanwhile, I've got to get back to editing some articles about "men in Japan" and "ministry through education", oh, and there's that article I'm writing for OMF's social media about the current "work at home" difficulties that Japan is experiencing (if you have a personal story about the latter, I'd love to hear from you). So, plenty to do . . . must get back to work . . . but perhaps a coffee first!

Stop and refresh myself

This afternoon I'm doing something I've never done before: go to a spiritual retreat. I've been to "women's retreats" and various other overnight gatherings of Christians. But I think this one will be different. I hope so. I'm tired and yearning for refreshment, especially physical, but spiritual refreshment is vital too.

Almost all our Saturdays in the last couple of months have involved
watching our boys run and throw. Great times to connect with our
boys, but also tiring.

Late last year, as we prepared to come back to Japan, I knew that I'd be exhausted by this time. Our six months in Australia were stressful and the last six weeks of that were one of the most stressful periods we've experienced for some time. We landed back in Japan in the middle of the school year and had very little margin for recovery from our second international move in six months. I feel like we're functioning pretty well for what's gone on in the last 12 months, but with little in reserve. We're hanging in there, but not by much.

This Saturday just past was the final regular athletics meet for the season (there's one more middle of next week that I may or may not get to). I started the day feeling exhausted (drank two coffees before 8am, which is pretty unusual for me) and it turned into a 12-hour day (we left around 7.30am and got back not much before 7.30pm). Thankfully it was the last long Saturday sports event until September, so we can now have some slower weekends, which will definitely help, especially as we can't take holidays until July. I don't regret going to our boys sporting events, but they are tiring.

So when I heard about this retreat back in February, I thought it was well timed: a lily pad to help me make it through to our "big" family holiday in July.

But I'm also nervous. I intended to get editing work done this morning before I left, but have had trouble concentrating long enough to do anything much worthwhile. Why nervous? Well, I guess it's a new thing, a slightly scary thing. "Being still" has never been my forte. Although my boys are seeing a more sedate person than I was when I was younger, mentally I'm still quite "unstill".

Nevertheless, I'm game and keen to see how this works out. Below I've pasted the blurb that came with the invitation to join this retreat and what three previous participants have said about it. I have a lot of time for the couple who are leading this, so we'll see how it goes.

I'm going put my language study "on vacation" mode and pull back on my social media time. Now that social media is part of my job I've felt the relentlessness of it and I think a little bit of downtime will be good for me. I've got books to read and a new cross stitch project to work on, which are both proven things that help me "be still", physically at least.

We're very aware that this missionary life is not a sprint, it's a marathon, and we need to pace ourselves accordingly if we're going to last the distance. I'm seeing these next four days as part of "pacing myself".

Refresh:  A Retreat for Spiritual Refreshment and Soul Care

Is your heart yearning for a chance to experience some deeper soul connection with God and others? If so, we would like to personally invite you to “Refresh:  A Spiritual Refreshment and Soul Care Retreat,” a place where you can be still and listen to God, hear encouragement from the Word, fellowship with other missionaries, and maybe even gain a fresh perspective on life and ministry.

What previous participants are saying:

• “It was a great blessing to be able to attend the JEMA sponsored Refresh Retreat at Yamanaka Chalet.  Being in recovery from burnout, and having attended similar retreats, this event was another reminder of God’s great love for me, and his presence in my journey.  It was a joy to meet with Alan and Judy, as well as participants from a variety of mission organizations, and learn from their wisdom and experiences.  So many things to take home and process!”   Gary Carlson, Evangelical Covenant Church 

• “It had been a long time since I had really felt understood and listened to. In most of our relationships, we are giving out… and we are given out!  It was just comforting to be on the receiving end and to hear the voice of the Spirit saying, ‘I love you and I’m going to take care of you.’ I came home feeling more hopeful than I have for at least several months.”   Ruth McDonald, Japan Free Will Baptist Mission 

• “The biggest thing was that I realized (again) that I need to get away for a few days of retreat more often. Whether alone, or with a group, I realized how much I need to take time away from the daily/weekly routine to renew my perspective and unwind.”