As I gradually process this week's events, I realised that I've been here before. Not with floods, but with pain that other people are experiencing. One of the common experiences of missionaries is seeing people they love suffer, at a distance. I know this is not exclusive to missionaries, anyone who moves interstate sees the same thing.
Over the years we've been in Japan I've watched:
Our home church suddenly disintegrate to a shadow of its former self and undergo a diaspora of our beloved friends.
My mum deal with a suspect lump.
A childhood friend suffer as her husband was diagnosed with a mental illness and long-term disability. And then stand by as her marriage threatened to dissolve.
My two sisters have four (and soon to be five) babies between them, I wasn't there for any of them.
Another friend develop a mental illness, demand a divorce from her husband (also a friend) and be prohibited from caring for her four children. Their marriage didn't survive.
Three of our grandparents and one uncle have died while we were overseas
And these are just the major ones.
I've often wished I could do more than pray. Go and give a hand, a hug, a meal or a listening ear. There is something painful about my life going on as usual while these beloved ones suffer in a place I cannot be.
I know that sometimes they experience the same with regards to us. When I struggled with hospitalised children or just found daily life with three little children. When I've packed up my house in preparation for returning to Australia for a time - they hurt for me and wanted to be with me too.
It takes a special kind of grace to make it through these times without guilt, but rather trusting that our heavenly Father will take care of those we love at a distance and without our physical help.
3 comments:
Yes, we have experienced that also. The flip side is experiencing really intense or difficult things in the country to which you are called. Trying to explain them to people who have never lived there can be really difficult.
It's been a hard week. May I quote some words that I keep coming back to - and quote often - from Octavius Winslow?
Child of My love, lean hard,
And let Me feel the pressure of thy care,
I know thy burden, child; I shaped it,
Poised in Mine own hand, made no proportion
In its weight to thine unaided strength;
For even as I laid it on I said,
"I shall be near, and while she leans on Me,
This burden shall be Mine, not hers;
So shall I keep My child within the circling arms,
Of Mine own love." Here lay it down, nor fear
To impose it on a shoulder which upholds
The government of worlds. Yet closer come,
Thou art not near enough; I would embrace thy care,
So I might feel My child reposing on My breast.
Thou lovest me? I know it. Doubt not, then,
But, loving Me, lean hard.
Lots of people have been praying. And you have provided us with a good reminder to keep another group of people in our prayers - those who are have firsthand links, unable to be there. Take good care and be gentle on yourself at this time.
I found Marjory Foyle's book (The Honourably Wounded) helpful in helping me articulate the pain of being at a distance during those times. It was a special treat during our four-day Christmas visit to my parents' to get to help family members move (something I've never been a part of).
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