Adjusting to Christmas with family

We're on the road. Visiting our siblings and parents - all of whom live out of town. My side of the family this weekend. It is challenging to be physically with your relatives - even those you grew up with - when you haven't had that kind of relationship for some time. We've spent most of the last decade away from them and we've all changed and grown-up (and had six kids between me and my two sisters). I left home when my sisters were 10 and 13. Sometimes I feel like they are strangers. Now we have husbands and small children getting reacquainted seems like a large abyss that is hard to cross. Is it just me or once you have kids it gets even more difficult to be with relatives? Everyone has different ideas and standards and when you are closely related you feel less inhibited in imposing your ideas on others. Not to say that we've having a terrible time. Just that it is yet another adjustment we have to make. Another one that people often forget about. Tomorrow we're having my family's Christmas Day - present exchanges, big meal, etc. Next week on the actual day we'll be with David's family. More people to relate to and live with for a short time. At least I don't have to cook Christmas dinner this year. It was fun this morning to be in the kitchen again with Mum, like old times! And tomorrow won't be lonely - as our Christmases in Japan can tend towards.

Ninth anniversary

Yesterday we noted it was nine years since the day we landed in Japan as missionaries. Amazing. We've packed a lot into nine years. That day nine years ago involved four airports and three planes. All with a 20 month old. We began the day in steamy Singapore and ended it about 40 degrees cooler in Sapporo, with snow on the ground and below zero temperatures. Looking back it is actually amazing we survived our first winter in Japan. We were in a tiny, freezing apartment. We had no car, no TV or video player. Very few toys and limited personal space. To buy groceries, I had to trudge for about 15 minutes through snow on foot, carefully select our groceries (without much Japanese language), pack them in my backpack and plastic sled and carry/pull them all the way home. Since then we've lived nearly eight years in Japan. Most of them with a car! We've moved twice within Japan and moved back to Australia twice for home assignment. We've had two more children, one of them born in Japan. We spent more than two years in full-time (or nearly full-time in my case) language study, 15 months in a church planting team and four years with my husband teaching at the Christian Academy in Japan, a school for missionary kids. We've had our children hospitalised three times in total (in Japan), not counting the Japanese birth experience. The lessons we've learned in most/all areas of our lives would take more than this post to list. But here are a few that come to mind:

• It is a privilege to serve our Lord in this way.
• Dependency on God is a great way to live. Lots of surprises!
• Life is less predictable that you think.
• It is not necessary to own a house.
• "No debt" is a great place to be.
• International moves are tough.
• Raising children away from your home culture is very difficult.
• Missionary is not a synonym for evangelist.
• We don't have to be like other people - God values us as the individuals he made us to be.

I think we are in a better place than we were nine years ago. I certainly feel more settled with who I am and why I'm here.

Aussie Christmas outside

Christmas time in Australia is hot. Did you non-Aussies realise? Therefore it is perfect for outdoor carols concerts. This is one we went to just down the road. It was put on by a church and slightly unusual. Actually not much carols singing, mostly a Christmas musical put on by the church. The musical included some popular songs that you wouldn't usually associate with Christmas like, Herod singing, "You make me want to shout"! Nevertheless it was a lovely evening. The evening finished off with the inevitable fireworks.

Stressed out Australians

At times in the last week, our house has been full of tension, more so than usual. Why?

• It's hot (mid to high 30s C which is around 100 degrees F). This means not only the kids get frayed, but their parents do too.
• School holidays. The boys have again needed to learn to live with each other all day, every day. Us too!
• They are excited about Christmas coming. This is a usual problem. School finishing three weeks before Christmas is new for them.
• Change is in the air - we're leaving soon to visit family in rural Queensland.

We're definitely not the only ones effected. When I've been out recently I've noticed a lot of tension and weariness, especially in parents. Actually I've been quite shocked at some of the things I've heard mums say to kids - in public. I can't imagine how abusive they are in private. Last week while grocery shopping I walked past a double pram - the sort where the kids sit behind one another - and it began to tip backwards with its young passenger and load of groceries. I caught it, held it and looked back up the aisle for the mum. She didn't even acknowledge me. She came back and abused her older child for getting out of the front of the pram. I walked away feeling ashamed at witnessing such a lack of gratitude and such hostility towards the child she is supposed to care for. It did make me think about some of the things that happen in our own house. While we love our children dearly, occasionally things come out of our mouths that just should never be uttered. I think we get scared at the lack of control over our kids and let our mouths loose with whatever we think will make the kids listen to us. I know we're not the only ones. It only happens sometimes in our house, I wonder about the precious souls of the kids to whom it happens constantly. Who are constantly put down, abused and ridiculed. There is a lot of stress in this season. Materialism and commercialism have a lot to answer for. They make us think that spending lots of money for expensive presents equals love and if we don't then we will be judged as unloving. Expectations of wonderful family Christmases almost always fall a little flat. Some don't have family. Many have family who don't get along most of the time and are suddenly thrown together for some "happy family" charade at Christmas. As parents we do our best to provide a fun Christmas for our children, but many times Christmas is full of fighting and over excited, over sugared kids. I AM trying to be a joyful presence wherever I go. After all we know that it is not actually about all the things we think it is about - presents, food, good family relationships or even pretending we're having a good time, when we're really just stressed out and exhausted. So why shouldn't Christians do our best to be happy and spread joy? We're celebrating our Saviour's birthday.

The week in review

First week of school holidays is finished. How'd it go? It was a much more social week than usual. With no school hour limits, we had people over most nights. Very pleasing to my extrovert's soul. We got to go to Movie World with my parents and nephew. There were no school lunches to make and no basketball practise or games to attend. On the down side, the boys hated the sight of each other at times. I still had gym, groceries and a doctor's visit - so I got out of the house, leaving my hubbie and three boys to their own devices. From the sounds of it, it hasn't always gone so peacefully for them. This morning hubbie has taken the last resort of exercise - he's grabbed his bike and taken off for some peace and head space. Not the nicest of options because we basically live on a hill in a hilly suburb - so wherever you go it is a challenge to his legs which haven't seen much bike riding in the last seven months. Also, the temperatures are in the 30s (Celsius). The last two days we've driven 45 minutes to get medicals as a part of getting clearance to go back to Japan. That equates to two afternoons sitting in a doctor's waiting room - with three boys. The upside of that was the blissful air conditioning. And that it was just down the road from a friend who was able to 'drop in' and help entertain boys yesterday. I had a blood test and Swine Flu immunisation yesterday too. The heat got to me on Wednesday and I developed a migraine, unfortunately on the night that our best friends came over (with their 4 boys and one girl). After they left I crashed, but not soon enough to avoid throwing up a couple of hours later. It hasn't been too bad, but I'm hoping that next week will be better (ever an optimist). This time next week we'll be having our first "Christmas Day" celebration with my side of the family. Let's hope adult-sized extended family-type tensions don't become too big an issue.

Another fact of life for missionaries

Yesterday and today our family have trooped over to the other side of Brisbane for medicals. We cannot go back to Japan unless we pass these. This morning I also had a lovely blood test before breakfast. At least this time we don't require x-rays.

We have frequent medicals - as in every two years. Talking with a friend in the armed forces the other day, we figured out that the medicals our mission requires are more detailed than the Australian armed forces require! OMF International really does value its human resources and does a good job of making sure its workers are physically up to the rigours of missionary life. Of course, work in Japan is quite different to work in rural Cambodia. In Cambodia a small medical issue can require airlifting out! So yesterday when I sat down with the doctor's practice nurse he was quite puzzled as to why we had these detailed medicals to do. Basically it comes down to a blanket policy across the board, no matter where you work. However, you might be surprised at some of the difficulties we have encountered with the Japanese medical system. Some areas of the system are very modern, but others are less so. After our second son was born in Japan, it was such a difficult experience that we did our very best to have our third child in Australia (I could write a whole series of posts on having a child in Japan!) So there are medications which we easily get across the counter here in Australia, but which require doctor's prescription in Japan. Then again in Thailand, I know, there are some very powerful drugs available without doctor's prescriptions! The other thing I was surprised by was the exclamation at my waist size and BMI. I haven't changed much in weight or size since these medicals began 12 years ago, but this is the first time someone exclaimed at how "not fat" I am! Amazing, particularly as I'm not actually terribly skinny. Scary, though, that the doctor rarely sees BMIs under 25!

More information please

Sometimes other people want more information that we know, like "How long will you remain in Japan?". Our missionary journey over the last nearly 12 years has taught us to cope with a fair bit of uncertainty, but often we also want more information than we know. Our current not-enough-information situation is how long our next term in Japan is likely to be. So it was an encouragement to read this in our quiet time this morning:

I know who holds the future, And I know who holds my hand; With God things don't just happen- Everything by Him is planned. Smith

Backed up by this from scripture:

"In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." Proverbs 3:6

Praise God that He knows and it is not all up to us!