Living with the not-knowing

I have had a fairly quiet start to the year. Truth be told, I'm still getting used to the quietness that has settled on our lives now that our kids no longer live at home. It's been nearly two years since our last offspring left home, but the ripple effects of that are still making themselves felt. I'm not sad—it's a joy, after all those years of parenting them, to see them making their own way in the world. And, most of the time, I also enjoy our quieter household.

These were my tiny broccoli
seedlings back in October. Now
they are more than 40 cm tall and,
I'm hoping, going to produce some
edible broccoli soon.
Small things shouldn't
be overlooked.

I have been thinking a little bit about "ripple effect" and also the euphemistic phrase "God's economy". Both of these touch on the idea that we really don't know how God is working behind the scenes of what we see and do. "God's economy" is sometimes used to flag that he works in mysterious ways that don't at all equate to how businesses are run in this world. We don't know how our actions affect others or what future results will be of the small (or larger) things we do today.

I see people writing about "creating core memories" for their kids...but I think that we probably can't know what memories our kids will take away from their childhoods. Usually we remember things differently from our parents and often the things that become deeply meaningful to us later don't seem like much at the time. We try our best as parents, but we simply don't know what our kids will take away from any interaction we have with them.

Likewise, I really can't pinpoint which (if any) of the following things I said or did yesterday had an impact on those around me:

I walked with a Chinese neighbour to the train station and back, at the train we met a friend from our church, another missionary (a prearranged meeting) and we travelled together to a gathering of missionary women. And of course we talked throughout the journey. I know how better to pray for these ladies after we've spent this time together. One of them had never been to one of these gatherings before and I was glad to be a friend by her side as she met a bunch of new people (and some she already knew).

I prayed for some of the women in small groups. Here are some things I prayed about for others: 

• an Iranian brother-in-law who is concerned about his family, 
• a young mum who was tired and wondering how best to use her time and how not to worry about the future,
• an elderly mum in another country with dementia-like symptoms, and
• a mum-of-teens who is seeking God's wisdom about future ministry.

I had wide, varied conversations throughout the morning and through lunch—some deep concerns on people's hearts, as well as about a trending chocolate brand and chocolate-coated strawberries and the showing off of some granddaughter photos!

I said "see you sometime" to a friend who is leaving Japan, and might not be back.

One lady, who I have shared deeply with in the past about some of our struggles with parenting a neurodiverse child, asked me for one piece of advice as she looks towards launching her own child to independent living in the coming year.

Then, after dinner, we logged into our church's online prayer meeting last night, as we usually do on Wednesday nights. It's a mid-week check-in to our church family and I usually come away feeling more connected and blessed by it all. Last night we prayed for some of these things:

• a daughter who is concerned for her aging parents overseas,
• a lost work key,
• an online English class for not-yet-believers that started in Sydney,
• people we know who aren't yet Christians, or who we long to see grow in their faith
• a couple of visas people are waiting on, and
• a family who have a loved one in a coma.

During the day I did lots of other "little" things like wish my mum and happy birthday, communicate with friends about their visit to our place for dinner on Saturday, and answered a question about a writers meeting next week. Not to mention the everyday things that I did for my husband like wash dishes and prepare dinner.

Not really much of anything that you'd "write home about".

Only God knows what the meaning of all this is. Only God knows what the women I interacted with yesterday at our meeting took away from the meeting, if any of my interactions with any of them were an encouragement or help. Only God know how he'll answer our prayers, though hopefully they were an encouragement to those who were prayed for. For my sanity I have to leave that with God. I have to live my daily life trusting that God will guide me and enable me to serve him in the big things and the small. And that he will take my small offerings to use for his purposes in other people's lives.