Wonder soap with a story

I've got a story about this cleaning product.

Two of our boys went to a local kindergarten in our early days in Tokyo, over a period of nearly four years. They had two uniforms, one that they wore on formal occasions and also on the way to and from school (except on Wednesdays). When they got there they changed into their play uniform, which consisted of a white teeshirt and blue shorts. I never dressed my family in white, especially for play! But that's what we had to do for kindergarten.

The kicker was that the playground was basically dirt. Gravelly dirt! You can see both the uniforms and the playground in the photo below and on this blog post of mine from 2009. Believe it or not they also had a "mud pit", yup, not a sandpit, a dedicated mud pit! You mothers out there can imagine what sort of state our kids clothes came home in! Keeping eveyrthing white was a huge deal. 

But the PTA was on top of the situation. One of their fundraisers was selling a wonder soap: this "blue stick". We Marshalls we so concerned that we might run out of them that bought a lot. And ended up with a stockpile. A stockpile that's lasted nine years post kindergarten graduation.

You see, I don't buy my kids white clothes, so once they graduated, we had much less use for the wonder soap!

It is so wonderful that we had to buy some more just recently. No longer from the kindergarten's PTA, but just an ordinary "Drug" store. So if you live in Japan and have light-coloured clothes that need stains removed, this is the product for you!

Something different about Grade Eight

Our eldest son started eighth grade today. There are a couple of similarities, but numerous differences between the situation our son is in and what it was like for us, his parents, at the same life stage.

When we were growing up eighth grade was the start of high school and in almost all cases required changing schools. Back then in Queensland we had primary schools (1-7) and high schools (8-12). We also had uniforms. Don't you love these photos?

For both of us, this was the first and only school change we made in our school careers. For me, it meant going from a small school (one class of 30 year sevens) to a large school (200+ grade eights in nine classes). It was also the first time we'd had to shift classrooms for all our subjects.

Our son has already shifted "schools" five or six times (depending on whether you count part-time home schooling while he was a Japanese school) since he started grade one (only four "schools", though). He's gone to school in two different countries. He's experienced three different country's schooling systems and school in two different languages.

His current school, the Christian Academy in Japan (CAJ), has an elementary, middle and high school section. So today wasn't as big a transition as David and I made in the 80s, because middle school goes from grades six to eight. Next year he'll enter high school, but he won't change schools, just floors. He doesn't wear a uniform (though he did for 1 1/2 years in Australian schools, and the half a year he spent in Japanese kindergarten between being in Grade 1 in Australia and entering Grade 1 in a Japanese school). He's experienced shifting classrooms and teachers over the last two years.

Perhaps the biggest differences are perhaps deeper, however. A new grade nine teacher at the school made these observations on her Facebook status this afternoon:

1. All of the students in grade nine except one felt they could communicate in at least two languages.
2. There are very large number of students whose parents work in some type of missionary capacity here in Japan
3. Probably more than half of the students have parents that are different nationalities than each other and the students are proud of that fact.

This is a very different school to the ones that David and I entered when we started Grade eight. But it is also a wonderful school and an amazing environment for our kids to be growing in.

It's hard to forget Japanese kindergarten sports days

The view from our house. Note the flags – essential decorations!

Today it is hard to escape the annual Japanese Sports Day tradition. Though we no longer have kids in the Japanese system we practically live next to a Japanese kindergarten. I knew it was coming because they've been practising for weeks. During the last six week I've often seen mums and grandmas hovering around outside the boundary fence of the kindergarten, looking for a preview of the much anticipated event. Today many of those same mums will have been up early preparing a special picnic for their family – gourmet style.

It's been hard to ignore today because of the increased foot traffic outside our house and the loud music accompanying most of the dances and games (yes, a bit different to an Aussie sports day, more like a festival or highly organised church picnic). As we rode to church we passed the uniformed man (see him in the photo above) helping traffic to run smoothly. On our ride we passed another kindergarten doing the same thing on this mild autumn day – they've struck perfect weather (I recall the sports day we spent huddled under canvas shelters and umbrellas and walking along planks over soggy ground!).

I just had to take a photo of this decoration at the front gate (there was one on the other gate post too). Blown up cartoon characters, but must they be tied there like prisoners? I understand that they don't want them blown away nor stolen, but really, wasn't there a less obtrusive way to secure them?

Then I've added some photos from the history books. Past kindergarten sports days when we were one of the admiring families in the crowd, or in the races (as you'll see me in a red shirt running a three-legged race with our middle son).

My attempt at a "gourmet" picnic at our final Japanese kindergarten sports day.

Ah, fond memories, but in some ways I'm glad that they are past.

Not sticking out.

We visited our 7 y.o.'s classroom today. His class have been talking about different jobs that people did. We were parent volunteers talking about what we did. I'm glad I had my husband as a prop-up. I don't really like talking to groups of kids, it is hard to get your level of language right. And it is not as if my job is a very easy one to explain - it has too many bits!

In the course of the exercise, I realised that our son strongly values fitting in with the crowd or "not sticking out". Frequently he gives as the reason as to why he does something or why he doesn't do something at school as, "That'd be too embarrassing."

On reflection we think this is probably one thing that he learned at the Japanese kindergarten he attended for three years (see the photo). It is a strong value in Japan and it all begins at kindergarten!

Being the middle child probably helps too - he's become good at "flying under the radar". Missionary kids learn to do this too - trying to fit in wherever they are, it just makes life easier.

I do wish our eldest had picked up a little of this same value...

Unexpected wet eyes

Today I found myself unexpectedly teary. It took me a while to figure out why. I was sitting on short, plastic chairs listening to our youngest's Prep teacher talk about her plans for the year and other need-to-know information. I found myself blinking away tears. It is not usual to feel teary at such an event, so why? Eventually I realised they were probably joyful tears as well as a little sadness. Joyful, because I easily understood everything the teacher said and because it sounded like our son was really going to enjoy his six months in this class. A little sad because I have sat through many such meeting (see photo) in Japan, hardly understanding a word and terrified about the time when we'd be asked to do a self-introduction (traditional in Japan in a new group) or make some understandable comment about the year that had passed. It still hurts deeply that I cannot easily understand (or speak) Japanese, the dominant language where I spend most of my time. And a little sad because we couldn't leave our kids in this terrific Australian school; that we'd force them to say goodbye in six months time. So, meanwhile I run around putting on a public face talking bravely about our adventures in Japan. If you ask me how we feel about going back. If you press me for a short answer, you'll hear, "Fine". However the deep truth is murkier. The truth is, we'd like Australia and Japan to be closer - so when we are living in one, we can visit the other on weekends! Ours is not an ideal lifestyle. So, with my temporary citizenship here on earth, I must expect tears, even at the most unexpected times.

Another unpredictable day in our house

Our family is complete again. David flew home this morning. I found it a little disconcerting that when I went to be after 10 last night, he hadn't even gotten to the airport in Perth yet, and when I got up just after 6, he had been in Brisbane for over half an hour! Weird. 

We picked him up at the train station this morning and had breakfast at McDonalds (one of my boys wants to know why Aussies call it Maccas). First time I think I have ever done this, goes against the grain. However, it ended up being scarily similar to what I normally eat for breakfast - muesli and yoghurt, orange juice and coffee. Even more scary is that our 7 y.o. ate his McMuffin with immense speed and continues to rave about it. We took the boys to school on the way home from Maccas. 

At home David first emptied his bags all over the bed and then collapsed - on the lounge. I'd diligently cleared a space on the bed, knowing he'd be exhausted (after doing a couple of all-nighters several weeks ago), but he grumpily declared that he wasn't going to allow himself a proper sleep or he'd not sleep tonight. Before I left for the gym and grocery shopping, he was quite asleep. It would have been more comfortable in bed! Finally got to the gym! 

I had almost constant kids last week, with gastro taking all my child-free time away, so no gym. Even a week without exercise was noticeable, today my muscles were protesting earlier than usual. About five minutes into Woolies (Woolworthes grocery store) my phone rang. Our 4 y.o. had just thrown up at Pre-Prep (like kindy). This is a bizarre virus. 7 y.o. hadn't thrown up since last Wednesday - where did our 4 y.o. get it from? So, grocery shopping prematurely interrupted, I raced back to school to pick our youngest up. Drove home and found David finally horizontal in bed. I wondered whether to leave them together and go and finish my shopping, but decided to risk it, being someone who is persistent - I'd planned to shop after all! Returned an hour later with all the goods to last us another week and found the youngest family member asleep. 

David had awoken refreshed and was checking email and almost back to normal. He made me lunch - one thing I'd missed. I hate making lunch at lunch-time. 4 y.o. threw up again after lunch. The trouble is he's been having sympathy pains since his big brother became ill over a week ago. It is hard to know what is the truth and what is wishful thinking. Though I have to admit, actual vomit is pretty convincing. 

Later this afternoon David also rang the taxation office to sort out a large tax bill that we errantly received last week. It was solved pretty quickly. Apparently, he was given bad advice by the previous person he rang there and put figures in the wrong boxes. The tax office was treating our earnings in Japan as overseas business investment-type stuff and promptly started billing us for the year to come as well as charging us several thousands of dollars in taxation for last year! We're so glad it is mostly sorted out now (waiting till we get the reassessment to say it is totally sorted out). 

Now I am going to go and get a new recipe for Satay Chicken out of the slow cooker and try to persuade three of my family members to eat it. It has Sweet Chilli sauce in it. I'm rather suspecting that this experiment is going to end badly. Maybe I should pack my cooking ambitions away and just serve them plain hot dogs, sauce-less meatballs and plain cheese pizzas. Doesn't do much for my taste buds, but certainly promotes family harmony. So, there is a sample of the most interesting bits of our day. 

Are we ordinary? Yes we are!

Kindy graduation

I just realised that it is a week since our middle son graduated from Japanese kindergarten. Here are some photos to prove that it is no ordinary event. Very formal. The preponderance of black. Many of the women and most of the men wore black jackets. My emerald-green blouse felt a little casual and very bright! But I was comfortable and happy. Below you see our son about to accept his graduation certificate from the head of the kindy (a priest, it was a Catholic kindy). The kids had been drilled repeatedly and did exactly the right thing the whole time. It looked better than my final speech day at high school did! During the ceremony the children made a long recitation (of which I understood little). But the impressive thing for me was that it was long and word perfect - they've been practising for months! Plenty of sniffing, but none more than when they sang the "Sayonara song". Full of phrases like, "we've played together, been sick together", "but when the cherry blossoms come out we'll be wearing randoseru" (Japanese elementary school leather backpacks). After the ceremony (which lasted more than an hour). We lined up for final class photos and then went back to the classrooms for our final final farewell with their teachers! The teachers were dressed beautifully in kimono, but their faces were sad. Again things dragged on and on, and the strain was clearly showing on the kids. One of the boys had a fight and burst into tears. His mother then burst into tears as she tried to resolve it and finish well. In the meantime her husband came over to help and she pushed him away. It was a distressing scene that all regretted. We ourselves had another important appointment in the afternoon to keep, so we got out of there as fast as we possibly could. Probably the best thing in the end. Prolonging the agony didn't seem to be helping anyone! Below you can see the classroom with all the parents gathered around. The importance of the event is only underlined by the fact that almost every child had both parents present - a rare event. Fathers took time off work to come! Now it is a new beginning. This week is spring vacation (yes, the American coming in) and on Monday we start school in our lounge room.

More on emotional Japanese mums

I put the question, "Why Japanese mothers cry at the end of year class meetings?" to a bilingual Japanese friend of mine. Here is a summary of her answer: "Because they have to face the fact that their good relationship will finish soon. In the same way, many fathers of the bride cry at the wedding ceremony, because the relationship that they've had will change from then on. All of our teachers were really good teachers. We knew that they tried their best in the class, they loved our children. This doesn't always happen. Some end-of-year meetings no one cries. Also, at the end-of-year class meeting mothers are nervous as they speak about sensitive things. This makes it easier for them to cry." I understand her answer, but I think it confirms my suspicion that Japanese attach more deeply to their teachers than Westerners do. Teachers too, seem to attach to their kids very deeply. It doesn't answer my questions as to WHY do they speak of such sensitive things at that meeting! So, I continue the "month of farewells". On Wednesday the mothers of the children put on a concert/show At the end they played it out as a major tear jerker. After they'd officially thanked the teachers and given them gifts, the teachers made speeches then they thanked all the class representatives and given them flowers; I was ready to go home. Then they pulled out the big gun. They lined the kids up in an honour avenue and the teachers went down and did a 'sayonara high five' to each student! If they weren't crying before then, this one really did them in. Mothers, teachers, children alike! My eyes were wet - but mostly at the apparent agony of others. My son didn't really know what to make of it, particularly as this wasn't the last day of kindy. One more - the graduation ceremony next Wednesday. Then we're home and free :)

Final post on the peculiarities of Japanese kindergartens.

12. Then of course you have the events. Sports Day, Summer Festival, Mochi Festival (Japanese pounded rice), Art Show. All of these have varying parental involvement. The sports day being universally the biggest. Our kindy’s summer festival was big, however. All families took turns at looking after their class’ stall. We've just had an end-of-year party/concert organised by the mums of the classes (there are three graduating classes). The mums planned and practised for months - no kidding. I got away with only one hour of decorating the hall on the day. Phew!

13. Sports Day, which is more like a combined outdoor concert and family picnic event. It is huge and a real community event. Grandparents, aunts and uncles, past students and teachers all rock up. The kids have prepared dances and other presentations, like gymnastics displays and practised them for about three months. They also have races! Mostly fairly non competitive stuff, though. Each mum (and grandma sometimes) puts a massive effort into preparing their family's picnic lunch. Many mums get up earlier than 6am to prepare.

 14. Apologies. I don't understand this fully, however, if your child hurts someone significantly, then you are required to apologise to their mother. This often happens by phone and I did have to do it a couple of times. I have a Japanese friend who is a Christian. Her son was so badly behaved that she ended up having an apology party at the end of the year for the whole class! Amazingly several women became Christians as a result! They all wanted to know how she managed to cope when her child was such a challenge.

 15. Socialising. This really underlies all my previous 14 points. Everything I've written about involves language, written or spoken. I've had people ask me, "Aside from the language, what is the hardest thing about living in Japan?" It really is very left brained to try and separate language from all other aspects of Japanese life. It is integral to life. If you don't have it, it is like living your life in black and white. All the interactions at kindergarten, from the greeting as you walk in in the morning, to the little chats with the teacher at the end of the day, to the complicated social interactions that you are dragged into by the nature of the youchien beast...It is all harder as a foreigner who speaks way less than perfect Japanese. It is all tiring and challenging.

Another day I'll tell you some stories about when I got it wrong and the chaos that can result! I am thankful that God gave me some very good friends who were bilingual and the kindergarten was kind enough to put us in the same class as them for three years. Well now, I am exhausted. Good night!

More peculiarities of Japanese kindergartens Part 2

If you were already exhausted, you haven't stayed the course. There's more to being a mum in a Japanese kindergarten.

7. Class meetings. These are meetings between all the mums of one class and the teacher. They happen about two or three times a year. No children are present and everyone sits around on kindy-sized chairs. Announcements are made. At the first meeting of the year everyone introduces themselves. At the last meeting of the year everyone offers some kind of thanks and memory of the year.

 8. “Volunteering” takes on a new meaning in Japan. At our kindergarten it was compulsory to volunteer for one task in the year. It was a big deal to figure it all out too. At the first class meeting of the year each class had a list of jobs required by that class to do during the year (matched to the number of mums in the class). They ranged from set-up at the sports day to childcare during graduation or announcer at the sports day.

9. Class representatives. Each class had two representatives to the PTA (or Mothers Association, as it is called). These class reps met regularly together and were responsible for organising various class events for the mums during the year. This included a variety of ‘friendship’ meals and pub outings. They also coordinated things like end-of-year gifts for the teacher from the families, end-of-year parties and class contributions to the PTA fete. A big job. This class representative system also continues through into primary school.

 10. Lunches. Japanese school lunches have become an art form. Some mums get very anxious about them. No basic sandwiches. This has become an artistic event, in some cases. You can see some examples at this website. I personally didn’t enter into this and just gave our son basic lunches. Sandwiches and salad during the summer. In our son’s second winter, he suddenly decided he wanted Japanese-style lunches. Especially because they got them warmed up during winter. I had to learn a little bit about Japanese-style lunches at this point, but didn’t get carried away. Some kindergartens provide lunch and this is a big deal in deciding what kindergarten to send your child to.

 11. Times. Our kindergarten (and most, it seems) runs on a 4 ½ day system. All days except Wednesday are 9 till 2.20. Wednesday finishes at 11.50. This is another thing which varied. For the first month all days are half days (April is a long month). Also for a couple of days before any holiday break, the days are half days (no one has been able to tell my why). During two weeks in February they had parent-teacher interviews in the afternoons. This whole fortnight was half-days.

 I have four more points still to come! However I don't like reading long posts myself so I'll keep them back until tomorrow. You might be wondering why we bothered to do all this. We could have found a less 'involved' kindy. There IS a reason behind sticking with it, though. I'll tell ya later alligator.

Some peculiarities of Japanese kindergartens. Part 1

I am speaking from my experience of two kindergartens here, but I know from talking to friends that each in kindergarten is different. We probably used ‘high mother involvement’ kindies.

1. Before your child even starts kindergarten mums are busy sewing: bags, place mats, seat cushion cover, towels and bibs. At our second kindergarten, there was a book/general carry bag, a change of clothes bag, a lunch box-type bag and a cup bag. Some of these things can be bought, but some just need to be made. You can see here the efforts of one mother before her child started kindergarten (yochien is the Japanese word for kindergarten).

2. Buying school supplies.

• Another bag, a uniform ‘school’ bag – was bought. This was only the size of a lunch box and did just that, carry lunch as well as the daily attendance booklet (they put stickers into it each day and the teachers record height and weight every month).
• Buying indoor shoes. In our first kindy, this was any shoe, as long as it had never been outside. In our second kindy it was a special white slip-on shoe that was easy to find, every shoe store has them.
• Other small purchases were required, but most of the standard things were supplied (at a cost). The key is that almost everything is standard. Everyone has the same crayons, sketch book, paints.
• Naming everything, absolutely everything, in the prescribed spot (there were detailed diagrams). This means that even the lids of the paints needed to be named.
• Naming their play uniforms takes on a new meaning. On the front of each t-shirt a piece of material is sewn with the child’s first name in 20 cm high lettering.
• Our first kindy had no uniform at all, only a coloured hat (the classes are colour coded). The second kindy had two uniforms. Like a private school, the kids wore a dress uniform to kindy and changed into a play uniform as soon as they got there (reverse on the way home). Except for half days, where they just wore the play uniform.

3. That leads me to the everyday chaos that you have to try to keep a lid on. You have to be aware of what day of the week you are up to, to make sure you send the right stuff and put the kid into the right uniform. This sounds easier than it actually is, especially when you have more than one child in your house. You get into a rhythm as time goes on, but at the start it is like a small nightmare. Lunch on full days, none on half days. Fridays they bring home all sorts of things for washing, like their indoor shoes, towels and even seat cushion cover. So, on Mondays, you have to remember to send them all back again. To add to the chaos, it occasionally changes. Once a month they had a birthday party, which required only dress clothes, not the play clothes.

4. It seems like every second day they bring home vast notices, in Japanese. Often they included must unimportant information, but in the middle you find important notices like: “you need to send a copy of your child’s medical insurance card by this day for the upcoming excursion”. Thankfully I had a friend who, for three years, translated important notices for me. My husband reads Japanese better than me and he also helped out a lot.

5. Medication. I still remember the day that our son’s asthma was bad enough to need medication, but not bad enough to stay home. However I didn’t realise it until my husband had already gone to work. I laboured over a short explanation note to the teacher, which I then asked my friend to fix before I gave it in. This is not that peculiar, I guess, except that it is an added stress for a foreigner who doesn’t write well. Might make you feel sympathetic towards those in your country who don’t speak or write good English.

6. Applying for parking. Our kindergarten has a pretty big car park, but only enough room for about 1/5 of the families (there are about 200 kids at the kindergarten). You have to apply for parking permits. One for general drop/off and pick up for the year. But throughout the year there were other special events which required parking permits. Like the sports day, PTA meetings, art show, graduation, etc. If you don’t apply in time you have to ride or walk.

I have several more paragraphs I could write, but dinner preparation calls. Tune in next time. Maybe tomorrow, maybe Monday...