New perspective on children

Nurture Shock

This is an outstanding book. Not only does it debunk a number of things we've presumed to be true about children and teenagers and teaching and parenting, but it does it by doing a "tour de force" (to quote a review on the back cover of the book) of legitimate research in recent years. In addition, it is very readable, none of the academic gobbledygook you find in most academic writing. This is a layman's interpretation and a very good one at that.

Here are some things I found interesting:

Research has shown that parents (and adults in general) don't really have a clue when their kids are lying.(p75-76)

That when adults tell kids not to "tattle" we encourage them to keep their problems to themselves, a lesson they learn well. To be a "tattler" becomes a very negative label and so they tend to hold back infomation when the problems become bigger in their teens. (p89)

Educational media increased the rate of physical aggression, almost as much as watching violent TV. It had a dramatic effect on relational aggression. "Essentially, Ostrov (a researcher) had just found that Arthur is more dangerous for children than Power Rangers." Apparently there is a high level of relational and verbal aggression in kids' TV. They measured it, about 97% of all children's programming includes verbal insults and put-downs, averaging 7.7 put-downs per half-hour episode. Shocking, isn't it? (p181-182)

There was an interesting section about teenagers suggesting that it is a good sign if your teenager is arguing with you. It is a sign of respect and honesty. One study showed that in families when there was more deception by the teenagers, there was less arguing and visa versa! In other words, many teenagers don't bother to argue, they just pretend to agree and then do as they wish. (p148-9)

Research has shown that when spanking is conveyed as a normal consequence (as opposed to one that is saved for specially bad offences) it has no negative effects. (p187)

One big assumption that was disproved was that things work in children in the same way that they do in adults. (p237)

For example, for a long time it was assumed that kids are affected by sleep loss in the same way as adults – it's tiring, but manageable. However researchers found that kids were much more effected than adults. In fact children's capacity to learn is badly impaired when they are tired (parents knew that already, didn't we?). (p34-5)

Sleep deprivation is even more dire in teenagers. Research has found that teenagers are biologically programmed to go to sleep later and get up later (related with when the brain produces melatonin which produces sleepiness). (p36) It isn't totally conclusive yet, but the hallmarks of adolescence – moodiness, impulsiveness, disengagement – are also symptoms of sleep deprivation. A link? (p38)

They're considering a link between sleep deprivation and obesity and ADHD too. (p42)

Another example of assuming that kids work the same as adults is praise. Praise has been shown to work with adults. But praise can ruin a child, says the research. Telling a child they're special, that they're smart, often has the reverse effect that we formerly believed it to have. Praised children become more willing to cheat in order to keep succeeding. They are basically scared that they won't live up to the label they've been given. (p15) Praising effort is much more helpful to them. Also, "A person who grows up getting too frequent rewards will not have persistence, because they'll quit when the rewards disappear." (p24)

High self-esteem doesn't improved grades or career achievements. It doesn't lower violence or reduce alcohol usage. (p19)

Intelligence is not a stable thing in children. It fluxes and changes over time. (p237)

Hmm, things to mull on.