Special morning tea for staff

I did something a little different this morning. I helped put on a morning tea for the CAJ staff. It was a thank you present from the families of the Seniors who have just graduated. We did this instead of giving some of the staff presents. We figured that many of the staff at the school have contributed to our student's school experience and they all deserved a thank you. So rather than just picking out a few to give presents to, we put this together for the morning snack break of the staff's first day of meetings after school finished. 

If the reaction of the staff to this event is any indication, we did a good job of both surprising them, and showing our appreciation to them. They were extravagant in their praise. Apparently this is the first time senior parents have ever done this.

It was a team effort. I did little but help coordinate, buy some of the food, and be there to help set up and clean up. A few people who couldn't come provided food and decorations and this morning two ladies who came to help did a great job of making it aesthetically pleasing. We used money that was left-over from the banquet and after-party (we'd collected money from senior families at the start of the year to cover those two events). One of the dads even baked American scones, which were a major hit. 

I even got a bit teary in the midst of it all when I thought about how many of these precious staff members have taken the time to help my son. It hasn't been an easy journey and it was wonderful to be a part of something saying thank you to them all.

It was definitely the most satisfying of the things I've been involved in for this Senior class end-of-year events. The banquet was quite a spectacular event, but I spent a lot of time answering questions and dealing with problems, so didn't really get to enjoy it that much.

Now I'm looking forward to getting the final reports collated and handed over to the upcoming class so I can put this responsibility down.

Early Father's Day

We're living between two cultures that have the celebration of Father's Day on different days and we're thoroughly mixed up! We try to celebrate it according to the culture we're in (though it doesn't work if we move mid-year because then he either gets two or none). 

This year we didn't get either dates right: we celebrated a week earlier than the Japanese calendar says we should. But, as we sat with the boys at a Japanese bakery (one of David's favourite treats), the boys mused that really it shouldn't be just one set day that we appreciate a father (or a mother or any person for that matter), it should be every day.

It was a mistake in our planning initially, but it worked out for the best, for we soon realised that there won't be another Sunday until July when we're all together. In fact, for much of the next two Sundays there's only be David at home with two boys.

It was lovely to be out with our guys again. We did that on Friday night too, that time specifically to celebrate the end of school. It depends on boys' moods, but often an outing like this that includes food and drink is a winner for all concerned. It makes more sense to me, at this stage of life, to do this, rather than to buy more things. One of the most valuable things we can give each other is our time and for a teenage boy, it is an easier way of showing his love.

Below are some of the many unusual items I found today at the bakery. And no, we didn't purchase any of them.

Japanese bakeries are so cute. But they also have great food that you can
select yourself off the shelf at your own pace, rather than stand dumbstruck while 
the staff stare at you. Oh, you've never had that experience? 
Maybe that is because you're used to the bakeries in your neighbourhood. 
It is never easy for us to transition back to places in Australia that have 
counters where you order when you get to the head of the line. Not much
 time for considering all the less-than-familiar options (yes, even Maccas).

This English description had me curious, but not
curious enough to purchase it.

Stir-fried noodles in a hot dog roll. Interested?

Or perhaps a "mega-frankfurter doughnut" that
looks like it has cornflakes on the outside?

11 weeks of summer holidays?

Our youngest son came home with all these awards
yesterday (they were given in class and parents weren't
invited). Looking them over it seems I know my son fairly
well: creative and sporty. Even creativity in maths!

Yesterday school finished for our younger two boys. Now we face 11 weeks of school holidays. Yes. America has a crazy system! CAJ is locked into a similar schedule that the other schools in our region have. If they want to give the students opportunities like interschool sport, music, drama, debating etc, they need to keep somewhat in-step.

What are we going to do? Aside from going away for 16 days in July, it's not a very exciting summer, at least for three of us.

CAJ has three weeks of various "summer school" classes starting a week from Monday. Our two remaining school students will do a couple of "classes" each (art, wrestling, algebra, and computer programming). And David's teaching the algebra class. These classes are only one or two hours a day.

Two of our boys are going away to summer camps. Our eldest is also a leader (or "counselor" as they're called by Americans) on three summer camps for elementary and middle school kids (including his brother).

Early August David and I are also going away for a couple of nights on our own as an early 20th anniversary celebration.

My various jobs continue, but the pace of life at home is less hectic. Plus a husband around during the day who organises things like lunch and helps out in many other ways. Minus school-related things I'm involved in like prayer meeting and going to sports events. And minus homework and assignments to be concerned about in the evenings. So the pace is slower and the mornings later. Nice.

It does mean, though, that I get less time on my own and have to work with people in my "office" (actually just a corner of the dining room). Which has its own stresses, especially when it's hot enough to put the air con on. We only have air con in the main living area (kitchen-lounge-dining). So that means little breathing space for anyone.

But it's way less stressful than when the boys were little. We still need to get them out, boot them out sometimes (tiny backyards aren't ideal with boys), but they're not as difficult to manage as when they were younger. I used to particularly hate this coming week, when the boys were home and David still at work. I'm aware I'm privileged to be married to a teacher because I really did find "single-parenting" all the boys when they were younger very stressful.

I'm going to try to enjoy this uneventful summer. Because it will be at least three years before I get another. Next year we'll be moving to Australia and the year after we'll be moving back. Stressful times. This summer is a cake walk compared to that.

A slice of daily life in Tokyo

This is an "ordinary life" post. I don't see this as particularly noteworthy, but it's an aspect of my daily life that wowed my mum. I bought all these groceries at three stores this afternoon. They equalled two bike trips. A total ride of about 5km, 2.5k of that with a heavyish load (in a knee-length skirt).

Hauling groceries on a bike is just normal to me now. I know how to pack the bags and load my giant bike baskets so it all balances easily.

Maybe you might wonder why I bother when I could drive. And yes, all the grocery stores I went to today have car parks. There probably wouldn't have been much time saving either way, but I did get some nice exercise. And I like riding, getting out on my bike makes the chore of grocery shopping just a little more challenging and fun. I saw some pretty cool flowers too, but didn't stop to photograph them! This photo is from my own tiny backyard. But the hydrangeas are out everywhere.

Oh, and if you're wondering, this is not a usual shopping trip for me. I usually buy about half this amount twice a week at just one store. Some of today's shopping was for a staff morning tea we're doing on Monday as an end-of-year thank you from the senior class parents.

No street names

Only big roads have names in this country. The subject of our address came up recently with our boys and we explained (again) that the three numbers 1-19-10 in our address are 

• the section of our suburb, 
• the block number (and not a block as we'd know it in Australia, this is just a group of houses, our block has only about 12 houses on it and it takes the boys about 30 seconds to run around it), and 



A big intersection in our area: both streets have names.

• the house number. 

The next word in our address is our suburb and then the city (Higashikurume) and then the prefecture (Tokyo). No street name at all.

In a way I'm glad the streets don't have names, there would be so many in Tokyo that it would be hard to work with. Instead we rely on landmarks (and Google maps).

I read in a book once that the way addresses are done in Japan is quite reflective of the culture. In the past you could only find an address if you were in the "inside group" i.e. family and close friends. It reinforces the "in" and "out" concepts in Japanese culture (see here for a good explanation).

Hints for staying afloat

Green spaces have helped me deal with the colander aspect of my life.

On Saturday afternoon I went to a farewell party for a family that we've have several different connections with. Their eldest two (out of five) children are in our youngest son's class. So I've been at various class-related events with this mum, including an overnight school camp. This year we've done sports with them too. Our paths have crossed for a few years and are diverging this month when they go to Singapore, closer to the dad's ministry assignment.

On Monday I went to the month OMF prayer meeting at our headquarters and we said farewell to three couples. Two are going on home assignment the other was just a temporary fill-in at the guest home.

Today I had morning tea with some OMF mums who have kids at CAJ. The youngest child of one of them graduated last week with our son and they're now going on home assignment (yes, one of the couples we farewelled on Monday). They hope to return next year, but possibly we won't see them for two years because we ourselves are going on home assignment this time next year!

Yep, farewells.

This week I found another post about resiliency. It's more about what helps you to settle where you are. The author suggested four things that have helped her maintain health and resilience:

• Stay physically active.
• Be fully present.
• Make friends.
• Unapologetically embrace your field.

I've touched on this topic a few times over the years, it keeps coming up and I need to keep working on staying afloat. Last year I linked to an article that had eight tips to help expats stay in their country of service. That list is:

• Love the ones you're with.
• Keep exploring. Keep learning.
• Be you. (Or possibly before you can be you, discover you. I came as a young mum, I've had to figure this out as I've gone along.)
• Be honest about the hard things. (But be careful who you share those with.)
• Say hello well. (Be open to newbies)
• Say goodbye well.
• Help your kids say goodbye well.
• Say "hey there" well. (Become friends with the locals.)

Yep, lots of good things. I might add some more that have been important to me:

• Look after your health in general (sleep well, eat well, rest well, look after your spiritual and emotional health).
• Take time for yourself. (Different people need different amounts of time, it turns out I need more reflection time than others in my family.)
• Maintain connections with people who help but don't feel you need to stay close to those who don't.
• Spend time in nature.

That's a fair range of things. Different personalities have different needs and levels of need.

What things do you find that helps you stay afloat? Be it in a foreign country, or in your own country?

Last week was a blur

As predicted, these last two weeks have been crazy busy and my head is feeling pretty fuzzy. As a way of untangling myself, I'm going to give you a quick glimpse of the bigger events of last week.

Our eldest son turned 18. It almost got lost in the busy week. 

On Monday night he stayed up into the early hours of the morning finishing his final high school presentation that we watched the next morning at school. He spoke for thirty minutes about gender inequality in sport, it was a culmination of a year's worth of investigation and writing. He did a great job!

On Wednesday night David and I accompanied our son to a parents and seniors banquet at a flashy venue downtown. I've been very involved in getting this organised, so it was almost surreal to be a part of of. All went smoothly except for the amount of food. Our group is a little different to the groups that facilities in Japan usually cater for: we've got larger boys (several over six-feet) and the party was non-alcoholic. Probably we were too frugal with our budget too.

It was fun getting dressed up (and then traipsing downtown on trains).

Thursday was a blessedly quiet day then Friday the biggest event: the high school graduation itself. I thought I'd be teary, but for the most of it I was fine. It's all a bit blurry now. There were 53 graduating seniors and about 600 people came to see it happen.

This was an extra special treat. We had several OMF colleagues, aka "OMF family" come to join us in the celebration. What a joy. Living at such a distance from our birth-families you tend to develop your own networks to survive and thrive. Over the years many OMFers have helped us in many ways and they do become a bit like an adopted family. Having these colleagues with us on Friday night was a reminder that our son didn't get to this point alone, nor did we. We've had a lot of support, both in Japan and in Australia. Many people have prayed for us and our family over the years too.

Straight after graduation we had a "mini" banquet, with a spread provided by the PTA for guests. It was crazy in a crowd that large. How many times did I get congratulated? Then just an hour after that the seniors all left on a final trip. A parent-organised all-night trip to the beach to watch the sun rise, eat breakfast and return (no sleep except on the bus). They were gone for 12 hours. David volunteered as a chaperone along with three other parents. When they got back our son slept most of the day and David had two long naps. But they did get a spectacular sunrise.

There is controversy about this particular tradition for a few reasons (not least being that it is expensive and took a lot of work to organise). I can see both sides. 

Last week I tried to explain to someone who hasn't lived overseas that graduation from an international school is a little different to a usual high school. I came away disappointed that my point didn't appear to be understood. These third culture kids (TCK) have a bond that will be hard to replicate as they go to other countries and mingle with a lot of mono-cultural kids who don't really understand what it's like to grow up in a country that isn't your passport country (or for the Japanese kids in the class, to go to a school that isn't in your native language or system and become a TCK as a result). When our boys were in Australia, it wasn't so much Japan they missed, but school. They feel "at home" there.

So for me, one reason I'm in favour of the trip because it gives these graduates time to say their goodbyes by just being together. This last week has been so hectic that I don't think there really was time for that otherwise.

And finally, we also said goodbye to my parents. Mum and Dad were with us for 12 days and on Sunday headed off on an adventure of their own. They'd booked a ten-day tour taking them to some very famous places in Japan. We're so glad they were able to come and get a glimpse of our daily life and celebrate these milestones with us. It does make me feel a bit sad and even guilty that they have to go to such trouble and expense in order to simply visit us. And then the best we can offer them is "camping" in our lounge room where they had little personal space.

So now, somehow I need to get back into ordinary life again. Our two younger boys finish school on Friday and David has a few staff days after that. I guess all of that will help jolt me back into reality, that and the list of things that got put on hold while I helped hold the household together over the last fortnight.