Not taking offence, rather grow

Yesterday I saw a great post about dealing with criticism of your writing. Actually, part of it is applicable to dealing with criticism about anything you do (as opposed to criticism about who you are).

Part of my job is criticising people's writing. That comes with considerable risk to me as the editor, particularly when I have little or no relationship with that person. It is very easy for them to take offence at my criticisms. So I'm usually fairly gentle in my approach, and never say things like, "This is rubbish."

This little post helps to debunk the mistaken belief that if something you do if criticised, then the critic is actually saying that you are no good as a person.

I might even save this article for future reference. Actually it would be a good thing to have a future Writer's Workshops that I'll do . . .

A bit of unwanted excitement

Today the Senior do the oral presentation of something that I don't fully understand, but it is a large project that they've worked on over several months. It is supra-subject, from what I understand. That is, it isn't just for one subject that they're studying. Today they do a something like 30 min presentation that is assessed by a panel of three teachers. That means that all the teachers of the school are pulled in to do this and all the students of the school are given a day off. Middle and High schoolers are required to go and listen to one or more of these (depending on their grade level).

So, with the end of school only days away, I have the kids home today. I feel almost like holidays have begun. Wednesday and Thursday, the last full days of school, are just bonuses!

But what I didn't want to do today, and what I never try to do when I have the boys on my own, is to shop. Especially clothes shopping. But it turns out that our 13 y.o. needed a white shirt for French tomorrow. In typical fashion he told us too late, and today was the only time we could do it. So, I marshalled the boys and we headed off on the "long" route to a very local, cheap clothing store. (The "long" route to help get rid of some energy.)

Turns out the shop was shut. So our most reluctant shopper (9 y.o.) immediately turned around and rode home, without waiting to hear what we were going to do about it. I sent my eldest off after him, and he had a terrible job trying to persuade his brother that he needed to stick with us a bit longer. (I figured it was just deserts, considering that the whole excursion might have been avoided if our eldest had communicated appropriately with us!)

So we rode a fair bit further to a shopping centre and found a white shirt. But by this time it was getting close to lunch time and the bad-boy-shopping syndrome was happening: pushing, shoving, tickling, wrestling, running, etc. Arggghh. So, we dropped into a bakery on the first floor and filled up. Yummy bread!

In the middle of all this I also managed to buy a (late) birthday present for my dad and a father's day present for my husband (trying to get with the Japanese date for Father's Day). But I tell you, the girly side of me just wanted to do a little browsing. My boys just don't understand that. They say things like, "Why are you looking at that?" "What are we doing now?" Or they trail around on my heels like lost dogs.

The other amazing thing we bought was an exercise book for my eldest to practise his Japanese in. This is a new development. We had him in Japanese school back in Grade 1 and that turned out to be such a bad experience, that it basically has turned him off learning Japanese ever since. However this week he has to decide what subjects to take next year and he's decided to do Japanese, instead of the French that he loves. His reasoning:

"I'm not going to have a chance to use French any time soon, but I live in Japan and it would be quite useful."

Well, couldn't have said it better myself. But it is amazing how motivating it is to come to the conviction yourself rather than have someone else's conviction imposed upon you.


School doesn't start until August, but he's decided to do some preliminary study to catch up a little bit on what, presumably, his classmates already know. Certainly things that he used to know.

His brothers have been learning Japanese at school (it is compulsory in Grades 1-5). It was touching to see his 9 y.o. brother gently teaching him some basic Japanese characters last night after dinner. Very rare that his younger brothers can teach him anything that he doesn't already know. Very rare that he's willing to be taught by them too!

And now, with the day's excitement over, I'm back at the computer, working on my "to do" list. To truly, I really could do without the "excitement" of taking three boys shopping.

Drowning, just a little bit

I'm drowning a little bit in the sea of things to do this week.

1. This Friday is the deadline for all the content for this coming issue of the Japan Harvest magazine is due to our production editor/designer for placing into layout.
2. The OMF Japan prayer calendar that I produce is also due at the publisher as soon as I can finalise the details (i.e. in the next week).
3. I have lots of last-week-of-school emails turning up. You know, "We've decided to do a special book for the teachers, please have your child draw an amazing multi-coloured picture with some special words of thanks for the teacher and have it to us yesterday." (I exaggerate, but you get the idea.)
4. There are some details we're sorting out about our Australian holidays still, like "Please prepare to speak to our church for 10 minutes on . . . ", and the more mundane, like, "How will we get from the airport to our accommodation and car?" and "What will we feel like doing that first day back (after an overnight flight), with family members who are planning to meet us?"
5. I've ended up with the responsibility of getting appropriate music and word books for our Japan Headquarters prayer meetings (it is a bit outdated at present). It basically requires some internet searching, as we're pretty much decided what to buy. 
6. Kid's Musings is our quarterly Kid's News/Prayer letter. It is due out in June. Topic: Japan's climate.
7. I've got a number of other "managing editor" type things to do, but I suspect that they're going to get relegated to a "later" list. Things like:
• job description for the News Editor that I'd like to recruit
• work on content of a Writer's Workshop that I'm running in October
• planning a planning meeting for the magazine in September
• editing some article for the autumn/fall edition before we leave at the end of the month
• finishing the four-year survey of past issues that I started months ago...

Oh, and did I mention that the boys don't have school tomorrow? And then they have just 2.5 days left after that . . .

But just now I have a dinner to organise for my hungry family. So thankful for a slow cooker (I've been out at a prayer meeting all day). The turkey legs have been cooked and I just need to reheat some rice and cook some veggies. Back to my "list" later.

Change looms

We're standing on the cusp of change again.

Change from school days to holidays. From "Mum does her non-family work while everyone is at school" to "Mum fighting to squeeze her work into any moment she can." From the boys getting rid of their energy at school to it being our responsibility to do it. From our days and weeks being structured to almost no structure.

Change from being well settled in a comfortable routine and house, to trotting around different people's houses in Australia and with no routine of our own.

Change from being a self-contained family with no extended family in the country to being in close proximity to family.

Change from being in Japan and being the ignorant foreigner and the minority of a minority (see here), to bring amongst Australians, yet not bring 100% Australian anymore. From having to explain Australia to others to explaining Japan to Australians.

Change from being with people who've only known us for a few years, to being with people who've known us for decades.

Change from weather that is increasingly getting hotter, to weather that is getting chillier (though not as chilly as the winter we've just had).

Yes, we're only going on holidays for five weeks, but it involves upheaval greater than many people have on their annual holidays. I'm not sure I like it, even though I am a willing volunteer, and was instrumental in organising much of it. I'm excited about some of it, and not excited about other bits.

Change isn't that fun in our house. I know that just the change from being at school to the boys being at home will be fraught with stress. Chuck in everything else that is coming up, and I'm apprehensive.

Unexpected opportunity to be a friend

The other day I "ministered" to someone by visiting them, and having a haircut.

I'm not a church planter or evangelist, but I am a friend. I don't have many Japanese friends, but I'm trying to stay in touch with those I do. On Thursday I decided, despite the pressing concerns that kept me awake the night before, to go and get a needed haircut. I could go to a hairdresser in my "suburb" (really a city, but geographically small compared to most cities in the world — 13 sq km), but I've decided to stay with the hairdresser in my previous city. It is close to the shop my friend owns, and it is only two train stops away. When I have a haircut I usually check that my friend will be in her shop and stop by for a chat, often I browse in the shop too (stationery shops are one of my favourite kinds of shops).

I'm glad I did on Thursday. She told me that her mum had collapsed at a funeral the day after Mother's Day. Her mum had a sub-arachnoid haemorrhage and they operated on her for nine hours! Her mum isn't yet fully conscious and they expect her recovery to take months. So, in addition to looking after her husband and two girls, and running her stationery shop with her husband, she's been driving down to visit her mum in hospital (it is about an hour from where she lives). She has a tremendous amount of energy usually, but I can imagine that this shocking event has drained her terribly.

While I was there her husband came to the shop early and unexpectedly told his wife she could leave early to do "something" with me. I was a bit short on time, so she walked with me to the hairdressers. When we saw that the shop was empty of customers, she decided to join me in having a trim (it isn't a place where you need an appointment). While we didn't get to chat for the hour that we were there, she admitted afterwards that it had been relaxing. She isn't someone who finds sitting still easy, so sitting at a hairdressers isn't usually attractive to her (she admitted to me once that she thought it was a waste of time). Somehow I feel that just by stopping by and sharing her burden, and then giving her and excuse to get away from the busyness of her life, that I helped her a little.

Friendship is a challenging concept when you go overseas. I sometimes find it hard to find things in common with others here, and friendship has a different definition that I haven't really got my mind around yet. But spending time with others and sharing the burden of their concerns is a universal way of being a friend.

She is so terribly competent, and self-sufficient. Oftentimes she's the one who's helping me (she was the one who helped me through the renewal of my driver's licence). She's not interested in the gospel. So I'm thankful for the opportunity to be there for her at a difficult time.

Our public schedule in Australia

Someone asked yesterday what our schedule would be in Australia, in more detail than here. I don't see any reason for not putting the public bits of it here, so here we go:

30th June arrive in Brisbane (early!)
1st July We'll be at Grace Christian Church at 9.30. 1 School Rd, Redbank Plains.
7th July Meet the Marshalls day from 11am at Rocks Riverside Park, Seventeen Mile Rocks.
(BYO lunch, and also sporting equipment as you wish).
8th July Metrowest Community Church http://about.metrowest.cc/
13-28 Uluru trip in a motorhome
29th July Mt Tamborine Presbyterian Church 9 am
4th August Meet the Marshalls in Toowoomba, South Toowoomba Baptist (time yet to be decided).
5th August South Toowoomba Baptist
7th Fly back to Tokyo.

If you'd like to catch up with us, and you live in or near South East Queensland, these are the places to be. We're really sorry not to make it to other parts of Australia this time, but it is basically holiday and family time and in five weeks there is only so much you can do when you have children and a limited budget. As it stands it is (as someone put it), "good but exhausting". We're hoping not too exhausting.

Feel free to contact me using this: wendymarshall04 at gmail dot com

Follow-up on the recital

Thank you for everyone's interest in how the recital went yesterday. I made it through. Thankfully, as my son was the youngest student, we were first up. Not too much time to get sweaty palms.

I found a Youtube video of the piece we played yesterday, to give you an idea. (I played the bass, or on the left.)

We of course played it better than this :-) It is to be "lively", so we played it faster. My son's teacher also gave us the interpretation that the fast notes or quavers (US=eighth notes) were to  be played in a DOO-ba rhythm, rather than even in length and emphasis. These two do that a little, especially towards the end. But I think we managed it the whole way through.

I've just replayed the video my husband took of our performance and I'm happy with how it went. Not perfect, but pretty good none-the-less. For those of you who are my Facebook friends, we've posted our video there.

Now I just need to work on keeping him motivated to practise through the coming long summer holidays (starting next Friday). His teacher has another duet for us to tackle, so that should be fun. And hopefully I can get him to show-off to our families when we're home.

I'm not really a sentimental sort, but there was something special about playing with my son in a performance. Piano can be a lonely occupation. To have the opportunity to do it with other people is special. It is quite something to be able to help pass on a skill that I've been given to my son and then participate with him (kind-of like playing a sport with him). We'll see how long it is before he overtakes my ability, though! He's only seven, so I've probably got a few years at least!