Another unexpectedly unusual week

It's Friday and I have to say that this has been an odd week. Looking ahead to June last week, I didn't clock this week as being especially unusual, but it has ended up that way. Here's a few bits and pieces:

Music practice

As I mentioned last week, I'm playing the piano for worship at church this Sunday and also at conference next Friday. Hence, practise was needed. On Tuesday I took three trains across Tokyo to meet with others from our mission to practice for an hour...and then took three back again. Three hours of travel! Because it is such a distance, I usually try to combine such a journey with at least one other thing. This time I managed to snag a friend/colleague for lunch. Precious quiet moments in a tiny Tokyo cafe.

Piano: I've been playing since I was 
four...it's like another "first language".

I also spent an hour and a half practising at school yesterday (the easiest piano for me to access). David found a practise room and I had a great time. It took me back many years to my childhood and teenage years when I spent at least an hour a day practising and three hours a week at my teacher's studio, many times playing the piano in one of her two practice rooms. As I've eased back into playing these last few weeks, I've realised that playing the piano (and reading music) is like a first language to me. I still find it very easy to sight read (i.e. play from written notes without first hearing a piece)...much easier than trying to play chords (what guitarists use). And to extend the metaphor...much easier than trying to operate in Japanese.

Being stretched

This week I've had few stretching experiences.

On Wednesday I took seven trains (after six the day before). My day only contained two main things: I took three trains to met a colleague from one of my teams for a catch-up about work and how he's doing. Then I caught another three trains to meet another colleague who is moving back to Australia. She's newer in Japan and needed a hand with driving a larger vehicle to shift some of her furniture to another new family who live about 45 minutes away. My job was driving! Usually it's David who does things like this, but he wasn't available when they were, so I volunteered. The vehicle was a HiAce, a little bigger than our 8-seater vans that we've owned most of our years in Tokyo. But I managed. Between us we also managed to hire it from a Japanese company. This is no small thing when you struggle with Japanese . . . it wasn't pretty, but we did it. And I didn't damage the vehicle in any way, so that was a relief! 

The van we hired to do the moving. 

When we were done, I took one more train to get home. In contrast to the day before I never left western Tokyo, just took a big train circuit, and never more than about 15 km from our house.

Then yesterday I had my annual Japanese medical. It's pretty much funded by the government. It was not very comprehensive, but they did a urine and took some blood and asked me if I had any concerns. The doctor, nurse, and I danced around in two languages, but, I think managed the basics. I really struggle with starving blood test. Breakfast is mandatory for me to have decent brain function and going without my mid-morning coffee is a double blow to my capacity. Then, having to speak Japanese on top of that . . . it's definitely not pretty. I haven't yet managed to explain to a medical professional how difficult I find it to function in my (very second) language without breakfast or coffee.

My big mistake, yesterday, however, was trying to be efficient. I also needed more asthma meds, so I thought combining that with my medical would be a smart move . . . and it was, until I got to the pharmacy next to the doctor. What I should have done was go and have my coffee and then come back, but I didn't. The pharmacy didn't have enough in stock to fill my prescription. This has happened every time I've been recently, so I shouldn't have been surprised. But this time it seems there were greater difficulties that I don't understand . . . the lady appointed to deal with me spoke loud and fast, but didn't seem to have all the information that she needed. Our interactions (entirely in Japanese) were punctuated with something like "chotto matte kudasai" (please excuse me) followed by her rushing back to talk to someone else (the pharmacist?). 

This back and forth went on for some time. 

I was sitting like a blob on the waiting seats, with a pretty massive headache and brain fog so thick that thinking was hard. 

Eventually she agreed that they could sell me two then and they would mail me the rest of the script later. I had to throw more complications into the conversation as I explained that I was going to be in Sapporo from Monday for five days, then back here for four days, then in Australia (I didn't mention Singapore) from the week after for five weeks!

I think we sorted it out, but now I look back, I'm not sure why it was so hard. Brain fog and headache contributed, for sure, but I'm hoping that it wasn't contagious and that she didn't also have compromised brain function!

The "medical" actually only took around 30 minutes, but the end result was that I pretty much was incapacitated for the whole morning. It was only after lunch that I started to be able to do anything much of value. And then I had a piano practice and staff family dinner at school . . . so yesterday I didn't feel like I got much of value done!

End of year feel

At both school (where David works) and OMF JHQ (our mission's national base) I found an "end of year" vibe. Certainly at school, where the school year ended this week, that was the case. I wasn't ready for it at JHQ. It's not the end of the year there, but with our national conference next week, there is a lot of "get this done before conference". And there are cross-overs between the two organisations. One key leader in OMF Japan has kids at the school, so they are heading off straight after conference on a short home assignment, and so she's been handing over jobs to people to take care of during the months she'll be away. Also so there was an edge of tired frantic-ness (overwrought?) there that I wasn't expecting.

Additionally, in both places there are people leaving after serving in each place for a long time. So there's an edge of sadness to it all as well.

Ah, I'd better stop writing here and get back to the things I need to get done "before conference".

June's a big month

June, how can it already be June? My calendar says it's a so, so it must be so!

My calendar also has a lot written on it this month. It's a month that will contain a five-day OMF Japan conference in Hokkaido, a trip to Singapore for work, a couple of days holiday in Singapore, and flying to Australia for a five-week stay.

The day before we head off to conference I'm playing the piano for church. It's been a long time since I did that! David's also leading the service, which is something he's not done for a long time either. It's a great joy to be able to serve our new church in these tangible ways.

Conference starts on the 16th, and there are many preparations going on. The schedule is pretty much 8 am to 9 pm! We've done many of these over the years and they are really good times, but very exhausting at the same time (though not as bad now as when our kids were little). More than 250 adults and kids will meet together at the pictured hotel for the week.

We've been to this venue on
the outskirts of Sapporo multiple
times. It's beautiful. Our boys 
especially loved the all-you-can-eat
buffet for breakfast and dinner
as well as the water park in the 
basement!

My own small parts are:

• I'm part of a worship team as the pianist for one session, which has required creativity to get the music as well as practise (I no longer have a piano at home and live a long way from others on the team). 
• I'm leading a voluntary session that is themed writing. It's unclear what this will look like and completely unknown if anyone will even come to it...and it's on the last evening, by which time I'll probably be staggering around under the influence of too much coffee, just to stay upright! So, some preparation has been necessary (yep, I stopped writing this blog post and actually did some prep!).
• I think the only other thing I'm responsible for requires almost no preparation, but will require concentration. I'm the designated "conference recorder". Which basically means recording the important stuff that happens through the week and providing a report at the end. I've been given a copy of the report from 2023, and it's actually pretty intimidating. I don't think I'll be able to make my report as pretty!

On June 20, after conference, we head back home for the weekend before David heads to Thailand. I get to stay at home for a couple of extra days before I fly to Singapore. I'm planning on meeting others in our organisation who do similar work to me in social media and we're going to "job alike", which is a new term I learnt last year that is mostly used in education circles. It's when people who do similar jobs in different places/organisations get together and talk about common stuff in our jobs. It's the first time I've done this as an in-person thing in another country. I've talked to various people over video calls, but usually just an hour or so, but this will be larger than that and I'm interested to see how it goes. Our organisation is large and spread over multiple countries around the world. It's not easy to get together with others who do similar things. Social media is a newish kind of ministry and there aren't so many of us around.

After that David will meet me in Singapore where we'll rest for a couple of days and catch up with some Singaporean colleagues from Japan who happen to be "at home" at the moment. And then we'll head to Australia on the last day of the month.

When we left Australia last July we told our boys we're planning to come back this year to see them. As it turned out, we saw all of them in January at our son's wedding, but we still wanted to catch up with them and other loved ones, so we've pushed ahead with this plan.

Our five weeks in south-east Queensland will be a combo holiday/work remotely situation. It's much like July would usually look for us in Japan—with David on summer holidays from work and me still working from home, but scaling things back a little (getting some mid-week sleep-ins for example).

We'll fly back to Japan in early August in time for a couple of annual medical checks for David before he starts back at school.

Phew, I'm tired just writing all that (about June, especially).

It's a daily battle

Well, the last two blog posts have been really easy to write: from inside the writing retreat and then last week's wonderful news about our family. But today's isn't rolling off my fingers.

Last week I had a quiet week working at home with only one meeting. After a busy time at the retreat the previous week, it was good to counterbalance that with a more restful one. But it is when I'm not so busy, and also in the "slump" after a big, highly anticipated event, that doubts and negative thoughts start to creep into my mind.

Some of those internal voices I hear are words about how ineffective and useless I am, and you have to read that in the context of the organisation we're apart of and the reason we're in Japan. We're here because so few Japanese people follow Jesus. I talk and write about how important support ministry is (the name of the work that David and I are primarily involved in), but sometimes it feels like we're just not doing enough and by extension, are not enough. I think that is probably a common feeling amongst missionaries in this country. We don't talk about it much, but it's the big elephant in the room, and one reason that people burn out or fizzle out here.

Last week I felt particularly heavy-hearted about Japan as a nation (not about living here, but how tough a place it is for people to come to faith in Christ, and continue in that faith). In some weird way I found that sadness a comfort: Jesus himself wept over Jerusalem (Luke 19:41), surely he weeps over Japan too! It is right to be sad about those who don't know Christ.

But at the same time, I know we need to take heart and trust in God. He's got us (and our colleagues) here for a reason. Missionaries generally don't just decide to go off and "do stuff" in foreign countries, they are compelled by Scripture and the Holy Spirit to do this. It's hard to prove in black-and-white, but we're here due to an overwhelming sense that it's the right place to be serving God.

Earlier this week I saw this article "Tethering tightly" from A Life Overseas, and though the situation of the author differs from ours in various ways, she hits on some important points about persevering in this life of faith by thinking about the verse in John 15:

I am the vine, you are the branches; the one who remains in me, and I in him bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. (vs 5 NASB).

Here are some points that were good to be reminded of:

• Living abroad takes its toll. The layers of grief, hopes for the future, fatigue, and persevering through trials.
• We're called to remain steadfast in God, not to change our circumstances to get relief from our struggles or weakness.
• God is the vine, our stability in the midst of the constant changing human landscape. He's the only one who can truly satisfy us and strengthen us.
  
• I'm just a branch. I don't have all the answers or solutions. I'm part of it, but not expected to do everything or be everything.

  

  I also spent an hour with a new hairdresser as she
  tried to comprehend what I wanted to do with
  this unfamiliar "Western" hair. I think she did
  a good job in the end. I don't think I've ever had 
  someone try so hard. I learned a new, helpful
  word "nagamochi" which means "longlasting"
  and apparently can be applied to skinflint
  missionaries who don't want to pay for a haircut
  every other week!

• My job is mostly to remain in him and he will do the work, whatever work that he decides to do.
• It's simply not about me. About what I do, how I serve, what my productivity or lack of productivity is, what activities I do or complete, what things I tick off on my lists.

Please don't imagine that I've been curled up on the lounge in despair. I haven't! I've actually been moderately busy most days—writing, editing, reading, emailing, planning, thinking, etc. I could tell you several very encouraging things that happened in the last 10 days, not the least was, on Saturday, doing a bunch of baking for church, and getting a tonne of appreciation for that on Sunday! I also had a very encouraging time at a coffee shop with a new friend from church.

But it's a daily battle, isn't it? To keep our eyes fixed on Jesus. To remember that we're not the centre of the story. And to do our desperate best, despite our weak and distracted selves, to remain in Christ. Thankfully that's not up to us either. He's got us in a far more solid grasp than we'll ever be capable of.

Buzzing with exciting news

I'm still buzzing from the writing retreat, but more "buzz" was to come on Saturday. We've known for several weeks, but finally we were able to talk openly about our impending grandparent-hood! 

My kids were all born pre-social media, so I come from an era where people didn't do announcements like this. But how fun is this photo that I made?

I feel like life is shooting past faster than I can comprehend, though! Only two years ago I had a kid at school...and then I was adjusting to "open nesting" and then having a daughter-in-law and now a grandchild is on the way? 

Phew! It's a lot! But also a lot of joy. 

The only sad thing about it is that we live a long way away from the expectant couple and we don't have a huge budget. Decisions about our movements at Christmas time are now pending...

Writing from the depths of a writing retreat

We are into day four of our five-day writing retreat. It's going really well from an organiser's perspective. You might wonder what a retreat like this looks like. From my research and experience, a writing retreat can look quite different from one to the other. It can be as simple as one person going somewhere for the day and working on a writing project. Or it can be as complex as a group going to a very special destination for a lengthy period with a complex schedule that includes teaching, workshops, small groups, as well as individual and writing time.

This retreat is a time for missionaries who feel compelled to write to get away from their daily lives (and ministry) and write and talk about writing amongst ourselves. And we've had lots of time to do both. Each day we're spending up to five hours in "Shut up and write" (SUAW) time where we're trying hard to stay silent. We don't have desks in individual rooms, so we're mostly quietly writing in a single (beautiful) communal room. Often people will stop and go for a walk, or have a snack to break up the time. One of our group has been stoking literal fires. The room is heated by a wood heater, and yes, it's cool enough in the evenings to enjoy that.

Aomori Christian Center

Each day we're starting, straight after breakfast with a devotions led by one of the participants and a short time of prayer. We follow this with 10 minutes of "no-back-space" writing time, using a choice of several prompts, from the serious to the absurd. After that, there's time to share what you've written, if you wish. I've also given a Daily Creative Challenge that people can choose to do during the day if they wish. Then we transition into a couple of hours of SUAW before lunch.

After lunch we've spent 40–80 minutes talking about writing, which has been participant-led. It's often been people sharing something they've written and the rest of us giving kind, but constructive feedback. But also we've had discussions about an idea for a story or article.

The rest of the afternoon is SUAW. It's been wonderfully focused time. No nattering or catching up on email or errands to run or meals to prepare or meetings to attend. I'm so thankful that our hosts here are fully catering for meals, snacks, and drinks. 

After dinner we've had time to share our responses (if we wish) to the Daily Challenge. On the first couple of evenings we had some get-to-know you questions that we each answered, as well as sharing our expectations for the week. Then we've indulged in some fun games which have been welcome after the intensity of the day.

I'm appreciating the time to relax into being here, and also being with this small group, most of whom I didn't know well. It means that it's much less hit-and-go than previous short events that I've led, most of which have been one or two nights only. We've been able to focus on longer projects or getting more things written. But it's also challenging. This hasn't been a holiday.

As one who has mostly worked in the publishing field as an editor, to have this much time to work on my own writing is very confronting. It's not that I haven't written much in the last 17 years, I've actually written quite a lot! Dozens of magazine articles and online articles, a handful of short pieces in book collections, and a personal blog that now contains 3,300 posts. 

It's the latter that I'm focusing on this week. The last three days I've been reviewing what I have actually written...from the beginning in March 2009. I've been pondering what content I've got that could be reworked into a larger thing—also known as a book—for publication. That is also confronting. For years I've eschewed any idea that I might write a book, and now I'm wondering if I actually should. That scares me because it is a big project, a long-term project. But it also excites me.

The other exciting thing is that it's looking likely that we'll be able to do it again next year in the same location. Hopefully we'll be able to widen the invitation to allow a larger group to join us. Though the small group has been very special and comfortable, I know that there are others out there who would love to join us and would both benefit and contribute. We'll see what feedback everyone gives me after this is over so that we can make the next one even better. 

Exciting week coming up

One of my secret joys is getting away with other people who love to write, and simply focussing on writing. And living in a country where the language is not your own is a lonely place for a writer. So I've had to make my own opportunities.

It's over five years since I ran a writing retreat. On Monday I'm heading north to host a five-day retreat for OMF people. I'm so glad that this long-held dream is actually coming to pass, and that I really haven't had to do too much to prepare.

A scene from the 2020
writers retreat.

Last time I did this it was mid-March 2020 at the start of the crazy pandemic years...literally, that plague was a few weeks old and we were nervous. Thirteen of us gathered in three holiday apartments (where we've often had holidays in the mountains). I "outlawed" talking about the pandemic and we didn't wear masks. Little did I know that would be the last time I saw the faces of people in person outside my family for many many months (or was it years?).

It was so successful that several people who attended kept asking me when I was going to do it again. One of the attendees and I dreamed of doing this "up north", closer to where she lives. But with the pandemic as well as challenges within our own family and then home assignment, none of that has been possible.

But the dream goes way back 15 years to when I first thought about hosting a retreat/workshop and then did my first micro retreat in November 2011. I ran six between 2011 and 2020, and only one of them in Tokyo. Most of them I was involved with logistics, finance, catering, and transport too (I was often the driver and last time the facilities manager too)!

Ever since we came back to Japan last year, I've been working towards pulling this off, and in January we finally found a venue and got dates and things started to come together. And then we had eight people (beside me) sign up. So exciting!

This one is going to be easy: it's catered, finances are taken care of by the venue, and we even get transfers from the train station. And I don't have any teaching to do.

Five days is the longest one I've ever hosted (I attended a five-day one in Hong Kong in 2010). It's such a relaxed schedule that we should have a lot of time to write...something I've not had the chance to do much of in any of the six I've hosted before.

My goals for the retreat are:

1. To provide a space for people who write to get away and do that.

2. To energise writers by getting them together.

3. To offer people help with writing or editing...if they want it.

4. To make concrete plans to do this on a bigger scale, for a wider group of people, next year.

A couple of people asked me about my personal writing goals. I have one big idea and a couple of smaller ones. We'll see where and how God leads. I am full of anticipation, though. Watch this space.

End of the teenage era!

This week marks the end of an era. Nearly 13 years ago our eldest son became a teenager and this week his youngest brother turned 20, though it's been more than a year since he moved out, it's still worth acknowledging that our family has reached a new stage with no teenagers in our midst anymore. One of the fun things about a long-distance blog like mine is looking back at the past (I guess the same would be true if you were a consistent journaller).

One of the nearly 20 birthday
cakes I made for our
teenagers over the years.

Below is a short collection of some of the better things I've shared about parenting teenagers in the last 13 years.

I started blogging before I hit the teen years as a parent, so I recorded the start (in 2012!) here: https://mmuser.blogspot.com/2012/05/mother-of-teenager-not-i-not-yet.html

At that time I wrote:

I don't know what is ahead, but the last 13 years of parenting haven't been a breeze. I doubt that the next seven are going to be either. I guess the only way forward is how I've made it through the last 13 years — by God's grace and with lots of prayer.

I clearly wasn't thinking that it would be 13 more years until this phase of parenting would be put to bed, however my proposed way forward was solid.

By the time my first son hit teenage years, I'd given up on parenting books. However, in 2015, I did find one that was helpful. It majored on "grace" rather than "this is how you must do it or else": https://mmuser.blogspot.com/2015/10/broken-parents.html 

Here's one quote:

Parenting, like all tasks under the sun, is intended as an endeavor of love, risk, perseverance, and above all, faith. It is faith rather than formula, grace rather than guarantees, steadfastness rather than success that bridges the gap between our own parenting efforts, and what, by God's grace, our children grow up to become. 

(This actually comes from Leslie Leyland Fields, , "The Myth of the Perfect Parent," Christianity Today, January 2010, 27.)

February 2016 was a very difficult month (my father-in-law was dying in hospital). During that time I came across a very encouraging post: The value of a mother: https://mmuser.blogspot.com/2016/02/the-value-of-mother.html 

As I’ve said before and will repeat until I die, no matter your role or stage of life, when you wonder about your value you need to look to only one place: the cross. At the cross the creator of this universe sacrificed His only Son because He values you. Your value comes not from what you do, but who you ARE in Him because of what He already did. He also highly values your role as a mother.

In 2018 we had three teenagers, though one had left home earlier that year. I wrote a short blog post with some crumbs of advice:  https://mmuser.blogspot.com/2018/11/teenage-parenting-crumbs.html

1. Pick your battles very carefully (not meaning that you don't set expectations).

2. Find what they're interested in, and invest in that to build a bridge.

In May 2019 I wrote about negotiating new family household jobs: https://mmuser.blogspot.com/2019/05/negotiating-with-my-teen.html

And here are two final pieces of advice (from here) Ups and downs of parenting teens:

3. Teenagers grow up, this is just a stage. It's a long stage, but seeing them come out at the other end with all sorts of amazing skills is even more gratifying than watching your kids learn to walk!

4. Find someone safe who you can talk to about your parenting struggles. It is a hard, long slog. A very long marathon, if you like, not a sprint. And it's not a good idea to slog it out on your own without support.

I have long said I will never write a book about parenting, however I have written about my own journey quite a bit on this blog. Every family is different, has different challenges and different strengths. Every child and every parent is unique. I don't write here about my experiences to make you envious or to feel guilty. My intention is to walk alongside you in the trenches by showing you a little of my "on the edge of ordinary" life.

The value of listening

The other day I got a message from someone in our organisation in Australia who I don't know. Her role is specifically about helping advise our members about their kids, as needed. We've never met. However, somehow she'd discovered this blog and had been reading bits of our story and wanted to know what we've learned along the way, especially in regards to neurodivergence and what help we'd received that she could pass on to others if she needed to.

A photo from a few years back when the
boys all lived with us in Japan.

I asked if she would be interested in hearing our story in detail. I explained that it would just be easier to tell her, because it's a long, complex story—which is pretty normal for neurodivergence, but I suspect ours is more complex because of the cross-cultural elements. It's a story that would take me hours, even as a fast writer, to get down. She agreed, and we talked for nearly two hours. Well, most of that talking was me! She asked some great questions, including some that I've never been asked before. But I think we were both exhausted at the end. 

I have been thinking about that conversation ever since. It was great to be really listened to (she was even taking notes). But it was hard to make sure I included all the bits and pieces. The story went back around 20–25 years and there were so many threads. In the days that followed that conversation, I kept thinking of more things that I could have added! But I think that in the end she got all (and probably much more) than she needed. It made me aware again of the various people God has given me along the way who have listened to me tell parts of our story, with all my struggles, questions, and tears. I'm so thankful. I'm thankful to all who have prayed for us, usually without much information, but just that we were struggling.

It's a huge blessing to be able to look back at all of that and see where our kids are now and that they're all okay. One of the hardest things about being a parent is not knowing the end of the story. Of course all parents have to make decisions without all the information that you feel you need (especially a comparison between the outcomes of two different decisions). Not knowing what long-term impact your decisions will have on your kid is difficult, but when your children aren't thriving or "fitting the norm" it's even harder. One of the extra hard things about being a missionary parent is not having many people around you whose situation is similar to yours and few who understand the nuances of your situation. It can be quite a lonely and difficult place to do parenting and make hard decisions.

So, what's the point of me sharing this? I think, to shed light on the difficulty of being a parent of a kid with neurodivergence and that it is even harder when one is living a missionary life. But most especially to note that the most valuable thing you might be able to do for such a parent is to listen to them. You might not be able to provide any solutions, or point a parent to a place where they can get help, or help them make an important decision, but if they feel heard then that is a help. Parenting kids who have difficulties is a lonely job, it's hard for others to understand the daily challenges you face. If someone is willing to stop and listen to you talk about those challenges, it's a huge encouragement.

Pondering the Biblical metaphor of shepherd and sheep

I often think of the scenes of
another book I read as a
child, Heidi, when I think of 
ancient shepherds. In that 
book the animals are goats,
but they have a goatherd who 
daily takes them up onto the
mountain slopes in Switzerland
and is charged with keeping 
them safe.
Image by Greg Montani from Pixabay

Recently at our church we heard a sermon about Jesus's statement "I am the good shepherd" (John 10:11 NIV). This metaphor is especially precious to me. It was one that God impressed on my heart as a young teenager, just as I was starting to question my since-childhood-faith. I think that, as a child, I felt a lot of pressure to "be good", so to know that I was cared for like a shepherd cares for their sheep was a great comfort. 

Shepherding was a common profession in Biblical times and is mentioned 118 times in the NIV version of the Bible.

This verse was particularly precious to me at a mid-pandemic individual mini retreat that I did in 2020:

He [the Sovereign Lord] tends his flock like a shepherd:
he gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young. (Isaiah 40:11 NIV)

He holds us close to his heart: that's very intimate, like a parent holds a baby!

Here's another example of this metaphor:

The Lord their God will save his people on that day as a shepherd saves his flock. (Zechariah 9:16)

And of course the whole of Psalm 23, which starts with—"The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing".

Leaders of Israel are often referred to as shepherds, and often condemned as bad shepherds. 

God refers to himself as a shepherd (eg. Zechariah above).

Early in his ministry the Bible records that Jesus saw a large crowd and "had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd." (Matt. 9:36 NIV).

There's a whole passage in John 10 about Jesus as a shepherd.

This benediction at the end of Hebrews:

Now may the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep. (Hebrews 13:20)

And in this passage, Peter urges his readers to live for God in a society that doesn't respect God's authority:

For ‘you were like sheep going astray,’ but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls. (1 Peter 2:25)

Our pastor dwelt on what sheep are really like. Here are some characteristics (from memory):

• not good at making decisions or thinking for themselves, in fact renowned for doing "stupid" things,
• good at following the crowd and prone to wander,
• weak and vulnerable, without defence, and
• not beasts of burden.

We're compared to sheep multiple times in the Bible, but it's not necessarily complimentary! But what a comfort, that God knows how weak and "stupid" we are, and cares for us despite that.

During the sermon Psalm 121 also came up. It doesn't specifically mention sheep or shepherds, but the it's quite applicable to sheep-like creatures. Verse eight stood out to me: 

 "The Lord watches over your coming and going, both now and forevermore."

The other day, I came across this same combining of "shepherd" and "coming and going" in Numbers, in my daily Bible reading. It was coming to the end of Moses's life and he asked God for a successor to take over looking after the nation of Israel, who didn't yet have a permanent place to settle:

Moses said to the Lord, ‘May the Lord, the God who gives breath to all living things, appoint someone over this community to go out and come in before them, one who will lead them out and bring them in, so that the Lord’s people will not be like sheep without a shepherd.’ (Numbers 27:15–17)

Our pastor drew out the point that God watches over the daily coming and going that happens in our lives. Back in Biblical days, a shepherd, I'm told, slept across the doorway of the place where the sheep spent the night, so he was literally the door and in charge of when they came in and out of that shelter.

This same verse in Ps. 121 also came up at our mission's regional monthly prayer and fellowship gathering the very next day. Different angle on it, though, talking more about all the transition, hellos and goodbyes, which are ever present in the missionary's life. What a comfort to be reminded that God is right there beside us in all these.

I love a good word study...left on my own, it's often how I study the Bible. This metaphor has been a theme that God has periodically reminded me of over the years. I hope it's been an encouragement or help to you today.

Neurodivergence and transition

This week I've seen a couple of articles from A Life Overseas website about neurodiverse missionary kids. It's a journey we've walked and I‘ve written about (here), so I was interested to see what these articles had to say about it. And it wasn't too much different to what I'd written, though obviously not in first person and thinking in more detail of a broader audience that will encounter many different cultures.

A photo from 2017 with our three guys

I didn't find the first article all that helpful, though someone who knows nothing about neurodivergence would probably find it a good entry point into thinking about their kid (or someone else's) who just don't seem to fit or find things difficult that the rest of us take in our stride. First article: How to Notice Neurodiversity in Third Culture Kids

The second article "How to Help Neurodiverse TCKs in Transition" came out today and it hit very close to home. Transition is one of the big issues that our kids struggled with. It's shaped how we've raised our children and the decisions we've made about moves, holidays, home assignments, how we've used our home, how much hospitality and travel we engaged in, etc.

One particular story comes to mind. In June 2018, we moved to Australia for six months home assignment. We knew that one of our teenage sons needed to see a psychologist, so tried to work ahead to make that happen, because in the end six months isn't that long and could easily be taken up with a waiting list. Our habit has been to find a mid-way place to stop between Japan and Brisbane as we move back—that gives us a short time to breathe, after finishing everything in Japan before diving into all that's required for settling a family in Australia. It never feels like enough time, it also usually feels chaotic and the "when can we get settled" feelings come over us.

Anyway, that year we decided to stop in Sydney for a few days. I found low-cost accommodation for a few days with a mission and we were making the best of it. No one was in a good condition, however. We were all tired, unsettled, and not at all comfortable with our unfamiliar surroundings. The boys were facing six months without their friends or classmates, familiar surroundings or belongings, and without their usual routines. Everything, except each other, was different.

In the midst of this especially messy time, I got a phone call from the psychologist's office. I was literally standing in the midst of open suitcases in a hotel-type room in Sydney. It was the kind of routine admission phone call that they make. The admissions officer asked me a bunch of standard questions and I remember laughing out loud at one that read something like "Between 1 and 10, 1 being in good place and 10 being really not good, how would you say your child's mental wellbeing is today?" I tried to explain why I was laughing, and she brushed it off, asking just to answer anyway...of course he wasn't in a good way that day!

I have many, many stories. In the blog post I wrote two years ago (first link in today's post), I wrote these words:

We've got many sad memories of the difficulty of getting our kids seated in a crowded [unknown] church, of awkward whispered conversations with people who assumed our kids would join the Sunday School, or even a child who refused to get out of the car and come into church at all. And then the difficulties of staying in other people's homes: relatives, friends, and strangers. So many unspoken expectations surround situations like that, including conversation, politeness, and even that two children will share a room willingly. And all the while, feeling like our kids and observations of our parenting are somehow part of a report card on our fitness as missionaries. That's a lot of uncomfortable pressure.

Overall, though, we've been blessed with being able to provide a lot of stability and minimal transition through most of our sons' growing up years, though, and for that, I'm very grateful.

I think that one reason that we are especially happy in our new season with our boys living independent of us, is that we no longer have to drag them through the sorts of transition that litter a missionaries career. They have much more control over their lives now they don't live with us. And we are free to make decisions without the complication of deciding how these decisions would work for the whole family, how well our kids would cope with whatever transition our decision/s would inflict on them.

All that being, said, probably our kids have ended up more flexible just because they had no choice about it. It was painful at time, for all of us, but probably it has helped them grow as individuals and hopefully they are more resilient because we haven't surrounded them with cotton wool. Like most things, too much is bad, but so is too little. Hopefully we've landed somewhere in the middle, by God's grace.

Please reach out to me directly if you'd like to talk more on this subject. I find it's easier to be more open about our personal experiences in a private conversation than it is on this public forum.

I had way too many tabs open and a book review happened

[Written yesterday, but I ran out of time to finish it off and post it.]

I'm having an exceptionally difficult time concentrating on anything today...part of that is that it is my birthday and I always struggle conceptually with that—it always throws me off balance for 24 hrs! I feel like maybe you should stop celebrating that once you become an adult (or perhaps by 25 or something). We don't have much planned, indeed it was going to be a usual work day for us both. But David has had a sore throat and minimal vocal endurance since Friday, and this is his third day home. I'm just not used to him being home during the week (when it isn't a school holiday) and it throws me off balance! 

Ice cream cake and my birthday present:
eight bulbs in bloom

Our plans were (and still are) to go out for dinner and have ice cream cake afterwards. Simple, easy. With no family around there isn't any need for anything else. I did think about taking a few hours out of the office to ride to my favourite park. It would be perfect as the sakura trees are all blooming, but alas it's drizzling and cold...in fact it's been raining almost constantly for the last week, barring Sunday. So not a great day to be out at all.

So, instead I'm sitting at my desk with way too many tabs open—on all my devices, and in my head—and I'm not achieving anything. (In my defence, I did get our prayer letter for April sent out...but that was a fairly simple task, the harder stuff was done earlier in the week).

One of the things on my "rolling" to do list is to write about a book I finished recently...maybe that's something I can do today? I want to write about this to help clarify my thoughts about the topic, but also to recommend it to you as a worthwhile read.

The book is called Unoffendable by Brant Hansen. It was mentioned during the retreat in March, and, to my surprise, I was able to find it my online public library. The book takes us back to basics, especially about anger, but also love, forgiveness, and living a restful life. It was quite US-focused, though. The US sounds like a very angry culture, and perhaps Australia has changed in recent years, but I think our culture tends more towards the "she'll be right mate" laid-back attitude that both annoys and attracts Americans.

What shocks me in the book is what the author portrayed as an apparent acceptance by Christians of anger as a good emotion: legitimising one's answer as "righteous" is commonly mentioned in the book. People saying that you can't get things done unless you utilise anger as a motivation. And "Isn't being offended part of being a Christian" (quote from p15 of my ebook).

The author has concluded, in an apparently counter-cultural move, that Christians should be the most unoffendable people on the planet. Here is some of what the Bible says about anger:

"Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice" (Eph. 4:31 NIV).

"My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires" (James 1:20).

"But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips " (Col. 3:8).

I looked it up and the term "righteous anger" isn't in the Bible, actually. Most of what is written there about anger is very negative.

But as I type that, I think of examples of stories of characters in the Bible who did get angry for good reasons: Moses (more than once), David, various prophets, etc. But the question really is, as a book review on The Gospel Coalition's website says, in theological terms, is "anger a communicable or incommunicable attribute of God. . . is anger an attribute God shares with people?" A question you need to answer before you can use Jesus's anger as a justification for your own.

I am no theologian, but I think that Christians probably justify anger more than we should, but also, that there are times when anger is okay. But I don't think that it's okay to hold onto anger for lengthy periods or to sling around like a sledgehammer in a way that overshadows the life of love that we're called to. I know people like that, even Christians, and they aren't easy to live life near. This book addresses the tendency to go overboard in our justification of anger.

One of the parts of the book that struck me was that a restful life, a life characterised by peace, is actually more attractive than one that is full of anger and an easy-to-offend nature. Some how "restfulness" can often feel like a waste of time to me...but perhaps I'm more useful to God if I aim more at a restful-type life, than a running-around-like-crazy life?

I always love an author who writes in a personable way and is happy to share their faults. This book has that in spades. He also has fun (and helpful) stories and quirky chapter titles like: "This is the Chapter about how we're just barely smart enough to be stupid" and "And lo, the Kingdom of God is like a terrible football team".

It's a good read, even if you don't especially struggle with anger.

_____________

Postscript: The day ended, better than it started. I did get a bit more done (maybe because I did a bit of writing here...writing often works like that for me). And finished off with a helpful international collaboration meeting with others in our organisation. Then we had a delightful meal at a Japanese restaurant and, you've already seen the photo, ice cream cake!

Camping on our own for the first time

This "little" car is actually a breeze to pack.

It's time for my camping blog post for all youvicarious campers out there. This time we were on our own: no kids, no camping buddies. Last Tuesday we drove nearly six hours west to a campsite in Gifu Prefecture, north-west of Nagoya (check a map further down in this post).

Many vehicles in this michi-no-eki carpark.

Our lunch spot. The sky looks less hazy here than
 it appeared to the naked eye, but it
still wasn't so beautiful. This is Lake Suwa,
known for fishing and fireworks. But it also has
a hot spring/geyser!

We're often asked how we find campsites (because we rarely visit the same place twice). It's a simple Google Maps search for "campsites near here" in an area we've decided we want to visit. Then trawling through those that have websites listed, checking if they have toilet and bathing facilities and the costs (some are very expensive). And also, at this time of year, if they are even open. We found very few open as early as March in Gifu.

This time we ventured further afield and drove over five hours (the total trip was close to six and a half hours with three comfort/lunch stops). Much of the driving was along the Chuo Expressway (literally "central" expressway), a major route between Tokyo and Kansai region. The journey was a bit disappointing because the air quality was pretty bad. The cause was yellow sand from China's Gobi Desert! Yes, this happens every spring (see a video from last week here). This meant it was hard to see much of the gorgeous mountains that we were driving between. The Chuo Expressway takes you between some large mountain ranges and also provides multiple views of Mt Fuji on a good day, but we could see little of this last Tuesday.

You can see how the expressway takes a big
northerly detour around the southern Japanese alps. 
The above lake was just before the big turn south.

This information board was at the entrance to the ladies toilets.
Each of the stalls has a diagram and you can see it's quite a large 
facility. These michi-no-eki (roadside stops) cater for multiple
large buses! This handy sign shows you information like
child seats, change tables, wheelchair accessible loos, and
pedestal/Japanese style. And of course, which ones are occupied
vs vacant.

We got to the campground around 3.45 and were fully set up and cooking dinner over a fire before the sun went down around 6. We had no trouble setting up, but we did notice the difference in only having two sets of hands to set up the "annex" as we call it. It's a tarp roof next to our tent that provides shelter for our kitchen, table, and chairs.

Sunset in a valley isn't always so pretty.

It was very quiet. We were the only overnight campers the whole three nights. A smattering of others came and stayed one night in the various tiny cabins dotted around the campsite. And when I say tiny cabin, I mean: just a solid four walls, a roof, and a light, with only enough room for two to four people to sleep on the floor. Most of the cabins didn't have running water and to cook you still had to go outside. We enjoyed our space, it's something we don't have a lot of in Tokyo.

Cooking by fire is one of my big joys when camping. We do take a single gas burner that helps with making hot water and also a backup if the fire is struggling for some reason. Our first night we had yakisoba (stir-fried noodles and pork) a classic Japanese camping dish. We followed this with our usual banana-chocolate-marshamallow combo in foil cooked on the fire. Yum!

After dinner we headed off to the showers. I often don't have one on our first night, but these were so clean and beautiful that I did! And I made a video too!

Our teeny-tiny Japanese BBQ.
If we were better at an Asian 
squat it would be easier to use!
But it's big enough to cook for the two
of us. It's slightly longer than a
big frypan.

Next day, Wednesday, the air was a little cleaner. After a good camping breakfast of bacon and eggs, we did some roaming around the local area, but we really didn't feel super energetic. It was fun walking up and back along a different river, though. This really was a small settlement along a narrow valley that is mostly taken up by a wide, shallow river and a road that connects them to the outside world! At the widest point, we walked along a parallel road and most dwellings had their front door practically on the road.

Though there were few other campers, it was quite a noisy day. It seems that the campsite has a little artificial stream where they (perhaps) pump water from the main river. I can see why: the main river is fast and potentially dangerous. The little stream bed ran near our tent. However, when we put our tent up there was no water in it. 

On Wednesday morning we were startled, first, by a 7 a.m. song on the (very) loud nearby speaker. We discovered this happens every morning there. It's part of Japan's national network of speakers that they use to alert people, such as flood or earthquake or tsunami warnings. They used these a lot during Covid. But to ensure that all the speakers are working, each one plays a "go home" song at the end of every day. Some rural places also have a midday song (this place did), but I'm not sure I've ever heard a "get up" one too!

The next startling thing was just after 8 a.m. I was still in bed and not completely awake and was shocked to hear a large caterpillar-tracked vehicle rumble right past the tent! Turns out it was a digger that spent the next seven hours shifting large rocks around in the stream bed. Also turns out that this is a pretty loud thing to do. Later someone came and apologised! Anyway, by bedtime, the stream was flowing quite nicely, so it seems that some adjustment was needed before they turned a tap on? It would be a fun place to take kids in the warmer weather. As per most campsites in Japan, they encourage "day camping" too (and charge 1,000 yen or around $10 per day). I can see how this would be a very popular place to get away to, it's only 1 ½ hrs from downtown Nagoya.

Dinner was totally fire-focused again. We cooked potatoes, sweet potatoes, and pumpkin in foil along with small chicken legs. Dessert was damper (like American scones or UK soda bread), cooked in foil and spread with butter and syrup to eat.

This is the Shirakawa River (I really should
write "Shira River" because "kawa" = river)
You can see here that the air was still not 
super on Wednesday. But we did see a bit of
blue sky later in the day.

This is a much more traditional look than you often
see in the big cities. And this pine looks almost like a large bonsai.

I think this is a plum tree. There were lots of sakura trees
along the river, but none of them were blooming yet.

The reception/shop area of the campsite. I love the slogan.

Disappointing waterfall

On Thursday we drove up a nearby road that promised a lookout...but it was shut! We did a little bit of exploring, but there wasn't much to see. Possibly a local project that ran out of money? Also, this time of year isn't very pretty because the trees are still largely bare. After that we ran out of inspiration and enthusiasm for exploration, so we filled up the petrol tank and went "home" to our tent. We spent the rest of the day reading, playing games, and generally doing not much. Very restful.

Dinner that night was Japanese kebabs with rice and more vegetables cooked in foil. Dessert was a Japanese version of s'mores (you can't buy Graham crackers, the traditional s'more ingredient). After dinner was cooked we piled lots of little sticks on our little fire and made it quite large. It was entertaining and also warming! 

By the time the sun went down the rain had started and that continued all night, only clearing up as we started packing up our campsite the next morning.

Large fire on Thursday night.

Driving home on Friday we could see more of the surrounding mountains, including Mt Fuji.

It was a great trip, very refreshing, even if it was a little further away than we would have liked. We were both tired and it was great to take time out from our daily work concerns and instead focus on different, simpler things like getting a fire started! 

Next camping trip: October...but we're not sure where or if we'll be alone or with friends. Stay tuned!

I've made this large so you can see the "184.5" sign on the right. These are distance markers and, these Aussies find it hard to believe that someone thought it was a good idea to put these every 100m for over 350 km! We come from a land where distance markers are not even every 5 km.

Mt Fuji...it looked better in person, believe me!

My first sakura bloom photo of the season, at one of our stops closer to Tokyo.

And the reality of a wet tent pack-up when you live in an
apartment (and it's still raining outside). We've
spent the last four days drying stuff out, mostly inside.