Trying to keep my eyes off the problem

Our daily prayers are full of "please God, we need certain things to be in place so that we can do what we perceive you want to us to do, but we're struggling to trust that you're going to come through on this. Please help us to trust, and forgive us for our lack of faith." 

Trusting God for our future is the overwhelming challenge I've got right now, and if you've been reading my blog you'll know that that tussle has been going on for some time. In fact I hesitate to write about it again, because it feels like I'm just a clanging gong, with only one topic.

I know that he's in control and that he loves me and will work out his purposes, that he will never leave us and that whatever happens is will work out for our good and his glory, but I struggle to stay in that posture of trust.

Prayer

Which brings me to the topic of prayer. The ladies at our home church (Grace Christian Church Redbank Plains) have started working through a book called A Praying Life: Connecting with God in a Distracting World by Paul E. Miller. Someone lent me the book late last year and with all the free time I've had, I've managed to read it all before we began discussing it. Last week's gathering, though, made me uncomfortably aware that my experience of prayer and those of many Australian Christians, is vastly different. I'm not boasting here, in fact I hesitate to write about my prayer life because Jesus told us to be quiet about our prayers (Luke 18:9–14; Matthew 6:5–6). My purpose here is just to show you what being a missionary with a Christian missionary organisation can be like.

Prayer is everywhere in our work. It's part of almost every meeting: large or small. It's not uncommon to be in the middle of a gathering and be asked to "turn to the person next to you and pray about these matters". For a few years I used to attend up to several prayer meetings each month with other parents at school (CAJ).

Additionally, I write a prayer/newsletter each month and are often asked by several different geographical (Japan, Australia, Queensland) branches of our organisation for prayer points. We receive regular prayer letters and prayer documents from those same branches, as well as from several missionaries who we pray for in more detail.

It adds up to a lot and boils down to an overall expectation by our organisation that we'll be personally praying for a lot, including our 120+ colleagues with OMF Japan and 70+ colleagues at CAJ. Not to mention 100+ OMF Australian colleagues. David and I have a system that enables us to pray for a good number of these people (though not everyone every day) and we do this before breakfast most days.

In addition to all the above, I have three friends who I can shoot a quick request: "Please pray, this is happening..., or "Please pray, I feel..." I have a few others who I sometimes will ask for specific prayer. And they do the same to me.

Over the years, steeped in this prayer-full environment, one of my first reactions when something difficult happens, is to ask certain people to pray, to share the burden, even if I can't find the words or energy to pray for myself.

From what I've observed, I don't think the above is the experience is common. It makes me feel amazingly blessed. People sometimes say, I don't know how you do what you do. Well, I would say it's primarily because of all this prayer. Yes, we pray for others, but we also have hundreds of people (potentially) praying for us, many of whom we've never met.

Right now a lot of people are praying for our sons. The prayers for one of them has been answered: he's found a house in a good location and housemates, he's also got a short-term job that will bolster his bank account. But we're waiting on answers for the other son, the one who has had an especially rough road over the last few years. Our hearts ache, but we're being bolstered by many who pray for us. And wait . . . and wait . . . and wait . . . to tell you, and many others, the answers to those prayers.

Like a grasshopper

Image by Marc Pascual from Pixabay

This morning I was reminded of a Bible story that impacted me at a camp in my last year of high school. We spent time looking at Numbers 13 and 14, the story of the 12 Israelite spies that were sent to check out the land that God was taking them to. They came back bearing amazing fruit from the land, but also stories about how impossible it would be for the Israelites to invade the land (which is what they assumed they'd have to do). They emphasised how big and strong those living in the land were. They used this metaphor: "We seemed like grasshoppers in our own eyes, and we looked the same to them."

Two of the 12 men, Caleb and Joshua, opposed the others, saying that if this was God's plan, he would do it: "The Lord is with us. Do not be afraid of them." They focused on God, not on the problem. So often I focus on the problem!

The story continues with all the Israelites latching onto the bad report and complaining, suggesting it would be better to go back to Egypt (and, one assumes, the captivity that awaited them there). The Bible records an interesting interaction between God and Moses. God complains to Moses about the Israelites, a cites a plan to destroy the whole nation and push on with Moses and his descendants. Moses pushes back and points out that the nations would see what's happened and assume that God couldn't do what he set out to do. He appeals to God's character and asks him to show his strength by forgiving the Israelites. God relents, but his new plan is that none of those 20 or older who were counted in the census earlier on their journey would enter the Promised Land, except Caleb and Joshua, and that it would be 40 more years of wandering in the wilderness.

When Moses reported this to the people, they mourned, said they'd sinned, and decided to go to invade the Promised Land anyway, the very next day. Much like when I was a kid and tried to get out of a punishment after being caught. And yep, they went and got beaten, because God wasn't with them.

It's an extraordinary story. I feel like a grasshopper just now. I did back in year 12 too, when I was facing the end of high school and all the unknowns of the following year. I rather think God prefers that we feel like grasshoppers and so rely on him for strength, rather than our own.

It's a story that shows us how serious God takes grumbling against him. But also shows how a plan won't succeed if it's going against God's plans. For sure there's a lot I don't know about God and his guidance and leading, I'm no expert at all, just a lay person reading my Bible. But also a person seeking to follow God's will. I'm prone to be impatient and to grumble about God's timing, yet I'm also trying to trust God in the midst of it all. Keeping my eyes focused on God instead of the problem is probably the key, just like it was in this story as well as the story of David and Goliath!

Are you facing a giant of a problem right now? How do you keep your eyes off the problem and fixed on God?

First motorhome adventure 2024

Our journey to
get home on Tuesday.

If you and I were sitting down at a coffee shop and you asked me about my week, I could tell you quite a tale. This is a bit long, so I've started with:

TL;DR (too long didn't read) version:

On Friday night we had a simple BBQ dinner on Friday night (Australia Day) with friends. 

On Saturday we packed our bags and headed up to my parents' place in Toowoomba where we stopped for a short chat, then packed our stuff into their small motorhome and headed across town to spend the night with long-time friends.

We slept in the motorhome in their driveway overnight. About 1.30 a fierce storm came through the region. I didn't get much sleep! Sunday morning we had breakfast with our friends before driving to church with them. We didn't stay long afterwards as we'd been invited to a 60th birthday party down the road.

Free camping in the Aussie bush...with a book
and travel Scrabble...and several hundred mozzies.

After the party we drove down the Toowoomba range and into the area north of the main highway between Toowoomba and Brisbane. We stopped the night in a cleared spot (that we paid a small amount for) on a private property, with no water, toilet, or shower, it was very much "free camping". It was a very hot night!

On Monday morning we packed up camp and headed into Brisbane to attend the funeral of a former colleague in Japan, and then back out again to camp north of Brisbane at a small town's show grounds.

It was wet again that night, but not with the driving rain we'd experienced early on Sunday morning. However the amount of rain that had already fallen was starting to pool on the already saturated ground.

Tuesday morning we drove the "back routes" to get the motorhome back to my parents. It was a very wet drive that took a lot longer than expected due to road conditions.

We didn't stay long at my parents, because we had promised to pick our youngest son up from work in Ipswich at 3pm. However, quickly discovered that the main highway was flooded in one spot, so we spent about 40 minutes working our way around the blockage on local roads.

We finally arrived home seven hours after leaving that morning, on a journey that probably should have only taken five!

Longer version

Friday night's dinner was preceded by an event with our son that proved to me (again) how real and how crippling anxiety can be. We learnt some things and were challenged again to double down in prayer for him. I won't go into the details here in a public space, but it wasn't an easy time. 

Dinner we enjoyed, however. Time spent with friends who know us well and accept us as we are is precious. It was a comfortable evening and helped me relax a bit.

Saturday was hot. In fact most days are hot and humid at the moment. We teeter on the edge of using air conditioning most days (our modus operandi is to use it as minimally as we can to keep costs low). Thankfully most nights have been cool enough with just the overhead fan on. We discovered on this trip that hot nights in a motorhome can be a little more challenging.

We arrived at our friends' house late afternoon and spent the next several hours talking and eating. Another place where we feel seen and heard and loved deeply. It was wonderful. We've walked with this couple for over 30 years, most of the time not in the same city or state, or even country, but we're grateful for a friendship that has weathered a lot, including nine kids between us!

We slept here.

I've already mentioned the storm. I slept very poorly: it was hot and a "new" bed, even before we got buffeted by the storm. It was a struggle to concentrate in church the next morning, but we were grateful to be back in the church where we got married in 1997 and to see a few familiar faces.

Our motor home adventure ramped up once we headed off the main road on Sunday afternoon. The place David had booked was very basic. Certainly quiet and dark once the sun went down. And plenty of mozzies who got a good feed off me! But without electricity we only had a fan for part of the night, so my sleep was mostly being passed out from exhaustion from the night before.

Free camping, with free dogs.
So enthusiastically
keeping an eye on us!

It was delightful to have breakfast in the bush the next morning. One of the big things that struck me about camping in a motorhome is how easy it is to set-up camp, and pack up later. Last time we did this (2012) we'd only been tent camping a handful of times, but now we have a lot of tent camping under our belts and the ease of set-up in a motorhome is amazing.

Attending a funeral in the middle of our long weekend meant this really wasn't a relaxing adventure. But our main goal for taking this trip was to have a trial run at using the van prior to a much longer trip in March–May, so we did achieve that. 

The funeral itself was pretty amazing, however. Definitely had us turning our eyes to Jesus and the various tributes gave us a good well-rounded image of the woman we were mourning. Fittingly, for someone who had spent around half her life in Japan, there were a number of short messages from people who had served with her there, most of whom we knew, so we felt quite a home. Afterwards at the "reception" we had many eclectic conversations. We met former colleagues (from Australia and Japan), Japanese expats, people who've prayed for us since we were in our 20s, someone who used to attend the same church as me when I was at uni. I met a Japanese lady who is good friends with someone I haven't seen since 7th grade! My parents were there and they introduced me to friends of theirs who we'd not met. It was intense!

After that we hopped back in the motorhome and drove to our next campsite. This time with power and water, and a beautiful amenities block (shower and toilet). After we were set up, we ended up chatting with a lady walking her very friendly service dog past our van. It struck me that in this mobile group of people, they don't care where you are "from" they just want to know about the journey: where have you been recently and where are you going next. Unlike a hairdresser I encountered last year, they don't want to know about whether you have a day off and what your job is. In some ways that's refreshing, for people like us who have too much backstory for an easy introductory conversation.

I wish I'd had more time and energy to
take some photos in this picturesque
 location (Dayboro). But we were rushed and it
was wet most of the time we were there.

On Tuesday morning we had some difficulties trying to empty our grey and black water. First place it was pouring rain and there was a line up, and we were in a bit of a rush to get going. At the second place, it was still raining, but not as hard, and we suspect the dump point had been underwater earlier in the day and it so was tricky.

Driving in sub-optimal conditions for much of the day on Tuesday was draining. At times water was running over the road, or it was raining so hard it was difficult to see far ahead. And then, on the final leg, we ran into flooding in the Lockyer Valley. We decided to push through and see what alternative route we could find and were surprised to find a slightly complicated way through that only delayed us 40 minutes. Alternatives to this story (if the flooding had been worse) were an extra night at my parents, or a long detour of a few hours. If this had been 20 years ago, I don't know how we would have managed because finding the alternative route meant a lot of consulting of Google Maps and Qldtraffic.qld.gov.au (a webpage that shows road conditions). I drove as I am more prone to motion sickness than David. But we were both exhausted by the time we got home. 

Happy to chalk this up as another adventure, but also grateful for a home base (some of our camping companions live all the time in their mobile accommodation). But now we're preparing for our "big trip" starting in just six weeks!

Seasonal confusion

The shadow of me at the beach on Saturday

Over the years I’ve mentioned that I get confused about seasons…

Here’s an example: we’re in the middle of school starting in Australia. Everyone is posting “first/second/third/last-first day of school” photos. I didn’t think it would really be that big a deal for us, who have no one starting school (not even as a teacher), but there’s no avoiding it all around us. 

Of course I also see this on social media when I'm in Japan, but it makes less of an impact when we're there. Driving around at 3pm this week has been different to the preceding six weeks, with all the school speed zones activate again (the rule here is you have to drive 40 km/hr in designated and signed school zones between certain hours, the hours that kids are arriving and leaving school). Shops and TV ads are full of "back to school" stuff.

At our local supermarket...one
 of many signs of the season

But our youngest is starting uni next month and various preparations for that are taking place. So in some ways, we're in "starting the new education year" mode, but not as intensely as when we had kids at school.

All of that has overflowed into my thinking. The other day, I was idly pondering CAJ in Japan (where our kids went to school) and wondering about how the cross-country season was starting up—something that happens at the start of the school year there. Only trouble is that though cross-country season starts at the start of the school year, that is September! Yep, I’m confused. I'm sitting here in summer clothing, seeing many of my northern hemisphere friends in the depths of winter, and watching cricket (a summer sport). And it messes with my brain. 

But to confuse things even more we watched some live wrestling the other day too, a live stream from CAJ where they were holding the Kanto finals tournament. Something that definitely happens in winter, and in January!

This is all a bit like when there’s a public holiday and you’ve got no clear idea what day of the week it is and have to think carefully if you’re pressed for an answer. It's not quite as bad the mind fog between Christmas and New Year, but similar.

So, once again, I look and sound like I belong in Australia, but inside my head it isn't quite the same. The other day I mentioned to a long-term friend that, though we've here six months, I still feel only partly here and still partly there. She wasn't surprised; she thought that after 23 years of this life it was to be expected!

If you encounter me in the wild . . . be gentle :-D

Figuring out what God wants me to do

A close friend recently sent me a link to a very helpful Facebook post. It’s written by Martyn Iles, an Australia Christian who has had an unusually public profile in recent years (in Australia Christians don’t typically get much press). Who he is isn’t as important as the wise things he’s written, so I won’t write any more about him. He wrote this in a Facebook post, but sharing a Facebook post is only helpful if someone has a Facebook profile, so I’ve copied the text here (for my future reference, if nothing else):

How can I know what God would have me do?

When I speak to people personally, some variant of this question is possibly the most common question I am asked.

There is a four principled decision making framework which has never failed me yet.

Importantly, all four principles are to be discerned in the context of sincere prayer about the decision.

1. Circumstances

Your circumstances will change (or not), without your manipulation or control, in a way that enables or reveals the right course of action. Because God is sovereign and works providentially.

2. Scripture

If you are a habitual student of scripture, it is likely that your reading and study will speak into your circumstances in a way that confirms the right course of action. Because God speaks to us reliably in His word.

3. Peace

It may take time - it's often the final confirmation - but ultimately you will be at peace about the right decision. That is to say, it may be hard or daunting, but your conscience will quietly confirm it. Because the Spirit of God works in our conscience.

4. Patience

Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait!!!! STOP RUSHING! The scriptures are packed full with exhortations to "wait on the Lord." There are countless examples of God's slowness in the face of our hurry. Learn the discipline of patience or you will constantly make bad decisions. And you will *never* be worse off, or miss out, because you were patient. If you do, it just means it was never meant to be.

Now, you can be mistaken on one of the above - misreading circumstances, wrongly applying scripture, etc - but it is utterly unusual to be wrong about all four at the same time, especially in the context of patience and prayer.

When all four line up, that tends to be when I act. But often they don't, so I simply resist action, which is very hard.

Now, for matters of very great importance, I may have thought that all four principles were in alignment, yet the gravity of the decision was such that I was still reticent to make it.

In such circumstances, you can do a Gideon. You can pray for special confirmation and clarity - a "fleece." In His grace, God is ordinarily willing to provide it.

The alternative to the above is to plan your own way and make your own decisions, and expect God to catch up. That simply is not a life of faith. (End of the quote)

_____________

(Very annoyed right now because I've just lost several paragraphs here that I'd written here the other day...so on to to remembering what I wrote...)

What we see on earth is but a poor reflection of
what's truly going on (a much worse image than
we see here in a photo of the pond in the Japanese
garden at Mt Coot-tha).

I imagine that many people think that the decision of becoming a missionary must be one of the biggest we've ever made and that other decisions would be easy in comparison. While I could write much about the original decision, I will just say that there have been quite a number of times since then where decision making (and waiting for God's plan) has been hard.

A sample of times when this has seemed especially true in the last 25 years:

• When we were working towards to come to Japan and it took longer than we’d hoped
• When there was no teaching position for David in Japan for five years after we made ourselves available for that
• When my Japanese language ability never made it to a level suitable for working in it
• When I spent more time with sick kids than in doing any kind of outside ministry (or language learning) in our first term in Japan
• When our attempts to help our eldest learn Japanese language and culture by enrolling him in a Japanese primary school failed (we had to move him out after just 15 months)
• When we nearly didn’t get back to Japan in a timely fashion five years ago due to financial reasons
• When one of our sons encountered difficulties significant enough to derail our plan of moving him to Australia in 2021

Right now, as I've mentioned before, we're walking through the situation of seeking affordable rental accommodation for our younger two sons so that they can carry on their lives here while we head back to Japan. For various reasons we want to do that sooner rather than later.

What adds to the difficulty of this is not just that the rental system is under great stress here, but that our "public" lives mean that we've asked lots of people to pray about it, including our church. And people keep wanting updates. I want to jump straight to the end of the chapter and tell them a "success" story . . . but it's taking a while.

I really appreciated the wise older gentleman in our church who asked me last month, "Are you making progress?" 

This was a gentle and discerning way to ask and I could answer a wholehearted "YES". I felt encouraged, rather than needing to explain where we were up to and why we hadn't "succeeded" yet.

Back to the earlier quote, I really appreciate the emphasis on "wait". I am not naturally good at that, in general I tend to barrel ahead at considerable speed. Though I'd have to say that I have grown in this area in the decades since I became an adult. This particular waiting seems to be trying my patience and trust in God more than usual. But I'm trying hard to keep my eyes on Jesus.

I had coffee with a new friend this morning and we reflected on how we often don't know why God is doing something, or what his timing is, but we need to trust him regardless because he's so much wiser, more loving, and more powerful than us. That his thinking isn't the same as ours is clearly seen throughout the Bible, but perhaps no clearer than in the book of Job.

Here are a couple of verses I found along this line:

God’s voice thunders in marvellous ways; he does great things beyond our understanding.  (Jobe 27:5 NIV)

‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord. ‘As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.' (Is. 55:8–9)

So, we still await the end of this chapter of transitioning our sons to accommodation separate from us. It's going to be a good one! I can't wait to tell you about it!

Retirement planning!

January is turning into quite a social month, as many people have a little more free time before school and many other activities start in a week or so. I’ve struggled to find time to write this week, but do have a post I started before Christmas that didn’t seem quite festive enough at the time. So here it is:

We've been working on longer-term financial planning these last few months. We do short-term financial planning each year as our mission requires us to put together a budget, which gives a set support figure to judge how our support is going. This is a complex, but helpful process that means we're using our resources responsibly, and anticipating future (near) needs as best we can, for example the need to fly to home assignment, or to go to a conference, or buy “new” furniture or a car after home assignment, or replace our aging computer. All these things are budgeted for well in advance. Australia is more expensive than Japan these days, so we budget for our living expenses over several years preceding each home assignment.

We don’t have much of a garden: in
many ways this is a blessing because
it doesn’t take much of our time, so
we’re freed up to devote ourselves to
other things. We do get to enjoy gardens
that other people maintain, though, also 
known as parks!

But as we've both entered our 50s this last term, we decided it would be good to talk to a financial planner about the longer-term future. We wanted an expert's opinion on how are things looking for a retirement in Australia sometime before we hit 70.

Well, we've been very encouraged. We found a Christian who has given us a significant discount for his assistance. And he's given us reassurance that, from what he can see and what he knows, from a worldly perspective, we'll be okay. Of course we have no idea what God will provide, but look forward to seeing that too!

It's at this point that we're very thankful that God led us to be part of a mission organisation that takes long-term member care seriously. And also that we live in a country where financial planning for the future is also taken seriously. So, both of us have had the organisations we've worked for contributing to our superannuation funds (US readers: similar to 401(k)) since we started working in our early 20s, yes, even when we've been working overseas, and these funds are adding up.

This part of life not something missionaries talk about very much. Most people only hear about finance from missionaries when they are in need of more financial support for the immediate future.

But also, in mission circles there is also an understanding that God provides in amazing ways that you can't anticipate. He has been providing for us for the last 23 years, why wouldn't he provide for us in the future, and into retirement too?

It's pretty obvious to us, as we come back each time, that most of our peers are doing things like buying houses, some even getting to the point of finishing paying off their mortgage. We don't own any property. The biggest thing we own is a car. We can't afford to buy real estate in Australia, partly because most of the time we can't live in a house we'd buy in Australia. But we also shy away from the anxieties that arise from owning property in a country where you don't live and from the stress of a mortgage. We've seen the stress that that can cause missionaries (maintenance issues, complex financial affairs that are hard to deal with remotely, tenant issue, etc.).

It’s easy to start to rely on the figures on a spreadsheet though, to trust in that, instead of our Heavenly Father. God has ways of reminding of us of that. But the best thing to do, when we’re distracted by all the dialogue around us (in the media as well as in conversation with friends) about real estate, mortgages, money, banks, stuff to buy, etc, is to go back to God’s word. One of the places Jesus directly addressed these things is in Matthew 6 where he said:

So do not worry, saying, “What shall we eat?” or “What shall we drink?” or “What shall we wear?”  For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

We’re grateful we don’t have much stuff to take up a lot of our time to maintain, but it’s in the mental zone that we need to fight the battle not to worry (at least it is for me).

Looking ahead to 2024

Image by Gordon Johnson from Pixabay

It is my habit at the start of January to look ahead to the next 12 months in my first blog post of the year. Of course I can't predict what will happen or how it will turn out! And what better reminder of that uncertainty when we watch Japan live through more disasters only hours after we've wished everyone a "happy new year"!

Despite that, it's useful to both look ahead and also look back. 

One example of how this reflecting and anticipating can help is that when I look back at this time last year I remember that 2023 looked like a lot of hard work. Plus there were lots of things that we really didn't know how we were going to achieve and I felt anxious about. But now that the year is over I realise that we did make it through all of that, with God's help. Yes it was hard, but also there were good surprises along the way (like the house we're living in and the furniture we're using) and many of the disasters that I imagined never occurred. With this in mind I can approach 2024 knowing that, though there's hard work ahead and some things that seem impossible, time next year I'll hopefully be able to look back and have the same realisation: that God's walked with us through it all and provided all that we've needed.

We see it in the Bible too: God encouraged the Israelites to look back at what he'd done for them in the past and to trust that he'll work again on their behalf in the future. This is stated very clearly in Deuteronomy 7:

You may say to yourselves, ‘These nations are stronger than we are. How can we drive them out?’ But do not be afraid of them; remember well what the Lord your God did to Pharaoh and to all Egypt. You saw with your own eyes the great trials, the signs and wonders, the mighty hand and outstretched arm, with which the Lord your God brought you out. The Lord your God will do the same to all the peoples you now fear. (vv. 17–19 NIV)

It's also a theme in the New Testament. Jesus told his disciples in the Last Supper to remember him by doing this (which is where the Lord's Supper we celebrate in churches today comes from). In the book of Hebrews we're encouraged to persevere in the faith, backed up by a lengthy list of those who have gone before us (who didn't even know the story of Jesus). 

So remembering the past can help us as we face the future. Given what I reflected on last week in my end of year blog post, I certainly will be trying to be more serious about not worrying.

I noticed a small thing in this passage I was listening to the other day:

Then Jesus said to his disciples: ‘Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: they do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?' (Luke 12:23–26 NIV UK)

We think that by worrying we can extend our lives (or the lives of others), but that's obviously not God's perspective. From his perspective adding an hour to our lives is a "very little thing". The difference between us and God is so huge and he understands that better than we do! So, since I can't even do this very little thing, I think that giving up worrying is a worthy goal, not just for 2024, but for the rest of my life. I'm certain that I will fail again and again, but with God's help I surely can improve on what I've done up till now!

Coming months

The coming couple of months probably includes us moving into the era of couple-dom again. I'm actively avoiding the usual term for this stage. We'll be parents of independently living adults, which is what we've been working towards for the last 24 years!

 It's a stage that is worth acknowledging, but also a stage that is full of so much potential and not just "emptiness". But obviously a huge change from living with our guys and interacting with them on a daily basis, so it will be an adjustment that will take some time.

Our hope and plan is to return to Japan in July to the roles we had there last year (or approximately those roles, some changes will hopefully come to pass). Before then we have some travel planned in Australia, including a big trip to take advantage of Australia's amazing long-service provision (paid leave to reward a long period of service with the same organisation). You will hear plenty about that as I hope to write an online diary of our travels like I have for our long camping journeys in the past.

As for what happens after July? When we get back to Japan we plan to move into a small apartment near the school in western Tokyo. Yes, we've already seen this apartment (first time we've seen a future place of accommodation in person since 2005)! And we are looking forward to having fun exploring all sorts of new possibilities that being a couple provides. We first arrived in Japan in 2000 with a 20-month old and have done our entire missionary journey overseas with children in our care, so this is indeed a very new chapter.

It's another year that involves a long, multi-stage international move, though it's always physically easier moving out of Australia because we haven't been here so long and have less stuff. Much of the larger items we use go back to owners or find new owners. We haven't moved into a new house in Japan in 14 years, though, so that will be different, but moving without little children is definitely easier (even if we'll be missing the strength of our young adult sons).

Sadly it's another year that involves many goodbyes. But there are also many who we're looking forward to seeing again in Japan. It's never easy emotionally for me to move, and saying goodbye to Australia is an act of the will, rather than an overly eager spirit.

Many things I did in 2023 I will continue to do in 2024. This was my list from 12 months ago:

• regularly walk with my husband (I averaged about 2.5 km a day last year)
• study Japanese
• read lots of books
• listen to English sermons at least once a week
• stay in touch with close friends regularly, and when I can, in person
• bake
• writing

Much of this remains true of my intentions for 2024, I don't have as much time alone in Australia, so I listen to less podcasts and sermons (and get an English sermon in person most Sundays). I don't have a current writing project or specific writing goal for 2024, though have submitted an application to be part of a writing team for the year . . . I haven't heard back on that yet, so we'll see. I've got vague prof. dev. reading goals while I'm in Australia, but again will try to read 100 books in the year (mostly fiction for relaxation, I read fast and rely on books to help me relax before sleeping). I mentioned 12 months ago that I'd picked up cross-stitch again, and I'm still working on that, but it's a complex design and I'm finding it slow going.

That's enough. I look ahead to 2024 with this:

I will say of the Lord, ‘He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.’ (Psalm 91:2 NIV)

Looking back at 2023

Ever since I stared writing here in 2009, I’ve been using this blog to reflect on the year just lived. For the last five years I’ve been using the same set of questions. These questions push me past the surface reflections, so they aren’t easy, but it’s a good exercise that I enjoy. They aren’t about what I’ve achieved in the year. I hope they might be a springboard for you to think about your own year too.

Christmas Day on the beach 2023

1. What makes this year unforgettable?

Some big changes this year for us mean this year will be a noteworthy year for the rest of our lives: 

• Our youngest son finished high school, that’s a huge milestone for our family after 20 years of children at school.
• We moved out of the house we’ve spent the most time in for our whole marriage, the house that our youngest son started kindergarten from.
• It wasn’t just a simple move, this move included downsizing and storing stuff for our year away from Japan.
• The move also marked the end of our younger two sons’ time in Japan. In July they moved to Australia with the intent of staying here, at least in the medium term, which is a huge change, considering one of them was born in Japan and the other moved there when he was less than three months old.

2. What did I enjoy doing this year?

We have just celebrated Christmas with both our birth families. It’s really different doing this with older kids, it was much calmer and more enjoyable than in times past.

It’s been enjoyable seeing our three sons, who are now all 18 and over, getting to know one another as adults. Being together in the same region for several months has been wonderful. Parenting is hard work and long work—it’s very satisfying seeing some reward for all the years of effort you’ve put into them as you watch them gain confidence and skills as they grow much more independent.

It’s been enjoyable spending more time with David these last few months. We’ve enjoyed lunches and occasionally other meals on our front deck in Ipswich (a beautiful view). Three weeks Perth without children was an interesting adventure that involved both work and play. It was fun to see glimpses of what’s not very far in our future, but that is really next week’s blog post.

I enjoyed watching my youngest son as he powered his way through the school’s wrestling season undefeated. After many years of injury interrupting his participation in this sport, I really didn’t expect him to do it at all, and then to achieve as well as he did was very satisfying. He went on from there to do really well in shot put and discus in the track and field season too. 

Going to two women’s retreats—one in March in Japan and one in October in Australia—with close friends was definitely enjoyable.

3. What/who is one thing/person I'm grateful for?

Of course I can’t limit it to just one person or thing. I’m grateful to a handful of precious friends who’ve walked alongside me this year. It’s not been an easy year and I’ve leaned on friends, not to mentioned David, heavily to stay afloat.

4. What did I read/watch/listen to that made the most impact this year?

I’ve read more than 100 books again this year, more in the second half of the year than the first. Undeceptions podcast continues to be a thought-provoking listen, though I haven’t listened to as much of that in the second half of the year with less alone time than I usually get in Japan.

Here are some of the books that made an impact

Trusting God by Jerry Bridges

Being Mortal by Atul Gawande

Sacred Siblings by Sue Eenigenberg and Suzy Grumelot

When God Doesn’t Answer Your Prayer by Jerry Sittser

5. What did I worry about most and how did it turn out?

There were many things that I worried about this year, including who to hand my work over to so we could leave Japan for a year and how we would find somewhere to live in Australia (the latter being a big concern because everywhere we turned people were telling us of horror stories about the rental crisis in Australia).

I split my jobs into multiple parts and handed them over in late May and early June. That part worked so well that I ended up with extra time to do preparation for work in Australia that I hadn’t planned for. Both of the publishing projects I managed (Japan Harvest magazine and OMF Japan’s social media) have continued onwards, so I guess I did okay in handing them over. But I know it wasn’t easy for those who have taken extra things on in my absence. It helped to remember that we had important work to do in Australia, even if I didn’t really want to make the effort to get there.

Our accommodation story is a lot easier to tell. We got a house really quickly, with the on-the-ground assistance of a lady from our home church who we’d never met in person. It’s been a really good find, with very little we can fault. Great landlords; beautiful, convenient location; and functionally just right. We also have all the furniture we need, including a large TV and fabulous fridge.

6. What is my biggest regret?

This is always a hard question. I think I regret all the time I spent worrying about the future. It’s a bad habit that is hard to break, and even now I’m struggling not to worry about the first half of 2024.

7. What's something that has changed about me?

I’m no longer the parent of a school-aged kid. I’m also no longer in my 40s. I’m also on the verge of having all my kids move out of home.

I feel more and more that I am a writer and editor and more often when pressed will describe myself as such these days.

8. What surprised me most this year?

Probably my answer to #5 covers a good portion of this. 

But in addition, I’ve been surprised this last week. I’ve been surprised by how “adult” all my boys have been. In the middle of last year we did a similar “tour” without the Christmas celebrations and extra family time thrown in, and it was much harder. They’ve all grown in maturity, which is a great joy to see in what amounts to a stressful situation (travel, sharing rooms, lots of people, many unspoken expectations, lack of routine etc.). Over the years of raising our kids, visiting family in Australia has always been stressful for a few reasons: they’ve rarely seen their Australian relatives, it always involves significant travel, they aren’t in their own environment and Australia was never really “home”, and they were energetic boys (the first grandsons on both sides). Maturity has helped a lot and that meant that this time around I didn’t have to spend much time at all being their advocates or working to keep the peace.

The other big surprise was quickly finding a government-funded program that accepted our neurodiverse son which has helped him do employment readiness and help him find a job (the end of that story is yet to be written, but we’re hopeful).

9. What Bible truths impacted me this year?

In the latter half of the year, reading Trusting God has been significant. I dipped my toe in with some ladies from church in a Bible study (when I could get there), then read it from front to back on my own. The book takes you back to basics about God’s sovereignty and love, and confronts you about how you live in light of these truths.

10. What meta-themes have I thought about this year? (in no particular order)

• Transition
• Aging
• Women and their roles (especially within Christian circles) and non-romantic relationships between Christians (see Sacred Siblings book).
• Whether God’s leading us to stay in Japan after 2023 (we think he is).
• Life with grown kids who don’t live at home anymore.
• Disability support in Australia.
• Downsizing.
• How Japan Harvest is produced and how that can be done with me less involved.

Highlights

• Our youngest finishing high school, especially his athletic achievements, but also seeing his persistence in working hard academically and the great friendships he had the privilege to be part of.
• All-Japan OMF conference in June was both exhausting and wonderful.
• Writing a series of six articles about the process of preparing for and going on home assignment for the US branch of our organisation, and also recording a discussion with a colleague about the same topic. All of this was published mid-year online.
• Being able to watch a lot of cricket, especially watching Australia unexpectedly win the semi-final and final of the one day international cricket World Cup (which involved staying up way past my usual bedtime twice in one week). Making it to two cricket matches in-person.
• Going to a symphony orchestra performance in person for my birthday.
• Visiting Rottnest Island in WA.
• Speaking at a women’s conference and “losing it” onstage as I tried to speak briefly about the long-term griefs that cross-cultural workers encounter. I put this as a highlight because, while it was very hard to do, it was true to myself and my desire to show others how ordinary missionaries are. But the other reason it’s a highlight is that the response was overwhelming, in a positive way. I had many conversations afterwards with women who understood (and were glad to hear someone tell this unspoken story), had their eyes opened, or who wanted to learn more.
• I think my blog post that got the most attention this year was “Neurodivergence and missionary families”. Maybe this doesn’t belong as a “highlight”?
• Camping in late March was lovely, unfortunately we’ve not be able to manage any other camping trips in 2023.

Lowlights

• Moving—I really don’t like moving, never have. And the anticipation of moving is almost as bad as the move itself.
• Watching our sons pack up their lives in the place they’ve grown up and say goodbye to friends and Japan.
• Walking alongside our son as he negotiated medical and other difficulties, and then trying to figure out how to help him start to forge a life in Australia.
• Exhaustion. We’ve been able to really slow down in the last couple of months of the year and have realised how much toll the past few years have taken on us (obviously culminating in a huge, stressful transition). It’s been hard to have less structure and purpose in our days, but also to realise that our energy levels weren’t what we were used to either.

Other thoughts

This category is for other things that don’t really fit anywhere else…

This year I was invited to join a couple of groups of women who are all mums of kids with various types of disability. Most of them live in Japan (or have spent significant time there) and many of them are expats. One group is mostly Christians and the other is not. I’ve only met them a handful of times, but the depth of connection is quite remarkable. I wrote a bit about this under the subheading “Being heard” in this blog post in February.

Ultimately, I’m glad 2023 is over. It contained big highlights, but also big milestones and a lot of hard work and exhaustion. It’s encouraging to look back and see how God has sustained us and provided for us through it all.

In the second blog post I wrote this year I quoted Psalm 103, and I think it’s a good place to finish. Here is some of what I wrote in January:

“There are lots of nuggets in [Psalm 103] to ponder. Just now I'm leaning into these phrases: "Your youth is renewed like the eagle’s" (v. 5 NIV) and "As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust. The life of mortals is like grass, they flourish like a flower of the field; the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more" (vv. 13–16).