Fixing my eyes on Jesus

Yesterday I read a chapter in a book that's been sitting on my bedside table for a few months now: Enjoying God: Experience the power and love of God, by Tim Chester. The chapter mentioned fixing our eyes on Jesus. It's a concept that I return to time and time again in my life, so it was good to think about it again with some concrete ideas on how to do it. Simply: remembering what God has done, what he continues to do in us and around us, and what he's got planned:

You can look back to his work on the cross; you can look up to his presence in heaven for you; and you can look forward to the day when he returns for his people. (Chester, p 84)

I'd completely forgotten my 2014 goal of blogging once a month on one of my favourite Bible passages: Hebrews 12:1-3, but it came up when I did a search of my blog before I started writing a new blog post today. In June that year, 2014, we went on our third home assignment. At the start of the year I knew it was going to be a challenging year, so the challenge of focussing my thoughts and words on this passage, was important. I ended up only writing six times (though I've blogged about or mentioned this passage numerous other times through the years, for example here).

2014 blogging on Heb. 12:1-3:

February: pushing through, remembering Jesus and others who have gone before us

March: who is Jesus?

April: heavenly perspective

May: setting goals

June: the stuff we see now is temporary

September: fixing our eyes on Jesus despite the hardships

Today was a difficult day. I had goals for the day—a long To Do list for work, on which very little got done because a couple of other urgent matters arose that I had no control over. So when I rode in the rain to get some groceries, it was good to remember that chapter I read yesterday and ask myself some questions:

• What's unchanging here? God! He's God whether or not I do what I'd intended to do. He's God even when things don't go the way I want them to, when the future looks murky.
• What's my ultimate goal? That I serve God wherever I am. If that means doing something other than what I'd planned, then that is okay too.
• What is my hope based on? God, it all comes back to him. No one else is the Rock on which I can base my hope (Psalm 18:2,31).

While I rode my bike along a familiar route and peered through the raindrops on my glasses, it was good to remind myself of these foundational things that my faith is based on. And that is "fixing my eyes on Jesus". Do you have a recent story where you deliberately focused your eyes on Jesus?

Refocusing with a ride to the park.

Yesterday I hit a quiet patch. In a job that has multiple deadlines each day, I know that these quiet spots don't come often and are usually short. Brilliant that it coincided with a warm, sunny day. So what better thing to do than go for a ride? The last time I rode to my favourite big park was November, so it was time! After lunch I told my distance-learning teens where I was headed, and took off with a flask of coffee and a book in my basket.

Well the park was a different sight to November. We're on the edge of the most beautiful time in Tokyo: spring. A time when there seems to be different flowers on show every week for about two months.

The most common cherry blossoms weren't out yet (and I'm glad they weren't because this week they would have been blown away), but there were some early bloomers and a general sense of hope in the air. Quite different to what sitting at home and looking at social media is giving me.

The passage that my husband preached on so often when were were in Australia in 2018 comes to mind: Matthew 6: 19-21,25-27:

19 ‘Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20 But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also... 25 ‘Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? (NIV)

We worry and fuss, about the things we treasure here on earth being messed up (like plans and freedom). We worry about food and clothes and health. But "look at the birds of the air..." (or I could add, "the flowers"). And most pointedly: "Can we add a single hour to our lives by worrying?"

So here are some flowers and other sights from my ride yesterday for you to enjoy. Maybe they'll help you refocus on our heavenly Father who knows what we need and is not taken by surprise by any of this.

One of the early bloomers in the Cherry Blossom family.

Ready to burst. This is one of the most popular species of Cherry Blossom.

Always love the gum tree in this park. It's a piece of Australia that we rarely see here.

Rape Seed flowers that are commonly planted near Cherry Blossom trees
 in  Japan. They make a nice contrast.

Daffodils, always delightful.

I've been riding past banks covered with this green plant and sprinkled with cute flowers (see below). This time I stopped to take a photo.

I couldn't get close enough to get a good shot on my phone, but there's at least half a dozen turtles sunning themselves here.

I enjoy riding this path, instead of on the roads. It is a bike/footpath only, between houses. It exists, I think, because it goes along the line of some high voltage power lines. But locals (and the local government?) have made it a very pleasant place to traverse.

Limiting our focus

Whoops, looks like I accidentally published this as a very spare draft last week (note to self—change the settings on my phone-to-Blogger interface). I'm back now to pay it some serious writing attention.
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A view from the weekend when we went for a stroll.

I've realized there's some things I don't have energy for right now. Both mental and physical. In order to stay afloat we're very focused. Focused on our family's needs, and the demands of our various jobs. Focused on extended family and key friends. Focused on getting done what needs to be done these six months. A lot doesn't fit these categories.

For example:

• Finding all the deals, at the moment I'm lucky if I get a sale or a good financial deal, but it's not something that I have the energy to wholeheartedly spend time on finding.
• Staying on top of what's going on in both Japan and Australia (though I've been able to drop into see headlines about the dramas in Australian politics today, I'm not particularly interested in finding out much more because I don't have the mental energy).

Probably lots is falling by the wayside. I know that there are people I'm not going to be able to see. We've already had to painfully express this to some who don't live in south-east Queensland. Next weekend is a complex one that I'll explain in another post, but it involves a fair bit of interstate travel and we will scoot past people who we would love to see...but won't.

Another way to look at it is the Spoon Theory that I wrote about several years ago here. At the moment, due to a number of factors, I simply don't have as many spoons as I usually have.

I'm fine juggling lots of things. It's actually my preferred way to operate, otherwise I have a tendency to get bored. But I'm juggling a bit more diversely than usual just now. Here's an idea of what's going on in my weeks:

• preparing for various public speaking opportunities (both the close ones, i.e. in two days, and further away)
• sorting out practical details of such events, such as transport, food, where all the family members will be etc. This includes emails to and from contacts at the various churches/groups
• actually doing the events
• taking care of my family: the usual physical stuff of driving to and from school, groceries, cooking, cleaning (though minimal that it may be), washing, and medical appointments (another blog post, really). The usual psychological aspects of parenting teens. And some less usual psychological aspects of parenting that I've written here about as well as some things I can't tell you on this public platform.
• taking care of myself: including exercise, medical appointments, time with friends, and squeezing in rest time
• Japanese study (yes, I'm still studying)
• editing work from Japan: managing the Japan Harvest magazine and editing for the OMF Japan blog.

Does that cover it all? Mostly. Really, at the moment I'm fighting the urge to curl up on the bed and read my book (or play an addictive game on my phone). But like most of you, there's other stuff that needs doing...it's just hard sometimes to know when to draw the line.

People do wonder what we do when we're on home assignment. It's hard to say what fills up our days. At times I feel like we work part-time. We aren't being paid by the hour and have no idea how many hours per week we work. I have no idea, sometimes, what to call "work" and what to call "rest". 

Yesterday I had an early medical appointment for a routine checkup. The technician asked what I was going to be doing the rest of the day and I was at a bit of a loss for words (seems to be happening a lot recently). I said I had a couple of other medical appointments (which was true), and she countered with, "So, a day off work." I just agreed with her, though for a missionary, getting medical stuff done while on home assignment has a tinge of "work" to it, because without ticking those boxes we cannot go back to our work overseas. So it is work, or is it not work?

I did spend time wandering around a shopping centre in-between appointments yesterday, so I guess that was time-off. Some of it was "work" (e.g. Besides the medical appointments, I sat in a coffee shop and did Japanese study, as well as brainstormed with David and someone else via Messenger about a speaking opportunity next week). So our work looks very different to most of our peers.

But I think I've wandered off topic here. Good thing I don't have an editor looking over my shoulder. 

Focus. During transition (and I think we will be in transition this whole year and a few months into next year) our focus needs to be quite narrow, which means that we pretty much march to a different drum to most of those around us. On the edge of ordinary . . . as usual.

Secret struggle of women

One of the secret struggles of most women is comparison. It's a struggle for missionaries too. I wrote a bit about it here (though the main issue talked about was struggle with David being absent when the boys were younger) and here, when I wrote about discovering my "sweet spot" and how that came out of a period of negative comparison with other missionaries.

I struggle with it often, especially in the area of Japanese language ability, but other areas too. I think I've probably improved a bit over the years as I've discovered how God's gifted me and he's given me roles to play in Japan that have been satisfying, but it's still there. Indeed, the mini retreat I did a couple of weeks was partly dealing with the toxicity of comparison that I'd allowed into my thoughts recently.

When you first become a missionary you have your own ideas of what a missionary is like and you also look around at other missionaries to learn what they are like and, presumably, what you should aim to become. It's both a helpful and a toxic activity. Yes, it's good to be inspired by those around us and learn from them. But too often we get skewed one way or the other: either to pride (I'm doing much better than her) or to being down on ourselves I'm so bad compared to her or I wish I was as good at her at...

I edited an excellent short article about this for the Japan Harvest magazine earlier this year. You can find it here.

Comparison tempered by humility gives us a proper view of ourselves in relationship to others, which can keep us from falling into sin. (From the JH article just mentioned.)

Recently I read another article by a missionary about a time she particularly struggled with this, it turns out to be a fairly old article, but still oh so relevant: Frumpy, grumpy, and useless.

I need to keep my eyes on Jesus, remembering that he made me and nothing he makes is bad. Indeed he made me for a reason and with a purpose in mind. One that is different to every other person I meet.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverancethe race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith". (Hebrews 12:1-2 NIV).

But now I need to go and pack my bag for camping tomorrow. It will be so good to get away from this computer and all the tasks that it holds!