Goodbye season is starting

This morning I browsed the memories on Facebook. The place where you can see what you posted on this day in the past. I was shocked to read this insensitive status I wrote eight years ago:

Wendy wishes everyone else would stop grieving our leaving. It just makes it harder.

Obviously I was hurting. We were preparing to come back to Japan for our third term and, like a dripping tap eventually wears away the sink's enamel, I was coming undone at the repeated "We'll miss you" conversations.

Responses to that status in the comments were mixed:

Overseas tentmaker: "I think sometimes people forget that leaving is hard on you as well, even if you are looking forward to where you're going and what you'll be doing."  

An older friend: "The reality is leaving is hard on all so is unrealistic to expect others to stop grieving."  I replied: "Grieving is okay, just don't hoist it on me. I have people almost every day doing it and it is not helping my mental state." 

Monocultural friend: "At least they will miss you." 

Another friend who's changed countries in the past and has family who are missionaries: "Thing how much harder it would be if they were glad you were leaving!" 

A non Japanese friend working in Japan: "No, Wendy, it wouldn't. You would be hurt if no-one expressed how much they will miss you. It is testimony to how dear you are to people, just as they are dear to you. Leaving is a two-way process and both sides need to help each other. You accept their expressions of love, they accept that you will be gone again. You cannot stop people from expressing that and stopping them from doing it is not understanding their side of the separation. Chin up, accept the love, deal with the leaving, and come back with expectation. We're all waiting with open armsMy reply: Thank you for the pep talk. now if only you could give the pep talk to some others so they hold up their end of the leaving process.

Another overseas Christian worker: Look at the One who has called you. You can gracefully encourage others to look up and not inside.

Yep, grief is a difficult thing to know how to deal with, even when it is over something like this: moving away (again). As you may have read last week, I grew up in a very stable situation. The first "big" goodbye I remember was at the end of grade 7 when I changed schools for high school (which started in grade 8 in those times). At that time all that changed was my school, not where I lived or what church I went to or what country I lived in.

I don't know if that background makes it harder, but I still struggle with how many goodbyes we have on a regular basis here. Thankfully this time we're only going to be away for six months, so the goodbyes at this end aren't so difficult. 

I know that December will be another hard season as we leave Australia again. Saying goodbye to people every day is draining. Though, as the last two people commented above, it's about having a right perspective. It's probably also about looking after myself as best as I can at these times of transition.

I've got some goodbyes to say in these next few weeks. Two, at least, will be "I don't know if I'll ever see you again this side of heaven" goodbyes. I need to be sure that I'm careful to look after those friends and not make them deal with too much of my grief at their leaving.

And remind myself (and maybe them) of Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”