First time is bad

In August I dusted off my sewing machine and made three new pairs of shorts. One for me and one for each of my two younger sons. 

After completing the first pair for my middle son, he declared that they fit, but he wouldn't be wearing them in public.

"Why not?" I asked.

He replied, "Someone might ask where I got them from and I'd have to tell them you made them."

Wow, thanks a lot!

No argument budged him, though and I decided to drop the topic and just see what happened.

I went on to make his brother's shorts. His brother wore his every time he could, especially with his new Mickey Mouse shirt – the patterns clashed dreadfully.

Eventually came the day when our middle son decided to wear the shorts. A home day! Then they gradually were worn more often. This week came the decider, though. He put them on and went to school!

I didn't make a big deal of it, but asked him in the afternoon if anyone had commented on his shorts. He spat back, "No, why would they?"

Obviously he'd forgotten his original fear.

Our son suffers from "first time negatives". Have you heard of these? We hadn't, until we read this book. But once we knew about the "first time negatives", it made perfect sense and helped us to interact with him with more understanding. When he is faced with the first time of almost anything; be it new clothes, a new idea or new experience; his immediate response is almost always negative. These shorts being a fine example. 

To counter that we sometimes have to drop an idea into his vicinity and then leave it there to ferment. Later he'll be happier with doing it, once he's gotten used to it. He'll watch a game then join in. He'll wait till others have tried a new food and then have a go himself. He'll wait until I'm just about out the door on a new adventure before he decides it is safe to join us. Because he's also persistent, he'd rather continue doing what is comfortable rather than move onto a new thing. Add to that his considerable concern about what others think, he approaches the world in quite a cautious manner.

I understand how he feels, to a small extent. For example, I don't like shoe shopping because of my "first time negative" tendencies. I'd rather keep wearing my comfortable old shoes than change! Often I find myself feeling very negative about a new experience or place. I'm mature enough, usually, to damp those down, knowing that I'll probably have a better perspective on things in a day or two.

Usually when we mention "first time negative" to people by way of an explanation about some strange thing our son has done (or not done) we get blank looks. Have you encountered this phrase? Or maybe this kind of approach to the world?