A testing time

David preaching.

I awoke this morning while writing a blog post in my head. It's these sorts of things that remind me that I am a writer (even if I've no ambition to write a book). But it's been 10 days since I wrote a blog post, so it's certainly time to put some words on the screen, as a lot has happened.

Our home church on Sunday as David preached. 

The big news is that late on Friday afternoon we were given the news that we would be allowed to proceed to Japan as planned in early January. It's hard to find words to say about this, which is one of the reasons I haven't written. 

It had been sixteen days of waiting. Those were hard days. For those who interacted with us during those days, we tried to put on brave faces, but I really struggled. My body was telling me I was struggling. Like most people, I have a list of usual physical stress signs and I had just about every one of them, including headaches and nausea.

David preached again on Sunday (for the last time this home assignment), the same sermon, on the latter half of Matthew 16, about trusting God for everything. We've heard him preach this same sermon several times across the last few months. But it was much more personal on Sunday and left me feeling raw. It's not all that fun having your personal, spiritual challenges laid out for others to watch and comment on.

On the surface, it might seem that the timing of when we go back to Japan wouldn't be that big a concern, but actually, it's bigger than perhaps can easily be seen first off. It was like a king domino threatening to fall and the consequences included decisions about our boys' education, two houses that we're currently leasing (one in Ipswich and one in Tokyo), David's job, and all the people we would have let down if we'd had to stay here. Not to mention that we'd already visited all our supporting churches in the last four and half months and couldn't imagine what else we'd be doing if we'd stayed longer. We'd just spoken at 18 churches, nearly two dozen small groups, and met with over 20 individuals or groups for meals or coffee. So this news came as we were feeling very tired. On a bigger scale than that, it seemed as though our call to Japan was being questioned. 

As I wrote back here, it wasn't the only difficult news we had to deal with. Over a period of just eight days, we had "hits" from several different fronts. It was as if we were being assaulted with bad news on every side. Family, friends, kids, and our calling. Thankfully our marriage remained and we were able to stand strong together, though at times like this I definitely feel like the weaker one, the one whose body gives in to stress far more easily.

Not a large pool, but sufficiently deep and
wet enough to have fun in.

Looking back, however, there are several other things to be thankful about. Amidst the question of our calling, we were given much affirmation by colleagues and close friends here and in Japan. Many people stood by us as we waited. I was able to tell some of the more personal struggles with close friends and they were a great support to us also. In having our calling to Japan questioned, we sought the Lord and only found confirmation, though a warning to remember always where our trust should lie.

I'm writing from the depths of our short holiday. We'd planned a six-night get-away from Sunday afternoon and, though it was hard to guard this time, we're glad we did and it's been a blessed relief to have no other responsibilities other than taking care of ourselves. We've also been incredibly blessed by being able to stay (for free) in a six-bedroom, three-bathroom house with a pool and media room, tucked away on the Sunshine Coast. It's been wonderful.

While we're away we're trying not to think about all that needs to be arranged and done to make another international move in under a month. Thankfully, on Friday, we were able to book flights back to Japan for the 9th of January (we didn't let grass grow!). We've got a house already set up in Tokyo and a car (though it's being used in Yokohama at present). There are just a few things to do before we leave, like packing up and cleaning where we're living in Ipswich. Though we've been living lightly, so there isn't too much to pack.

We go back to Ipswich on Saturday and then have several medical appointments on Monday and Tuesday and will take off again on Thursday to spend the rest of the month with first David's family, then mine.

One of the ironies about this whole situation is that I do find it hard to leave Australia after home assignment. Australia is a comfortable place for us. We fit in here better than we do in Japan. So, even after fighting to go back to Japan as planned, I do still have mixed emotions about leaving. There's no doubt we're supposed to be in Japan . . . but.

Yesterday one of the boys started a "Would you rather______ or ________." conversation. I grabbed this with two hands, and asked them questions like:

"Would you rather a hot Christmas or cold one?" Unanimously they answered "cold".
"Would you rather eat Japanese or Australian instant noodles?" Again a unanimous "Japan".

Then they got one in: "Would you rather live in Japan or Australia?"

I begged off. I simply can't answer that. After fighting to go back to Japan in January as planned, I can no longer legitimately say that I prefer living in Australia (unless you remove from me a sense that I have to do something meaningful with my life*).

I've no idea when I'll post again. Probably next time I wake up with a blog post in my head...


*Of course I'm not implying that there is nothing to do in Australia that is meaningful, just that I'm not called to do meaningful work in Australia at the moment.