Where have you been?

Phew. I've been so busy! I predicted in my first blog post of the year that it would be a crazy year, but I don't think I expected so much crazy so fast. Looking back at the last two and a half months, there's been little let-up. It's been three weeks since I felt I could take time to write here. During those weeks I've been to a retreat, a full-day workshop, an annual general meeting, a full day of OMF meetings on the other side of the city, a meeting strategising how to hand all my work over for home assignment, and two long Saturdays at athletics (AmEng = track and field) meets. 

Ironically, the workshop and nearly 3-day retreat were each ways to help me be more resilient, but both increased pressure on me as I took time away from my regular work to attend them. And all the while, waiting at my desk were two magazine issues both requiring my attention, as well as the usual social media work for OMF, and a variety of people who had to be patient and wait for me to be available to them, or to simply get something done for them. On top of all that, it's like a bunch of people have woken up to the fact that we're going on home assignment in just over 100 days and the amount of work I've been doing related to that has been steadily increasing.

This cross is part of the back wall
of the room we had meetings in at
the retreat. A good reminder to keep
my eyes fixed on Jesus.

Today I've struggled to focus on the work in front of me—I think I simply need a quiet weekend to rest. Thankfully that's pretty much looking like what tomorrow and Sunday are. Our athlete has flown to Thailand today with his class, so we won't spend all day tomorrow watching him throw stuff (he does shot put and discus). We do, however, have to spend some time nailing down dates so that we can buy plane tickets for that aforementioned home assignment. Though I really don't want to think about flying again . . . I'm still feeling scarred by our experiences last year!

The reality is: I'm smack-bang in the midst of transition. Another irony is that one of the things put on the back burner in recent weeks has been a writing project of a series of short articles about the experience of going on home assignment! Though I simply haven't had time to write about it, I'm increasingly "doing" it: talking about how to hand my job onto others, talking about HA plans, slotting dates in the calendar, talking to people about handing over our house and car on this end and getting a house and car on that end, etc. 

It's a lot and looks a bit like a big muddle because I'm basically taking on more work before I can give any away. I commented to a couple of friends earlier this week that it felt like people kept lobbing balls at me that I had to juggle on top of the usual fairly large number of balls-to-juggle that are part of my everyday job.

For the first time in decades, I joined a choir
(just for a day). We rehearsed and sang a
gospel song at the retreat.

Thankfully I have learned not to carry this all with me 24-7. At least I try. I'm still sleeping well and mostly am able to relax after work in the evenings without too much difficulty (although that is also the only time that I can talk with my husband about various decisions and plans). At the retreat I was able to leave most of these
responsibilities at my desk. I really enjoyed the worship, time to connect deeply with friends, and reflect on God's Word. It was the first time in three years that I've been able to fellowship within a group and sing without a mask on (in Japan). Many times in these last three years I've stuffed emotion deep and gotten on with the job at hand. But a retreat like this has a way of taking the lid off and there was plenty of emotion (from me at least).

Here's a great quote one of the speakers gave us:

On a daily basis we're faced with two simple choices. We can either listen to ourselves and our constantly changing feelings about our circumstances, or we can talk to ourselves about the unchanging truth of who God is and what He's accomplished for us at the cross through His Son Jesus. (C.J. Mahaney in The Christ Centered Life: Keeping the Gospel the Main Thing")

This song made a deep impression on me at the retreat and I've been listening to it often (which is one way of "talking to myself", another way is writing this blog post):

The chorus is special:

"From everlasting, you are God

And all our days are held within your hands

Your perfect love and favor have no end

We rest within the wisdom of your plan

Everlasting God

We rest within your plan."

My prayer is that as we continue through this messy and stressful time of transition, that I would be able to remember to rest in the wisdom of God's plan. And to truly trust him with all things!

Sacred pathways spiritual temperaments

I've just finished reading a book called Sacred Pathways by Gary L. Thomas. It's about different "spiritual temperaments". That is, about various ways that people find it more natural to worship God. This is fascinating to me, and consolidates things that I've contemplated over the years as I work and live in an interdenominational environment.

I've found the book helpful for a number of reasons:

This helps with the tendency to be judgemental of people who do things differently to you. I work with a lot of different people from a wide range of backgrounds. It's good to have a better understanding of their perspective when it comes to worship and connecting with God, and to move away from that tendency that "only my 'tribe' does it right".

It's taught me about my Christian background and how that plays into the way I think about worship. I come from a tradition that strongly values intellectualism. I see that in how much emphasis they put on the words of songs, and on concentrating carefully on a complex, often theologically rich sermon. 

The big revelation that I had as I recognised this was the struggle I have every week with worshipping in Japanese. I only grasp small portions of sermons and most Japanese worship songs mean little to me. However, I love singing with my Japanese brothers and sisters. That's not an intellectual activity for me, it's a sense-filled one that I appreciate. Sermons often turn into intellectual activities as I work really hard to understand what's being said, and look up various words, but I don't feel particularly close to God doing this. It's a language learning exercise that wears me out every week.

The book has helped me see that there are other ways to worship. This is really helpful because my background, and also the unspoken emphasis of my organisation, is that "words" are all important. As a writer, I have to agree . . . to some extent. But here's the interesting thing: being at church is important to me. When services were only online during the pandemic, I could barely bring myself to listen to a Japanese worship service from my home. However, I appreciate going to a worship service in person. I can only account for that as being I appreciate the atmosphere, the music and the beauty of the building, I appreciate being in the same space as others who are worshipping, and even the comfort that comes from the familiar rhythm of the elements of a worship service.

The book has taught me other things about me. I would never have called myself an "activist" (in fact I tend to run from confrontation), however the book showed me that a deep passion and involvement in mission work, like I have, is a form of activism. I also wouldn't have picked myself to be an "enthusiast" either, but in mission work we take risks and get to see God work in supernatural ways (like people giving money for the last 21 years for us to serve in Japan). Apparently both these things are characteristics of enthusiasts.

And I was surprised at how strongly I had affinity to caregiving, for example offering rides to people, cooking for them, and helping with needs when I can. I love caring for my own family by providing meals for them, and making sure they have a reasonably clean and tidy house to go about their daily lives in (though I don't take that too far, I get bored too easily with housekeeping).

I also didn't realise how much time in nature and appreciating God's creation was also a way I love to worship God. Though I should have known that, given how I love camping and going to parks, taking care of pot plants, and getting out of the city. Having my work desk in a place where I can see outside, especially seeing green, is also important to me.

Probably this isn't a book for Christians who are new to the faith, or who have a shallow faith. But for someone who has been around a while and has a reasonable grounding in basic truths of the gospel, it's a helpful read. I'm already feeling less guilty about not being the best Japanese student, and more appreciative of those who feel that liturgy or incense or fasting or  drawing is a really good way for them to connect with God.

It's always good to remember that the God of the Bible is a big, humungous God. One that we can't put into boxes. It makes perfect sense that just as he's made so many humans, each one different, that he's able to connect deeply with each one, and never in exactly the same way.

[And a very cool thing: I discovered this book through editing an article by a colleague/friend of mine, then found the ebook in my local Australian public library (Ipswich)!] 

Sunshine surprise

This week we've had some unseasonably cold, wet, and gloomy days. Our temperatures went down to low teens (Celsius). I don't enjoy Tokyo's version of cold, so it was particularly discouraging to have to pull out my long underwear, heaters, and extra blankets that we'd only just put away after the long winter months.

I come from a state known as the Sunshine State and there is good reason for that. Only 30% of days are completely overcast. (Tokyo sits much closer to 50%.) I find cloudy, cold days pretty depressing. Though cloudy warm days (i.e. over 20˚C), not so much.

So, after revelling in some gorgeous warm spring days in recent weeks, this week hasn't been so enjoyable. But then yesterday the sun came out. In fact it seemed a little more dramatic than that to me. I drove an hour to Costco in the cold rain. I had the heater on in the car. I was inside for less than two hours and when I came out the sun was shining brightly and inside the car was very warm.

As I drove home I remembered the words I'd read just the night before in John Hindley's You Can Really Grow. He wrote that you can use creation to help you focus your eyes on Jesus. I knew this, but he went a bit further in explaining it.

When we read a verse like Revelation 1:16 'His face was like the sun shining in all its brilliance', it is not that the Holy Spirit was searching for a way to describe the brightness of Jesus' face, and realised the sun would be a good image. No, the sun was made in the first place in such a way that it would declare the brightness of Christ. When you see and feel the light and warmth of the sun, you are not meant to think Jesus is a little like this; you are meant to think that the sun is a little like Jesus, and that he put it there to help you remember that and be amazed by him. (p 81)

So, right there, in the midst of Tokyo traffic I was able to worship Jesus by enjoying the warmth and light the sun brought us yesterday afternoon.

I went on in my reading of the book last night and also enjoyed the next chapter about people and stories. It talks about seeing reflections of God in people and in the stories we read and see. Also balancing that by noticing the brokenness that our sin brings into the world.

He challenges his readers to be proactive in our thinking, not just in worshipping through what we notice around us, but also to reject that which will draw us away. Not by withdrawing from society, but by actually just noticing things that will cause us to draw away from Jesus and not allowing those things to take root.

I'm finding this book a refreshing read. Have you been refreshed in spirit by something recently? Do share.

Retreat musings

This year's theme: "Leaving a Lasting Legacy".
Though it's left me pondering whether thinking about
leaving a legacy might be the wrong tack to take, but rather following
Jesus to the max might be better and the legacy will take care of itself?

Before too much more time passes, I want to write about the retreat I went to last Wednesday to Friday. It's the ninth time I've been to this women-in-ministry retreat and I love it every time. It's a time to go away, be with friends, worship in English, and rest from work (although I usually come back tired, but not from work).

One of the friends who greeted me with a hug when we arrived.

It's part of my missionary-life survival kit. I especially love being with friends who know what this missionary lifestyle is about. No explanations are necessary. Though this time I did spend a lot of time answering the question, "How's your son settling in Australia?" That's what I get for blogging and putting my life up on social media!

But friends who've known you for a while in this mobile environment are worth their weight in gold. This was the 25th time this retreat has been held and as part of that they had photos from many of the past retreats, as well as videos from several ladies who've been a part of the leadership team in the past, but are no longer in Japan. It was bittersweet to see these as they are friends who I can no longer share sweet fellowship with.

"Red" sister fellowship.

However, keeping it positive, I enjoyed the friends who were there. One lady asked me, in a slight panic, on Facebook a few weeks ago if I'd be at the retreat. She saw me preparing to go to Australia and wondered if I'd be back in time. I was surprised that someone who I didn't know super well would be so concerned, but encouraged nonetheless. Missionary women go deep fast. Very often we know little about one another and don't have a lot in common (aside from where we work), but we can have deep, honest fellowship regardless. I don't fully understand it, except perhaps that we're bound together by our shared experience of living and serving outside our home culture and thus are more needy and willing to lean on others?

I felt very tired this time going into the retreat. (Maybe I've been overdoing it recently?) It was hard to stay awake during the first night's worship and teaching session. Sometimes I find it's easy to concentrate on the words of songs, but other times, like Wednesday night, worship is singing without engaging the brain very much at all and I've learnt that that's okay. It was great to praise God in English and I was glad for a nice mixture of old and newer songs that I knew as well as ones I didn't.

The retreat has an overabundance of slippers and
rules about where you wear them. They have dining room
slippers and toilet slippers, but also hallway slippers and
chapel slippers! To get from the main building to the chapel
 you change into outdoor shoes and then into slippers again!

The post I wrote at the retreat (here) contained some of the things gleaned from the speaker. I didn't take notes this year, simply trying to soak it in. Probably being so tired made me a little more grumpy and picky with this year's speaker than usual (I was getting grumpy at cliques and a little frustrated that she didn't spend more time in the Bible).

Retreat is usually a time that includes tears for me. Often during worship time, or during times of sharing personally with others. This retreat was no different. Obviously saying goodbye to our son was still quite raw, but the speaker's husband died a few years earlier, so she talked about grief and the loss of Christians in the prime of ministry also brought up tears. She also emphasised that we have a choice in how we react to painful situations: certainly we need to grieve, but beyond that we can choose our response to pain.

Thursday night was enjoyable, it was a celebration of the 25 years of Women in Ministry retreats. We heard from ladies who had gone before us and a little of the history of the retreat. We sang and prayed. We were entertained by a group who'd learnt a new song that day and a spoken piece by two sisters. And we laughed at two ladies who did a skit/song routine that showed the full span of a missionary lifetime, with tongue-in-cheek. Then we finished up with cheesecake (my favourite dessert).

I'm afraid that is a bit of a piece-meal review of the days away, sorry if it comes across like that. But I've come back to Tokyo refreshed in spirit and my love-tank full. I feel ready to deal with the challenges of life again (though I wasn't ready for being hit by a cold first day back at the "office"). I'm thankful that we're planning to be back from home assignment in time to go to the retreat again next year too (Lord willing)!

Music and prayer

Today, on my way to a missionary women's gathering for prayer and encouragement, I read an article by a missionary about music and prayer. It had only landed in my inbox this morning. 

I didn't have much time to read it, but skimming was enough. The author's style is not one I'm particularly drawn to, but she made a point that I suspect many missionaries can connect with: that most of the time we're worshipping and singing in a language that isn't our heart language. The words are foreign and often the melody too. It can make worship dry and our hearts grow fatigued. Then, when we do have the chance to sing in English, the emotions can come pouring out with tears. 

Many of you may not know what it is like to not sing in your heart language at church regularly. I nearly made it through the whole Christmas season last year without once singing an English Christmas carol in fellowship with others.

Our gathering this morning was permeated with song.

I see it in my friends who gather with us once a year for fellowship, blessing and restoration. They lift their arms to the sky, singing in English for the first time in months.

As we gather together, I hear in their voices a year’s worth of prayers held together with tape and glue, tattered through treacherous dangers, embedded – as we are often reminded – in spiritual battle. We let our worship do the praying for us. The words we’ve been missing for so long don’t dare hide the promises of Scripture, or the God who sees and loves sparrows and wildflowers as much as the hairs on our head. From here.

There were more than this present, but I didn't try hard to take a photo, rather
I luxuriated in being fully present with these friends, new and old.

It's fitting that I was headed where I was when I read this. Together with other, mostly foreign, women I worshipped in English this morning. I'm unusually blessed in this business as I get to do this most months at our mission gathering. But many do not. 

Still, gathered in an unhurried way with other English-speaking women, my tears still spilled over this morning. I couldn't even tell you what exactly the tears were for. But I suspect, as the author of the article above suggests, that this was an outpouring of prayer, of love, for my heavenly Father.

Feeling at home

Today we went to church, something that's pretty normal for us. What's not been normal of late, has been attending church without our "missionary hats" on. What's not normal is feeling at home in any church.

This is where we've got our suitcases unpacked this
year. So thankful that it is less than 10 minutes to our
new home church. That we really are "local" to church.
It's made it so much easier to get involved in the
various activities I've mentioned in this post.

We were at our new "home church". Last year we changed our membership to a new church (read some of the story here). We weren't in the country at the time, so it was a decision we had to make while being absent. Therefore one of our goals for this time in Australia has been to get to know our new home church better.

That wasn't an easy goal as we've often been unable to attend worship on Sundays because we're at other churches with our "missionary hats" on. However, we've been involved in mid-week meetings as we could. For example, David's been going to the Tuesday night Bible study and I've been at the Friday morning women's Bible study. We've taken our boys as regularly as we could to Kids Club and Youth Group on Friday nights and our older son to the teens Bible study on Thursday. Once a month men's meet/meat night has been a favourite with my guys too.

Added to our already busy schedule sometimes it's felt too much to do these things. However today as I watched my boys interact freely with other children and teens at church I knew it's been worth it. Today, when we were greeted by name by numerous people, I knew it was worth it. Today we didn't hang awkwardly around the edges wondering who to talk to. All of us had people to easily talk to. We came away from church feeling like we'd been "at home".

Answer to prayer, that's what I'd call this. And I'm elated!

To add to that elation is one lady who came up to me and thanked me. I'd met her a couple of months ago at a mid-week meeting associated with a different church where I was talking about Japan. We happened to end up doing the dishes together afterwards. She and her husband hadn't been attending church lately, "between churches" I think probably describes it. I mentioned our home church and encouraged her to try it out. She has been going (I presume with her husband) to our new home church and she's so thankful to be back in regular attendance. As far as I'm concerned that conversation over dishes a couple of months ago was God-ordained, I had no idea that what I said was just the right thing at the right time. I'm so glad to be around to hear the end result, though.

This morning I felt as though I was overflowing with joy. I'm fond of saying that God loves to answer our prayers. I'm so thankful for the blessings He's showered upon us and that we're experiencing now.

When fun is work.

We spent Saturday at my parents church in Toowoomba, a bit over an hour west of here. David spoke at a men's breakfast and the whole family got involved in the Japan Family Fun night that we ran that evening.

Here I am giving my "hats" presentation. I use labelled
hats to represent the various roles that I have in Japan.

We stayed Friday and Saturday nights at Mum and Dad's. I think I've said before that the boys like being there. It is the one place in Australia that has remained the same for their entire lives. But they were still very slow to pack up and get out of our house on Friday after they got home from school.

Saturday morning (after the breakfast, which only David attended) we spent with friends who have similar aged kids and similar challenges in fitting into mainstream Australian life (they're with the army). I took my cross-stitch and it was a delightful morning. Long-term friends are the best! Our shared history makes conversation easy. There's relaxation in knowing that there's nothing to prove and that they're unlikely to take offence. We know each other well and conversation doesn't stay at the weather-level for long.

We went back to my parents' house for some rest before heading out for the evening. That recharged our social batteries and gave us the stamina to make it through.

Saturday night we had about 26 adults plus children. It was a fun night, though I sensed a heaviness of spirit in the room that I attributed to fatigue and somewhat humid heat. However it could have been a spiritual oppression. I was particularly impressed to see that I've worked myself out of a job. In previous such evenings over the last ten years I've been the one teaching origami. This time our eldest son did it, and did a great job.

Sunday morning we didn't have to do anything in the worship service, because it was a thanksgiving service for school chaplains and we heard from about half a dozen of them. Afterwards my middle son said, "What's a chaplain?" I guess that was assumed knowledge in the service!

The real "work" was after church when we talked to people. This is the work I'm finding the hardest (aside from parenting), I think. But I'll deal with that in another post on another day.

We enjoyed two bring-and-share meals over the weekend, Saturday dinner and Sunday lunch. Always takes me back to growing up years when this was a common thing at our church. 

After lunch we headed for Brisbane to an altogether different meeting. We sat around in the lounge room of friends and talked about the summer camp that we'll be helping at in January (we did this last time too, but with smaller boys). More about that later too.

Finally we arrived home at about 6pm. Tired and very ready to settle in. We're "home" now for 26 straight nights. Something to savour.