Moving our sons out (part two)

Eleven days after his brother moved out, our 21 y.o. also moved into his own place. It's a shorter story than "Part one".

He's moved one suburb over, only 8 km from us, and it was a vastly more simple process than moving internationally! His new place is a mostly furnished studio apartment (what's a studio apartment?) that is a converted garage, attached to a home. So it only took a couple of trips on Tuesday afternoon to move him in.

The more interesting story about this move is how we found this place. Often, during the last couple of months, I've referred to us as "detectives" as we followed leads in our search for the right place. Our son didn't yet have the finances to rent a place on his own and we didn't have any financial resources to help much. Plus, because of various issues I don't want to go into here for his privacy sake, our son wasn't going to fit into just any household or house-share. During our search we tried inspecting a couple of options, but it was pretty obvious that neither would work. As his mum I found it a distinctly uncomfortable emotional rollercoaster at times.

We had lots of people within our network praying: prayer partners, supporting churches, and others. We had people telling us about leads and putting notices in their church bulletins. And quite a few asking for updates.

His private verandah

Then one Sunday in mid-January I got a message from one of our supporters whom I haven't seen in many years. She sent me a screenshot of a church bulletin advertising a studio apartment attached to the home of a young Christian family. It sounded intriguing, so we asked for more information. Which lead to lots of detailed information about this private rental that the young couple have set up, and later a visit to see it. Overall it seemed like a good option, so he indicated his interest. And as he wasn't the first in line, we then waited weeks for news.

The waiting was hard, but in the midst of that we were planning for our other son's move. Then (what felt like a long time) we heard that the studio was his, if he wanted it. I can't tell you how relieved I felt.

What's intriguing to me is how we found out about it. The lady who sent us the ad doesn't go to the church where the ad was published, she knows some people there and plays the piano there sometimes. I don't think the owners of the apartment go to this church either. It seems to be a classic "Christian network" story. Whatever the full story is, we're thankful.

In the last weeks we've found a desk and chair, a second-hand bike, and bought bits and pieces including storage containers that will fit this small space. We've had things given to us, including food, plastic containers, cutlery, a blanket, and a fan. When we arrived on Tuesday we found the owners had put a few food items in the studio as a welcome gift.

On Tuesday we loaded up our car, and the trailer we borrowed for this season of moving, and headed over (a mere 12-minute drive). It didn't take long to move everything in. The interesting part of a studio apartment is that things don't always go where you might expect, because there are only one or two rooms. This one has a door in the middle, giving a little division between the "wet area" and the bed/living area. But the kitchen is kinda split between the two rooms. I was surprised to find the apartment includes a private covered verandah, which is a good place to put his bike so it doesn't get chewed by the family's energetic dog, but also to hang laundry. 

All in all, it's a nice little place, a good "starter" and I hope our son will enjoy the peace and quiet.* And that as he learns to live independent of us, that he'll grow in many ways that weren't easy to do when he was supported by us and living under our roof.

We now have no children left in our home, for the first time in nearly 25 years! It's different, but also good. It will take some adjusting to, but we're not sad. 

We've discovered that we're largely moving against cultural trends here too. As you probably know, many young adults in Australia (and in many other wealthy countries) are remaining at home for many years after they graduate from high school. The idea that we're actively moving our sons out has come as a bit of a surprise to some. But, taken in the context of our occupation and where we work, it makes sense. Japan isn't home to our sons, even though they grew up there. Their language skills aren't currently at the level that would enable them to live independently there. Australia is the easiest place for them to get a start on the next chapter in their lives (cheapest place for an Aussie to do tertiary study, for example), so if you understand the bigger picture, it's the logical choice.

I'm so, so glad to finally be able to tell you the "end" of this story. Of course we're just starting another chapter, the story of our lives as parents isn't over yet, it just looks different now that they are no longer living under our roof.

* One thing that makes it hard for him to live with other people is a sensory disorder called misophonia. It's a relatively unknown, and minimally researched problem that is barely recognised by medical professionals (or government agencies). Misophonia is an intolerance of certain sounds and associated cues. Typically repetitive aural or nasal sounds such as chewing, swallowing, sniffing, heavy breathing. It can cause people to feel uncontrollable anger. It's profoundly shaped our son's life, and, because we've lived with him for two decades, our lives and relationship with him have been impacted too.