Expats and community

Yesterday on Facebook, a former CAJ teacher shared an article she'd found about why expats love (and need) community. It was a good article for a couple of reasons—community IS very important to expats and the article explains why but also why expats struggle in the area of community when they return to their passport countries.

Some of the current members of our community. The
people I travelled with to Korea for wrestling earlier
in the year. 

You've read me rave on about community, friends, relationships here. Here's a sample:

• Crucial community
• Making and keeping connections with others
• Friendships with sports-parents

And this post called The Colander of Expat Life, that has had more than 2,000 hits on it since I wrote it last year.

After I read the article above (the first one) I wondered if my non-expat readers understand what community is like for expats and why we need it so much (besides losing all our support network at the same time by moving away from our home countries)? The article says this:

Relationships go deeper quicker because our conversations are fueled by vulnerability.

No one says it out loud — “Hey I’m a bumbling idiot and you seem like a slightly less bumbling idiot, think you could help me out here?” — but that’s the field where community grows.

We huddle up — and we help each other — because we would fall apart if we didn’t.

We move forward together and learn to function at varying degrees of competence but all of us (even the long time vets) are operating at a fraction of the functionality of the average local person. 

Because we're functioning at a lower level than the locals, we need one another so much more. It works in facilitating relationships with locals too. Asking for help can open many doors of opportunity that you wouldn't otherwise have if you were competent  That's how I met my best Japanese friend: I was hopelessly incompetent when our children were in kindergarten together and she rescued me.

Here's a couple of other examples when I've been helped by expats in our community (local or Facebook):

• The chicken mince incident
• Finding a local "meat" shop

But it's also important to realise that when we go back to our passport countries, not only  have we been changed by the experience of living like this, but that others won't get it. And we won't find quite the same type of community living again. That's why I wonder if people who haven't lived outside of their home country understand. This is what Jerry, the author of the article wrote:

[We expats love community] so much so that we long for it wherever we go, especially back “home” — but “home” is a different reality.

You’re not a bumbler there.

Scratch that. You’re not supposed to be a bumbler there.

We haven't transitioned back to living in Australia permanently (or even for a longer period than 12 months) yet, but I can see from our experiences of living there that we miss (or at least I do) the community I've got here, even if it is constantly changing.

So do go and read the article—if you are or were an expat it will ring true and if you aren't you might learn something about us.