Today I was chatting with a Korean-American and a Japanese lady. We ended up on the topic of sibling relationships and both the American (she's not much Korean) and I had seen a number two child being jealous of the attention the eldest child received. Our Japanese friend was surprised. She said it was the youngest in Japan who got the most attention. She seemed genuinely surprised at our experiences.
Intriguing. I'd love to know if this is indeed different in different cultures. Probably, because it is even different in different families. For example, our middle son doesn't ever express jealousy toward his big brother, but our third son does. However I'd never thought about it having a cultural element before.
I think there's a certain amount of perception involved in working this out.
ReplyDeleteIn the Australian context I have certainly heard of and seen cases where the youngest is spoiled rotten. The eldest often gets attention (but it's of the variety of "you should have known better - you're the eldest")
I think many parents try not to show favouritism, but when you try to meet the needs and desires of particular kids in particular ways, it's not always EQUAL - because they have different needs and desires. Should all the kids learn piano because one of them wants to and they all must have the same opportunities?
I think our perceptions as children shape the way we view this whole thing. There are many times when discussing growing up with my brother and parents, we each have a totally different recall of the same events. - How it impacted on US, not necessarily what really happened.
I'm guessing culture would also affect our perception.
You're absolutely correct Jen. And yes, the "amount of attention given" doesn't necessarily equal love because a difficult child or especially needy child take more time to parent. However unfortunately children's (and adults) perceptions are coloured by their own experience or ideas rather than the truth. In reality it is impossible to treat each child the same because they are all different and all are born into a different family (eg. our eldest was born into a two person family with no parenting experience, our youngest born into a four person family and parents who had parenting experience!).
ReplyDeleteInteresting. As a teacher what I'm noticing here is that boys are spoilt rotten and the girls are just normal kids. Not always the case, but in families with one boy and two or more girls I have definitely noticed that.
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