Small talk

I was glad to read on someone's blog recently that she isn't a "small talker". I can do small talk and frequently do. But I feel uncomfortable, to the point of avoiding situations, where small talk is all I'm going to be able to do for a lengthy period (even 30 minutes of small talk is tough). I especially dislike extended periods of small talk with people who aren't strangers.

This is a good definition of small talk:

"small talk is the interim banter before a real conversation develops. Small talk generally revolves around safe issues such as the weather or other surface mutual interests."

The online Cambridge dictionary defines small talk as thus:

"conversation about things which are not important, often between people who do not know each other well"

I prefer "real" conversations about things that are a little deeper and more important.

Here is an interesting classification of friendships. The blog author suggests four types of friendship:

1. Acquaintances (people you are on first name basis with, but never get beyond small talk)

2. Buddies (people you have fun with)

3. Consultant (a friend you turn to for advice)

4. Dearest (friends that will always be there for you)

I also like the concept I came across at a workshop back in 2004. It is called the "Friendship Stack". It is a list of questions that represent increasingly deeper conversation. I think it is designed to give a guide to Christians wishing to deepen conversations with people they've only just met, but it does help to see how various topic of conversation can be categorised.

What is your name?

Where do you live?

Do you have a family?

Do you do any travelling?

Do you have any hobbies?

What are your ideas on...

Problems or frustrations

What are your goals for the future?

Achievements

Affirmation of the person

Brief prayer

How about you? Where do you stand with small talk?