I've had some emails from friends concerned that I was blaming myself too much yesterday. Possibly I did, and I do realise there is fault on both sides. It really is a case of two vastly different personalities clashing. I trespassed over another's boundaries some time ago (as in the book "Boundaries" by Cloud and Townsend) and didn't realise it because my own boundaries on the same issue are very different. But of course the other person claimed I should have known. And the issue has only come to light because I made another blunder and they finally spoke up to show me the errors of my ways. Of which I have repented and vowed to do my best not to trespass on them again.
There were many factors involved, which I don't need to go into here, suffice to say it is a complex situation.
I do value the emails and messages I've had from friends - reassuring me of their love, despite whatever my failures may be. That is so precious. Thank you.
To reassure you, I am feeling better physically. I slept well and my appetite is returning. I hope and pray that the other party in this unfortunate situation is also gaining some peace in their soul.
There's more to this story that I can share. The part that I could have missed out on if I'd built a wall and kept this pain to myself instead of asking people to pray for me.
An amazing "coincidence" (though I believe it is more of a God-incidence) is that this week CAJ has its annual Spiritual Life Emphasis Week. Part of that is the students and teachers have a daily worship time with a guest speaker (as a parent I am welcome). Yesterday and today I've been able to worship in English and been reassured that I am a "loved child of God" despite my failings. What perfect timing.
It gets even better. This morning I headed off to Curves to exercise. The final words of "Amazing Grace" surprised me as I changed my clothes. Then came "Nothing but the Blood of Jesus" and "How Great Thou Art" - all in English. Yes, everyone was exercising to a Hymn CD - a very lively one at that! I've heard another CD they have with heaps of "hallelujahs", but not this one (the founders of Curves are Christians, I believe). This is one of about two dozen CDs that could have been playing. I doubt it would ever happen in an Australian Curves gym, but it happened here today.
What an amazing worship session! But then my concentration slipped and all those bad thoughts started coming back, all the hurtful words I've read and heard over the last few days, all the guilt. But God wasn't finished with me yet. As I finished my workout, up came "Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus".
On my way out I snuck a look at the back of the CD that was playing and wished I could have stuck around for "Because He Lives (I can face tomorrow)"!
Indeed, God is not finished with me yet.
What an experience, Wendy. Isn't it just so amazing how our Heavenly Father sometimes goes out of His way to speak'our love language' in order to make us understand HE's on our side and cares for us. ... As I'm getting up to an outsidly grey day with an overfull schedule of things and situations which have been on my list and unchanging for ages I'll take these "themesongs" with me to get me through. God bless you the rest of today and "TOMORROW".....
ReplyDelete\you know, sometimes, just like now,the birds outside are an example to me: In the darkest hour before dawn they are singing, praising the LORD with loud voices knowing that daylight is coming with a beautyful sunrise. God bless you!
Good to hear this Wendy, especially how God used so many "circumstances" to give you the encouragement you needed at jut the right time.
ReplyDeleteYou've probably heard this before, but I'm going to say it anyway. Often we are much harder on ourselves than other people are. I know that is true for me. I'm learning to speak "truth" to my soul when I blunder. Remember that book you sent me all those months ago. I'm still reading and rereading it because I need lots of practice at speaking truth in the face of challenges and frustrations. Love you heaps.
Karen
Yep, need to pick up that book again. You are absolutely right. Had an email from a friend who doesn't know the same Father we know and who commented that in our position we are held to very high expectations - I double that - we hold ourselves to very high expectations. Unfortunately there was a little bit of denial on both sides of this situation - forgetting that no one is perfect. We all make mistakes, as regrettable and painful as that is.
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