I've been thinking about saying "yes" and "no" recently. Mostly because I've just moved into a new phase, all my children at school. And I've had a lot of people asking me to do stuff - not just one-off stuff, but also bigger, longer jobs.
For me it isn't that I find saying either "yes" or "no" that hard. The harder thing is determining much time something will take up. There are so many good things out there. Determining which is the best for me as well as how much those "best things" will take up is hard.
I don't really understand people who say they don't know how to say "no". I'm not sure why I don't understand. But if I look back I've had to say it a lot of times. But then I'm sure most people have.
The first big "no" I remember was having to say was in high school. I had to decide between devoting a lot of time to piano or athletics. I had to say "no" to one of them and the personality attached to each - one a long-term teacher the other a passionate coach. It was athletics that got the flick. And saying "no" has gone on since there. Life I guess, really.
From teenage years on you're always having to decide stuff. For me that was: What extra-curricular activities to do at Uni. What church activities to be involved in. What time to go home from events. I had to say "no" to my mum in order to become my own person. Then I graduated and had to decide more serious things at work like; which referral to attend to first, which boss to pledge allegiance to (I had two in my first year out and it was cumbersome), when to stop work and go home (not always easy).
I had to say "no" to men chasing me. "No" to having Christmas with my family so I could build a relationship with the man who is now my husband. I had to say "no" to a job I loved so I could be with my fiancée. "No" to financial security when we were preparing to come to Japan so that we could raise the support we needed. "No" to being there for important events with significant people in our lives when we left for Japan.
Some of the harder "no"s related to interpersonal things. The ones where I really didn't want to tell someone I couldn't work with them or that I didn't like the direction what they are doing had gone. Or really feeling like I would let someone down by saying "no". But most of the time I've been secure enough in myself and set enough in my goals to say "no" comfortably.
We all make decisions and when we say "yes" to one thing is it "no" to another. I think the key is knowing yourself - what your gifts and preferences are as well as having an idea of your goals for the future.
This is ramble's gone deeper than I intended. What do you think about saying "no"? Why do you find it easy or hard?
Great thoughts Wendy. I don't always find saying "No" easy, but I have learned that there are times when I have to. Sometimes it's a matter of taking care of myself so that I can do things I'm already committed to well. Sometimes it's easy because I simply don't want to do the thing, and then sometimes I need to say "yes" to something I'm not really keen to do, because I know in my heart that God wants me to do it.
ReplyDeleteI think the hardest thing to say "no" to is Chocolate, and I often don't, but sometimes it is good discipline to say "no" to things I want very much.
It is definitely important to know yourself, including what your limitations are, and definitely knowing what your goals for the future are.
Great post Wendy.
I find it hard to say "no". But the hardest thing for me is to say "no" to feeling guilty after I have said "no" to someone....
ReplyDeleteInteresting Karen. I was thinking in terms of saying 'no' to requests to do things, not food. But indeed, some foods can be hard to say 'no' to. I try not to buy things like chips too much because once I start, it is hard to stop.
ReplyDeleteAnika, guilt is a problem, but ultimately you can only be responsible for you. If you've made the choice for the right reasons, then you have no cause to be guilty. You can also pray that someone else will be willing and able to do the job.