Is it all about winning?

Or getting As? Or playing the piece perfectly? 

Or is it bigger than that?

Looking back at school I remember the drive to do my best, to get everything right, to perform my best, to win if at all possible (within the rules, of course). I'm not sure how aware I was of longer-term goals. I was, by most standards, a fairly successful student. Many things I turned my hands to, I succeeded at fairly well. Like most kids my eyes were pretty much on the immediate goals. There was never much hope that I'd become an Olympic champion at running, yet my drive to come first in my age level was tremendous. I'm pretty safe at assuming that I was never in the running to become a concert pianist, yet the hours upon hours, years upon years of practise that I poured into that discipline were very focused. It is unlikely that I'd become a world famous mathematician or historian, yet I laboured over those exams and assignments as if there were nothing else.

Now I'm on the other side. I'm urging my kids (and others' kids) to do their best. To do that assignment, to study for that test, to be organised, to run fast, to win the game. Why? Because I hope that they'll become world class athletes? Or leaders in their field? I'd be pleasantly surprised if any did, yet I urge them onwards. Why?

Now I'm all grown-up I can see the bigger picture much more clearly. That C on your report card, that match-point that you lost, that race you stumbled in, that assignment that you didn't finish to the best of your ability. They aren't the goal. They aren't worth losing a lot of sleep over.

The bigger picture is what you learn about yourself, about life while you are doing them. The bigger picture is how you react when things don't go your way, when you don't perform as well as you like. The bigger picture is bigger than what you can see around you. And you won't see it all for a very long time. So, while it is worth paying attention to the nitty gritty details. It is more important to not get too upset and too weighed down by today's failure or loss. It is also important not to let that A+ or first place go to your head either.

In the end it is who you are as a person that is more important than the result of your efforts.

But how do I teach this to my kids? And how do I keep this in mind as I urge them onwards? That is the lesson I need to learn now.