We've been pondering our kids love languages recently. Keeping their "love tanks" full helps a lot during transition. Our two eldest boys are particularly challenging children in their own ways. I know this, not just because parenting them over the last 11 years has exhausted me. But because of our third child who is much less challenging, and not just because we are more experienced parents!
We've known for a long time that our eldest appreciates touch. To calm him as a baby all I needed to do was stroke his back. He is still calmed most by that method. He loves to wrap himself up in a rug or anything really, even in the heat.
Our youngest loves gifts. This we've only realised in the last few months. He even said it when I was in Hong Kong, "I know Mummy loves me because she'll bring me a present." This is tricky at times on a missionary budget. Especially when others need things and he doesn't. I'm thankful for the land of 100 yen shops! Yet a bit of creativity helps, even printing out something to colour-in is a present of sorts. Helping us shop, even for food, is like buying presents which he loves to do too.
It was our middle child that had me stumped until a few days ago. I finally realised that he values us spending time with him. He's been going crazy when his oldest brother has been home. It's been driving ME crazy. But the reality is, he's missing his brother and is just so happy when he is home that it overflows in excitement. I realised we had significant problems with him five years ago when his Dad started working from 7.20-5 each day away from home. For all of his life prior to that Dad had worked or studied from home. Some of the problems were obviously related to his love language.
This afternoon we were able to organise ourselves so I took the eldest to a party and our youngest came along for the train rides (four in total). That left our middle son having one-on-one time with his dad. Ah, bliss. He loved it.
By the way, if you haven't read the book, The Five Love Languages of Children, do give it a go. It is worth it if you have children or know children!
I think my daughter's primary love language is touch (so is mine), while I think my son's is words of affirmation. It was tricky to work his out until I read that you can sometimes work it out by what hurts them the most ... he crumpled when harsh or disapproving words were spoken ... and blossoms with positive or encouraging ones!
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