I hate teaching children to do household chores

The subject of chores for children is something I've tried to avoid for a long time. I think it is mainly because I have no idea how to approach it. I'm an idealist who'd love to have children who just say, "Sure, I'll do that for you Mum." But I'm finally resigned to the fact that children, and maybe boys in particular, are not motivated to help their parents look after the house. So then the question becomes, how do I motivate them to help out?

From very early on in parenting boys, I was determined that my boy/s would learn how to look after themselves and a house. That includes cooking as well as housework. I don't want them to be a burden on their future wives, but rather a blessing. We have probably done several things right so far - my husband is very good around the house, so he's a great example. From early on I included sticky little fingers with baking and occasionally cooking a main meal. So they all know the basics about following a recipe and measuring ingredients.

It is the more complicated, less enjoyable tasks that I've struggled to get a handle on. For a while we had a family-incentive driven chore chart. The boys rotated between setting the table and vacuuming the dining room floor, collectively earning points that would eventually allow us to enjoy a family treat together. It worked for a while, though I did spend a lot of time fuming, nagging and urging onwards. The boys weren't motivated at all.

When we returned to Australia, somehow we never got back into the slot. I never instigated a roster of chores while we were there. Occasionally I'd goad someone into helping me, but usually just David and I shared them together. We did have a dishwasher and David wasn't working full-time outside the home, so we did have more time to devote to housework.

But I decided that enough was enough when we returned to Japan. To add to my dissatisfaction with the situation, the boys were bored with too many summer holidays on their hands. So I made up a somewhat complex system that is relatively easy to implement. Each chore has a points rating (different for different aged boys). Each boy has the chores they are responsible for listed for the day they are to be done. There are penalty points for whining, more than one reminder and not doing the job. There are non-monetary rewards for different amounts of points (eg. a donut for 15 points).

I don't want to pay the boys to do housework. No one gets paid to do their own housework. But how to get them motivated? That was my dilemma. I hope I've temporarily solved the problem. As my husband notes, no one motivational system lasts forever with our boys (and most children?).

The other day I read about something called a "Token Economy" that put my heart to rest at offering rewards for effort.

It said, "it is clearly a form of external motivation and ultimately the...child will need to develop inner motivation as well. However a Token Economy can be used as a stepping stone to that end. Unless we have a way of kick-starting desirable behaviour, the child will never get the chance to experience the inner satisfaction of doing well just for its own sake." 

This book is particularly about parenting children who are not easy to teach good behaviour to, but I think the principle has merit. In the process of earning their rewards they are developing a knowledge of how to do the job. Hopefully they will eventually learn that doing housework has its own rewards, like satisfaction at a job well done, satisfaction of seeing dirty dishes clean or satisfaction at being able to take care of one's own place.