Let's review your life #10

I'd like to get back to this park soon, it's
a good place for reflecting! But the lead-
up to our family holidays the end of next
week continues to fill with new things to do!

I've written before about one way our organisation takes care of us: Two Year Reviews. Having published a blog like I've done, for several years, it's great to be able to look back at earlier things I've written. In 2013 I wrote about the Two Year Review (TYR) process here, giving some examples of questions we have to answer (and then talk about with a leader). I also shared in that blog post about why reviews like this are really important, as well as the things I struggle with about them.

I've added a few of the questions below (it took me a good couple of hours to answer everything, as well as do the goal setting that was required):

Do you have a day of rest each week?

What do you do to maintain your spiritual health?

In what ways has the Lord blessed you since your last two year review?

Here is a list of emotions. From this list choose the emotions that have characterised your life since your last review. Feel free to add any that aren't listed.

What subjects have you thought about or studied since your last review?

In what ways has your marriage been under stress since your last review?

What are your challenges and encouragements concerning your children's education?

What encouragements have you experienced in your relationships with your family at home (meaning your home country)?

Describe significant friendships in your life since your last review.

When I mildly complained this week about the process (mostly that my "head hurt" in trying to answer these broad questions about the last two years), a close friend quietly rebuked me and said that this was a privilege. She's right—most people don't get the opportunity to answer questions like these, let alone have a leader with time to sit down and go through them with you.

There's a few reasons why missions do (or should do) these kinds of reviews:

• Missionaries often carry a load of extra stress, merely because of where they live and what they do.
• They are often more vulnerable because when you live outside your home country your networks are often thin and it can be hard to access appropriate help.
• Missionaries can be lone rangers and stubborn (the flip side of independent and persistent, two valuable character traits for serving overseas). These two factors can mean they don't ask for help till it's too late.
• Missionaries are rare. There really aren't that many of them in the world, that makes them important human resources that make sense to retain in good working order, if possible. (Not to mention the importance Great Commission...)
• And there's probably more...

This is maybe the 10th or 11th time we've done this, so we're a little savvy. Many of the questions I could have written several paragraphs, or even a blog post about. But no one has time to read all that, let alone talk about it. I also think we are being asked regularly enough "how are you really" for lots and lots of detail at this time to be unnecessary, i.e. our line manager is doing a good job of caring for us. This TYR is like a screening test to pick up areas that need closer attention.

I also tend to be a reflective person anyway, and also fairly self-driven, so possibly this process isn't as important for me as it might be for someone else. However, it's still a good process to have in place, even if I feel a bit grumpy about it at times.

I don't think I got any surprises as I went through the questions this time, although the question about "What subjects have you thought about in the last two years?" always flabbergasts me: no one really wants a detailed answer to that! And as for "What emotions characterise your last two years?" Yikes!

Can you think of a question that you wish someone would ask you, but they rarely ever do?

Failure or success?

Here's a great post I found four years ago. I intended to use it as a springboard to write a blog post from, but never did. I have dozens of such links sitting in draft blog posts, a bit neater than a crafter's to do cupboard or room, but still could use some attention. 

Probably most overseas workers struggle with a feeling of a certain level of failure. I certainly do, in much more pervasive way than I've ever experienced in Australia. Japanese language is my achilles heel and the enemy is very quick to attack me on this point. In the last couple of years I've also struggled against a sense of personal failure in parenting.

Why are we quick to judge ourselves? And why do we choose results as the litmus test? Maybe because it's easier to say "an A is success, a D is not"? Is that something that school drove into us? Maybe, but I think it's human nature to want simple measures of what success vs failure is. And an A-E scale, or percentage scale is easy. Being able to put people (ourselves) into boxes is easy—that's why we love personality measures like introvert-extrovert, Myers Briggs, and Enneagrams. 

Dealing with messy is much harder. It's easy to make the false jump from "my child learned to read early" to "I'm a successful parent". Or from "I have this degree and a job" to "I'm a successful person". Or from "I have good Japanese" to "I'm a successful missionary".

It's much harder to know what to think about the child who struggles to learn, the young adult who—for whatever reason—struggles to live independently, or the missionary whose attempts to learn the language or to do evangelism appears to lack any results.

I think we often judge ourselves more harshly that we judge other people, simply because we know more about ourselves and the unspoken fears and insecurities that others don't know, or don't know the full depth of it. 

For example, I know the depths of my language inabilities, but most others don't. I remember the day that, at a meeting with our mission, we had a Japanese speaker and they offered translation for anyone who wanted it. I'd long "graduated" from full-time language study but knew that I wasn't going to be able to understand this important topic in Japanese. Because our mission values good language, the pressure to not join the translation group was huge (it was mostly for short termer and new workers). I did join it in the end, but got some funny looks from some of my colleagues.

I can't look sideways or even internally for affirmation of who I am and what I do. I need to look upwards to God, who made me just as I am. I like how the writer of the article I linked to at the start finishes her article, with this prayer:

God,
You know me. The life and talents you’ve given me are no mistake; they are not too much or too little. You know my fears, difficulties, and disappointments. It’s true that I would love success, but even more than that, I want to be found faithful with what you have given me. I want to be pleasing to you.
Amen.  

What's Wendy been up to?

So, what’s been happening in our edge of ordinary? A few things!

It's hydrangea season. We get to look at
this every day outside our lounge window.

School finished

I guess that qualifies as interesting news? Our middle son graduated on Friday, so for the first time in many years we’ll have just one child at school, and he’s only got two years left. Empty nesting is just around the corner!

Our middle son isn’t sure what’s next, so we’ve also walked into a period that holds a lot of uncertainty. Over the last several months we’ve agonised over this, but I think we’re at a place now that we’re a bit more comfortable with the uncertainty.

Being married to a teacher, also means that from now he starts to wind down. Our family holidays start in just under four weeks, so the next few weeks I’ll be busy preparing to walk away from work for that time (it’s especially tricky taking holidays when you’re involved in time-sensitive work like social media, but I’m committed to taking a break).

Uncertainty in Japan

We sit, not just with personal uncertainty at this point, but societal uncertainty. Tokyo (as well as several other prefectures) are still under a state of emergency, at least until June 20. Who knows if that will continue? We've been under SOE since the start of the year, barring three weeks in spring. Additionally, there is the uncertainty surrounding the Tokyo Olympics. 

The former mostly affects us in terms of making summer plans. We’d love to book a camping trip or two, but facilities in Tokyo are closed and facilities outside of Tokyo are closed to those coming from Tokyo! We've got a couple of leads for private arrangements that might be doable, so watch this space :-)

The Olympics doesn’t affect us much, though we do still hold Paralympic tickets. It was very sad, however, to hear that the director of the accounting department of the Japan Olympic Committee jumped in front of a train the other day in an apparent suicide. Holding the Olympics is a contentious issue in Japan and those charged with making it go ahead are sadly saddled with a lot of stress.

Editing a novel

Yep, I've been copy editing a novel over the last four months. The only way I could fit that into my life was to do it on Saturdays, which wasn't ideal, and meant it took a long time. I estimate at least 60 hours. It's my first time to edit a long work of fiction (actually the first time to edit any lengthy book), so it took a while to find my feet. But I really did enjoy it. The author is a close friend and his reason for writing is similar to my reason for writing on this blog: to explain to others a less-than-common life experience that we've each lived. 

I think I also enjoyed having a long-term project during this pandemic that I could look forward to doing on weekends. When the state of emergency stretched on interminably and there wasn't much to look forward to on weekends, having a spare-time occupation like this was very therapeutic.

In some respects it was a lot easier than editing short, non-fiction articles, like I do at work. Because facts aren't set in stone, but also because a short article has to have a pretty tight structure and be a complete unit in itself. So I was able to edit much of it a lot faster in the end. Oh, and I had a very appreciative author, that always makes work much more enjoyable.

What's next? I don't think I'll be taking on another extra-curricular editing job for a while, I don't have a lot of spare time and editing once a week does tend to disrupt the flow, making it not the most efficient way of editing a longer work. But if someone had a paying job, I might consider it! 

However, it does open out the possibility of supplementing our income some time in the future, as editing is something that can be done part-time and from my dining room, wherever that is. Also writing coach is something else that is a possibility. It is good to have this experience under my belt now, and know that the skills I have gained from short-article fiction editing do transfer quite well, especially to copy editing. Developmental editing might be a bit more difficult (think: story arc, character development etc.)

As for long-term weekend projects? I'm thinking about maybe picking up a sewing project. We'll see.